Urrrgh relationships
- Thread starter sgtsprout
- Start date
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yornoc
Guest
If nothing else, this thread will show you guys that you have some serious decisions to make. I had to make similar decision when I decided to tie-the-knot. For one, I did not want to marry someone who has kids (especially since I did not) but in the end I did. It was something we talked about before and after I made my decision, we moved on to the next issue that we had to deal with. We just took them one-at-a-time and come to a final decision. We both had to compromise on certain things... AND THAT IS WHAT RELATIONSHIPS ARE ABOUT!
Romance, you are right... we ALL have doubts and fears from time to time. Just remember what Steve said....
I pray that you both will continue to discuss the issues...
Best of luck to you both...
Romance, you are right... we ALL have doubts and fears from time to time. Just remember what Steve said....
I pray that you both will continue to discuss the issues...
Best of luck to you both...
sgtsprout
Mr. Shud da hell up
no need to pray
Were a talking. Its nice I am at work yet I can talk on here too. But we talk when I get home every night bout things. Who doesn't. not like we just keep our mouths shut bout things. lol
Might seem like it cause my dumb A$$ posted this thread though.
Were a talking. Its nice I am at work yet I can talk on here too. But we talk when I get home every night bout things. Who doesn't. not like we just keep our mouths shut bout things. lol
Might seem like it cause my dumb A$$ posted this thread though.
Christy
b*tch rocket
Our children should not bear the brunt of our imperfections dude! And no you cannot protect your children from everything but we should all strive to protect them from what we can control.
I'm not at all saying you guys shouldn't be dating, not at all saying you shouldn't be a part of their lives. I'm saying tread lightly and be very aware that when you have kids in the picture that you must consider their feelings also.
I'll air some dirty laundry and give you a for instance of stupid adult behavior having an effect on children. Steve and I got into a raging fight one night (oh about two years ago) in front of the kids, and I chucked a salt shaker at him which totally hit it's mark. Who'da thunk it, as I throw like a girl!
My kids still to this day remember it and are horrified by the whole thing, whereas Steve and I both think it's kinda funny.
I still remember crap from my parents stupid adult behavior when I was growing up. I'm not totally mentally scarred from it, but I do still wish I'd not been witness to it.
I'm not at all saying you guys shouldn't be dating, not at all saying you shouldn't be a part of their lives. I'm saying tread lightly and be very aware that when you have kids in the picture that you must consider their feelings also.
I'll air some dirty laundry and give you a for instance of stupid adult behavior having an effect on children. Steve and I got into a raging fight one night (oh about two years ago) in front of the kids, and I chucked a salt shaker at him which totally hit it's mark. Who'da thunk it, as I throw like a girl!
My kids still to this day remember it and are horrified by the whole thing, whereas Steve and I both think it's kinda funny. I still remember crap from my parents stupid adult behavior when I was growing up. I'm not totally mentally scarred from it, but I do still wish I'd not been witness to it.
sgtsprout
Mr. Shud da hell up
I agree there
I second that. It's like we should sstrive not to be like some of our parents. lol Mine. Well the Dad was all sorts of screwed up. We can try. But unfortunately there will always be a few things the kids will remember.
We will try...maybe we can try better. So we don't hurt the kids. But I don't want to NOT be in their lifes either.
It's all good.
I second that. It's like we should sstrive not to be like some of our parents. lol Mine. Well the Dad was all sorts of screwed up. We can try. But unfortunately there will always be a few things the kids will remember.
We will try...maybe we can try better. So we don't hurt the kids. But I don't want to NOT be in their lifes either.
It's all good.
romance
One of the sinners
I agree with Jaime. Even though they have not told the kids they are together. one they probably already guessed they are and two they will still be hurt if he walks out. Ive had friends that I dont talk to often that my kids miss but they dont let it eat away at them. Even though the kids were with me when I lived with my sons father and we split it didnt eat away at them. They healed rather quickly actually. Well I dont think it ever really hurt them. they were not as happy as can be there anyway. He was good to them but he was no where near what Jaime is.
