"5 Reasons Why Marriage Doesn't Work Anymore"

[BOP]

So you've met my ex?

I thought he was talking about Obama.

 

[kom526]

I guess the LW and myself are the outliers. :shrug: We've been together for almost 24 years, married for 19 in June. I still enjoy talking to her, (even after getting our tax bill) spending time with her and raising our kids. It takes effort, or as Tox put it sacrifice for it to work.

 

[DoWhat]

I guess the LW and myself are the outliers. :shrug: We've been together for almost 24 years, married for 19 in June. I still enjoy talking to her, (even after getting our tax bill) spending time with her and raising our kids. It takes effort, or as Tox put it sacrifice for it to work.

 

[Larry Gude]

This thread starts with a premise, that marriage used to 'work' yet doesn't define what that means other than not getting divorced. It's always interesting to me when something is thrown out there as self evident, common device used to try and force acceptance of a given position without debate or discussion. I think the Latin is 'prima facie', at first impression. However, prima facie also means 'until proven otherwise'.

Well. Is staying married the thing to do? Is it the right thing in most cases? If so, based on what? This whole thread is dedicated to the premise that it is the last couple generations that are the problem, that they, we, I, have ruined a good thing. Should be pretty easy to prove, yes? So, let us explore.

This morning I read a piece about '5 things they didn't tell you about retirement' and one of the BIG ones is how awful it is for women to have him around all the time. Divorce rates among retirees, presumably the better generations, are soaring. That was what made me finally decide to straighten this thread out; marriage never 'worked' as defined by simply staying together in most cases. In some, sure. Happy, loving, all of that. In MANY others, people stuck it out because of society and simply accepted the misery that we are sanctifying as sacrifice and putting others before them. Well, that's a load of #### and anyone my age or older, 27, knows damn well how awful it quite often was for women before the women's movement; financially stuck, forced to accept cheating husbands, the Betty Fords who made due via drugs and alcohol. I'm not accepting this romanticism any more. For women, and men, but especially the woman, quite often, it sucked AND there are plenty of stories of how happy kids were for parents who finally broke that bond and went on to enjoy life. It's simple; all too often, kids say two miserable people sticking it out for the sake of the kids when in fact, it was NOT good for the kids either; "Here, daughter, stay with this miserable bastard no matter what'. "here, son, remain faithful and loyal to this woman who can't wait until you keel over so she can be done with you'.

Now, that is by NO means ALL or even most but it was a LARGE percentage and anyone my age or older, 26, who can stop with the 'good old days' for a few moments, knows it.
I know PLENTY of old timers who were miserable. I know some who are happy and always were. And I know a LOT in between. A lawyer friend has the quintessential story about this; he is a good bit older than me, 51, so, he was talking about a couple yet older than him, 'the good old day'. Goes like this; after 50 years of marriage they hated one another so much they wanted to divorce and they wanted it mean. They liquidated all sorts of assets to fight one another and made him, and another lawyer, LOTS of money. Finally, after a two year bloodbath, divorced, in their 70's, they...re married. Now, you can call that true love or you can call that simply being conditioned to the misery and, like 'ol what's his face in the Shawshank Redemption, not knowing what to do out of prison.

Furthermore, and add your own anecdotes as you see fit, how many older marriages do you see that you consider happy? If your paradigm is 'sticking it out = happy' then, OK, fine. That is your view and you are entitled to it. For me, I know as many miserable ones as happy or even marginally happy. I know several where she can't stand him and can barely tolerate him. I know some where he is content because he gets fed. I know some that exhibit happiness.

From there, it holds steady; I know ALL sorts in and around my age; truly beaming happy. Tolerate one another, despise one another. Younger ones, I know several couples that are so one the same page it's simply heart warming. Will it hold? I don't know but their commitment to one, sacrifice for, another is obvious. Kids, too. In short, it was always all kinds, it is all kinds and it will be all kinds and it is a load of crap to act like a bunch of old geezers talking about how perfect the world was 50-100 years ago. It never was. Never will be. And human nature doesn't change all that much.

