Watch out single dads

harleygirl

Working for the weekend
Check out this craziness..............I guess the ex can still tell you what to do!!

Dad asks court to let girlfriend sleep over
Changes possible for law, child custody

• What do you think: What about sleepovers?

Cohabitation considerations

When non-married parents live with a partner:



• Communicate openly about the relationships with each other -- and with the cohabitating partner's children.



• Clearly establish what the cohabitating partner's parental role will be.



• In long-term, committed relationships, prepare legal documentation to allow the unmarried partner to make medical -- and other -- decisions for the children.



Source: Thomas W. Blume, licensed family and marriage therapist
Michigan's 74-year-old law banning cohabitation -- a remnant of a bygone era on the books in only a handful of states today -- is being challenged by a divorced Ferndale man barred from sleeping under the same roof with his girlfriend when his young daughters visit.

Christian Muller, 35, said his girlfriend, Michelle Moon, has to sleep in his van parked in his driveway or spend the night with friends when his daughters, ages 5 and 7, come to visit on alternate weekends.

"Somehow we've been able to keep this from them," said Muller, who divorced in 2003 after seven years of marriage. "The kids wake up in the morning, and I get them their breakfast, and after that I go out and wake up Michelle, and she comes in and nobody says anything. I don't know how much longer we can keep this up."

Lawyers for the American Civil Liberties Union said Wednesday they had appealed on Muller's behalf, asking the Michigan Supreme Court to hear the case and ultimately overturn a lower-court ruling.

If the court rules in favor of Muller, the decision likely would overturn the 1931 law that forbids cohabitation in Michigan -- one of only seven states that have kept such a law on the books, according to the ACLU.

A decision upholding the law, however, could affect the child-custody arrangements of thousands of divorced couples, opening the door to other requests on ex-spouses' sleeping and dating arrangements.

At least 6% of Michigan's 2.6 million children age 18 and under -- perhaps 156,000 or more -- live in households where the adults are unmarried, according to Kids Count Databook 2005.

Muller said that some weekends, his girlfriend even drives to Cincinnati to stay with her parents, taking her own 8-year-old daughter with her.

Moon's inside-outside sleeping pattern has been going on for 18 months.

Muller is an account manager with a trade consulting firm and leader of the local rock band the Blue Sunrays.

The lawyer for Muller's ex-wife, Nicolette Muller of Grand Blanc, said her client has had enough of the cohabitation tussle and was not carrying the dispute any farther.

"I explained to her that the Supreme Court could rule her way" even if she takes no additional action, Farmington Hills lawyer Elizabeth Silverman said.

The case dates to an order by Oakland County Circuit Judge Daniel Patrick O'Brien, who ruled last year in favor of Nicolette Muller after she requested that her ex-husband's girlfriend sleep elsewhere when her daughters visit.

At a hearing in March 2004, O'Brien said, "I will order a mutual no-unrelated adult overnights. ... I'm not making any findings of fact one way or the other."

But in a subsequent appeal by Christian Muller -- who handled the case himself because he said he had no funds to pay a lawyer -- the Michigan Court of Appeals ruled in October that the applicable law was the statute banning cohabitation.

If the state Supreme Court decides to hear the case, its outcome likely will hinge on whether privacy rights -- said to be implicit in the U.S. Constitution -- also provide the right for adults to live together, married or not, said Michael Steinberg, the lawyer with the American Civil Liberties Union of Michigan who is handling the case.

"There are other Michigan Court of Appeals opinions that contradict what the Court of Appeals did in this case. So the law in this state says that the courts can't rely on the cohabitation statute to deny partners visitation rights," he said.

Society's view of cohabitation has shifted radically in the last three decades, said Thomas W. Blume, a Bloomfield Hills licensed marriage and family therapist.

Cohabitation offends some religious groups, but it is now seen by many in society as a normal way of life and often as a pathway to marriage, said Blume, an associate professor at Oakland University.

In court testimony, Nicolette Muller said that before her children were born, she had cohabited with Christian Muller.

Her request for no cohabitation while her children visit, however, is not unusual in legal disputes over parenting time, family-practice lawyers said.

Kathleen Dilger, a family practice attorney for 22 years, said such requests used to be standard in all counties but aren't anymore.

"In Macomb and Lapeer, it's still pretty much the policy of the bench -- no overnights, especially against women. They tell you, 'You want to lose your kid?'

"But in Oakland, the judges generally will say, 'I don't want to impose my moral views on you' even though they may not approve" of overnight stays by a partner, said Dilger, whose office is in Rochesterhttp://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2005512220457
 

MMDad

Lem Putt
That's why divorce isn't an option. I've told my wife that the only way our marriage will end is when one of us is collecting life insurance, and then I cancelled my life insurance.
 

Tigerlily

Luvin Life !!!
This is sad but true for so many. Ex's many times try to dictate what the other parent should or should not be doing. IMHO it's all about retaining control in a relationship that is over.
 

aps45819

24/7 Single Dad
Tigerlily said:
This is sad but true for so many. Ex's many times try to dictate what the other parent should or should not be doing. IMHO it's all about retaining control in a relationship that is over.
:yeahthat: sounds like the is looking for any way possible to be vindictive.
 

Ken King

A little rusty but not crusty
PREMO Member
Yeah, my ex made this an issue during our absolute divorce hearing (right before I got full custody) and when the judge asked about my live-in companion (I think the term was paramour) I remarked that while it could change the outlook on the kids life I felt that them witnessing two people sharing in a loving and caring relationship was worth any damage it might cause them. He chuckled.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Tigerlily said:
Ex's many times try to dictate what the other parent should or should not be doing.
To me, this isn't about the ex but the kids. If this woman doesn't want her children to be around shacked up adults, that's her right. Why should Dad's sex life take precedent over the well-being of the children?

