The only son (or daughter)...

[Cowgirl]

Ok, we've all heard it. Someone loses a son (or daughter) and you hear, "he was her only son." So, would it be better if there were 2 boys? Oh, don't worry, she has a spare. Why do they say that? It's awful to lose a child, and it's not any easier if you have another child of the same sex. I just think it sounds stupid.

 

[Bay_Kat]

Ok, we've all heard it. Someone loses a son (or daughter) and you hear, "he was her only son." So, would it be better if there were 2 boys? Oh, don't worry, she has a spare. Why do they say that? It's awful to lose a child, and it's not any easier if you have another child of the same sex. I just think it sounds stupid.

I never understood that either. I'm the youngest of 8 kids and when I was 6 my oldest brother was killed and my mother and father completely lost it. From that time on I don't think I ever saw them happy. It's one of those things you will never, ever get over and unfortunately I think the loss put both my parents in an early grave. Mom passed when she was 52 and Dad not many years later.

 

[sux2b44]

I never understood that either. I'm the youngest of 8 kids and when I was 6 my oldest brother was killed and my mother and father completely lost it. From that time on I don't think I ever saw them happy. It's one of those things you will never, ever get over and unfortunately I think the loss put both my parents in an early grave. Mom passed when she was 52 and Dad not many years later.

Sorry for your loss Bay Kat. I agree. It is stupid. People dont think when they say it. My sister-in-law just loss her father, and someone came up to her mom at the viewing, who is totally distraught of the loss, and said - "SO what are you doing after this?" She about came out of her seat and belted the guy. How cold can you be?? Well I guess with his remark - VERY.

 

[pixiegirl]

Ok, we've all heard it. Someone loses a son (or daughter) and you hear, "he was her only son." So, would it be better if there were 2 boys? Oh, don't worry, she has a spare. Why do they say that? It's awful to lose a child, and it's not any easier if you have another child of the same sex. I just think it sounds stupid.

My mom tried to use some of this nonsense on me when I was getting my tubes tied. "Well what if one of your children dies and you can't have any more." ... Well I was unaware that they were disposable and I could just replace a lost child by popping out another.

 

[itsbob]

Sorry for your loss Bay Kat. I agree. It is stupid. People dont think when they say it. My sister-in-law just loss her father, and someone came up to her mom, who is totally distraught of the loss, and said - "SO what are you doing after this?" She about came out of her seat and belted the guy. How cold can you be?? Well I guess with his remark - VERY.

I don't hink ANYone is cold and callous when it comes to someones they know losing a loved one, but for most people it may be the first and only time they've ever had to deal with it.

Nobody knows what to say, or what the right thing is to say, and sometimes what comes out of our mouths no way reflects our meaning or our sentiment.

Some chose to ignore it, and not say or do anything, some TRY to do something and screw up royally, VERY few get it perfect.

 

[aps45819]

Ok, we've all heard it. Someone loses a son (or daughter) and you hear, "he was her only son."

The concept is it's important to continue your family name.
No son and your lineage ends. My son is my link to the future as I'm my father's and he was my grandfather's

 

[RareBreed]

The concept is it's important to continue your family name.
No son and your lineage ends. My son is my link to the future as I'm my father's and he was my grandfather's

My husband and brother wanted atleast one boy for that very reason. He would have been the last one. Both lucked out and got two boys. Just to get under my MIL's skin, I told her that if we had a daughter and she had kids before marriage, they'd have the family name too. She was not amused!!

 

[CalvertNewbie]

My husband and brother wanted atleast one boy for that very reason. He would have been the last one. Both lucked out and got two boys. Just to get under my MIL's skin, I told her that if we had a daughter and she had kids before marriage, they'd have the family name too. She was not amused!!

Hey, I thought it was funny! I doubt my MIL would find it funny, either. Oh well, can't always make everyone laugh, right?

 

[Bay_Kat]

It's interesting that this thread was started today. I started a thread in the News section about China and how all the parents that lost a child, lost their only child since the law in China is that you can only have one child. Although it's sad that these people are now childless, I don't think having another child would make the grief any easier from their loss. But as far as carrying on the family name, that's another issue altogether.

 

[RareBreed]

Hey, I thought it was funny! I doubt my MIL would find it funny, either. Oh well, can't always make everyone laugh, right?

Oh...she's still sour that my husband is walking the Earth after them using two forms of BC to prevent him from occuring. I knew it would get her goat and she's not on my Favorite Person list so I went for it.

 

[libby]

I'm guessing that the comments only refer to the fact that having other children will probably give the suffering parent a reason to get up the next day.
The pain of the loss of a child is probably the one thing that everyone agrees on, and only the mentally ill would offer commentary that was not 100% symapthetic.

 

[Cowgirl]

It's interesting that this thread was started today. I started a thread in the News section about China and how all the parents that lost a child, lost their only child since the law in China is that you can only have one child. Although it's sad that these people are now childless, I don't think having another child would make the grief any easier from their loss. But as far as carrying on the family name, that's another issue altogether.

That's exactly why I started it. That, and I watched a Forensic Files last night where the sister was talking about how her brother was murdered and it was her mother's "only son."

 

[CalvertNewbie]

Oh...she's still sour that my husband is walking the Earth after them using two forms of BC to prevent him from occuring. I knew it would get her goat and she's not on my Favorite Person list so I went for it.

I'm sure she's done plenty to deserve it, keep up the good work!

And you'd think she'd be over the fact that the BC didn't work by now - I don't know how old your hubby is but is it safe to assume she's had a few decades to get over it at this point? She should be happy to have kids because many people who want them can't have them.

 

[RareBreed]

I'm sure she's done plenty to deserve it, keep up the good work!

And you'd think she'd be over the fact that the BC didn't work by now - I don't know how old your hubby is but is it safe to assume she's had a few decades to get over it at this point? She should be happy to have kids because many people who want them can't have them.

The only time I felt bad for her is when her husband told their son and I that he thought she should have never had kids. He's probably right but dang, that's pretty harsh.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

The only time I felt bad for her is when her husband told their son and I that he thought she should have never had kids. He's probably right but dang, that's pretty harsh.

Ouch, that is harsh. I bet it felt harsh for your husband too.

 

[kom526]

A guy I work with decided they needed to try for another boy in case something happened to the first one so the name wouldn't die out. So I guess you could say that he does have a spare. I told him that he had a great attitude towards bringing children in the world.

 

[RareBreed]

Ouch, that is harsh. I bet it felt harsh for your husband too.

I think he was more surprised that his dad would say that.

 

[itsbob]

My husband and brother wanted ...

SMIB??

 

[RareBreed]

A guy I work with decided they needed to try for another boy in case something happened to the first one so the name wouldn't die out. So I guess you could say that he does have a spare. I told him that he had a great attitude towards bringing children in the world.

I've wondered about people who purposedly "try" for one or the other. What happens if they don't get what they want? Keep trying until they do???

 

[RareBreed]

SMIB??

Ok.... to be more specific.... my husband and my brother, who are two different people, wanted....