12-Year-Old Boy Charged in Deaths of Mother, Brother

[Larry Gude]

This is turning into a rather interesting social...

I assumed that he is underpriviledged as his mother was working two jobs and he was often unattended to. And, that he lived in a bad neighborhood. Which, if you haven't noticed, is the uproar over the term ghetto and ghetto garbage. So, I am assuming that he hasn't been ROLLING in adequate attention, either emotionally or physically (place/time) or he wouldn't be accused for the brutal murder of his mother and brother...

...debate.

That issue knows no class. Middle and upper class kids suffer from the exact same thing but for different reasons.

We have this giant illusion that, somehow, money makes a tinkers damn bit of difference. How is a kid in a household that pulls in $100k a year ANY better off than a kid in a household that pulls in $20,000 when both kids are abusing themselves through drugs, alcohol, sex, self mutilation, self loathing and an intense desire to belong to SOMETHING, ANYTHING, as long as it can bring some meaning to their life?

So the richer kids folks can afford a better lawyer, that's one, and catch a break the first time because at least they're not 'ghetto garbage', that's two.

Doesn't change much for the kid. If anything, the ability to disguise or sweep away the immediate problems makes the long term ones worse.

A kid at the bottom has two choices; go up or stay where you are. A kid in the middle has three; go up, stay where you are...or go down.

I struggle with this as I tend to shelter our kids more than is good for them. When they run up against some kid for a job who has been fighting and struggling and working to be better than the next person, all their life, my kid is going to be at a disadvantage.

Sure it's hard to be poor and want to give things to your kid, for them to have it better, but it is a very straightforward proposition; work for it or forget it. Suburbia CHOOSES to be away from their kids simply to have more stuff.

Middle class suburbia fights this dysfunctional battle of having to choose to MAKE it tougher on their kids for their own good. They, we, tend to be scared to let our kids flounder around and learn to fight.

In a way, being poor is simpler, you KNOW what you're up against every day.
Many people can't deal with that.

In a way suburbia is simpler; take advantage of the advantages you have.
Many people can't deal with that.

In either case, learning to make good decisions and sticking to it puts you in charge of your own life.

 

[virgovictoria]

...debate.

That issue knows no class.

I agree that emotional growth and behavioral issues, support and then perhaps, parental absenteeism knows no class. And that, the band-aid is often as strong as the wallet... Meaning, it is all just a band-aid...

It is often said that unhealed issues flourish in the next generation... you weren't given enough, so you overcompensate - yet you tend to neglect or smother... Instead of just letting a child deal with healthy child issues (which are what? btw?), you pass on your issues...

And, who wants to look in their own mirror for fault? That would be ridiculous! That would mean a society that would take responsibility for their own actions and those of their family... And, by God, actually have some morality and cleanliness under carpets...

But, alas, it doesn't seem to work that way, does it? Refer to your own schematics for possible scenarios.

And finally, there are going to be those, like this child, I'm afraid, that may not fit inside the box of "normal" or "normally capable to deal with life". He may just not have the brain chemistry to determine morally right from wrong. At age 12, he may have brutally murdered the woman who gave birth to him. What will he do in a few years? With a state psychiatrist's help? Who probably just does it as a side job to fund his daughter's college tuition.

Would you give him a chance to stay at your house if they deemed him "rehabilitated"? That's an AWFUL big band-aid....

 

[vraiblonde]

Good posts, Larry and Vic

Dysfunction not only knows no economic class, but it knows no racial category. Most serial killers are white, from middle-class families.

As far as this kid goes, I think he's broken and rehabilitation isn't possible. Shooting someone in a fit of anger or emotion is one thing - beating two people to death with a bar is something else entirely. That's a LOT of friggin' anger.

It would have been nice if this boy had had help before it got this far. But he didn't. And his dead mother is to blame for that because, in the end, there are no excuses - WE are responsible for our children.

 

[LexiGirl75]

Sinwagon you rock!!!

Have you read any of Connie Briscoe's books?

I have read Sisters and Lovers, PG County and Can't get enough. The last two are about the community you lived in called Lake Arbor with the second being a sequel. Very interesting read.

I totally feel your post and thanks for not faking the funk.


