What would you do? Forgot birthday & anniv...

S

strawbry

New Member
Curious for advice/opinions.....what would you do if your spouse completely forgot both your birthday and 10 year wedding anniversary? These two dates are less than a week apart and it was about 2 months ago. Not unusual for hubby to forget, but here's what happened after a joking reminder the day of.....birthday cake was brought home about 2 weeks after my birthday. Normally in our family we give a card, a few gifts (nothing extravagant), and have a special dinner at home or at a restaurant. For hubby's birthday I usually also help our young son make a gift and card for daddy. After the friendly reminder, a few other instances came up to talk about the forgotten birthday, but still nothing happened as weeks passed. As for the anniversary, after I gave him his card that day, and he said "oops I forgot", nothing has happened on that front. No card or anything.....I was hoping for a bit more to celebrate 10 years.

And to top it all off.....his birthday is next month and he's already talking about what he wants for his birthday......

Any advice? It started out as a bit of a joke that he forgot again, but with all the times it's come up since then, now it's just sad.
 
Agee

Agee

Well-Known Member
To quote B.B. King...

The thrill is gone!

It sounds as if their are more spoils to the relationship than missed birthdays and anniverseries. Look deep and talk!
 
PrepH4U

PrepH4U

New Member
strawbry said:
Curious for advice/opinions.....what would you do if your spouse completely forgot both your birthday and 10 year wedding anniversary? These two dates are less than a week apart and it was about 2 months ago. Not unusual for hubby to forget, but here's what happened after a joking reminder the day of.....birthday cake was brought home about 2 weeks after my birthday. Normally in our family we give a card, a few gifts (nothing extravagant), and have a special dinner at home or at a restaurant. For hubby's birthday I usually also help our young son make a gift and card for daddy. After the friendly reminder, a few other instances came up to talk about the forgotten birthday, but still nothing happened as weeks passed. As for the anniversary, after I gave him his card that day, and he said "oops I forgot", nothing has happened on that front. No card or anything.....I was hoping for a bit more to celebrate 10 years.

And to top it all off.....his birthday is next month and he's already talking about what he wants for his birthday......

Any advice? It started out as a bit of a joke that he forgot again, but with all the times it's come up since then, now it's just sad.
Click to expand...

Maybe he doesn't have any money left to buy you gifts because he has spent it on his girlfriend. :shrug:
Really I would not accept a birthday cake after two weeks had passed. I would have left it sit on the counter to dry out. It's not like you moved your birthday or anniversary to different days, he has had ten years to remember it. I would be darned if I joked around about his inconsideration to miss them. He didn't need to buy a gift, a card would have sufficed to show you at least he remembered the occasion.
You also need to learn how to ask for stuff for your birthday, christmas, etc. otherwise you have to act like you really like that ugly wrong sized sweater he picked out from the first rack he sees when he enters the store.
Evidently it bothers you if after two months you have held it inside and finally vented about it on the internet.
 
RoseRed

RoseRed

American Beauty
PREMO Member
...
DEAR ABBY: I am the father of a well-educated, 27-year-old daughter who has a master's degree. Yet she never remembers birthdays, Christmas, Father's Day, etc. with a gift. While I have never expected anything lavish, it's hurtful to receive nothing but a card.

My daughter wasn't raised this way. She was fortunate to have two professional parents who provided a very good life for her. What should I do, Abby? Should I just send a card for her birthday and Christmas, or write and let her know how hurtful I find her negligence? -- NOT GIFTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT GIFTED: Your daughter may hold a master's degree, but she's not a mind-reader. I can't think of a better way to communicate your feelings in a clear, coherent way than to put them in writing. Go ahead and write her a letter. But before mailing it, wait three or four days so you can reread and edit it if necessary.
Click to expand...
 
C

CalvertNewbie

Guest
I'd go on an expensive vacation and thank him for the birthday and anniversary gift he just bought me. Bet he'd remember next year! :yahoo:

As for getting him a gift, I'd give him a calendar with the important dates clearly marked on it. I'm sorry but he sounds like a real jackass.
 
itsbob

itsbob

I bowl overhand
On his birthday say you want to give him something special..


Then bite off his penis and hand it back to him as you sing "Happy Birthday!!"
 
itsbob

itsbob

I bowl overhand
OR go to "His favorite Car Brand Name here" and buy a key blank with their logo.

Go to True Value to have it cut..

Hand it to him, let him get all excited and run outside... than tell him, "OH you thought I bought you a car? No, I just bought you a key!!"


OR Have him go to the doctor a week prior for a check up, then forge a document saying he's got like three weeks to live because he has some horrible rare untreatable disease. And mail it to him. Then on his Birthday say... "Surprize!! You're not dying, Happy Birthday!!"

Or call SmoothMarine and tell him you want to donate your car to his Alma Mater, and tell them what the make and model of your husbands car is, and where it will be for them to pick it up at 2 in the afternoon. "SURPRIZE!!"
 
S

strawbry

New Member
Thanks for all the advice.....

As for some of the specific comments, yes, there are other issues going on in our marriage, the missed birthdays and anniversaries are the result of a pretty self-centered husband who is often in his own little world. I've tried talking to him over the years about issues, but I might as well be talking to the wall....or he'll work on something and make a small improvement and a few days or weeks later, he's right back where he was. Nothing sticks, and very little gets thru (and I'm talking the whole range here from me - patience, asking nicely, screaming my head off, boundaries, vengeance, humor, making clear & simple requests, etc.)

Knowing he often doesn't know what gift to choose, for birthdays and Christmas I make a short list, so there's no question on what to get and for how much. It's missing the "when" that really ticked me off on this one. I could have easily gone out and bought something for myself and said this is my birthday gift, and he'd have been relieved he didn't need to be involved.

