Watch out single dads

[Tigerlily]

Given what I've read from you in other threads I find it hard to believe that you'd say something like this.


You seem to be of the attitude that the non-custodial parent should drop everything whenever the custodial parent crooks her fickle finger, no-matter-what. After all - it's his kid too dammit!

However, here you seem to be saying that this same non-custodial parent does not have the right to interfere with the actual upbringing of the kids - as if it's not his kid dammit.


I'm seeing a pattern in your attitude toward this subject every time it comes up, and it seems pretty damned biased and unfair.

Excellent I myself am a custodial parent but that in no way gives me the right to tell my ex how to raise our children when they are with him. Again I may not like the choices all the time but he is an adult . If I chose him to be the father of my children then I should be able to trust his judgements in raising them. There are always exceptions in bad situations. But I don't agree with you can't do this or that in a normal divorce.

 

[harleygirl]

flipty flopty flu?

This is another example that although very hard, divorce needs to me as amicable as possible. Before I introduced my son to my now hubby, I called to tell the ex. Before I got re-married, I again called and told him before I told my son. He in turn did the same for me before he remarried. Co-parenting in a divorce situation is all about mutual respect.

 

[Dougstermd]

This is another example that although very hard, divorce needs to me as amicable as possible. Before I introduced my son to my now hubby, I called to tell the ex. Before I got re-married, I again called and told him before I told my son. He in turn did the same for me before he remarried. Co-parenting in a divorce situation is all about mutual respect.

I 100% agree

 

[Toxick]

Again I may not like the choices all the time but he is an adult . If I chose him to be the father of my children then I should be able to trust his judgements in raising them.

Right - however unfortunate it is, the non-custodial parent is still a parent.


Not merely a sperm/egg donor who pays vast amounts of money for the privilege of being an on-call babysitter.

 

[Tigerlily]

Right - however unfortunate it is, the non-custodial parent is still a parent.


Not merely a sperm/egg donor who pays vast amounts of money for the privilege of being an on-call babysitter.

Bingo

 

[vraiblonde]

Given what I've read from you in other threads I find it hard to believe that you'd say something like this.

I didn't say I agree with her - just that she has a right to not expose her kids to situations she thinks are wrong.

I'm seeing a pattern in your attitude toward this subject every time it comes up, and it seems pretty damned biased and unfair.

To who? Some guy who can't go a weekend without getting laid?

 

[vraiblonde]

I myself am a custodial parent but that in no way gives me the right to tell my ex how to raise our children when they are with him.

I think it does. I got custody of my kids for a reason. If he were the better parent, HE would have gotten custody. Right? So if my ex wanted to sit around getting drunk while they were with him, I'd have had something to say about it. And if he'd have wanted to use drugs when they were around, I'd have had a legitimate problem.

So what's the difference?

PS, my ex had a live-in girlfriend (before he married her) and everyone got along fine, no problem. So this isn't a personal indictment - I'm merely saying that custodial parents do, in fact, have a say-so over what their kids are exposed to when they are with the non-custodial parent.

 

[Toxick]

I didn't say I agree with her - just that she has a right to not expose her kids to situations she thinks are wrong.

I read what you said. There's no lapse in my comprehension. There seems to be a touch of cognitive dissonance the message, however.


My point, was that you seem to endorse a co-parent when it's convenient - (i.e. when the custodial parent needs something), and you endorse someone who merely stands on the sidelines at other times, (i.e. when it comes to actually raising the child.)


I call bullshit.

To who? Some guy who can't go a weekend without getting laid?

Why is it all about getting laid? I've been in relationships where I went 4, sometimes 5 days without ess-ee-eks. (It's true)


If someone's staying with their girlfriend, there's probably more than the nightly wild-mambo going on. I daresay there might be a loving relationship happening. And if the girlfriend has actually taken up residence there, it's more than a simple "inconvenience" and a night without booty.

You're forcing someone out of their home. And that's effed up, I don't care who you are.

The topic isn't about telling your ex not to bring home bar-skags while the kids are over.


----


I would love to continue this conversation - but my Christmas break started 13 minutes ago.

We can pick up on Tuesday if you feel like it.

 

[Toxick]

If he were the better parent, HE would have gotten custody. Right?

Wrong.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I wish I had more time...

So if my ex wanted to sit around getting drunk while they were with him, I'd have had something to say about it. And if he'd have wanted to use drugs when they were around, I'd have had a legitimate problem.

So what's the difference?

