SMO: Staying together 4 the kids....

[somd whisper]

This is true, but those are generally homes where there was abuse, drugs and alcohol or some other extreme problem.

Q's friend sounds very immature. Counseling sessions are draining - you walk out of there either purged and spent or feeling strong and clear-headed. Yet this woman has enough still in her to run over to Q's house and cry on her shoulder.

She has two children and another on the way. She is not going to be happier if she divorces this guy. Does she have any means to support herself and her children? Does she have anywhere to live besides cramming in with a friend?

Q says the guy doesn't give her love and affection, but if that's what she's looking for, who does she think will rub her belly and view her ultrasounds with her when she leaves him?

Are all three kids his? If he was so bad then why have three children with this guy? Or did I miss that post?

 

[Dr. Fill]

This thread is in need of Dr Phil...

Saving a Marriage

 

[Abby]

That's what they need- a quiz and an essay!

Well, whatever works! Perhaps if it acts as groundwork for real communication, maybe they'll pull their heads out of their azzes.

 

[Qurious]

Thanks for the responses...

Im going to try and use some of your replies when I talk to her again. I spoke with my husband and asked him if it was alright for her to stay with us and he hesitently said yeah.

She said she would pack a bag and be over that night and I never heard from her. I called her the following morning and we spoke and she was feeling bad for herself because he sefishly went to Kings Dominion with his brother instead of asking her if she wanted to go or even just taking the kids. Okay she's preggo so she probably wouldn't have went...thats not the point...you could've at least consulted with her or seen if she had any plans for you two that weekend. And thats how it is with them...he does what he wants to do because he just doesn't care anymore. When she told me he sat up in counseling and told her and the counselor that he doesn't love her anymore and doesn't know if he could...I told her to start her PLAN B. She doesn't have one...thats why she ran to me....

When you put all your love, trust and faith in your husband should you really have a plan B if something were to fail?? Is it her fault that she depended on him?? After all its her husband, the father of all 3 children. He is suppose to take care of home and provide....I can't agree with "too bad for her, she picked him." I do agree that she needs to continue counseling without him, because its obvious his mind is made up that he doesn't love her and is strictly with her for the kids. He doesn't see anything wrong with that because his parents did it for him and her parents did it for her.

She is NOT a nutcase, just someone who is in need of so much love and attention right now and isn't getting it from the man she dedicated her life yet bore his 3 kids.

 

[somd whisper]

??????

I feel for her and you both but this seems to have been going on for a while. Why in the world would you keep bringing more children into a bad situation. If she knew all he wanted was a piece of bu!! then why give it to him or in the very least without protection. Even if she were to leave him these are questions she needs to be honest with herself or else it is going to happen again.

There are some other things going on, even just the little bit you told us that was easy to see. If you tell her to leave and she does and comes to your house then what....that is something you have to think about.

I am not saying one way or the other. I can't. I am asking what is the plan, how is the going to affect the kids, how long is this going to go on?

If he does not love her and does not want her there then why can't THEY decide what to do about breaking up. Leaving and taking the kids do not seem fair. Sorry.