Why Do Women Divorce Their Husbands?

[somd whisper]

I am very sorry for your loss.

[/QUOTE]


Thanks. I would wish you luck but it sounds like you don't need it. I am so happy you found someone and it does not sound like a bad idea to wait. Sounds like a good plan.. love is love.

I think it takes a lot of courage to be truthful and upfront about things, and not afraid to say what is in your heart even if other people may not agree with it. Always be true to yourself.

 

[Gemmi]

For some most sure physical and or mental abuse.

That is exactly why my first marriage ended.

 

[meangirl]

I would say that the biggest reason a truly love-filled marriage would end would be lack of trust.

I'm not talking about the typical fidelity, financial, issues or even inappropriate or abusive relationships...

I'm talking about what I feel could make a good relationship go bad would have to be a trust-related matter. Those seem to be the maker-breakers in the death-do-them-part-ers in this world.

And I'm not just talking about cheating trust either. I'm talking about trusting someone to build a life with, trust with your insecurities and not have them use them against you; trust them to pick up the slack when you need them to and trust you to do the same. Trust that you're safe.

All of the nastiness seems to stem from the instability from the lack thereof. Financial nightmares and even hell through years have seem to withstand...If a relationship has a solid foundation of trust.

So, that's my $.02

I hadn't thought of it that way before but that sums it up. Perfect!

 

[Patch]

Let's see...........................she doesn't feel loved, she doesn't feel adored, she doesn't feel wanted, she doesn't feel the communication is there, she doesn't feel she's getting a good return on her investment, she needs her space, you've grown apart, you're boring, you snore too much, the passion is gone, her clock is ticking, she's hit her sexual peak and you're no longer an option, her girlfriends/coworkers fill her head full of crap daily, she sees polls that say 50% of all marriages fail so it's socially acceptable, you no longer blow sunshine up her ass anymore, she watches too much "Desperate Housewives", she feels ignored.......................I'm sure I can come up with a few more if you need them.

Ah, a realist. With the exception of the first three, are the rest really reasons women have divorced their husbands?

 

[bcp]

only a couple of reasons I can think of.

they just really dont either get along with the other.
She jumped the fence
He jumped the fence.

my solution?
keep the marriage fresh and build a big ass fence.

 

[K_Jo]

I would divorce C_Jo if something happened to his face or wallet.

 

[Gemmi]

I would divorce C_Jo if something happened to his face or wallet.

 

[Larry Gude]

Are you a woman?

Bad comparisson, in a plane crash you are going to die, during a divorce you only feel like you are dying. As a matter of fact most of the time a year after the divorce you are actually happy.

...did you divorce your husband?

 

[CandyRain]

Since no one else did, I'll answer personally. I divorced my husband because he didn't respect me or his role as a husband. I cooked, cleaned, paid the bills (he contributed, I did the administrative aspect), did the grocery shopping, maintained the social calendar, did the laundry, cared for the kid (90% of the time). I loved doing all of these things until he took them for granted. He stopped complimenting meals (I didn't require it everyday but sometimes would have been great), he would walk in with dirty boots and leave his clothes wherever he took them off, he overdrew the checking account, he treated me and our son like we were extensions of him, not individuals. He mowed the lawn and would "watch" or son on the ocassional times that I wanted to grocery shop in peace or get my nails done. In the end, I never felt so worthless and neglected. And he had he nerve to complain about the lack of sex. It still hurts to think how hard I tried to keep the family together, for nothing. Counseling did nothing. When we stopped going, I mentally checked out until we separated months later. When talked about divorcing, his concern what that I would "find someone else". Not once did he step back and think there were things he could've done to keep it from happening. He still doesn't get it and he's still angry that the marriage is over. :shrug: If you're selfish, don't get married.

