Why Do Women Divorce Their Husbands?

[Patch]

Well put, Kingfish, well put!!!

 

[Patch]

I met and fell in love with someone completely UNLIKE me - and filled in all the parts of "me" that were missing. A pastor once commented he'd never counseled or married a couple more unlike each other than us - and one that more complemented each other's weaknesses - than us.

I think TWO things have helped us thus far, although we haven't been married very long. We both realize that life is hard, and our partner is not the answer to fulfillment and happiness in our lives. We both have to find that, ourselves. I do think that the number one reason for divorce is that people are unhappy, but that *much* of that unhappiness has nothing to do with the partner. They get blamed for it, but the unhappy partner is going to be unhappy anyway. I realized I wanted to marry Bluejay when I realized she was happy with everyday life with me. I didn't need to buy her everything, take her everywhere, make her life exciting. I try to do that - because I love her - but it's not my responsibility to fulfill her life - she sees that as HER job. Before her, every woman I was with had a way of making me feel as though I was just one failure away from ending it all, and I didn't want to live that way. I didn't want to live with a continual "what have you done for me lately?" attitude.

The other is reasonable expectations of other people. EVERY person will have 'stuff' that will drive you crazy. You know, the cutest kitten or puppy *will* drive you nuts with SOMETHING. People are more complicated than kittens or puppies. Nothing worthwhile in life comes without some kind of cost. And I'm not talking about how much he snores, or how much she talks or that he has annoying parents or she has cats. It's a lot more than that; your friends, you can walk away from. Your spouse is going to share your life, and that means your time, your family, your money, your bed, your secrets - everything. You have to be grown up enough to know, none of that will ever come easy, ever, ever - it doesn't matter how much "in love" you are. It will alway be hard.

Good points Sammy! I agree, it's common to look for a mate that is just like us, but I've questioned whether that is the most wise choice. If I'm looking for someone just like me, am I looking for a mate or an entertainment coordinator? Men and women are different and complimentary by design, so I think we should accept, appreciate, and encourage that in each other. The feminist movement will tell us different, but they haven't changed who we are naturally, rather just confused who we think we are.

 

[Gemmi]

I hope that your life is better now and wish you so much happiness.

TY!!

 

[SamSpade]

Men and women are different and complimentary by design, so I think we should accept, appreciate, and encourage that in each other.

When I was younger, I found myself drawn to tomboys - women who could be as coarse as a guy, interested in guy things, eschewed 'girlie' things. I guess as I got older, I found either that such women weren't interesting partners - or I just liked women who were feminine. LIKED girlie things.

I suppose it was also a little reassuring that I liked women to BE women, and not for them to be female versions of men. I don't want to go there.

Somewhere I just realized that what I needed more than I realized was someone who WASN'T like me. And I guess it's like the political discussion board I participate in, here. Discussions are more lively when there's polite disagreement than total agreement.

 

[vraiblonde]

I think the divorce rate is so high because people don't take enough time to get to know each other.

I don't know as it's that so much as they don't have any idea of what they want in a mate. It's like going shopping without a list - you get all kinds of stuff, but forget what you went there for in the first place.

 

[Christy]

another thought keeps coming to mind is that some people do, because they can...

And thank God for that. Seriously. :shrug:

 

[apple]

Common reasons women divorce their husbands:
Drug abuse-#1 deal breaker-
Spouse abuse-#1 deal breaker
Neglect-D'oh!
Infidelity-why get married?
Trust issues-why get married?
Immaturity-any age!
Religion-"I'll convert" but changes their mind
Children-yes/no?? shoulda talked about this BEFORE marriage
Jealousy-GROW UP!

dead on!

 

[Patch]

My thoughts on the issue, have been for a long time that the number one reason why women initiate divorce is because they don't feel loved. I don't believe most women are going to want to be with someone else, if they feel loved by her husband. This thread has given me alot of new things to think about that I never thought about before, but I still maintain my first postion. That may not be the reason the divorce happened, but I still think that is the number one reason a women would divorce her husband, from what I've seen and heard.

Women need praise and encouragement and need frequent and repeated praise, from their men, from what I know. Call them vain or insecure, but that is just the way they are made. We've all probably heard the story of the man who replied to his wife asking him why he never says I love you saying, "I told you I loved you when we got married and it that ever changes I'll let you know." That may true, we may really love her, but don't feel like we need to tell her the same thing all the time, but that's just not how it is. We can't change it, so we just have to accept it. You can tell a woman 50 times in one day that you love her, but at the end of the day, before she shuts out the light to go to sleep, she wants to know one thing - do you love her?

The greatest need of a woman is love - first from her husband (if she's married), then her family, friends, co-workers, and on down the list of priorities. Likewise, the greatest need of a man is respect - first from his wife (if he's married), then his family, friends, co-workers, etc. And these qualities are complimentary. That is, love a woman and she will respect you; respect a man and he will love you. But I really think men benefit the most when they are properly related to their wives. Because women are naturally more relationship oriented than men, a woman who feels loved, will make the relationship more fulfilling than her man could have ever imagined. That's just the way we are made. So, I think a man would do well to pay attention to whether or not his wife feels loved by him, and to focus his efforts toward ensuring she does. One good thing to do would be to simply to ask her from time to time, "Do you feel loved by me?" If men did that much, then incidences of men getting hit by a freight trains from out of the blue, when their wife walks in one day and says I'm leaving, would be much lower.

 

[teverheart2002]

My hubby and I met at the end of March, and were married in June. We realized that the euphoria of being "in love" would eventually fade and that marriage is a daily choice to love the person that you have chosen to marry and to be with.

 

[SEABREEZE 1957]

Just remember the Golden Rule & all will be good; it all comes down to respect and not taking each other for granted IMHO

"Do onto others as you would wish them do onto you."