You all have to understand something. This a man who gets up in the morning and kisses my kids. Each of them. He gets in the floor and wrestles with them. He buys them thigns (not big thigns or that often but when they have been good as it should be) He does teach them right from wrong. He tells them whats expected and what isnt. He is so much better with the kdis then I ever imagined possible. He reads to them. He makes up stories and uses their names before bed too. He takes them to playgrounds and here there adn everywhere. We do "the family trips" together and we ahve fun.
For instance.........The other day we went to the HyperSPace (which I was not impressed) We let the kids rum around and have fun. Then we took them to I guess it is called St Marys Lake? We had a nice little picnic sitting by lake. Then we let them play on the playground there. Jaime and I was playing too. (Kinda cute to watch him up there) Then we came back BBQed and had a nice quiet time watching Snow Dogs. The next day we took them swimming behind his house in the river or bay whatever.
So see he is excellent with the kids. By the way...he let them decide what to do. He gets ideas throws a few out there and lets them say where.
We deal with these things Our issues as they come. Some though we both need to just chill on. We both are stubborn so we take things sometimes too seriously. But we love each oother and the kids and thats a start. Plus we can tell each other anything. He knows way too much sometimes though hehe
You all have to understand something. This a man who gets up in the morning and kisses my kids. Each of them. He gets in the floor and wrestles with them. He buys them thigns (not big thigns or that often but when they have been good as it should be) He does teach them right from wrong. He tells them whats expected and what isnt. He is so much better with the kdis then I ever imagined possible. He reads to them. He makes up stories and uses their names before bed too. He takes them to playgrounds and here there adn everywhere. We do "the family trips" together and we ahve fun.
For instance.........The other day we went to the HyperSPace (which I was not impressed) We let the kids rum around and have fun. Then we took them to I guess it is called St Marys Lake? We had a nice little picnic sitting by lake. Then we let them play on the playground there. Jaime and I was playing too. (Kinda cute to watch him up there) Then we came back BBQed and had a nice quiet time watching Snow Dogs. The next day we took them swimming behind his house in the river or bay whatever.
So see he is excellent with the kids. By the way...he let them decide what to do. He gets ideas throws a few out there and lets them say where.
We deal with these things Our issues as they come. Some though we both need to just chill on. We both are stubborn so we take things sometimes too seriously. But we love each oother and the kids and thats a start. Plus we can tell each other anything. He knows way too much sometimes though hehe
Christy
b*tch rocket
Sarge, look at it this way, all our ranting is actually bringing you and Romance together. You can tell you actually want to be together with how you guys are "got each others back".
Steve and I have at times fallen into petty bickering, but boy you let someone on the outside looking, in trash either one of us and we're a force to be reckoned with.
Steve and I have at times fallen into petty bickering, but boy you let someone on the outside looking, in trash either one of us and we're a force to be reckoned with.
romance
One of the sinners
I will give you a for instance on how kids can get screwed up by their parents or sig others screwed up relationship. Then try and tell me I dont think about them and whats best.
I was married to my girls' father (as you read in other posts). He was not the best guy in the world. We had fights Im not meaning You are an __________ No you are a _____ type. Im meaning we fought. I have two ribs in the front that will never heal from what he has done. They permantly stick up some. I have a few other 'daily reminders" of him also. We had the Mps at our home and hes been in jail but (as Jaime will tell you I didnt go about thigns the smart way) he is still able to have the kids for visitation.
The effect..........when Becca (4yr old) met Jaime for the first time, she stayed at home wioth my mom. It was her choice we didnt push it. rachel (3yr old) came with us for the evening. When Becca thinks we are fighting she yells at us. Even in play (meaning jaime and I play fighting) she will yell for us to stop fighting. She had dreams UP TILL she met Jaime. Her and Rachel both did. Well I did too for that matter. They (we all) dreamed of how our lives were with their dad.
Now....Becca has learned to trust men more. Not completely but alot more then what she had. So even if we split up there will never be a regret for the kids. He has taught them that there are decent men out there who are not like my ex was.
I was married to my girls' father (as you read in other posts). He was not the best guy in the world. We had fights Im not meaning You are an __________ No you are a _____ type. Im meaning we fought. I have two ribs in the front that will never heal from what he has done. They permantly stick up some. I have a few other 'daily reminders" of him also. We had the Mps at our home and hes been in jail but (as Jaime will tell you I didnt go about thigns the smart way) he is still able to have the kids for visitation.
