What I hate

[twinoaks207]

No. I'm talking about two people who were publicly all over each other, professing their perfect love for each other, sunshine and roses every single day, while privately loathing each other and their life together. They were not trying to work through any differences, they were trying to fake people into thinking everything was uber peachy perfect when it wasn't even close.

We had some friends who gave every appearance of being happy, devoted, etc., etc. Could have knocked us over with a feather when we heard they had separated. We were even further shocked when we started to hear "the sides".

When something like that happens, it makes you wonder what it was that you missed because there had to be something, right? This kind of stuff just doesn't happen out of the blue. And then you start to wonder what other things you're "missing" and are you really that bad at judging people that you got so misled. In a way, it was sort of a betrayal --- of an idea. It was a realization that no, things aren't always what they seem, and who wants to know that as it just makes things more complicated when you can't trust your own judgement.

For the record, in October, we'll have been married for 32 years, and together for 38. Yeah, we might get mad at each other now & then but we get over it and we go on because we love each other.

And, for the record, my hubby is a saint to put up with me.

Migtig, let me know where that quarry is because I've never thrown any dishes either and it might be fun but I don't want to clean up the shards either!

 

[vraiblonde]

When something like that happens, it makes you wonder what it was that you missed because there had to be something, right? This kind of stuff just doesn't happen out of the blue. And then you start to wonder what other things you're "missing" and are you really that bad at judging people that you got so misled. In a way, it was sort of a betrayal --- of an idea. It was a realization that no, things aren't always what they seem, and who wants to know that as it just makes things more complicated when you can't trust your own judgement.

^This right here^

I feel like a real jerk taking someone else's divorce so personally, but there it is.

 

[twinoaks207]

^This right here^

I feel like a real jerk taking someone else's divorce so personally, but there it is.

Don't feel bad, we literally felt like we were in shock first, then grieving, then depressed. I'm sitting here still, in a kind of state of disbelief and shaking my head and this happened almost 8 years ago.

Just goes to show that you never know what's going on with other folks.

 

[Larry Gude]

When something like that happens, it makes you wonder what it was that you missed because there had to be something, right? This kind of stuff just doesn't happen out of the blue. And then you start to wonder what other things you're "missing" and are you really that bad at judging people that you got so misled. In a way, it was sort of a betrayal --- of an idea. It was a realization that no, things aren't always what they seem, and who wants to know that as it just makes things more complicated when you can't trust your own judgement. !

Ah, but, at the end of the day, ANYONE who is married for more than a few years knows all the little compromises, the adjusting of expectations, the changing of priorities, the modification of what the marriage is all about, over time, as life moves on and that becomes as much a variable, something couples decide for themselves that you may well have seen and/or known about but, assumed that they, as a couple, like you, like anyone who stays together, were just working it out and all was basically well.

What I am trying to say is 'happiness' is subjective. If the goal becomes staying married no matter what, you're probably good forever. There's all kinds of long term marriages that are NOT 'happy' in the sense of true, individual fulfillment. You stick it out for the kids, the money, the routines, the stability, and that is ALL valid and fine but, that's not the same as saying 'love each other, truly' love being together, always, etc.

Hell, my dad's definition of a happy marriage is three very important things; breakfast, lunch and dinner. On time. Every day. He's pretty easy going after those three priorities.

Some marriages stay because the last thing they want is to stop making one another miserable.

Some are truly happy.

There is a LOT of make do in a marriage and that's not a bad thing in general. It's the particulars that matter, the individuals, what you can put up with or ignore or accept and what you can't and even that changes and evolves over time.

 

[GURPS]

I give my wife a reason to call me an a-hole every day. It has kept us happy for 20+ years.

Liar ....... you said in another thread you were only 24

 

[GURPS]

He loves to talk and is very social with others.

I prefer to not have to deal with many people and don't tolerate others well.

Ditto ...... my wife is the social one ..... I prefer to stay home and read or play computer games

 

[GURPS]

.... how many men in here wanted to call their SO a beitch, but held the tong to keep the piece, its ok to confess in here.

I have - in jest mostly, my wife responds - Say It Like You Mean It

so I repeat myself with more infliction in the Bit ....

 

[GURPS]

Does mollywhomping your keyboard really qualify as "writing"?

Urban Dictionary: mollywhoppin
Urban Dictionary: mollywhoppin
To be riding in a vehicle listening to music extremely loudly then getting out the car at stop lights dancing around the car in front of pedestrian...

 

[slotpuppy]

Liar ....... you said in another thread you were only 24

The life as I knew it ended 20 years ago when I met my wife. So I stopped have birthdays when my life ended. I have been 24 for 20 years now.

 

[GURPS]

It really does help to talk, and yes...to laugh about it, but subconsciously, when you refer to yourself as being "Insane', you really DO believe it.

thanks

Just saying I have nothing to hide

if :wr: was truly 'insane' show would not see it to joke about it .....

 

[MMM_donuts]

My bestest friend is having her divorce papers notarized today. In 30-60 days her divorce will be final. This is a divorce that she never wanted but he says he isn't the same person he was when she married him 7 years ago. He says he's changed and doesn't want to miss out on anything now that his perspective is different.

