Was it at least an upgrade? Who want to live with the memories, but love conquers all. Every once in a while you will be thinking I am sleeping with the enemy.
Unfaithful partner, what to do
- Thread starter Monello
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Was it at least an upgrade? Who want to live with the memories, but love conquers all. Every once in a while you will be thinking I am sleeping with the enemy.
Send 'em to the curb...bloodied.
Are you related to Lorrain Bobbit?
HeavyChevy75
Podunk FL
depends on relationship status. Just starting to know each other and dating. Um no. Gone.
Serious relationship. Some trust rebuilding would need to be done and the wait and see. So many cheaters try to push the blame onto the person that was cheated on because they don't want to take responsibility for their own actions. Playing the blame game isn't right and doesn't accomplish anything. I know women/men that have cheated on their spouses or SO's and try to push the blame off on the other party. They can't take responsibility for their part of this.
Serious relationship. Some trust rebuilding would need to be done and the wait and see. So many cheaters try to push the blame onto the person that was cheated on because they don't want to take responsibility for their own actions. Playing the blame game isn't right and doesn't accomplish anything. I know women/men that have cheated on their spouses or SO's and try to push the blame off on the other party. They can't take responsibility for their part of this.
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
:like: You can make someone feel emotions, but you cannot make them do physical things.
What if she had a gun to his head?
mamatutu
mama to two
Happens to the best of us.
Really, vrai? I always think of you as fair and balanced. And, you think you know somebody?
:
mamatutu
mama to two
Larry Gude
Strung Out
"Strained" means something(s) is under pressure before the cheating. I cheated and it didn't just happen. There is nothing I can, or will say, to try and make it sound OK. It's not OK and it was an awful and dreadful harm I chose to inflict on her. However, the strains on our relationship made it inevitable, to which I bear enormous responsibility, because the strains were not being relieved or addressed and that wasn't all my fault.
To the question, cheating isn't the issue, in my view. It is a symptom. The illness is all the underlying strains. As such, focusing on the symptoms and not the 'disease' misses the point. Sneezing and coughing and runny nose, headache, so to speak, are the cheating and all bad enough but, they are expressions of the underlying illness. Is it just a cold? Flu? Poisoning?
I suppose there are people who cheat in otherwise healthy relationships and I know some guys who it's simply understood that, on occasion, they're gonna do what they're gonna do and the wife just accepts it, especially if she doesn't have to see it or hear about it. But, in those marriages, it's more a deal and that is not for everyone.
, just 
MarieB
New Member
Agree with this ^
Everyone owns their own behavior, and if a man or woman cheats on their spouse THEY own that, not the spouse. If you have such low character that someone can "make" you be unfaithful...yeah, you might want to address that in your next counseling session.
Radiant1
Soul Probe
Don't kid yourself. It was not "inevitable", Larry.
^^This.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
If the strains continue, something gives, sooner or later. That can be wanting out. That can be acceptance of the way things are. It can be drugs, alcohol, or whatever people do to cope with the strain or finding strength in the vows themselves. Hell if I know.
There are a number of vows one takes, several fidelities in addition to forsaking all others; love, honor, cherish, in sickness and in health, etc. If two people can't find peace and peace of mind with one another, sure, they can stick it out forever and 'honor' their vows if that's how they see it, just gut it out and take pride in never quitting. But, as there becomes less and less common ground over time, more and more doubt, there is less to support the relationship and, sooner or later, it's likely someone is gonna fall off.
I applaud any couple who can hang in there no matter what, who always find reasons to keep it together.
Oh what the hell, since it's already out here...
If you wanted out you should have told me that to my face, ended the marriage, THEN ran off with some woman. Order of operations. And there probably wouldn't have been near the fallout.
On a more impersonal note and in general, that is how infidelity destroys marriages: the betrayal and disrespect. That your husband falls down and accidentally impales himself on some cocktail waitress is almost beside the point; it's when he sneaks around and lies to you, plays you for a fool, and puts you in a position where someone else can smirk and gossip that is the true infidelity. I think most women (cannot speak for men) would forgive a genuinely good husband, father, and all around man who had a brain fart and went off the reservation if the incident were handled with respect and genuine remorse; it's the bastards who lie and sneak around, then try to blame her for their bad behavior that get kicked to the curb.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
There still is a hell of a lot more going on in relationships than cheating. It didn't go from 'happy, happy, joy, joy' to, "I think I'll end this for the heck of it..."
Ultimately, the stain is on me. Not you. The loss is both of ours and our families but, it was long before I cheated.
Retrodeb54
Surely you jest ...
MMDad
Lem Putt
This is the exact opposite of your response to me when I said that having kids complicates the question of whether or not to end the marriage. If she's a good mother, is it wrong to consider that in the equation?
^This right here^
You don't want me? You're no longer happy with me? That's cool. TELL ME and END the marriage before you go finding a replacement.
Oh, but what if you don't/can't find a replacement after you kick me to the curb? Your tough luck.
This almost sounds like you could forgive him if he'd have went to a pro, the idea that you could be embarrassed by his actions makes it intolerable?