Your daughter's wedding or your retirement?

[frequentflier]

DGates80 & I were living in southern CA with both of our family's in NY and Texas. We went to Vegas and got married. Before going, I ordered address labels from Current with a picture of a little boy kissing a little girl dressed up in adult wedding clothes and our married name. I had written a letter to all our families and friends stating that we eloped and mailed them from Vegas. Later in the year, my sister hosted an informal wedding party at her home for us when we went to NY.
We had to go to the town hall in Vegas and fill out paperwork. When asked how many times we had been married before, we both put 0, how many kids 0again. We were both in our 40's. We joked they probably don't see those answers very often! Or they think we are big liars!
10 years this May

 

[drivingdaisy]

I was thinking that $20,000 was "normal" for a wedding these days. Just looked it up online one website said the average wedding was $26,542 but the majority of people spend between $20,000 to $30,000... there were slightly different numbers on other websites, but it was similar numbers. (I'm sure there are lots of varying statistics on this.)

My parents told me how much they could contribute, my in laws told us how much they could contribute, and then my mom and I figured out a budget from there. Then we broke it down into areas (like clothes, transportation, flowers, etc) and figured out how much we could spend in each area and then searched for our needs based on costs.

Its all doable if you just figure out how much you can spend.... without wrecking your retirement.

 

[Vince]

I was thinking that $20,000 was "normal" for a wedding these days. Just looked it up online one website said the average wedding was $26,542 but the majority of people spend between $20,000 to $30,000... there were slightly different numbers on other websites, but it was similar numbers. (I'm sure there are lots of varying statistics on this.)

My parents told me how much they could contribute, my in laws told us how much they could contribute, and then my mom and I figured out a budget from there. Then we broke it down into areas (like clothes, transportation, flowers, etc) and figured out how much we could spend in each area and then searched for our needs based on costs.

Its all doable if you just figure out how much you can spend.... without wrecking your retirement.

$20K on a wedding is insane.

 

[kwillia]

My daughter has been encouraged to elope and tell us about it after the fact. She has no problem with this.

When it came time for us to plan our wedding, my father offered us cash if we just wanted to elope... we were saving up for our first house so I was ... my fiance grabbed my hand, looked me square in the eyes and said, "Yes, we can take the cash and it would help us with a down payment for a house. But a wedding gives us a once in a lifetime opportunity to have all of our friends and family stop what they are doing and acknowledge the love that we have for each other... we'll have those memories forever."

We had the big wedding. NO regrets.

 

[kwillia]

$20K on a wedding is insane.

See... that is is EXACTLY why I questioned what you thought a normal middle-class wedding cost nowadays... I knew you had no clue when I say how nonchalant you were about it possibly affecting someone's retirement...

 

[Vince]

See... that is is EXACTLY why I questioned what you thought a normal middle-class wedding cost nowadays... I knew you had no clue when I say how nonchalant you were about it possibly affecting someone's retirement...

If parents are dumb enough to pay out 20K for a wedding and that 20K is seriously going to effect their retirement, then they deserve what they get. If you are rich, you can pay out 20 or 30K for a wedding. I don't know that many middle income families that can afford that much. Orrrr, maybe I'm lower income and don't know it. You really think a normal middle class wedding should cost between 20 and 30K??

 

[kwillia]

If parents are dumb enough to pay out 20K for a wedding and that 20K is seriously going to effect their retirement, then they deserve what they get. If you are rich, you can pay out 20 or 30K for a wedding. I don't know that many middle income families that can afford that much. Orrrr, maybe I'm lower income and don't know it. You really think a normal middle class wedding should cost between 20 and 30K??

No I don't think it should and no I do not think parents should be expected to hit what should have been their retirement fund in order to pay for an elaborate wedding. But I do know families that have spent that much and I do know parents that have went in to serious debt just to appease a child's wishes for an elaborate wedding... thus the reason for this topic of discussion.

 

[Vince]

No I don't think it should and no I do not think parents should be expected to hit what should have been their retirement fund in order to pay for an elaborate wedding. But I do know families that have spent that much and I do know parents that have went in to serious debt just to appease a child's wishes for an elaborate wedding... thus the reason for this topic of discussion.

Those parents should either re-evaluate their priorities in life or have their head examined by a competent psychiatrist.

 

[Merlin99]

I was thinking that $20,000 was "normal" for a wedding these days. Just looked it up online one website said the average wedding was $26,542 but the majority of people spend between $20,000 to $30,000... there were slightly different numbers on other websites, but it was similar numbers. (I'm sure there are lots of varying statistics on this.)