I have considered, and still am thinking of it, to just go out and get my own gift. But what's the point in that? And it would probably only perpetuate his stance on birthdays that if he doesn't deal with it I'll get something myself. Like I said earlier, we're not talking extravagant gifts, but a card and a small gift would be my style.

The problem for his upcoming birthday is that regardless of what I do or say, he has a gift in mind and will go out and buy it himself (it's a tool anyway, so he usually "asks" for those, but in reality he's the one who picks it out and makes the purchase, but it's "from" me and our son).

It definitely does bother me, so thanks for the help. Now I just need to decide if I'm going to pursue the issue, or just ignore it (again). This issue hurts more than other issues because birthdays are extra special to me after my cancer diagnosis a few years ago. Hard for me to participate in events like Relay for Life, and have everyone around you charged up because you are surviving, and their slogan is "A world with less cancer is a world with more birthdays". Birthdays mean a lot to me because I'm focused on getting one more at a time. Frustrating that he doesn't view it the same way. So you're right - jackass pretty much sums it up.
 
Abc123

Abc123

New Member
Maybe it's time for you to focus your life on Y.O.U. and stop revolving your world around H.I.M.. I understand that you probably love him very much, but it certainly does not sound as if it is reciprocated much at all. Perhaps you should consider if this relationship is truly worth staying in, or would you be better off alone with your son, finding your inner strength and self, and in the future, someone who will love, respect and care for you, and treat you way you SHOULD be treated. And not forget the special days in your life, notably, your birthday, which SHOULD be a huge, meaningful celebration each and every year.
If he is only making small improvement then slipping right back into the rut, he probably will never change enough to make a difference and make it work. I went through the same thing with my ex for several very long years, and I finally just made up my mind to leave. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I knew in my heart that it was for the best. The year following was the worst of my life, but I have moved on with my life, and I'm much happier now.

strawbry said:
Thanks for all the advice.....

As for some of the specific comments, yes, there are other issues going on in our marriage, the missed birthdays and anniversaries are the result of a pretty self-centered husband who is often in his own little world. I've tried talking to him over the years about issues, but I might as well be talking to the wall....or he'll work on something and make a small improvement and a few days or weeks later, he's right back where he was. Nothing sticks, and very little gets thru (and I'm talking the whole range here from me - patience, asking nicely, screaming my head off, boundaries, vengeance, humor, making clear & simple requests, etc.)

Knowing he often doesn't know what gift to choose, for birthdays and Christmas I make a short list, so there's no question on what to get and for how much. It's missing the "when" that really ticked me off on this one. I could have easily gone out and bought something for myself and said this is my birthday gift, and he'd have been relieved he didn't need to be involved.

I have considered, and still am thinking of it, to just go out and get my own gift. But what's the point in that? And it would probably only perpetuate his stance on birthdays that if he doesn't deal with it I'll get something myself. Like I said earlier, we're not talking extravagant gifts, but a card and a small gift would be my style.

The problem for his upcoming birthday is that regardless of what I do or say, he has a gift in mind and will go out and buy it himself (it's a tool anyway, so he usually "asks" for those, but in reality he's the one who picks it out and makes the purchase, but it's "from" me and our son).

It definitely does bother me, so thanks for the help. Now I just need to decide if I'm going to pursue the issue, or just ignore it (again). This issue hurts more than other issues because birthdays are extra special to me after my cancer diagnosis a few years ago. Hard for me to participate in events like Relay for Life, and have everyone around you charged up because you are surviving, and their slogan is "A world with less cancer is a world with more birthdays". Birthdays mean a lot to me because I'm focused on getting one more at a time. Frustrating that he doesn't view it the same way. So you're right - jackass pretty much sums it up.
Click to expand...
 
F

FED_UP

Well-Known Member
strawbry said:
Curious for advice/opinions.....what would you do if your spouse completely forgot both your birthday and 10 year wedding anniversary? These two dates are less than a week apart and it was about 2 months ago. Not unusual for hubby to forget, but here's what happened after a joking reminder the day of.....birthday cake was brought home about 2 weeks after my birthday. Normally in our family we give a card, a few gifts (nothing extravagant), and have a special dinner at home or at a restaurant. For hubby's birthday I usually also help our young son make a gift and card for daddy. After the friendly reminder, a few other instances came up to talk about the forgotten birthday, but still nothing happened as weeks passed. As for the anniversary, after I gave him his card that day, and he said "oops I forgot", nothing has happened on that front. No card or anything.....I was hoping for a bit more to celebrate 10 years.

And to top it all off.....his birthday is next month and he's already talking about what he wants for his birthday......

Any advice? It started out as a bit of a joke that he forgot again, but with all the times it's come up since then, now it's just sad.
Click to expand...

Umm ladies men really don't care about birthdays and anniversaries and if they do that is just one day they are fooling you that they care. They just go along to make you happy. Even though it is a time for celebration and we show you how much we care, yea even just a card or dinner etc. I could be thinking about an anniversary coming up next week and then forget it when the day comes. Our lives are so busy these days, too much shiet to worry about bills, roof, work, cars, performance in bed; that is about 50% of it. The other 50% percent we are thinking about how hot those other chicks are and fantasizing, just keeping it real. So don't take it personal Strawbry.......
 
Last edited:
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
There are certain men you marry, and certain men you dump.

See Fed Up? That's the kind of guy you dump.

But honestly, most men are the kind you dump, so you can either keep the idiot you have or go find you some other idiot. So it really depends on how much you care that your insensitive boob of a husband can't be bothered to remember your birthday or anniversary. Because you can give him the boot, then hook up with some schmuck who remembers the events and spoils you accordingly, but has a drug problem. Or slaps you around. Or picks up chicks at the bar.

:shrug:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top