Urrrgh relationships

[sgtsprout]

Yet another thread....I am quite sure Crystal the g/f will see this...

Whats with females driving them self insane about men. Me and the g/f had planned on moving in together. I changed my mind. Cause I feel I am not ready to undertake 3 kids of hers and a g/f ta boot. I realize i said one thing and am acting on another now....but Am I suppose to move in still if I feel I am not ready?

Am I that much an a$$? I am half ready to say F it....

 

[bknarw]

Originally posted by sgtsprout
Yet another thread....I am quite sure Crystal the g/f will see this...

Whats with females driving them self insane about men. Me and the g/f had planned on moving in together. I changed my mind. Cause I feel I am not ready to undertake 3 kids of hers and a g/f ta boot. I realize i said one thing and am acting on another now....but Am I suppose to move in still if I feel I am not ready?

Am I that much an a$$? I am half ready to say F it....

You have cold feet, Sarge!
Get yourself a pair of warm socks and a bottle of Valium and you'll be fine!

 

[Sierra39]

You're not an A$$ – you're confusing that with honesty! It's better that you're honest about how you feel, and if you're not ready, you're not ready!

You look and sound a little young to take on 3 kids! Plus I think you're right – you guys just don't sound ready to do the "live in" thing yet, especially after reading your recent post about the underwear issue, and your frequent "petty" disagreements! It would be a recipe for disaster, at best, and I think you're wise to give it some more time...

 

[vraiblonde]

If you're not ready, don't move in. Simple. HOWEVER, if she went out and signed a lease on a house she couldn't afford because it was based on ya'll being a two-income arrangement, you have a moral dilemma. You might be an a$$ - who knows - I'm sure Crystal will tell us here shortly...

 

[sgtsprout]

well

I am young I suppose. 26, But not a fool and not 18.
The problem I have on the other forum was noone understoo the panties with the kids was one simple thing...and times that by about 100 is how she forgts things. So that makes me look worse.

I know I am an A$$. I am no peachy cream of a guy to live with. but, I do not like being made to feel like I am wrong cause I am not going to move in yet. Although we been looking for places.

Part my reason is, I'd rather just buy a place in say 6 months to a year, when I am more setup. If we/I decide to stay together.

But I suppose Crys will respond and tell ya all about my ways eventually.

 

[yornoc]

Dude! BOTH of you (I also read the other posts) have some things to work out prior to living together. First of all, there needs to be a way for both of you to communicate without "fighting". It should be more of a discussion in which people needs to get to “completely” say how they feel and get their point across without being cut off. If one does not understand the other, PLEASE USE ANALAGIES... they can make a BIG difference in getting your point across.

It sounds like you are not ready for the responsibilities... in which case, you should not force it. Be sure though to differentiate not being ready from fear of the unknown. If it is fear, then you just have to take it slowly and ease your way in gradually.

For years I was not ready and I did not rush into anything. I also did not allow myself to get too close to anyone until I achieved the goals that I wanted to achieve prior to getting involved (I'm not saying that's what you should do... it was my way of making sure I did not fall in love knowing I was not ready for any commitment). I was always UP-FRONT with the women I dated and yes, I "struck-out" lots of time 'cause I was up-front. In the end, however, it was all worth it 'cause I finally got married at age 32 and I have NO regrets (and no kids). I did everything I wanted to do (and then some) and NEVER had a fight with ANY of the women I dated.

I hope you don't think that I'm bragging 'cause I'm not... I just want to let you know that as long as you know what you want, have a plan (and stick with it), and respect the women YOU decide to be involve with, you will find that making a commitment (when you are ready) is quite easy. NEVER EVER try to deceive them… it’s not worth the risk. No fear whatsoever!

Just my humble opinion

 

[sgtsprout]

I do appreciate

Everyones oppinions. and advice. I know that I am 26 and not say--paid my dues. I think I am relatively smart, but I like anyone else cna use a good smacking around( knock some sense into me so to speak).

We will talk tonight I suppose and see what happens. Thanks all

 

[romance]

Yeah I did see it.......

Well I have a few comments to make, I guess.

I don't feel the need to discuss Jaime's problem(s) I don't or didn't feel that our relationship was so far gone that I need advice of others (no Im not trying to come off as a b*tch for him posting it's his choice) Jaime came be an a$$ yes just the same as every person here can be one. Just the same as I can be the worlds most intolerable B*tch. I do know that it is hard on him with me having 3 kids, none of which belongs to him. (In an early posting I was happy to announce that he was going to give my son his name and was doing great with my daughters)

The thing is calling himself an a$$ for is the fact that after about 2 months or more of discussing this and a month of looking he has now changed his mind and I was taken back by what he said. I was taken back enough to make me cry. I do not try to push him for anything and if it comes off that way it is due to my lack of choicing my words carefully.

As for the "fighting" on here. It is all in fun. We don't really fight anyway. But fighting to yall may be different then it is to me. Fighting to me is fists and blows. I had a marriage like that and will not go through it again. We do have arguements time to time. As do most people in any relationship. Nothing is completely sunshiney. I know we have our problems, as long as we can work through them and have a solid ground to build on we will be fine. If not that is something we will work through by ending the relationship

bk.....you may be right about that. He does have cold feet alot. His past relationships still haunt him so to speak and it is up to me to prove that not everyone is like them. He has a consistent fear of being hurt as most of us do (we are only 7 months into this) when working on a relationship. Jaime feels the need to the best at everything. Some of his fear is also the fear of failing.

So cut him some slack. I may not be the happiest person right now with him, but he tries and thats more then I can say for most men in this world. Thank you all though for reading this even though it is long and thanks for trying to help.

