Why Do Women Divorce Their Husbands?
- Thread starter Patch
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MysticalMom
Witchy Woman
I think the divorce rate is so high because people don't take enough time to get to know each other. B and I were good friends for 13 years before we realized we were in love. It helps that we knew the ends and outs of each other before we committed. I kissed a lot of toads to find my prince. When I was younger and dumber and picking all the losers ,I didn't think the words GOOD and MAN went together at all. And I can honestly say that If I had dated him when I was much younger I would not have apprectiated him like I do at this point in my life. I know how great he is and I love him like I didn't know I could love and he loves me, 
thats the best part. I KNOW without a shred of doubt that we will be together forever. But it's because I KNOW myself better now that I know that.
Ok I'm rambling.
thats the best part. I KNOW without a shred of doubt that we will be together forever. But it's because I KNOW myself better now that I know that. Ok I'm rambling.
somd whisper
New Member
Homesick said:
who said I was marrried once?
The children were his from a first marriage where the mother gave up her rights. When I took care of the children, (now adults) and I do not think that I divorced him for any reason as the post said it just did not work out. Then I met Mark and we met fell and in love and had two biological children and then the rest you know. I did not bring up Tony for the simple fact i had already talked about him in the other post.
Mark was the love of my life and if he were still here we would still be married. I chose to talk about the positive things because that is what I know. Even with tony there just is nothing I would want to say bad about him. If you noticed I said why I DID not divorce.
Is there anything else that you would like to you?
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somd whisper
New Member
Patch said:
Because I know that these things will pass and that there could be worse things in life than what I went through.
I can't just stay focused on the bad, ya know?
I can talk about it, hopefully help someone else but then I stop and take stock on all the is good.
Things can be bad, but it is up to the person on what they are going to do with it....
CandyRain
New Member
Pandora said:So let me ask you this, have you found somebody to read your mind yet?
No and I never and still don't want that. I didn't expect him to things the way I wanted, all I wanted was A LITTLE respect and appreciation for what I did. He did at one time, but HE changed. I have a girlfriend who's married with 2 young children. She's a stay home mom and her husband ALWAYS thanks her for dinner, takes pride in their well-kept home, and doesn't balk at working all day, coming home and "spending time" not "watching" the kids. I didn't meet her until I was divorced for six months, so no, there was no comparison that helped me make my decision. When I think back now and compare her marriage with mine, I think, wow, I worked a full-time job and STILL did all those things. A modicum of appreciation would have meant the world to me. People might say, "he wasn't cheating", "he had a job", "he wasn't beating you". And to that I say, I don't model a marriage from the lowest common denominator. I deserved better, he wasn't willing to give it, so I cut my losses.The way I avoid the disappointment now? I'm not married and I don't live with anyone. That way, the mess in my house is MINE, the responsibility for my child is MINE and there is no yearning for a thank you from anyone for it because I thank myself. :gettingoffsoapbox:
Marriage isn't hard. The key to success is to always put your spouse first. When you truly love someone, their happiness is yours. It's about being selfless and truly understanding what it means to compromise.
KingFish
Nothing to see here
I think a lot of ladies are raised on fairy tales and their price charming. They dream of their wedding day and what their prince will be like. They get married young and the guy who won them over does not measure up to what they thought over time.
The average woman spends her life waiting for that perfect man, the one who completes her. He’s the one for whom she would not only give her heart, but her life. She keeps hoping and praying that Prince Charming will ride up on his horse and sweep her off her feet, and then they’ll ride off together and live happily ever after.
What you see in movies and read in books isn’t what real relationships are about.
The perfect man isn't out there. Do you want to know why he isn’t out there? Because, he doesn’t exist! In my opinion, there is no such thing as perfect. Like every woman, each man has his flaws, his weaknesses, and his strengths. How can a woman expect a perfect man, when women are not perfect? No one is perfect.
True happiness comes from within and while you are busy searching for that perfect man; you could be missing out on someone very special.
The average woman spends her life waiting for that perfect man, the one who completes her. He’s the one for whom she would not only give her heart, but her life. She keeps hoping and praying that Prince Charming will ride up on his horse and sweep her off her feet, and then they’ll ride off together and live happily ever after.
What you see in movies and read in books isn’t what real relationships are about.
The perfect man isn't out there. Do you want to know why he isn’t out there? Because, he doesn’t exist! In my opinion, there is no such thing as perfect. Like every woman, each man has his flaws, his weaknesses, and his strengths. How can a woman expect a perfect man, when women are not perfect? No one is perfect.
True happiness comes from within and while you are busy searching for that perfect man; you could be missing out on someone very special.
somd whisper
New Member
KingFish said:
SamSpade
Well-Known Member
KingFish said:
Even if he/she IS perfect - it's not normal for them to stay that way. People change. *Character* probably doesn't, but a lot of other things will.
I think I had two big problems with looking for someone - I was always interested in women I needed to "win" - there was something about a woman with only a marginal interest in me. So I was always looking for someone who would never feel the same way about me. The other was - I wanted someone JUST LIKE ME. Somehow, I was sure there'd be a soulmate who I'd see eye to eye with on every level.
What happened to me was unexpected - but absolutely perfect - for *ME*.
I met and fell in love with someone completely UNLIKE me - and filled in all the parts of "me" that were missing. A pastor once commented he'd never counseled or married a couple more unlike each other than us - and one that more complemented each other's weaknesses - than us.
