Unfaithful partner, what to do

[Bay_Kat]

I got caught up. I'm stepping out of this one.

 

[mamatutu]

Don't drink too much of that. You would be up far later than what you are expecting.

 

[mamatutu]

I got caught up. I'm stepping out of this one.

Good for you, Kat! Good out. Nice save. This forum is always a learning experience.

 

[Bann]

I got caught up. I'm stepping out of this one.

Atta girl!

 

[BadGirl]

Relationships are complex, and it is easy to say you'd do one thing or another.

But when you evaluate all of the other factors and variables into the equation -in the final analysis- the best thing might NOT be to "kick him/her to the curb". That is too easy.

The hard part is trying to make it work despite the setback and heartache.

But that's just my opinion.

 

[Bann]

Relationships are complex, and it is easy to say you'd do one thing or another.

But when you evaluate all of the other factors and variables into the equation -in the final analysis- the best thing might NOT be to "kick him/her to the curb". That is too easy.

The hard part is trying to make it work despite the setback and heartache.

But that's just my opinion.

I get that. I think, for me, it makes a difference because I am at a stage in my life where I would rather not be in a relationship with a person if they think they need to stray or just acted on a whim & couldn't control themselves. I'll be 55 in a few weeks and ain't nobody got time for that! So, honestly, I don't think I would want to work at forgiving and/or forgetting.

 

[BadGirl]

I get that. I think, for me, it makes a difference because I am at a stage in my life where I would rather not be in a relationship with a person if they think they need to stray or just acted on a whim & couldn't control themselves. I'll be 55 in a few weeks and ain't nobody got time for that! So, honestly, I don't think I would want to work at forgiving and/or forgetting.

And I totally get and respect that opinion.

But someone who is 55 might also reflect on having spent the last 30 years with their spouse, the children and grandchildren they may have, the circle of friends they share, and whatever else a married couple might have, and not want to give that up.

I don't think it is necessarily fair for anybody to say that the partner is weak for not walking away from an adulterous marriage. :shrug:

 

[Bann]

And I totally get and respect that opinion.

But someone who is 55 might also reflect on having spent the last 30 years with their spouse, the children and grandchildren they may have, the circle of friends they share, and whatever else a married couple might have, and not want to give that up.

I don't think it is necessarily fair for anybody to say that the partner is weak for not walking away from an adulterous marriage. :shrug:

Oh, I completely agree - even though it's a very different situation than mine. What is right for one person, may certainly not be right for another.

 

[mamatutu]

Oh, I completely agree - even though it's a very different situation than mine. What is right for one person, may certainly not be right for another.

Well, there you go! I have been waiting for you to make that statement! Oh, happy day!

 

[MMDad]

Well, I'm sure this will float like a lead balloon but I'm going to be super serious and honest.

If by unfaithful you mean a sexual affair, then that's not viewed as a transgression in our marriage. If the urge strikes, it doesn't have to be hidden, lied about, or guilt ridden.

If by unfaithful you mean him knowingly committing an act that we have previously, clearly deemed blatantly disrespectful or a breech of trust, I'd have to leave.

I can understand that. Dishonesty is the big thing to me. I consider the "cheating" part to be lying and hiding it.

 

[Merlin99]

Hey guess what, my ex cheated on me and I didn't kick him to the curb, I threw him to the curb, after that I met the most wonderful man in the world. The reason I believe that everything happens for a reason. And if you didn't get it, I was trying to be nice by saying not to wish your life away, but as usual you show your true colors and come out like the patronizing bitch you are.

Nope, you are not pulling that card again, Kat. I was nice, too. Where did the bitch thing come from? And, really whom is being patronizing? I too believe everything happens for a reason, and repeat that almost every day. It must be interpretation and all which causes you/I a failure to communicate. It seems we both had the same experience with ex's and new hubs. Please let me know how I should word my responses as not to offend you. Thanks!

Bitches be crazy

 

[Vince]

Look, I told you right from the start that Tommy Lee Jones was my freebie.

I thought it was Davey Jones?

Anyway, in answer to the original question. Throw her to the curb.

 

[GregV814]

Crazy Glue on the genetials..."I swear its only a one time indescretion!!!!"

 

[vraiblonde]

If by unfaithful you mean a sexual affair, then that's not viewed as a transgression in our marriage. If the urge strikes, it doesn't have to be hidden, lied about, or guilt ridden.

If by unfaithful you mean him knowingly committing an act that we have previously, clearly deemed blatantly disrespectful or a breech of trust, I'd have to leave.

I agree with you. But even if it had been previously agreed upon that there would be no field trips, how the transgression went down and was confessed would have a lot to do with my response.

 

[vraiblonde]

I got caught up.

Happens to the best of us.

 

[MMM_donuts]

I can understand that. Dishonesty is the big thing to me. I consider the "cheating" part to be lying and hiding it.

That's what it is about for me, basically. IMO, the threat of automatically being the bad guy for cheating isn't solely a good reason to keep someone faithful.

Like others, I think context is really important.

If I told you that Billy left Tammie and the two kids for some girl down the street, Billy is the bad guy.

If I told you that Tammie only has sex with her husband every 18 months or so, begrudgingly and lazily, and otherwise sits around getting fat, spending his money, watching Real Housewives, and yelling at him and their kids day in and day out, then you might be surprised it took Billy so long to leave the nest for someone that appreciates him.

But sometimes people deserve to be judged for not even trying to practice some self control and consideration for their partner. And sometimes people are just jerks and everyone else but the spouse sees the cheating coming a mile away.

In certain circumstances, unfaithfulness can be resolved and in others it cannot.

 

[libertytyranny]

I think it is very easy to say "curb" if you've never been there. It is surprising the way you will react to things when they actually happen. I used to think I was a high riding bitch who would immediately set a man's clothing on fire the minute I found out about cheating. However, in real life I found that I was a lot more rational than I ever thought i'd be. ..able to look at all of the peices of the puzzle. It isn't so black and white in reality as it is in theory.

 

[vraiblonde]

In certain circumstances, unfaithfulness can be resolved and in others it cannot.

Yep. Both parties, including the wayward spouse, have to want to repair the marriage. Not just get past the cheating, but address the reason why it happened and fix that. Usually that's the deal breaker in these situations.

 

[warneckutz]

it would be nice to get a real job again!

Wouldn't it! McD's is always hiring! They even have a night shift, go get 'em!

 

[MMDad]

I think it is very easy to say "curb" if you've never been there. It is surprising the way you will react to things when they actually happen. I used to think I was a high riding bitch who would immediately set a man's clothing on fire the minute I found out about cheating. However, in real life I found that I was a lot more rational than I ever thought i'd be. ..able to look at all of the peices of the puzzle. It isn't so black and white in reality as it is in theory.

Especially when kids are involved.