So, my argument stands; marriage only worked then and now and forever for TWO people for whom sticking it out is the reward, overcoming and I have ALL due respect to couples who make it work, standing ovation. I get accused of having rose colored glasses quite often, of being an optimist and it's true. However, that is not the case when it comes to marriage. That is one area, if only one, I am a realist and I certainly claim no moral high ground having been married and divorced three times. I do, however, claim experience and being a student of and observer of the institution.

It is not true as a blanket statement that sticking it out is THE best for people and society.
It is not true that leaving at the first sign of struggle is best either.
it is not true that avoiding it all together is best nor is it true that being divorced three times is best.

Like most human endeavors, the truth lies in between the extremes and, big happy finish, the REAL truth is YOURS and your dearly beloved in each and every special case.

 

[MMDad]

I know PLENTY of old timers who were miserable.

Archie Bunker was entertaining because everyone could relate, either through their own marriage or someone they knew.

 

[vraiblonde]

Archie Bunker was entertaining because everyone could relate, either through their own marriage or someone they knew.

Not a good example - Archie was devastated when Edith died.

 

[SG_Player1974]

This thread starts with a premise...

This whole post just drips with irony...

 

[GURPS]

Marriage Doesn’t Work If You’re A Narcissist



I’m not usually in the business of offering responses to blog posts written by other people, but, especially after my piece on divorce yesterday, an overwhelming number of readers have demanded that I comment on this.

It’s an article titled “5 Reasons Why Marriage Doesn’t Work Anymore,” authored by a 29-year-old columnist. Naturally, because it has “5 reasons why” and “marriage” in the title, it’s been shared approximately eight gajillion times on Facebook. You’ve probably read it by now even if you didn’t mean to.

It’s all pretty absurd, considering the writer — a sex and relationship advice-giver by trade, apparently — was married for three years and then divorced. This is marriage advice from someone who gave up after 36 months, which is kind of like pilot training from someone who flew one plane, crashed it 12 minutes after takeoff, then gave up and became a plumber instead.

 

[lucky_bee]

Marriage Doesn’t Work If You’re A Narcissist



I’m not usually in the business of offering responses to blog posts written by other people, but, especially after my piece on divorce yesterday, an overwhelming number of readers have demanded that I comment on this.

It’s an article titled “5 Reasons Why Marriage Doesn’t Work Anymore,” authored by a 29-year-old columnist. Naturally, because it has “5 reasons why” and “marriage” in the title, it’s been shared approximately eight gajillion times on Facebook. You’ve probably read it by now even if you didn’t mean to.

It’s all pretty absurd, considering the writer — a sex and relationship advice-giver by trade, apparently — was married for three years and then divorced. This is marriage advice from someone who gave up after 36 months, which is kind of like pilot training from someone who flew one plane, crashed it 12 minutes after takeoff, then gave up and became a plumber instead.

so what you're saying is don't take relationship advice from you and Larry, since y'all been divorced before... aka "GAVE UP" gotcha

 

[PeoplesElbow]

Back when my other half worked at a pottery barn with some teenage boys she told them its a good thing she is older because if she was a teenager she would have to be a lesbian because you girly emo boys now dont do a thing for me. She said one of them almost cried.

 

[kom526]

Back when my other half worked at a pottery barn with some teenage boys she told them its a good thing she is older because if she was a teenager she would have to be a lesbian because you girly emo boys now dont do a thing for me. She said one of them almost cried.

 

[SG_Player1974]

so what you're saying is don't take relationship advice from you and Larry, since y'all been divorced before... aka "GAVE UP" gotcha

Please see my previous post...