 

[somd whisper]

Since no one else did, I'll answer personally. I divorced my husband because he didn't respect me or his role as a husband. I cooked, cleaned, paid the bills (he contributed, I did the administrative aspect), did the grocery shopping, maintained the social calendar, did the laundry, cared for the kid (90% of the time). I loved doing all of these things until he took them for granted. He stopped complimenting meals (I didn't require it everyday but sometimes would have been great), he would walk in with dirty boots and leave his clothes wherever he took them off, he overdrew the checking account, he treated me and our son like we were extensions of him, not individuals. He mowed the lawn and would "watch" or son on the ocassional times that I wanted to grocery shop in peace or get my nails done. In the end, I never felt so worthless and neglected. And he had he nerve to complain about the lack of sex. It still hurts to think how hard I tried to keep the family together, for nothing. Counseling did nothing. When we stopped going, I mentally checked out until we separated months later. When talked about divorcing, his concern what that I would "find someone else". Not once did he step back and think there were things he could've done to keep it from happening. He still doesn't get it and he's still angry that the marriage is over. :shrug: If you're selfish, don't get married.

 

[Mikeinsmd]

you!!

 

[Pandora]

Since no one else did, I'll answer personally. I divorced my husband because he didn't respect me or his role as a husband. I cooked, cleaned, paid the bills (he contributed, I did the administrative aspect), did the grocery shopping, maintained the social calendar, did the laundry, cared for the kid (90% of the time). I loved doing all of these things until he took them for granted. He stopped complimenting meals (I didn't require it everyday but sometimes would have been great), he would walk in with dirty boots and leave his clothes wherever he took them off, he overdrew the checking account, he treated me and our son like we were extensions of him, not individuals. He mowed the lawn and would "watch" or son on the ocassional times that I wanted to grocery shop in peace or get my nails done. In the end, I never felt so worthless and neglected. And he had he nerve to complain about the lack of sex. It still hurts to think how hard I tried to keep the family together, for nothing. Counseling did nothing. When we stopped going, I mentally checked out until we separated months later. When talked about divorcing, his concern what that I would "find someone else". Not once did he step back and think there were things he could've done to keep it from happening. He still doesn't get it and he's still angry that the marriage is over. :shrug: If you're selfish, don't get married.

I can relate to most of your post, because I’ve had those feelings before just like most married women.

I once heard that men don’t really understand their roles in today’s relationships. Back when I was growing up, it was crystal clear that a man brought home a paycheck and the women took care of the household. Man was boss, woman was submissive. Now, we have both wanting to be the boss (you hear a relationship takes 50/50 ) and you know what they say about too many chiefs and not enough Indians? So we develop this attitude of “I do everything,” and even think that if you want a June Cleaver, somebody to run the house, I want to keep every penny of my paycheck. :shrug: <- in today’s society that just isn’t feasible most of the time.

My husband would see a basket of clean laundry on the bed, put it on the floor, pull back the covers to the bed and climb in. I was usually doing something else in the house, say painting, and would walk in the room with utter frustration of how disrespectful he could be to not even take the responsibility to see the clothes needed to be put away.

But I was just as much to blame as he was. I have a voice and didn’t use it and sometimes that voice had to get loud to be heard. Really loud!

First, many women have to just realize that a man isn’t going to clean and organize the way we do, so you have to let those feelings go before they eat you, consume you and devalue who you are and how you feel as a person. If you need something done, just ask, don’t expect them “to know” or “to read your mind.” But on a side note, when they do something and it isn’t done to YOUR expectation, realize your expectation is different. If you wanted it done a certain way, do it yourself.

I remember when I was living in a townhouse in Waldorf, I watched this women yell from the 2nd story to her husband “don’t pull the lawn mower backwards like that.” He was so ticked off, he walked that lawn mower backwards until he finished cutting the grass. They are divorced now.


So let me ask you this, have you found somebody to read your mind yet?

 

[spritehoney]

Many of you will probably hate me after this thread, but you just can’t ask questions like this in real time to a large group and discuss it openly without stirring up excessive emotion.

So what are some reasons why women divorce their husbands? I’m not really looking for specific cases, but more in general terms. Or maybe I should ask, what are some common reasons why women divorce their husbands?

I really want to get married, but I really don’t want to get divorced. “They” say (with increasing frequency) the divorce rate is 50%, and some say it’s more than that. By just being a little observant of the marital status of a given group of people, it would be easy to see that those numbers are realistic.

