Would you divorce because of this?

vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
stylin said:
I don't know. I guess because I feel betrayed?
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I can understand that - I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes. BUT, as you said, what's done is done. If it was a one-time thing, I think you should chalk it up to temporary insanity and let it go.

Again, what can he do to make right an error from 10 years ago that hasn't been repeated?
 
J

JLS

Member
vraiblonde said:
I disagree with that. If there was a problem, all three adults should have sat down and discussed it. Stylin should have the opportunity to present her side and suggest solutions to the problem, not just have her husband and his ex ganging up on her.

However, Stylin, you need to talk to your husband and get the whole story, not just believe things you "hear". Communication works two ways.
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I agree with you!:high5:
 
foodcritic

foodcritic

New Member
I think you should really think about your daughter. Do you really want to ruin her with a divorce? I don't care what people think, divorce damages children. I think you and your husband should sit down and discuss this. You need to let him know how you feel and then let it go. Communication is the key to any relationship. If that doesn't work maybe you need some professional counseling. I think there is a counseling center in LP that is either free or very little money. Please work things out for your daughters sake. FYI I have been married almost 14 years and have four children.
 
forever jewel

forever jewel

Green Eyed Lady
mominsmc said:
I think you should really think about your daughter. Do you really want to ruin her with a divorce? I don't care what people think, divorce damages children...... FYI I have been married almost 14 years and have four children.
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So, you've never been divorced? How is your statement credible?
 
slotted

slotted

New Member
stylin said:
EXACTLY! He should have discussed it with me. Whatever....should not have spread my business. Thought that maybe some of you older ones that have been married would understand. Would take too much time to write the entire situation....nevermind.
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I think he should leave you because you are airing your dirty laundry to strangers without going to him first.

Get to packing.
 
S

stylin

New Member
Thanks for the karma

You are a dumb #####. Go and get a hamster and learn how to be social and not a mentaly unstable whining little kid.
 
foodcritic

foodcritic

New Member
forever jewel said:
So, you've never been divorced? How is your statement credible?
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Have you ever read any of the studies they have done on children and divorce? I don't have to have been divorced to know that it harms children. Look at society, talk to people who's parents got divorce. I bet you a majority will say it has had a negative impact on their lives.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
mominsmc said:
Have you ever read any of the studies they have done on children and divorce? I don't have to have been divorced to know that it harms children. Look at society, talk to people who's parents got divorce. I bet you a majority will say it has had a negative impact on their lives.
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Divorce can actually be beneficial to children in cases of abuse or substance dependency.
 
godsbutterfly

godsbutterfly

Free to Fly
I have 3 children (grown) from my first marriage and am now married to a man who has custody of his 2 children. He talks to his ex-wife about their children and so do I. Vrai's suggestion was an excellent one - we have actually sat down in a restaurant and talked about a problem that needed to be resolved. I realize you couldn't do that because the woman was in another state. The main thing now is to talk to your husband. The son is gone so that issue is over. There are other issues involved as you have said - this was the "icing on the cake". Now you have to decide if you are better off with or without him. Good luck - just make sure you don't decide in haste and repent at leisure.
 
S

stylin

New Member
godsbutterfly said:
I have 3 children (grown) from my first marriage and am now married to a man who has custody of his 2 children. He talks to his ex-wife about their children and so do I. Vrai's suggestion was an excellent one - we have actually sat down in a restaurant and talked about a problem that needed to be resolved. I realize you couldn't do that because the woman was in another state. The main thing now is to talk to your husband. The son is gone so that issue is over. There are other issues involved as you have said - this was the "icing on the cake". Now you have to decide if you are better off with or without him. Good luck - just make sure you don't decide in haste and repent at leisure.
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thanks, between you and Vria, it was an easy decision. My husband is a wonderful man and I am sure we can work this out. I just thought that maybe someone on these boards, who really can't judge a stranger would give some good advice....I see I was wrong. Sometimes it is hard to speak to friends without them lashing out and being unbiased, I see that goes for strangers on this board...(funny too, I know some of you and you don't even realize it - don't judge me especially with some of yalls situations). thanks again.
 
AiryT

AiryT

New Member
stylin said:
I don't know. I guess because I feel betrayed? I just found out about it. I know I should talk to him about it but whats the sense, what is done is done. Yes there have been problems lately, like I said in my first post...icing on the cake I guess.

I do not have an attitude about it. People are misreading my posts...I am very upset not angry...if that makes sense
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I can understand being a little upset, but as you say what's done is done. You should talk to him about it, it's probably unfair not to let him in on what's bothering you and besides, unless you talk about it you can't resolve it and remember there is always two sides to every story. I must say too me, it sounds like there are other problems and it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone who could help. JMO
 
theArtistFormerlyKnownAs

theArtistFormerlyKnownAs

Well-Known Member
vraiblonde said:
Atta girl :yay:
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:yeahthat:

I'm a little late on this one but it just sounds like he made one little "mistake" (which I wouldn't consider a real mistake...but in your mind it was so thats what we're going by) and he realized later on he should talk to you about stuff and that is why you are together today. :yay:

Contrary to popular belief: People change. Lets take an example. Cheating. Would I ever expect a SO to forgive for/respect me after cheating? Hell no. That would be a major eff up on my part. Would I expect some lack of trust from a new SO if I cheated on someone in my past? Sure. But I would also expect them to get over it and move on after I prove myself to be trustworthy. The saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" most definitely doesn't apply to all cases. The same goes for your situation. He did something much less detrimental than cheating and he realized later it probably crossed your threshold of trust and thus he never did it again...even ten years into a relationship he is feeling out some things that were never encountered and how you feel about his actions. He was in the wrong, changed, and moved on. I hope you can too :yay:
 
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