The effect..........when Becca (4yr old) met Jaime for the first time, she stayed at home wioth my mom. It was her choice we didnt push it. rachel (3yr old) came with us for the evening. When Becca thinks we are fighting she yells at us. Even in play (meaning jaime and I play fighting) she will yell for us to stop fighting. She had dreams UP TILL she met Jaime. Her and Rachel both did. Well I did too for that matter. They (we all) dreamed of how our lives were with their dad.
Now....Becca has learned to trust men more. Not completely but alot more then what she had. So even if we split up there will never be a regret for the kids. He has taught them that there are decent men out there who are not like my ex was.
romance
One of the sinners
I guess I should have said nightmares not dreams cause they were pretty bad dreams. Jaime seen a few but he has shown them love and attention and now we all are better for it.
Relationships help each other grow as humans and as couples. I think he has made me a better person. my kids better, and we have learned alot from each other.
Relationships help each other grow as humans and as couples. I think he has made me a better person. my kids better, and we have learned alot from each other.
Y
yornoc
Guest
YIKES! Time for me to leave...
fuzzyng
New Member
Now, I don't know you, or your situation, but first thing first...
1) you have to stop lying to yourself, before you can stop lying to everyone else... you have to ask yourself: "whats the real reason I'm not moving in with her?" is it that you think her AND her kids are too much... do you think she is too much... are you being influenced by others... cause, the fact is: No matter what a million different people tell you, you have to do what YOU want to do... It isn't up to me, or this person or that person, or your neighbor, his dog, your family, or anyone elses decision, but your own...
What makes you think that a little more effort from both of you isn't going to help you? I mean, just think about it this way... If you get a cat, and if rips up your favorite shirt, you don't just toss the cat out, you teach it boundaries, and it'll teach you yours... if you've ever had a cat, you know what I mean... People are sort of like domestic animals... You have to bend a little to have the other bend a little or it'll run away from home or die... then you'll be alone... see what i'm saying or am I ramblin?
Obviously you either care about her so much that you ask a bunch of bassically complete strangers for love advice you you're so confused that you have to spread your "dirty laundry" around to air it out...
Like I said before, you can read this post a hundred times, but it's up to you to do whats best for you. Hope I did help, but if not I'm sorry.
1) you have to stop lying to yourself, before you can stop lying to everyone else... you have to ask yourself: "whats the real reason I'm not moving in with her?" is it that you think her AND her kids are too much... do you think she is too much... are you being influenced by others... cause, the fact is: No matter what a million different people tell you, you have to do what YOU want to do... It isn't up to me, or this person or that person, or your neighbor, his dog, your family, or anyone elses decision, but your own...
What makes you think that a little more effort from both of you isn't going to help you? I mean, just think about it this way... If you get a cat, and if rips up your favorite shirt, you don't just toss the cat out, you teach it boundaries, and it'll teach you yours... if you've ever had a cat, you know what I mean... People are sort of like domestic animals... You have to bend a little to have the other bend a little or it'll run away from home or die... then you'll be alone... see what i'm saying or am I ramblin?
Obviously you either care about her so much that you ask a bunch of bassically complete strangers for love advice you you're so confused that you have to spread your "dirty laundry" around to air it out...
Like I said before, you can read this post a hundred times, but it's up to you to do whats best for you. Hope I did help, but if not I'm sorry.
romance
One of the sinners
Thank you all
Thank you for the advice and stuff on mine and Jaimes messed up relationship. As of late last night we are no longer dating or have a relationship. Im trying to be "a big girl" and deal with it.
For those of you interested in how the kids are. So far so good cause Jaime still wants to be apart of their lives. He and I are going to stay friends and he wants to be there for all of us.
Whats the famous saying.......If you love something , let it go right............
Thank you for the advice and stuff on mine and Jaimes messed up relationship. As of late last night we are no longer dating or have a relationship. Im trying to be "a big girl" and deal with it.
For those of you interested in how the kids are. So far so good cause Jaime still wants to be apart of their lives. He and I are going to stay friends and he wants to be there for all of us.
Whats the famous saying.......If you love something , let it go right............