Would you divorce because of this?

onebdzee

onebdzee

off the shelf
mominsmc said:
Have you ever read any of the studies they have done on children and divorce? I don't have to have been divorced to know that it harms children. Look at society, talk to people who's parents got divorce. I bet you a majority will say it has had a negative impact on their lives.
Click to expand...

:killingme "read any of the studies" :killingme

Let me give you another "study" to read....My mutts have no "negative impact" as a result to me and my ex getting divorced....for that matter they are better now than they were when he and I were together....they don't have the "negative impact" of me and my ex's somewhat strained relationship

It is all in how the kids are treated while going threw the whole divorce process
 
theArtistFormerlyKnownAs

theArtistFormerlyKnownAs

Well-Known Member
onebdzee said:
:killingme "read any of the studies" :killingme

Let me give you another "study" to read....My mutts have no "negative impact" as a result to me and my ex getting divorced....for that matter they are better now than they were when he and I were together....they don't have the "negative impact" of me and my ex's somewhat strained relationship

It is all in how the kids are treated while going threw the whole divorce process
Click to expand...

situations differ :shrug:

I would say that a majority of kids dealing with parental divorces probably DO experience negative impacts...if nothing else...there is extra stress. :shrug:
 
foodcritic

foodcritic

New Member
vraiblonde said:
Divorce can actually be beneficial to children in cases of abuse or substance dependency.
Click to expand...

I am talking about parents who just decide that they don't want to work at the marrriage and just give up. I'm talking about the selfish ones that only think of themselves. And believe me just because you have kids does not mean you become an unselfish person.

Of course a child should be taken out of a situation that has abuse. Just because I think divorce hurts children doesn't mean I am stupid. I just think parents should think twice about what how the divorce will affect their children. Most children will probably want their parents to work at the marriage and try to work things out so they can stay together as a family. And by the way, I am not juding people who have gotten divorced. I realize we live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. Including myself
 
S

stylin

New Member
All the karma

My Gosh....I was just looking for a little advice.

What I think most of you mistook was, yes it happened 10 years ago, I just found out this morning.......Gosh...

Yes I have discussed it with him, of course....his memory fails him, to save an arguement. I told him how I felt that I feel betrayed and hurt, not angry and that he sould have come to me.

You guys are something...
 
theArtistFormerlyKnownAs

theArtistFormerlyKnownAs

Well-Known Member
stylin said:
My Gosh....I was just looking for a little advice.

What I think most of you mistook was, yes it happened 10 years ago, I just found out this morning.......Gosh...

Yes I have discussed it with him, of course....his memory fails him, to save an arguement. I told him how I felt that I feel betrayed and hurt, not angry and that he sould have come to me.

You guys are something...
Click to expand...

I can't remember much from 10 years ago :shrug:
Maybe it really WASN'T that big of a thing to him? But you would think that his last conversation (as I take it) with his ex would be somewhat memorable :shrug:
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
stylin said:
My Gosh....I was just looking for a little advice.

What I think most of you mistook was, yes it happened 10 years ago, I just found out this morning.......Gosh...

Yes I have discussed it with him, of course....his memory fails him, to save an arguement. I told him how I felt that I feel betrayed and hurt, not angry and that he sould have come to me.

You guys are something...
Click to expand...

I'm confused as to why you seem upset you received several different takes on what you posted... I thought the purpose of your thread was to get feeback based on opinions....:confused:
 
G

GRN96WS6

Member
You asked for opinions and you got them....some were harsh but hey you asked and you should know some people just lack tact.

Onto your questions, I personally think you are being a little over dramatic about this. I don't feel that your hubby should be discussing your relationship with his ex that is a huge no no, however he can and should talk to his ex about their child's issues. You need to live learn and accept that good bad or otherwise.

If he is having issues with you then he should be talking to YOU about them because frankly that is the ONLY way they will get resolved. And you need to do the same, posting on here to get advice while good isn't the cure all and if anyone got divorced over what some people on an internet forum said I'd kind of have to laugh. Sit your hubby down tell him your frustrations and work it out, it sounds like you two have a good relationship just are going through trials and tribulations lately which happens in ANY relationship.
 
crabcake

crabcake

But wait, there's more...
stylin said:
I know I should talk to him about it but whats the sense, what is done is done.
Click to expand...