I think TWO things have helped us thus far, although we haven't been married very long. We both realize that life is hard, and our partner is not the answer to fulfillment and happiness in our lives. We both have to find that, ourselves. I do think that the number one reason for divorce is that people are unhappy, but that *much* of that unhappiness has nothing to do with the partner. They get blamed for it, but the unhappy partner is going to be unhappy anyway. I realized I wanted to marry Bluejay when I realized she was happy with everyday life with me. I didn't need to buy her everything, take her everywhere, make her life exciting. I try to do that - because I love her - but it's not my responsibility to fulfill her life - she sees that as HER job. Before her, every woman I was with had a way of making me feel as though I was just one failure away from ending it all, and I didn't want to live that way. I didn't want to live with a continual "what have you done for me lately?" attitude.
The other is reasonable expectations of other people. EVERY person will have 'stuff' that will drive you crazy. You know, the cutest kitten or puppy *will* drive you nuts with SOMETHING. People are more complicated than kittens or puppies. Nothing worthwhile in life comes without some kind of cost. And I'm not talking about how much he snores, or how much she talks or that he has annoying parents or she has cats. It's a lot more than that; your friends, you can walk away from. Your spouse is going to share your life, and that means your time, your family, your money, your bed, your secrets - everything. You have to be grown up enough to know, none of that will ever come easy, ever, ever - it doesn't matter how much "in love" you are. It will alway be hard.
For Bluejay, the biggest selling point to her about me is the incident almost every one here knows about - the night I fell face first into Christy's pool cover, the night of her New Year's Eve party back in '02. I got up, laughed, and went inside soaking wet, unfazed. To her, that was an indicator of something about ME that she has learned to appreciate even more as the years have gone on - I don't easily get upset and I can put up with a lot of crap without letting it bother me.
I guess in a nutshell - the two things are patience, and forgiveness, and some people are really too young to have much of either. When you're older - like we were - you'll lose your mind if you don't learn this. People will let you down. You have to decide whether or not you can put up with their failings, and whether their attempts to make good are sincere or not.
My favorite 'mantra' for life is to focus on what's important in life. That means little annoying things that your spouse does wouldn't matter to you for a cold second if you're by their bedside in the hospital and the situation is critical. Morbid as it sounds - that day is coming. So you have to learn to ignore it now so you can have no regrets and enjoy life now.
Ok, 'nuff soapboxing.
somd whisper
New Member
aps45819 said:Being grateful for what you have makes for a better life than being bitter over what you don't have.
somd whisper
New Member
Homesick said:
I would say yes in all most all the cases, but there are some marriages that had abuse in them, when they came in for counseling and the root of the problem was discovered and treated some were able to build back up.
Hard to say.....very subjective
BrassieChic
New Member
she doesn't feel loved, she doesn't feel adored, she doesn't feel wanted, she doesn't feel the communication is there
DOESN'T FEEL are, I believe, the key words here. The wife no longer feels special, understood, HEARD, stimulated, or fulfilled (usually emotionally is the first then so on) due to lack of......and in my experience it seems the husband feels they are comfortable and the wife feels they are in a rut! Definately LACK of communication in that the husband thinks that when the woman says, "she needs more attention", that that doesn't just mean for an hour or when she says, "you don't listen to me", that that means don't just say umm hmmm after a sentence or pause, as the blank look or stare remains...we KNOW you didn't hear a word we said! By the way, being thrown a bone (after continual "nagging" the man calls it and the woman calls it communicating) and being told okay, okay, I'll take you to dinner....BIG DEAL! I can get food anywhere and it's QUALITY over QUANITY that matters to women....or me at least. Men just don't seem to be able to grasp that last part! Why were we so intersting and it seems that the man is hanging on to every word we say when we were being pursued but as soon as that thrill is over.....and all the pillow talked has ceased that we are no longer "chit chatting" but "nagging"......LOL! Is that enough or shall I continue?
DOESN'T FEEL are, I believe, the key words here. The wife no longer feels special, understood, HEARD, stimulated, or fulfilled (usually emotionally is the first then so on) due to lack of......and in my experience it seems the husband feels they are comfortable and the wife feels they are in a rut! Definately LACK of communication in that the husband thinks that when the woman says, "she needs more attention", that that doesn't just mean for an hour or when she says, "you don't listen to me", that that means don't just say umm hmmm after a sentence or pause, as the blank look or stare remains...we KNOW you didn't hear a word we said! By the way, being thrown a bone (after continual "nagging" the man calls it and the woman calls it communicating) and being told okay, okay, I'll take you to dinner....BIG DEAL! I can get food anywhere and it's QUALITY over QUANITY that matters to women....or me at least. Men just don't seem to be able to grasp that last part! Why were we so intersting and it seems that the man is hanging on to every word we say when we were being pursued but as soon as that thrill is over.....and all the pillow talked has ceased that we are no longer "chit chatting" but "nagging"......LOL! Is that enough or shall I continue?
: Most excellent post Frank. 
another thought keeps coming to mind is that some people do, because they can...
G
Gemmi
Guest
Homesick said:
I gave him a chance. It was physical and emotional abuse. And he was an alcoholic. He refused counseling. I stayed 8 years and that was all I could take. My kids and my sanity meant more than the "marriage."
somd whisper
New Member
Gemmi said:
I hope that your life is better now and wish you so much happiness.