 

[Patch]

My hubby and I met at the end of March, and were married in June. We realized that the euphoria of being "in love" would eventually fade and that marriage is a daily choice to love the person that you have chosen to marry and to be with.

How long have you been married now? Can you honestly say, based on how he treats you now, even to your girlfriends when he's not around, that you are glad you married him?

 

[czygvtwkr]

She found a guy with a bigger ****?

 

[gigi6]

The main reason I divorced was my husband slept with my friends! And...(as I learned from books and research) he was someone who wanted to liked to live life by the seat of his pants, and I wanted stability.

People marry way too young anymore. My own children married too young. They don't want anyone else to break them up.........so they marry. WTF? But - its way too common. I married too young to get out of the house!

I CAN say - my husband, now, is my very best friend. He has seen me at my best - and at my worst! And loves me just the same! Now THATS what you look for in a lifetime mate! Someone who will love you - even when you're throwing up!

 

[SEABREEZE 1957]

She found a guy with a bigger ****?

upper lip? Brain? Paycheck? soulmateness?

 

[sxymthrefr]

Many of you will probably hate me after this thread, but you just can’t ask questions like this in real time to a large group and discuss it openly without stirring up excessive emotion.

So what are some reasons why women divorce their husbands? I’m not really looking for specific cases, but more in general terms. Or maybe I should ask, what are some common reasons why women divorce their husbands?

I really want to get married, but I really don’t want to get divorced. “They” say (with increasing frequency) the divorce rate is 50%, and some say it’s more than that. By just being a little observant of the marital status of a given group of people, it would be easy to see that those numbers are realistic.

Recently I was thinking - with odds like that, why would I get married? If I was going to take a trip on an airplane, and the pilot told me beforehand that there is a 50% chance that this plane will crash and burn, would I go? Would you? Of course not, so why take the same chance with the most important human relationship I’ll ever have?

So, what are some thoughts/observations?

same reason we get rid of our boyfriends or boy-dogs as I named him, they can't keep it in their pants and decide to give it to one of your girlsluts. Boom, to the curb he got kicked. Luckily it's my house.

 

[Bronwyn]

Why I divorced mine

It didn't take me long to realize the criminal, and abusive boyfriend I dated in high school wasn't going to change because he got me pregnant and we got married. In fact it got WORSE. It takes a lot of courage to get out of this situation, but I do accept that I got myself into the mess in the first place. Thank Gd we are divorced!

 

[Railroad]

At the risk of turning this into a circular discussion, I think perhaps you have to know why and how people get married, to know why they divorce.

 

[Abby]

Sure, divorces happen, for good and bad reasons. That's no reason to deny yourself the pleasure of a rewarding marriage, which is well worth the risk. I'm divorced from a drug addict/alcoholic/abusive creep (I was too young to know better), but found and married a wonderful man. We go through good and bad spells, but that's life and you stick together regardless. Here's a summation of what I've learned-

Find someone who has a similar turn of mind, who can communicate with you in a meaningful way, who can grow with you as you both change over the years (you will, count on it- both of you). It will not always be change for the better, but so long as it's still tempered with love and understanding you'll be fine. If it does come to the contemplation of a split-up, don't jump ship before you know for sure it's a goner and make sure that you've done everything you can to fix it before you do. I'm of the opinion that too many people give up too soon because it's not "ideal" anymore.

Be sensible and look for lasting qualities as well, like ethical behavior and intelligent decision-making capabilities. Passion will come and go, but that's okay too- it's worth waiting for, and passion that returns between long-time lovers is ten times as potent as first time love. After all, you can really abandon yourself to an emotion you've experienced many times over with someone you really trust (now that's fun) and no annoying "Does he/she really want me or is this fleeting?" questions pop up.

Have fun and don't force it- or over-analyze it. You might get hurt, but that doesn't last as long as happiness does. Bitterness will only make you a miserable person to be around, so don't anticipate failure.

 

[BS Gal]

My husband loves me and I love him. So far, in the 25 years we've been married, he's:
1. Sent me out parasailing on a boat we were'nt really sure was working well in Mexico over some cliffs far out in the ocean. He wanted me to go first so he could get pictures;
2. Took me backpacking with him in the Arizona mountains with little or no food and no skills to survive in case something happened to him, also, wearing a brand new pair of hiking boots ( ended up with hypothermia because it rained the whole time - funny thing is, we could have driven there, but hiked for two days to get there);
3. Drags me around behind the boat on one of those tubes and makes real fast turns while driving;
4. Is encouraging me to take scuba diving lessons;
5. Bought me a motorcycle and encouraged me to get my license.
6. Mentioned bungee jumping, but said I should go first so he can get pictures;
7. Lets me sign loan papers when I have just come out of anesthesia.

I really think he wants to keep me around for a while. I'm not ever divorcing him.

 

[Railroad]

My husband loves me and I love him. So far, in the 25 years we've been married, he's:
1. Sent me out parasailing on a boat we were'nt really sure was working well in Mexico over some cliffs far out in the ocean. He wanted me to go first so he could get pictures;
2. Took me backpacking with him in the Arizona mountains with little or no food and no skills to survive in case something happened to him, also, wearing a brand new pair of hiking boots ( ended up with hypothermia because it rained the whole time - funny thing is, we could have driven there, but hiked for two days to get there);
3. Drags me around behind the boat on one of those tubes and makes real fast turns while driving;
4. Is encouraging me to take scuba diving lessons;
5. Bought me a motorcycle and encouraged me to get my license.
6. Mentioned bungee jumping, but said I should go first so he can get pictures;
7. Lets me sign loan papers when I have just come out of anesthesia.

I really think he wants to keep me around for a while. I'm not ever divorcing him.