 

[romance]

Ok one more comment

For all I know yall may be tired of seeing my name up there after that lengthy posting but oh well. I have freedom of speech.

I would like to clear up one thing......Jaime and I do talk "communicate" very well. we can tell each other everything. At least I feel that way. He is very open minded and can listen and be honest with you about everything. I may get upset same as him and we say things we dont mean, but NOBODY here can sit back and say they have the best of relationships. Whether it be waiting till you are 100 or 16 to be serious about a person. relationships are as they are. He is a great man and a great a b/f. We get mad then sit down and work it out. Our situation is not the easiest. I have an exhubby who calls CPS on me almost weekly trying to get out of paying child support. I have nosey parents and I happen to be a very stubborn person and I also sometimes have a hard time saying what I think and feel. We have our problems yes but we do communcate well. We are good together in every way. Just both of us have fears

 

[yornoc]

Hey romance,

I'm glad to hear that you do communicate. I hope that you to listen to and understand each other though. If you both do that, you're half way there. If not, I suggest don't kid yourself cause it WILL hurt more... I've seen it all the time.

Based on the posts (from both of you) I can see the feelings are strong and I think you both need to do some serious communicating and MAKE SURE that you are understood. Yes, no one is perfect but it don't hurt to be BEST friends with your love... It makes life more pleasant

 

[vraiblonde]

(we are only 7 months into this)

I think you should both slow down a bit. Just my 2 cents - I don't know either of you but I DO know that 7 months isn't long enough to be moving in together. Miracles DO happen, I realize that - just not very often.

 

[giggles04]

I know that I don't know either one of you, or anything like that. But this is what I've got to say. I would not move in together if one of you is having doubts. You can always move in... when you're ready. Follow what your heart is telling you... and that will be the best thing for you. Thats all I have to say about that!

 

[bknarw]

Forgive me for seeming old fashioned, but I've always likened moving in together as "playing house". What's wrong with waiting until you're ready to make a committment, and then make a REAL committment? If you want to live together, get married! And if you don't, then just date and leave it at that.

 

[romance]

Marriage

Ok well since the subject was brought up. Heres the way I see it.

I will get married when Im ready. My divorce was final in Jan of this year after fighting for it for over 2 years. The thought of marriage scares me. Jaime is understanding about my fear of it. Living together isnt as big as marriage. It has alot of difference. I love him and maybe one day in the far future I will get over my fear of marriage. But after the marriage I had Im not all that sure of it. At least this way we can live together, see how things are and how the other person is day after day of being around them, and who knows like I said one day in the far future it could happen.

 

[Christy]

You know one thing you may want to think about before moving in are the kids. It's really rough on kids being bounced in and out of their mothers/fathers relationships. The kids get very attached, and breakups can be devastating for them.

I personally would never ever bring someone into my kids life that I wasn't absolutely certain was going to be there for good. And believe me when I say I'm not being judgemental, because I'm really not. Just an area that a lot of people don't really think about.

 

[Teamross67]

I am new to this forum. So I'll give you my opinion. You came into the relationship knowing it was a package deal. Are u ready to be a surrogate adult male rolemodel for these children for a longtime. The trials and tribulations of raising children from childhood though the teen years. What hurts kids emotionally is the instability of when parent's significants come and go into their lives. It only sets up big disappointments for them. I would not move in, but that doesn't mean the relationship is faltering. Just make the right decisions to benefit all three...you, Crystal and the kids. You are both young like me, travel that path together which doesn't mean living together. Remember its a team effort in the relationship. Its a complicated world but so was the Rubik's cube. It can be conquered, trust your heart and go forth. Peace.....

 

[missi1013]

I agree 100% with christy! Make sure you guys are ready to do this because it is very hard on the kids. My frist son is not my husbends real son, I wasn't going to let my son call him anything but his name at frist, but now we are married and my husbend adopted him, so now matthew is his. My case worked out, but I have seen many that haven't! And it hurts the kids big time! They get used to seeing the boyfriend all the time, but if something happens and you two break up. The kids don't understand and they'll think it's something they did!

 

[romance]

I would like explain something to yall. Jaime and I have been keeping the kids in mind throughout our entire relationship, before we became what we are and up till now. One thing you dont understnad is particular situation. My kids hurt on a daily basis from their dad or the biological sperm donor anyway. My kisd would hurt if something happened but the kids are kept in mind. We will do our best to keep them from it but in life you get hurt. My kids have learned that already.

As for him being their dad. No way. The kids call him Jaime. They know their dad. He may not be worth much but they do know him. As for my son, we joke and call Jaime "daddyo" but Jaime isnt his dad either. Nor do i expect him to be. It is not his resposiblity. Its mine and their father. My son however is (well maybe not sure as of right now) going to have Jaime put as father on his BC. This is not because Jaime is going to be daddy it is because of personal reasons. If we split up a year from now after having done this with him Jaime will see him if he wants but will not be made to pay for anything. Its not his responsiblity.

My kids have father they dont need another one.

 

[bknarw]

This is no slight on you at all Romance because you seem like a nice, considerate lady with a good head on her shoulders.
However, as a bit of advice to you Jaime, the general rule, if you don't want to become the "transition guy casualty" is:
"NEVER date a woman within a year of her divorce"!

 

[yornoc]

Originally posted by bknarw
This is no slight on you at all Romance because you seem like a nice, considerate lady with a good head on her shoulders.
However, as a bit of advice to you Jaime, the general rule, if you don't want to become the "transition guy casualty" is:
"NEVER date a woman within a year of her divorce"!

Well said! I've seen multiple times!