My parents told me how much they could contribute, my in laws told us how much they could contribute, and then my mom and I figured out a budget from there. Then we broke it down into areas (like clothes, transportation, flowers, etc) and figured out how much we could spend in each area and then searched for our needs based on costs.

Its all doable if you just figure out how much you can spend.... without wrecking your retirement.

This are is relatively affluent area, in a lot of the US this is six months or more in salary.

 

[drivingdaisy]

This are is relatively affluent area, in a lot of the US this is six months or more in salary.

I just looked online, not based on any geographic area. I heard something similar on one of those wedding shows on TV.

$20,000 is almost my salary for the year. So I'm not saying its realistic for everyone, but a lot of my friends have gotten married in the last year (most in the Maryland, Delaware, Pennsylvania area) so I know what some of them have been spending. And actually most of them were well over $20,000.

 

[RoseRed]

Those parents should either re-evaluate their priorities in life or have their head examined by a competent psychiatrist.

Wants vs. needs.

As I tell the chicklet, see how it is to want when you don't really need it?

Her --->

 

[BushwoodGirl]

$20K on a wedding is insane.

If you have daughters, and they want to have a traditional wedding, you may want to be prepared...

It can easily add up to $20k and that doesn't include bridal shower, engagement party, rehearsal dinner, attire for parents & other family members, wedding party gifts, rings, etc..

We recently hosted a wedding that ended up being around $20k ... granted we went for the nicer facility, full dinner, open bar, etc. but with only about 150 guests.

Breakdown of costs..

Reception Facility Rental $2500
Dinner & Hors d'oeuvres $6000
Open Bar (Top Shelf) $3700

Photographer $1750

DJ $800

Flowers
Church,Bridal Party $1075
Reception $680

Transportation
Ceremony/After Reception $950

Church Ceremony $520

Reception Decorations $500

Favors $250

Wedding Cake $225

Bridal Attire $1500
(Includes Gown,
Alterations, Veil, Shoes, Hair,
Makeup, Nails, etc.)

Invitations $400
(includes stamps)

 

[Vince]

If you have daughters, and they want to have a traditional wedding, you may want to be prepared...

It can easily add up to $20k and that doesn't include bridal shower, engagement party, rehearsal dinner, attire for parents & other family members, wedding party gifts, rings, etc..

I have a daughter and gave her away at her wedding 4 years ago. She got married to her husband right after they both graduated college and both working. I paid out over 42K in college tuition, not to mention living expenses. Told her I would put $5K towards her wedding. What she did with it was up to her. When you come to the end of the money, you do what you can. And this was all after a very messy divorce in which the ex took every penny and left me with both kids to finish raising. If my daughter would have come up with a 20K wedding after all that, I would have asked her where she was going to get the money. but....since I raised her, she had common sense and good spending habits. With all that said, we rented a 3 story place near Cape Hatterus and had a great wedding even with her mother there.

 

[BushwoodGirl]

I have a daughter and gave her away at her wedding 4 years ago. She got married to her husband right after they both graduated college and both working. I paid out over 42K in college tuition, not to mention living expenses. Told her I would put $5K towards her wedding. What she did with it was up to her. When you come to the end of the money, you do what you can. And this was all after a very messy divorce in which the ex took every penny and left me with both kids to finish raising. If my daughter would have come up with a 20K wedding after all that, I would have asked her where she was going to get the money. but....since I raised her, she had common sense and good spending habits. With all that said, we rented a 3 story place near Cape Hatterus and had a great wedding even with her mother there.

We offered our daughter and son-in-law a $$ amount to elope.. but they opted for the traditional wedding.. My daughter paid for half her college tuition herself, so we had some set aside for the wedding (and the groom's family pitched in) , but I was definitely shocked when I started looking at costs... We had the running joke, that as soon as you said the word "wedding" costs doubled...

 

[thurley42]

My co-worker is getting ready to have girl #2. Each time he found out it was a girl he started a fund for their weddings...

 

[Vince]

We offered our daughter and son-in-law a $$ amount to elope.. but they opted for the traditional wedding.. My daughter paid for half her college tuition herself, so we had some set aside for the wedding (and the groom's family pitched in) , but I was definitely shocked when I started looking at costs... We had the running joke, that as soon as you said the word "wedding" costs doubled...

Glad I only have one daughter.

 

[BushwoodGirl]

Glad I only have one daughter.

me, too!!

 

[RareBreed]

Glad I only have one daughter.

me, too!!

I'm glad we have two sons!

 

[MrZ06]

Curious... what is your estimate of what a "normal type middle class wedding" cost today?

18,752 dollars

 

[seeamovie]

My parents paid for my wedding, and my husband's parents paid for our rehersal dinner. I don't have a daughter, but if I did I think that is what we would be expected to do.