BOP
Well-Known Member
I couldn't be a health care professional. I have little to no patience with most patients, but I really have no patients with other doctors' patience. I'm kind of impatient that way.
The Life of an Addict
- Thread starter Chasey_Lane
- Start date
I couldn't be a health care professional. I have little to no patience with most patients, but I really have no patients with other doctors' patience. I'm kind of impatient that way.
BOP
Well-Known Member
BOP
Well-Known Member
You answered 4 items out of 20 Yes.
Your score is 20%. According to the Office of Health Care Programs, Johns Hopkins University Hospital, developers of this screening quiz, if you answered 3 of these questions with a Yes it is a definite sign that your drinking patterns are harmful and possibly considered alcohol dependent or alcoholic. You may want to seek an evaluation by a healthcare professional.
wow really ...
.... because I have NOT had a drink in 5 months
You don't have to drink until you pass out every single day to qualify as an alcoholic. There is a segment of the larger population of alcoholics that actually only drink on an occasional basis. The germane question has to do with what, if any, impact drinking has on your life, when you do drink.
libertytyranny
Dream Stealer
THIS. Quitting your job, your life to watch over your ADULT son is a huge problem. I have many addicts in my life..the more over involved the family..the more drama and problems occur. Whats the first thing interventists say to families? You're going to have to stop being addicted to the addict before they will ever stop being addicted to their drug of choice.
Addiction is AWFUL. It causes nothing but heartache. and unfortunately it has resulted in the early deaths of more than one person that I loved. But the answer is not devoting your life to them...especially in the case of grown adults. All that does is make you guilty over something you have zero control over. Adults will do what they do and will only quit if they have sufficient motivation to do so. Luckily, I have seen that too.
Problem being that the current tact of locking people up who are caught with drugs does far more to harm than help. What happens when they do decide maybe theyd like to clean up? they have an arrest record and no chance of getting gainful employment or a decent place to rent to live..so at that point..why not keep using? I have talked with addicts who literally said those words to me..I have no chance of redemption..who is going to hire me? Who is going to rent me an apartment? Who is going to want to be with me when they learn my past? All of that stress and guilt and they find it easier to just keep using. That strikes me as sad.
We have whole swathes of people who are just hopeless wanderes..doing drugs and being absorbed in the lifestyle because they have nothing else..no other ambition, no plans, no one to help them find some kind of motivation and path to be on. Continueing to tell them its ok, its just a disease and ill arrange my life to watch over you is not the answer.
MarieB
New Member
I'm not saying all of her moves were right, but have you had a child who was addicted to drugs? It's so easy to pass judgement. If she hadn't tried to monitor him, then people would bitch that she wasn't there for him.
I'm reluctant to judge someone like this for what she did. Obviously they could afford it, or they made sacrifices in order to do so. You may nt agree with the method, but at least the sentiment to take care of the family was there
libertytyranny
Dream Stealer
Im not saying its easy..and it certainly isn't the natural reaction...but I dont think a single expert, former addict, therapist, doc ect would disagree with me. That is the very definition of codependence and enabling.
Ive seen some extrememly unhealthy dynamics with adult children and their mother's..with a level of codependence that borders on mental illness...and its certainly born out of caring and love..but there comes a time when you have to shake yourself off and look at logic...and logic says that continueing to allow your life to be run by an adult with an addiction can come to no good end.
If anything it shows that the local resources for loved ones with addiction problems is lacking..in that sitauation it can take a strong person to shake soemone out of their obsession and le tthem know its ok and not a failure on their part to seperate themselves from the unhealthy dynamic.
Of course, and do you know why? Because objective observers are unemotional about the situation, whereas the parent (or spouse or whoever) want to jump through hoops to try and change or control a situation that they have zero power over.
If she could afford to quit her job, she could afford to keep working and send him to a good rehab. It's not the state's fault that her son was an addict, which is the whole crux of the story.
mamatutu
mama to two
My son was friends with Jake, and had an almost parallel story minus the heroin, and alcohol. He just loved his pills. Your first point is correct, but it is hard to not be addicted to the addict when you love them. Your second point is correct in the fact of the heartache and guilt felt by loved ones that thought they could do more, and have been violated more than people will ever know. And, yes, there is no control. Your third point, which is sad, about addicts attitude toward their future life is correct, too. They wonder how they will cope as being labeled a criminal. Can't vote, can't own gun, job questions, etc. If someone wants to overcome their addiction past, they will, and many will give them a second chance opportunity. The prison system helps, and hinders. Some have rehab programs, and some don't. I am fortunate that my son is still living, and my heart breaks for Jake's family. I think his mom is courageous and loving for putting her son's story out there in hope of helping others. I have been through all the emotions in this type of situation. Yes, my son is an adult now, and has to make better choices. So far, he has. All I can do is hope, because I cannot help him anymore. Thank you for your very insightful, and thoughtful post.