This was a real shocker to everyone when it happened. Even to her. She thought that they were experiencing the normal relationship changes that all marital couples experience. Now all of us are worry worts every time anything changes in our own relationship.

And we'd always heard that it's "too easy" to get a divorce but it has taken them 2 entire years (nc) and thousands of dollars for a completely amicable divorce with money and custody agreements uncontested. That's not "easy".

So, this tread has invoked quite a bit of conversation between the two of us. Mostly questions that she's asked herself over and over for the past few years. Should she have seen it coming? Should she have fought harder against the divorce? Could she have been a better wife and prevented the whole thing? Is it her fault?

 

[vraiblonde]

So, this tread has invoked quite a bit of conversation between the two of us. Mostly questions that she's asked herself over and over for the past few years. Should she have seen it coming? Should she have fought harder against the divorce? Could she have been a better wife and prevented the whole thing? Is it her fault?

Encourage her to stop that. Someone said on here a long time ago, the worst thing about marriage is that it only takes one person to screw it up for everyone.

Yes, she could have fought harder. Yes, she could have perhaps prevented divorce. But at what cost? How long should a person have to suck it up and put up with all sorts of nonsense just to stay in a miserable marriage?

My friend's divorce was only a surprise to the rest of the world - they knew it was coming for several years.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

So, this tread has invoked quite a bit of conversation between the two of us. Mostly questions that she's asked herself over and over for the past few years. Should she have seen it coming? Should she have fought harder against the divorce? Could she have been a better wife and prevented the whole thing? Is it her fault?

None of that matters. As vrai said, it takes one person to screw it up for everyone. If someone doesn't want to be with you, move on. Don't try and hold them back.

 

[FED_UP]

My bestest friend is having her divorce papers notarized today. In 30-60 days her divorce will be final. This is a divorce that she never wanted but he says he isn't the same person he was when she married him 7 years ago. He says he's changed and doesn't want to miss out on anything now that his perspective is different.

This was a real shocker to everyone when it happened. Even to her. She thought that they were experiencing the normal relationship changes that all marital couples experience. Now all of us are worry worts every time anything changes in our own relationship.

And we'd always heard that it's "too easy" to get a divorce but it has taken them 2 entire years (nc) and thousands of dollars for a completely amicable divorce with money and custody agreements uncontested. That's not "easy".

So, this tread has invoked quite a bit of conversation between the two of us. Mostly questions that she's asked herself over and over for the past few years. Should she have seen it coming? Should she have fought harder against the divorce? Could she have been a better wife and prevented the whole thing? Is it her fault?

He got a different perspective on life, what kind of BS is that, he left out the real truth, he just wanted to be free again. Marriage can feel like shackles on your feet. It’s just not for everyone long term. My guess is that he felt that way for a long time after being pressured by society rules of marriage is a must since you have been together for so long. On the other hand maybe it was her fault for letting him fall out of love with her, was she putting out, looking good all the time, was she cooking, many issues underlying that we will never know. I am going to get you all a copy of "How to be a Wifey" book.

 

[Bann]

He got a different perspective on life, what kind of BS is that, he left out the real truth, he just wanted to be free again. Marriage can feel like shackles on your feet. It’s just not for everyone long term. My guess is that he felt that way for a long time after being pressured by society rules of marriage is a must since you have been together for so long. On the other hand maybe it was her fault for letting him fall out of love with her, was she putting out, looking good all the time, was she cooking, many issues underlying that we will never know. I am going to get you all a copy of "How to be a Wifey" book.

You'll find it right beside the "How to tell if your husband is a d*ck" books.

 

[FED_UP]

You'll find it right beside the "How to tell if your husband is a d*ck" books.

First page in the book says no fowl language, penis would have been more lady (wifey) like out your mouth.

 

[vraiblonde]

You'll find it right beside the "How to tell if your husband is a d*ck" books.

:

 

[FED_UP]

You'll find it right beside the "How to tell if your husband is a d*ck" books.

Lets start with "How to be a Wifey" chapter 1 missy. SEX (Steady Everyday Xxx). This helps him not to stray.

 

[vraiblonde]

Do I know this couple... or is this just a hypothetical?

The mooshy mooshy couple you know? If they ever split up I will just throw in the towel. Perhaps fly down there and bang their heads together.

 

[GURPS]

Mostly questions that she's asked herself over and over for the past few years. Should she have seen it coming? Should she have fought harder against the divorce? Could she have been a better wife and prevented the whole thing? Is it her fault?

if one party decides they are missing something, and whats to leave, how are you going to change their mind to stay, and not demean yourselves .... we are not talking about putting down the toilet seat or dirty underwear in the hamper

with no real idea what the dude was missing ....

a threesome, European vacations, being able to sleep in and work nights as a bar tender ....





MEN should not be allowed to marry until they are in their mid 30's ...

... most are still uncouth heathens ....

He got a different perspective on life, what kind of BS is that, he left out the real truth, he just wanted to be free again. Marriage can feel like shackles on your feet. It’s just not for everyone long term. My guess is that he felt that way for a long time after being pressured by society rules of marriage is a must since you have been together for so long. On the other hand maybe it was her fault for letting him fall out of love with her, was she putting out, looking good all the time, was she cooking, many issues underlying that we will never know. I am going to get you all a copy of "How to be a Wifey" book.

valid points .........