Also, to add to Vrai's post:

And his father too and anyone else who could have stepped in but chose not to. CPS listens to school officials, doctor's etc. More people should have taken any signs more seriously.

 

[sinwagon]

Sinwagon you rock!!!

Have you read any of Connie Briscoe's books?

I have read Sisters and Lovers, PG County and Can't get enough. The last two are about the community you lived in called Lake Arbor with the second being a sequel. Very interesting read.

I totally feel your post and thanks for not faking the funk.


Also, to add to Vrai's post:

And his father too and anyone else who could have stepped in but chose not to. CPS listens to school officials, doctor's etc. More people should have taken any signs more seriously.

I rock and sometimes hip hop

I have not read or even heard of those books, I will have to check it out! Just an FYI, my mom is currently selling her townhouse, not because she doesn't love it there because she absolutely does, but because my grandma died and if she sold my grandma's place she would have to pay alot in capital gains. So if you know anyone interested in that area!

 

[Pandora]

And his father too and anyone else who could have stepped in but chose not to. CPS listens to school officials, doctor's etc. More people should have taken any signs more seriously.

Would of, could of, should of.... It is so easy to be a Monday morning quarterback, but you might not have been too quick to think your own son is or was capable of such a horrid act. I bet you’d resent the fact anyone even suggested that to you? Another thing is you see your child everyday, so the behavior may not seem out of the norm to you as it would somebody else.

Like vrai said, and this was something that crossed my mind last night, this kid didn’t pull a gun out and shoot his mother and brother, he viciously beat them and stabbed them. The act of beating and stabbing takes much more force and aggression than just taking a gun out and shooting them. Because of the gruesome nature of the acts, I don’t think he can or could be trusted out in society ever again.

 

[sinwagon]

Somtimes no, the signs are not crystal clear. I will be interested to see if there were other issues such as expulsions from school, prior arrests etc. We have to investigate things more when it comes to our kids.

My kid is 17 almost 18. He graduates this year, wants to attend parties. Our rule, fine....but....you are still in the door by 12:00, you still do not drink and drive, you are not ALLOWED to drink at all but if you do DONT DRIVE, and....I must know who is throwing the party and the exact address. Occasionally I drive by to see how things are going and he knows if I do not feel things are on the up and up, I will bust up in there. I do not search my kids room but....if I am in there cleaning and I run across something, I will read it, smell it, look at it and ask you about it. That is MY house, you are simply just using it for a while. Oh yeah and anything the pants pockets (love notes etc) are fair game! My little bonus for washing your clothes!

I believe at times I am a softy. But, I also demonstrate tough love when it is necessary. Got that from my mama! I did not know my father until I was 14. At about that age, I started getting into trouble and my mom found that I had smoked some pot and dropped some acid...the next day, my butt was slapped in the Psychiatric institute of Washington DC for 2 months in their substance abuse unit. They found out due to this absent father, I had other issues and went through therapy etc.

My mom, went to my father at that point and said "When you made the decision not to be a part of her life, I hoped I would never have to ask you for anything but my daughter is hurting and she needs something that I can't give her and unfortunately only you can" Thats when I met my dad.

I was in that rehab for 2 months, then went to long term in norfolk for 8. The counseling helped me to mend the relationship w/ my mom and begin one with my dad although that is non existant now.

You have to be willing to go THAT far when it comes to saving your child. When something like this happens, or anything for that matter, a REAL mother almost ALWAYS blames themselves! When my son would get bad grades ofcourse I would ground him etc. and then in the back of my mind I would be thinking about how I could have helped him more. We always blame ourselves, there just comes a point where we have to stop blaming and start acting.

 

[LexiGirl75]

Would of, could of, should of.... It is so easy to be a Monday morning quarterback, but you might not have been too quick to think your own son is or was capable of such a horrid act. I bet you’d resent the fact anyone even suggested that to you? Another thing is you see your child everyday, so the behavior may not seem out of the norm to you as it would somebody else.

Like vrai said, and this was something that crossed my mind last night, this kid didn’t pull a gun out and shoot his mother and brother, he viciously beat them and stabbed them. The act of beating and stabbing takes much more force and aggression than just taking a gun out and shooting them. Because of the gruesome nature of the acts, I don’t think he can or could be trusted out in society ever again.

