What's so hard about dating?
- Thread starter vraiblonde
- Start date
C
callmewhatuwant
Guest
you girls are tough, he can’t help his genetics
K
Kain99
Guest
I agree that it is an illness. Self punishment to the max! I think it has more to do with self loathing than the expectations of a loved one.
SxyPrincess
New Member
We just want someone that can keep polishing, and polishing, and polishing, and...
sleuth
Livin' Like Thanksgivin'
Vrai...
I've been asking the same things for years...
I tried the whole honest, no rules approach... that didn't get me anywhere...
I tried the whole games, rules, timeframes approach... didn't get me anywhere either...
So I tried the whole... F-it approach... didn't get me anywhere either...
I'm thinking I just may be out of luck.
I've been asking the same things for years...
I tried the whole honest, no rules approach... that didn't get me anywhere...
I tried the whole games, rules, timeframes approach... didn't get me anywhere either...
So I tried the whole... F-it approach... didn't get me anywhere either...
I'm thinking I just may be out of luck.
Okay, Sleuth, BoyScout's ignoring me you're next on the hotseat.
Didn't you ever have a date where it was just fun? That you didn't worry about whether she liked you because you felt it? That you didn't obsess over whether to kiss her goodnight or not because you were just clicking and a kiss was the most natural thing on Earth? It's just the progression of being with someone you like and who likes you.
What do you mean by "get you anywhere"? Where did you want to go? Serious - that sounds more aggressive than I mean it. I'm genuinely interested.
sleuth
Livin' Like Thanksgivin'
Originally posted by vraiblonde
Okay, Sleuth, BoyScout's ignoring me you're next on the hotseat.
Didn't you ever have a date where it was just fun? That you didn't worry about whether she liked you because you felt it? That you didn't obsess over whether to kiss her goodnight or not because you were just clicking and a kiss was the most natural thing on Earth? It's just the progression of being with someone you like and who likes you.
Nope. I mean... that's what I'd to do, but it has yet to happen.
It means... it didn't get me what I wanted... which is a strong intimate relationship that lasts.
The best date is the one that ends with the certainty of another one. I've had a few of those, but I have yet to put together a really good streak.
J
justhangn
Guest
If I may, I would speculate that women see you as a major wussbag that couldn't defend them on your best day. You bend over backward to give them what you think they want and all they actually want is a guy that's himself, not somebody that's gushing over their every whim.
Just a thought.
But don't you think it's just because you haven't met the right girl yet? Do you date a lot? Like every weekend?
How mean! Maybe if he met the right woman, he COULD be himself and feel comfortable.
DATE DATE DATE!!! Then DATE some more! It's a numbers game.
J
justhangn
Guest
Now you're getting it!! Work with me here........IF he would just be himself and not try to be everything he thinks that SHE wants him to be, he would more than likely land some quality tail.
Okay, I hear ya.
K
Katie
Guest
Ok I am going to get laughed at here. But I stopped dating a while to figure out my own identity and who I am. NOW I can feel like I can go on a date and be myself. I don't have to put on any airs of being something I am not. I am a tomboy and PROUD of it!
Good for you, Katie!
How is a person supposed to find their match when they're pretending to be something they're not? I could never figure that out. I always felt like if the guy didn't like me and the person I really am, chances are good I wouldn't like him either.
:shrug:
K
Katie
Guest
Yup but I finally wanted to find out who I really was. I dated way more losers then I care to count. We just had nothing in common to be honest. I still have a tendency to fall for the bad boys...
Really? I thought that was very profound.
Exactly. Typically people do this when they're young, so they've "found" themselves by the time they hit 30 or so. That's why young marriages don't work out so well - because everyone's busy trying to grow up and you're not the same person at 30 that you were at 20.
At least, you're not supposed to be.
And, Cari, you're not a jerk at all - you're a bit acerbic
but I wouldn't call you a jerk. Quit fishing for compliments. 
K
Katie
Guest
All right I am a little slow on the uptake. I thought you were being serious.
I think I can comment on the "why does x go out with someone who mistreats them" thing, because I've seen it, lived it, gone through, REPEATED IT, and seen friends and family do it.
And it comes down to a couple things.
One is self-image and confidence. If you don't have much of either, you gain or try to gain some of it by who you're with. You gain a measure of status by attaining the otherwise unattainable. You're social climbing. You want the hot babe or hunk because of your own self-doubt, and the more distant they are or the more they mistreat you, the more 'valuable' a catch they must be. You always have to fight to be "good enough" because with your poor self-image, you figure that's the way it works.
Now it might make a LOT of sense to go out with that perfectly normal nice guy or girl who thinks you're wonderful. Ok, they have a few flaws. (Psst - so does the one you're with, but you can't see it yet). But - they're no challenge and - well, how "valuable" can they be if they are too easy to catch? So you find yourself constantly with someone who doesn't care about you, but who superficially has what you think you want. Well, maybe. Until you take off the rose-colored glasses. Which you won't. You'll ignore all of the warning signs, because of your self-doubt and insecurity.
The other is - people are just stupid. If Mister Doesn't-Treat-You-Right was ugly as hell, stupid as dirt and stunk like a skunk, you would not put up with his crap. It IS hormones, and desperation.
I never understand why people place conditions on a partner they would never in a million years place on a friend. Do you have a friend that you wonder "man, I need to find someone like them" - and try to realize, they probably would have FAILED your screen test.
You can find a good man or woman if you don't make demands on them that you would probably fail, yourself. You can have a great relationship with someone if you grant them the kind of forgiveness and grace you'd like extended to you when you screw up and don't measure up.
And it comes down to a couple things.
One is self-image and confidence. If you don't have much of either, you gain or try to gain some of it by who you're with. You gain a measure of status by attaining the otherwise unattainable. You're social climbing. You want the hot babe or hunk because of your own self-doubt, and the more distant they are or the more they mistreat you, the more 'valuable' a catch they must be. You always have to fight to be "good enough" because with your poor self-image, you figure that's the way it works.
Now it might make a LOT of sense to go out with that perfectly normal nice guy or girl who thinks you're wonderful. Ok, they have a few flaws. (Psst - so does the one you're with, but you can't see it yet). But - they're no challenge and - well, how "valuable" can they be if they are too easy to catch? So you find yourself constantly with someone who doesn't care about you, but who superficially has what you think you want. Well, maybe. Until you take off the rose-colored glasses. Which you won't. You'll ignore all of the warning signs, because of your self-doubt and insecurity.
The other is - people are just stupid. If Mister Doesn't-Treat-You-Right was ugly as hell, stupid as dirt and stunk like a skunk, you would not put up with his crap. It IS hormones, and desperation.
I never understand why people place conditions on a partner they would never in a million years place on a friend. Do you have a friend that you wonder "man, I need to find someone like them" - and try to realize, they probably would have FAILED your screen test.
You can find a good man or woman if you don't make demands on them that you would probably fail, yourself. You can have a great relationship with someone if you grant them the kind of forgiveness and grace you'd like extended to you when you screw up and don't measure up.