 

[Beta]

The ONE reason marriage won't work any more


The last several generations have bred an entire society filled with narcissistic, self-aggrandizing, sanctimonious sons of bitches who are only obsessed with fulfilling the desires of their baser instincts. They are completely bereft of any inclination or capacity to do anything but travel the path of least resistance, and is incapable - and quite possibly unaware of the concept - of sacrifice. And they are absolutely convinced of their own superiority regardless of a total lack of any evidence to support that perception - and therefore they totally lack the desire to change, and the descent of this species into debauchery and chaos will continue.

Isn't that what people said about beatniks and hippies? Things have changed but the general way youth acts as you indicate doesn't seem to have shifted too much over the past 50+ years.

I guarantee you EVERY older generation said that about the one following it since time began. Doing my annual Civil War revisits, virtually those exact words were said by the 50-60 year olds about the 25-35 year olds over 150 years ago.

That's because all of you old codgers forget that you were just as ####ed up as the generation you're belittling. The only difference is you had your own way of being a moron that you think is acceptable, while the way the younger generation is doing it is wrong. I'm sure everyone would criticize the generation before them too. Hell, I look at the 60's and think that #### is more messed up than anything going on today. Everyone has an opinion.

BTW, I think the article was written by a nerdy whiny guy that's pissy because his hot wife dumped him because he was too into his phone to bother trying to put the moves on her. Some of the basic points might make sense but I see a bunch of older people play on facebook plenty. And tons of older people get divorced too, it's not like this is a new phenomena. Yet those people grew up pre-smartphone. Sooo...the arguments are pretty much moot.

 

[Pete]

I you guys are missing the point. You can't compare your marriages (you as in you old guys ) to this generation. Tox nailed it. While the writer most definitely sounds a little pansy-ish, his point is that this generation cannot even comprehend basic human contact and conversation, how the hell will we handle a marriage? Actually the fact that he's a little whiny only drives the point a little further home. My generation IS a bunch of pansy-ass cry babies.

Don't tell me you know "social media dating" bc of yahoo messenger. no. You're not from this generation. You learned how to socialize before cell phones and social media and THEN were introduced after you'd already grasped the concept of how to start a conversation with a pretty girl at the bar. (well, we're still working on Larry ...and GURPS...GURPS is GURPS, yaaknow.)

Try dating a bunch of selfish bratty man-babies or little ####-head divas who grew up with an iPhone in their hands since their PRE-TEENS....before they mastered basic teen to adult human socializing. Of course marriage is "tough" we all technically know that. But this generation is a bunch of self-absorbed, need results right now, snap their fingers in your face, give me give me. If we get married by tomorrow, then we start having issues bc of lack of communication, the solution is to divorce and move on by next Tuesday. No one wants to actually put in that work that's required to keep any relationships afloat bc we're already bored. On to the next.

Ooh he's cute. swipe right.

Try older guys.

 

[Toxick]

Isn't that what people said about beatniks and hippies?

I may be an old curmudgeony fart, but beatniks and hippies are before my time. I have no idea what people said about them.







I'm not sure I entirely even know what a beatnik is. I thought they were just some sort of hipster douche-wads.

 

[GWguy]

Try older guys.

2nd that.

 

[lucky_bee]

Try older guys.

like I didn't think of that lol


They're all fresh out of divorces with a couple kids and don't want anything serious
And if they haven't been married yet, and they're over 35...there's usually a good reason

 

[JeJeTe]

like I didn't think of that lol


They're all fresh out of divorces with a couple kids and don't want anything serious
And if they haven't been married yet, and they're over 35...there's usually a good reason

Bingo. I did the older thing. Didn't work out. I did the 35 and never married thing and that didnt' work out either.

 

[Larry Gude]

Try older guys.

And there is sit, right there, on the T, just sitting...waiting for someone to take a swing at it...

 

[Larry Gude]

That's because all of you old codgers forget that you were just as ####ed up as the generation you're belittling. The only difference is you had your own way of being a moron that you think is acceptable, while the way the younger generation is doing it is wrong. .

I am an old codger. I didn't forget. It was my point.