I don't really know which part you of your post is specifically in question of my post. I never said that anyone should have reported it to the mom's attention. I said that doctor's and school officials are trained to recognize signs.

Most doctor's ask you how your child is doing in school. Now, if the mom lied or hid anything then... As for the father, I just think that if the mom had brought the boy to her attention that he should have been shipped off immediately. Transferred this close to the end of school.

A lot of times you don't want to hear the truth but she obviously realized he had issues hence shipping him off to dad's. The only problem was opting to fix this by way of family treatment vs. medical treatment. A lot of parent's don't believe that their children would do something like that but a lot of them don't even let it get this far or a child to grow this old without being put on medicine.

I have seen little 2y/o that are really mean as far as hitting, saying no and just being totally uncooperative. Maybe it's terrible two's or maybe it's the early stages of childhood depression. Babies in the womb get depressed so it's not an age thing. But, it's the end of the day and the bottom line is no one cared enough about the child to do something.

And, in addition at the the arraingment (spellcheck) no family members showed up for the boy. How sad is that? Forgetting the big picture of what he did for a minute, the reality is that kid looks like he is alone for the rest of his life here on out.

 

[LexiGirl75]

Somtimes no, the signs are not crystal clear. I will be interested to see if there were other issues such as expulsions from school, prior arrests etc. We have to investigate things more when it comes to our kids.

My kid is 17 almost 18. He graduates this year, wants to attend parties. Our rule, fine....but....you are still in the door by 12:00, you still do not drink and drive, you are not ALLOWED to drink at all but if you do DONT DRIVE, and....I must know who is throwing the party and the exact address. Occasionally I drive by to see how things are going and he knows if I do not feel things are on the up and up, I will bust up in there. I do not search my kids room but....if I am in there cleaning and I run across something, I will read it, smell it, look at it and ask you about it. That is MY house, you are simply just using it for a while. Oh yeah and anything the pants pockets (love notes etc) are fair game! My little bonus for washing your clothes!

I believe at times I am a softy. But, I also demonstrate tough love when it is necessary. Got that from my mama! I did not know my father until I was 14. At about that age, I started getting into trouble and my mom found that I had smoked some pot and dropped some acid...the next day, my butt was slapped in the Psychiatric institute of Washington DC for 2 months in their substance abuse unit. They found out due to this absent father, I had other issues and went through therapy etc.

My mom, went to my father at that point and said "When you made the decision not to be a part of her life, I hoped I would never have to ask you for anything but my daughter is hurting and she needs something that I can't give her and unfortunately only you can" Thats when I met my dad.

I was in that rehab for 2 months, then went to long term in norfolk for 8. The counseling helped me to mend the relationship w/ my mom and begin one with my dad although that is non existant now.

You have to be willing to go THAT far when it comes to saving your child. When something like this happens, or anything for that matter, a REAL mother almost ALWAYS blames themselves! When my son would get bad grades ofcourse I would ground him etc. and then in the back of my mind I would be thinking about how I could have helped him more. We always blame ourselves, there just comes a point where we have to stop blaming and start acting.

Again, well said.

You know I remember when my cousin kirked out in a fit of rage.when she was about 14yrs old. We sent her to Riverside (a mental hospital for teens) in uptown DC near Sidwell Friends (Chelsea Clinton's old HS). We thought it was going to be good for her. She ended up resenting everyone so badly that she wouldn't talk to anyone and didn't talk to us during a visit.

Just sat there ignoring us on purpose to try and hurt us back. All she would periodically say was get me out of here. Partially because of pride and more so because she knew what was going on in her mind even if we didn't and it wasn't THAT serious to be instituted. I ended up talking her dad and mom into releasing her. She only stayed there a week. She is grown now with a family of her own and never showed any signs of mental issues.

She was really too herself as a little kid when the rest of us were hot azzes but later confided to me that she felt she didn't really have anyone to love. Now that she is grown she is more outgoing and a cool person. I am glad it worked out the way it did for her. But, I just think some parents take stuff more serious when it comes to children and like my uncle and aunt I would rather be safe than sorry.