Any resources for what to do with an aging parent?

[PJay]

Well here we go again, mom has been with me for over two years now but has gotten worse. She has poor short term memory and today asked me where we were.

She is about to the point that I can't take care of her but doesn't want to hear what I have to say when I tell her that.

Maybe, maybe not. Just remember seeing commerical.

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[vraiblonde]

She is about to the point that I can't take care of her but doesn't want to hear what I have to say when I tell her that.

Well, she IS the mom and you're the kid. This role-reversal most likely pisses her off as much as the dementia. I know it would me. I'd rather be dead than have one of my kids as my caretaker.

So try to see things from her perspective, and check out in-home care. Good luck!

 

[PeoplesElbow]

Perhaps you can get some in home care until you can make a decision.

Thank you for your kind words. I'll be doing this first.

I don't think she had long, but when I brought her here two years ago I didn't think she would be around for more than a few months. She has a really nice nest egg but it isn't unlimited.

 

[PeoplesElbow]

I'm going to call Taylor farm tomorrow for a tour also.

 

[PeoplesElbow]

The thing I worry about in home care is she won't recognize a care giver and freak out over someone she don't know.

 

[Sneakers]

We (my brothers and I) saw this coming, knew there was no way we could take care of the parents at home. So while they were still able to think clearly, we made arrangements for an Assisted Living facility. Mom is gone, but dad is still there. It's not ideal, he bitches about being alone a lot, but he's being well taken care of.

I know this doesn't help you a lot. I think Rose is right... seek at-home care, maybe even live-in. Moving her now to another home might be a mistake.

 

[Grumpy]

Be careful going through the 'home care' people. We did that with wife's mother and it was horrible. They were basically observers, did as little as possible, and were very expensive. We ended up hiring someone that actually cared and paid them under the table at about a third of the rate that these 'home care' companies charge.

 

[RoseRed]

Thank you for your kind words. I'll be doing this first.

I don't think she had long, but when I brought her here two years ago I didn't think she would be around for more than a few months. She has a really nice nest egg but it isn't unlimited.

You're welcome.

Perhaps @SandieGarry can shed some light.

 

[RoseRed]

Be careful going through the 'home care' people. We did that with wife's mother and it was horrible. They were basically observers, did as little as possible, and were very expensive. We ended up hiring someone that actually cared and paid them under the table at about a third of the rate that these 'home care' companies charge.

You had V for a short time, right? She's an angel.

 

[Sneakers]

Be careful going through the 'home care' people. We did that with wife's mother and it was horrible. They were basically observers, did as little as possible, and were very expensive. We ended up hiring someone that actually cared and paid them under the table at about a third of the rate that these 'home care' companies charge.

Agree. We hired BrightStar to provide nothing but transport service for my mom a couple times a week for dialysis. They frequently missed appointments, and had one girl steal mom's checkbook and write checks. Found and prosecuted her, but the stress wasn't needed at all.

 

[PeoplesElbow]

Well, she IS the mom and you're the kid. This role-reversal most likely pisses her off as much as the dementia. I know it would me. I'd rather be dead than have one of my kids as my caretaker.

So try to see things from her perspective, and check out in-home care. Good luck!

Plan ahead, my mom was active and living a good life independently until suddenly she wasn't.

 

[Grumpy]

...and had one girl steal mom's checkbook and write checks. Found and prosecuted her, but the stress wasn't needed at all.

Should have mentioned that, happens with home care and in hospital. Wife's grandmother's gold necklace and wedding ring mysteriously disappeared in Calvert Hospital during one of her stays. Freaking hospital and police acted like they couldn't care less.

 

[UglyBear]

I’m not there yet with my folks, but Mrs and I are starting to have those conversations and making plans.

Financially, what’s the breakdown, in your experience, between a decent visiting in-home care and a live-in facility?
Of course that assumes that one has space to house an elderly parent.

 

[Grumpy]

I’m not there yet with my folks, but Mrs and I are starting to have those conversations and making plans.

Financially, what’s the breakdown, in your experience, between a decent visiting in-home care and a live-in facility?
Of course that assumes that one has space to house an elderly parent.

If I remember correctly, my mother spent her last couple years in a live-in facility around 2000 and it was $4200 (edited this was out of pocket, medicaid picked up the rest which I don't know) a month. Visiting home care, I think was about 200 a day for 8 hours in 2016

 

[PeoplesElbow]

I’m not there yet with my folks, but Mrs and I are starting to have those conversations and making plans.

Financially, what’s the breakdown, in your experience, between a decent visiting in-home care and a live-in facility?
Of course that assumes that one has space to house an elderly parent.

An actual nursing home is $15-$20k a month most are paid for by Medicaid after the resident has exhausted all of their funds. Use to be you would put grandma in a home she would give the family all her belongings and then Medicaid would pay, but now they go back 5 years into your financial history to make sure its not being scammed.

Assisted living actually gives better care IMHO and ranges from $4500-$7500/ month and Medicaid does not pay for assisted living.

Home care in WV is about $25/hr Im sure here its MUCH higher because nursing homes and assisted living are.

And people think college is expensive.

 

[vraiblonde]

Plan ahead, my mom was active and living a good life independently until suddenly she wasn't.

View attachment 161917

I gave this post the smilie not because of the suddenness of her incapacity, but because she looks so cute and happy in that pic.

 

[Sneakers]

Dad is paying $5K per month for a 2 bedroom/2 bath apartment with 24 hour on-call staff in Assisted Living. He's at the bottom (lowest cost) rung because he is still very independent, only needs help to shower and dress. As his needs increase, so will his costs. If he eventually requires it, he can be transferred to either a memory care unit or a nursing unit. But if their needs are too much, this place will ask you to find other arrangements. Each step up is an increase in costs.

 

[Sneakers]

Assisted living actually gives better care IMHO and ranges from $4500-$7500/ month and Medicaid does not pay for assisted living.

Correct, they do not, but there are some alternatives.

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[PeoplesElbow]

I gave this post the smilie not because of the suddenness of her incapacity, but because she looks so cute and happy in that pic.

I know, but thanks for clarifying. That was 5 weeks before she had a stroke, she had been after me to take her somewhere for a few days and I had kept putting it off because I was busy, it didnt appeal to me etc. I ended up having a great time, I'm so glad I got the chance to do that for her.

By the way that is outside of an artesian candle and bigfoot store.

 

[PJay]

The thing I worry about in home care is she won't recognize a care giver and freak out over someone she don't know.

You won't know till you try. I've taken care of a few elderly people because they are my favorite kind of people. Might take a few tries but the one you and your mom are comfortable with will be found. Like with anything..it takes time.