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libertytyranny
Dream Stealer
Believe me, these stories kill me. I have had some things in my life wrecked because of addicts. These are people I love and I certainly dont subscribe to the "screw em all they are hopeless" school of thought. They do need help. But of all the ones ive been involved with the outcome has been entirely decided by the person..one was just a balls to the wall extreme chick. She was pretty much gunning for death her entire life..and she succeeded. At 19 year old. Another was someone who sort of fell into the addiction..much like the OP story...and he was able to clean himself up on his own after losing enough good things in his life because of it while his friends die around him. They both controlled their own destiny.
I see an increase in ODs at the hospital daily and I sit and look at the full ICU bringing back all kinds of awful memories and just wonder what the hell it is I could do to make it stop. But the reality is ..not much.
I see an increase in ODs at the hospital daily and I sit and look at the full ICU bringing back all kinds of awful memories and just wonder what the hell it is I could do to make it stop. But the reality is ..not much.
MarieB
New Member
I can agree with that for the most part.
And i agree that resources are lacking, but I would say that it's just not local.
MarieB
New Member
I wasn't referring to her comments about the state, but it's true that rehab facilities are lacking all over the country. I think i recall that they did send him to rehab, no?
Just because you're on the outside doesn't make you objective in all areas, nor does it mean your opinion is a fix. Everyone has a solution when they aren't involved, some might work and some won't.
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Well, the objective observer tends to cut to the chase. Like a woman with an abusive ahole boyfriend. The answer is simple: dump him.
Then the emotionally involved woman says, "But I looooove him! I don't know how I can live without him!" However, the solution to her problem remains, "Dump him." The alternative is to continue to try and manage a situation that you have no control over.
It's like that in dealing with an addict: you want something that they do not want and you try to manage their situation that you have no control over. You blame yourself for the addict's behavior (that you have no control over, btw) and transfer the responsibility that belongs to them over to yourself. Now they have one more excuse to not get their #### together: it's not their fault and someone will take care of them. And what happens is that they end up controlling you.
I have known people who fell to the depths of hell from addiction and lost everything, and they came back to have a pretty nice life. I've also known people who killed themselves with drugs and booze. It's a crapshoot and you can choose whether to allow this person to control you or not.
MarieB
New Member
The "objective" outsider rarely has all the info. The outsider is also emotionally involved in a different way
But also I've known people in both of your examples.
Addiction sucks.
mamatutu
mama to two
I held back posting on this thread because of the reception I got last year when revealing that my son was an addict. I can say this. If you have never been in the shoes of a family member trying to cope with an addict, you should not make comments, because you have no earthly idea of what it entails.
I, also, want to say that I was being selfish in my current post for focusing on my son. I, also, knew Jake. He was that boy, in the picture, with his red hair, dimples, and smile on his 4-wheeler with salt snow on it. Jake was sweet, polite, respectful, and had the joy for life that my son had, as did many of his friends, no matter how their lives turned out. I do know that Jake did not become an addict on purpose. I can hardly type this without crying. Please, do not judge Jake. He was human, and gone before his time. Heart wrenching.
I, also, want to say that I was being selfish in my current post for focusing on my son. I, also, knew Jake. He was that boy, in the picture, with his red hair, dimples, and smile on his 4-wheeler with salt snow on it. Jake was sweet, polite, respectful, and had the joy for life that my son had, as did many of his friends, no matter how their lives turned out. I do know that Jake did not become an addict on purpose. I can hardly type this without crying. Please, do not judge Jake. He was human, and gone before his time. Heart wrenching.
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MarieB
New Member
I disagree on your point that you shouldn't make comments, as someone on the outside looking in can sometimes give people good perspective, support, and a good kick in the ass or food for thought. Sometimes those thoughts are exactly what a family member has been thunking about
As to the rest, sorry
mamatutu
mama to two
I disagree on your point that you shouldn't make comments, as someone on the outside looking in can sometimes give people good perspective, support, and a good kick in the ass or food for thought. Sometimes those thoughts are exactly what a family member has been thunking about
As to the rest, sorry
I have always told you that I think you are a very smart person, and always love your posts. But, you are wrong this time. If you haven't lived it, there is no way you know it, and cannot give any advice that will help. That is just the way it is.
MarieB
New Member
I have always told you that I think you are a very smart person, and always love your posts. But, you are wrong this time. If you haven't lived it, there is no way you know it, and cannot give any advice that will help. That is just the way it is.
I've lived it, but not with a child. I disagree that outside advice can't be helpful