Plus that, it's only every other weekend anyway - get over it. :rolleyes:
 

Tigerlily

Luvin Life !!!
vraiblonde said:
To me, this isn't about the ex but the kids. If this woman doesn't want her children to be around shacked up adults, that's her right. Why should Dad's sex life take precedent over the well-being of the children?

Plus that, it's only every other weekend anyway - get over it. :rolleyes:
Because the father is an adult and should be given the right to make his own decisions. He should know what is in the best interest of his children and make decsions accordingly. I agree that if it is just a one night stand or casual relationship I would not bring a man home and would not want my ex to either. If you are in more of a commited relationship I see no problem with it at all. Ultimatley though if my ex makes choices I don't like I may discuss it with him. I would never fight about it in court.
 

Dougstermd

ORGASM DONOR
vraiblonde said:
To me, this isn't about the ex but the kids. If this woman doesn't want her children to be around shacked up adults, that's her right. Why should Dad's sex life take precedent over the well-being of the children?

Plus that, it's only every other weekend anyway - get over it. :rolleyes:

So which side are you on you just did a flipty flopty flu above
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Dougstermd said:
So which side are you on you just did a flipty flopty flu above
No flip at all - the girlfriend can sleep somewhere else every other weekend, in the interest of the children's well-being.

We don't know the whole story. It could very well be that the GF doesn't treat his kids very nicely, so Mom doesn't want her around when they're there. It could also be that Dad left her for this woman and Mom (understandably) has a problem with the kids forging a relationship with the woman that broke up their home.

Or it could simply be that Mom doesn't believe in shacking up, therefore she doesn't want her kids exposed to it. This is her right as the custodial parent. I'm not saying I necessarily agree with her, but it is her right.
 

Tigerlily

Luvin Life !!!
Vrai, Why does it have to be that what the mother says goes? In most of these cases it is personal issues the mom has with the dad. If the kids are healthy, happy and well adjusted then mom needs to move on. Their marriage did not work, oh well. To continue to dictate the situation afterwards is petty IMO.
 

Nickel

curiouser and curiouser
While I think it's trashy to expose your kids to multiple boyfriends/girlfriends spending the night, there's not much you can do about it. Like Ken said, most of the time those relationships are fairly stable and probably a good influence on the kids. It's the "revolving door" with the kids present that is kinda icky.
 

Nickel

curiouser and curiouser
Tigerlily said:
To continue to dictate the situation afterwards is petty IMO.
They're her children too. I was lucky in that when I broke up with my ex, he decided not to be in my son's life. If he had, I would've fought tooth and nail to make sure he was never alone with him. He's a manipulative loser, and I didn't want him influencing my child. Same goes for the mother of a child whose father is a womanizer, or what-have-you. I wouldn't want my son learning how to treat women by following his father's example, and I wouldn't want a daughter thinking it's okay for women to behave that way. But like Vrai said, we don't know the whole story. This woman may be 100% justified in her wishes.
 

Dougstermd

ORGASM DONOR
vraiblonde said:
No flip at all - the girlfriend can sleep somewhere else every other weekend, in the interest of the children's well-being.

We don't know the whole story. It could very well be that the GF doesn't treat his kids very nicely, so Mom doesn't want her around when they're there. It could also be that Dad left her for this woman and Mom (understandably) has a problem with the kids forging a relationship with the woman that broke up their home.

Or it could simply be that Mom doesn't believe in shacking up, therefore she doesn't want her kids exposed to it. This is her right as the custodial parent. I'm not saying I necessarily agree with her, but it is her right.


Yeah Yeah my ex insisted that I not have sleep overs that it might ruin the kids. She would not let her brother sleep in the same room with his girl friend when they would come to stay. Then one day when I went to pick up the kids they told me that the BF's son stayed over because the BF's father stayed over.

Its's an effed up double standard. I think the revolving door is a bad thing yes.
why does the custodial parent get to make the rules at the custodial parents house? Just because you have physical custody that doesnt mean you are any better with morals and charcter?
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Tigerlily said:
Why does it have to be that what the mother says goes?
Full custody. Too bad for Dad.

People have a right to raise their children the way they see fit. If Mom doesn't want them to be exposed to shack-up situations, that's her right as a parent. It doesn't hurt anyone for the GF to stay somewhere else every other weekend. Nor would it hurt Dad to move the chickie out of the house until he cares to marry her. It's just inconvenient for the adults, so they want to ##### about it.
 

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Dougstermd said:
Yeah my ex insisted that I not have sleep overs that it might ruin the kids.
So every other weekend, you don't get a sleepover. Big deal. Is it going to kill you to do without sex two weekends a month? Especially since you, being without full-time children, are fancy free and can do whatever you want during the week?
 

Dougstermd

ORGASM DONOR
vraiblonde said:
So every other weekend, you don't get a sleepover. Big deal. Is it going to kill you to do without sex two weekends a month? Especially since you, being without full-time children, are fancy free and can do whatever you want during the week?

This debate is going nowhere so I render that" you do your thing and I will do mine".
 

Toxick

Splat
vraiblonde said:
Or it could simply be that Mom doesn't believe in shacking up, therefore she doesn't want her kids exposed to it. This is her right as the custodial parent. I'm not saying I necessarily agree with her, but it is her right.

Given what I've read from you in other threads I find it hard to believe that you'd say something like this.


You seem to be of the attitude that the non-custodial parent should drop everything whenever the custodial parent crooks her fickle finger, no-matter-what. After all - it's his kid too dammit!

However, here you seem to be saying that this same non-custodial parent does not have the right to interfere with the actual upbringing of the kids - as if it's not his kid dammit.


I'm seeing a pattern in your attitude toward this subject every time it comes up, and it seems pretty damned biased and unfair.
 
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