WOOT WOOT WOOT ... Alert ... radar indicates a communication problem.

Divorcing over something he did 10 years ago may not be called for, but that doesn't mean that -- once you're over your initial feelings of anger/betrayal/et al -- that you don't sit him down and let him know that you found out about it, that you realize he hasn't done it again since, but that you feel x,y,z about it, and just want to make clear that going forward, you'd prefer he first discuss issues directly with you vs. someone else, at least giving you a chance to explain your position/actions before running to someone else about them. Now granted, sometimes, people need to vent to their guy/girl-friends about small issues, but even those small ones can build up into larger ones if you don't address the problem with the person pissing you off from the get-go.

If you keep brushing "what's done is done" under the carpet without talking about it, they'll build up and having you wanting to debut your life on Divorce Court every time the crap hits the fan. Stop ignoring problems and deal with/discuss them. :yay:
 
crabcake

crabcake

But wait, there's more...
onebdzee said:
It is all in how the kids are treated while going threw the whole divorce process
Click to expand...

:yeahthat: And how much like adults the two people divorcing can act throughout the process. Typically, the kids who end up going postal and blaming it on their parents divorcing are the ones who have parents who continued the arguing/fighting/hatred/grudge-holding looooooong after the ink was dry on the papers.

DQ is a socially well-adjusted, happy, healthy child with two loving homes with both her parents. Yes, I think her dad is a ####head on occasion, but I don't let her hear me say/talk about that. We all (me, fiance, ex and ex's wife) get along well, and DQ adores my fiance and vice versa ... everyone is living a happy life.

What's better -- having a child happy and seeing his/her parents happy and in healthy relationships, or having him/her see the parents still married, fighting and at each other's throats for "the kids' sake", and seeing that as an example of what marriage is supposed to be and harboring that guilt later in life when they realized they stayed that way all for the kid? :shrug:
 
T

Tigerlily

Luvin Life !!!
stylin said:
thanks, between you and Vria, it was an easy decision. My husband is a wonderful man and I am sure we can work this out. I just thought that maybe someone on these boards, who really can't judge a stranger would give some good advice....I see I was wrong. Sometimes it is hard to speak to friends without them lashing out and being unbiased, I see that goes for strangers on this board...(funny too, I know some of you and you don't even realize it - don't judge me especially with some of yalls situations). thanks again.
Click to expand...

My two cents here. Your husband had a blatently disrespectful little boy who grew to be a disrespectful young man. Imagine that? No offense here but as a parent myself anything that goes on between the ages of 4- close to 25 is all self serving BS as far as kids go. Your husband kept you out of the loop beacause the issue was about YOU. He didn't want to make it worse so he bounced the situation off of bebe mama. Just be glad he's grown and gone and keep one thing in mind. You may have clothed him, fed him and wiped his brow when he was ill but when it comes down to it there may have been years between dad & the mom's break up but that child who is I myself would not fret over crap of ten years ago. Don't scrape the crust off the cowpie because in this case it has surely dried up. I hope it all works out for you though.
 
SouthernMdRocks

SouthernMdRocks

R.I.P. Bobo, We miss you!
stylin said:
He considered it serious enough 10 years ago to tell her not to tell me he called her because I would leave. He has never after that even contacted her. I raised their son, did the best I could for what I had to work with. She moved out of state leaving him with us at 8 years old and spoiled to the hilt. Expected everything and my husband felt sorry for him so no punishments. This would take too long.
Click to expand...

You've already survived the hardest part and remained married. Boy is gone and your daughter is the most important issue, just you and he now to discuss her:howdy:. Get over it, not worth being pissed off now. I have a major blended family, it's not easy but hey,,, our two now at home are ours...enjoy the somewhat peace!!!
 
Pete

Pete

Repete
AndyMarquisLIVE said:
You never know.

I've had excruciating luck with dating anyways :lol:, no way any relationship I'm in will ever go to "Will you marry me?" :roflmao:
Click to expand...

I believe you. I figure most of your relationships will go "That will be $35 baby .....up front."
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top