Recently I was thinking - with odds like that, why would I get married? If I was going to take a trip on an airplane, and the pilot told me beforehand that there is a 50% chance that this plane will crash and burn, would I go? Would you? Of course not, so why take the same chance with the most important human relationship I’ll ever have?

So, what are some thoughts/observations?

WOW!! what a question! rock on!

 

[spritehoney]

thank you for sharing...We should title your writing, "What is it to be a Wife"...
Joan Diddion, writer, has a work entitled, "I want a Wife" and in the writing listed all of the wonderful things wives do to please their husbands and she inferred she would like to have "a wife" to do all the duties that wifely....
What is it to be a wife?

 

[somd whisper]

you!!

 

[Gemmi]

For some most sure physical and or mental abuse.

In reference to my reply to this:
To whom ever left me red with a nasty comment: You don't know me so how can you assume something like that??

 

[somd whisper]

I can relate to most of your post, because I’ve had those feelings before just like most married women.

I once heard that men don’t really understand their roles in today’s relationships. Back when I was growing up, it was crystal clear that a man brought home a paycheck and the women took care of the household. Man was boss, woman was submissive. Now, we have both wanting to be the boss (you hear a relationship takes 50/50 ) and you know what they say about too many chiefs and not enough Indians? So we develop this attitude of “I do everything,” and even think that if you want a June Cleaver, somebody to run the house, I want to keep every penny of my paycheck. :shrug: <- in today’s society that just isn’t feasible most of the time.

My husband would see a basket of clean laundry on the bed, put it on the floor, pull back the covers to the bed and climb in. I was usually doing something else in the house, say painting, and would walk in the room with utter frustration of how disrespectful he could be to not even take the responsibility to see the clothes needed to be put away.

But I was just as much to blame as he was. I have a voice and didn’t use it and sometimes that voice had to get loud to be heard. Really loud!

First, many women have to just realize that a man isn’t going to clean and organize the way we do, so you have to let those feelings go before they eat you, consume you and devalue who you are and how you feel as a person. If you need something done, just ask, don’t expect them “to know” or “to read your mind.” But on a side note, when they do something and it isn’t done to YOUR expectation, realize your expectation is different. If you wanted it done a certain way, do it yourself.

I remember when I was living in a townhouse in Waldorf, I watched this women yell from the 2nd story to her husband “don’t pull the lawn mower backwards like that.” He was so ticked off, he walked that lawn mower backwards until he finished cutting the grass. They are divorced now.


So let me ask you this, have you found somebody to read your mind yet?

Wow, I found your post to be incredibly insightful. I remember a few times when we did not see eye to eye it was because what he wanted was different from what I expected or visa Vera.


I was lucky though, he never made me feel that he was taking anything for granted, I was just happy doing what I was doing, and was happy with him doing what he was doing.

I don’t know…..I just loved taking care of my family and if they voiced their appreciation then cool beans, but if not that was okay too because the value of its worth came from within.
That does not happen for everybody. So I am not speaking for everyone…

 

[Christy]

I have to agree with Mike and Vrai. At least for my circumstance. :shrug: You know you're too young to get married when you have to skip school in order to do so. My ex and I have a great son out of it though and are pretty decent friends, so I don't regret it one bit. :shrug:

 

[PJay]

This is what kept me from divorcing my husband

Faithfulness (both sides)
Honesty (as much as we both could take)
Remembering that you are not joined at the hip and that each of us did have a life before marriage
Respect each other and give room for individual space
Romance, nothing fancy just an “I love you” he used to make me feel appreciated and yes I did the same in return.
We got to know each other really well before we got married, we did not rush into anything…it was an old fashioned courtship
Don’t take each other for granted
Don’t be afraid to try new things
More than one TV with a remote


When we did have disagreements we tried to see things from each others perceptive and try to meet in the middle.

??

http://forums.somd.com/showthread.php?p=1531306#post1531306

 

[PJay]

That is exactly why my first marriage ended.

Sorry. Good for you in getting out.

There's tons of different stories out there, ones that stay, ones that leave. I always say leave, kids are no reason to stay.

There are women that beat men, hard to picture, but it happens.