HUGE difference, between engaging in potentially dangerous behavior that could lead to abuse, illegal behavior - and engaging in a relationship with a fellow human being.

HUGE difference.

I'm merely saying that custodial parents do, in fact, have a say-so over what their kids are exposed to when they are with the non-custodial parent.

You are saying that - but that's not all you're saying.

You're also saying the non-custodial parent has NO say-so. That's where my beef lies.



Anyway - I'm out. Merry Christmas.

 

[aps45819]

If he were the better parent, HE would have gotten custody. Right?

I want to live on your planet

 

[vraiblonde]

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Whatever.

Anyway, I think the harder you make it on parents (custodial and non), the more people would think about what they're getting into when they marry, procreate and divorce so hastily and without a shred of forethought.

The Dad certainly knew the Mom's views prior to shacking up the the GF, but he did it anyway because he's selfish and doesn't give a crap what the mother of his children thinks or believes. Note that he has been shacking up for 18 months and doesn't appear inclined to marry his GF so this will be a moot point? Sounds like a committed relationship to me.

 

[vraiblonde]

I want to live on your planet

Give me a scenario where the better parent wouldn't get custody?

 

[Wickedwrench]

Give me a scenario where the better parent wouldn't get custody?

When lawyer representing the better parent is a total and the judge has a personal bias?:shrug:

 

[vraiblonde]

When lawyer representing the better parent is a total and the judge has a personal bias?:shrug:

Okay, but how often does that happen? Rarely, I would guess.

And you could make the case that one parent cared enough to get a good lawyer and pay off the judge.

 

[MMDad]

Whatever.

Anyway, I think the harder you make it on parents (custodial and non), the more people would think about what they're getting into when they marry, procreate and divorce so hastily and without a shred of forethought.

The Dad certainly knew the Mom's views prior to shacking up the the GF, but he did it anyway because he's selfish and doesn't give a crap what the mother of his children thinks or believes. Note that he has been shacking up for 18 months and doesn't appear inclined to marry his GF so this will be a moot point? Sounds like a committed relationship to me.

My parents were so screwed up that I have vowed to never get divorced. By the way, can anyone tell me how to cut a brakeline?

 

[MMDad]

Give me a scenario where the better parent wouldn't get custody?

When the better parent is the father?

 

[vraiblonde]

When the better parent is the father?

Fathers get custody all the time. We have a slew of custodial fathers on here, including my dear husband.

 

[crabcake]

... Nor would it hurt Dad to move the chickie out of the house until he cares to marry her. ...

I was reading through the thread to see if anyone brought this up already.

If the chick is "all that" and he loves her, why doesn't/hasn't he married her? It's awful selfish on his (and the g/f's) parts to be biatching about this. Like Vrai said -- custodial parent rules. :shrug: If he doesn't like it, he can go back to court and either marry his biatch or file for custody.

 

[crabcake]

Given what I've read from you in other threads I find it hard to believe that you'd say something like this.


You seem to be of the attitude that the non-custodial parent should drop everything whenever the custodial parent crooks her fickle finger, no-matter-what. After all - it's his kid too dammit!

However, here you seem to be saying that this same non-custodial parent does not have the right to interfere with the actual upbringing of the kids - as if it's not his kid dammit.


I'm seeing a pattern in your attitude toward this subject every time it comes up, and it seems pretty damned biased and unfair.

It's not about her wagging her finger at him -- it's the law. If he doesn't like it (and isn't already registered to vote) he oughta register and start writing his elected officials to remove the LAW. :shrug:

 

[crabcake]

This is another example that although very hard, divorce needs to me as amicable as possible. Before I introduced my son to my now hubby, I called to tell the ex. Before I got re-married, I again called and told him before I told my son. He in turn did the same for me before he remarried. Co-parenting in a divorce situation is all about mutual respect.

I agree 100%, and have a very similar situation with my ex-DH (and no, I don't mean "Dear Husband" cuz I'm pissed at him right now, but nevertheless ...) While I think he's an inconsiderate, common-senseless moron at times (like today), we work very hard together to discuss all things kid-related with eachother before enacting something. While I understand some parents have rules at one house and a different set at the other's house, that makes it really hard on the kid -- especially little ones -- to keep track of what is allowed in one home vs. the other, etc. It's really important to put your personal differences/arguments/hatred/vindictiveness aside when it comes to those kids and work together.

That being said, I'm going to insert a few pins in the ass of my ex-DH's voodoo doll.