The Times wasn’t done burnishing Biden’s bunions. It ran a front-page story this morning headlined, “
In Farewell Address, Biden Warns of an ‘Oligarchy’ Taking Shape in America.” In a 17-minute farewell that only felt like an hour and a half, Joe used his whispery, slow voice to interminably say goodbye. You know the one, the voice with less emotional range than a talking doll, each sentence repetitively sighed out with the exact same rhythm and cadence, the emphasis always landing on the final syllable. Maybe talking that way hypnotizes Democrats or something.
CLIP: Jesse Watters’ summary of Biden’s extended farewell (1:13).
It might not have been the longest presidential farewell in American history, but
it felt like it. Joe’s speechwriters failed. It was so enervating that none of the headlines quoted a single sound bite, perhaps fearing the written version would stun readers into sleepy boredom. Most tellingly, out of all the half-dozen long-form, magazine-style articles the Times ran about Joe’s long goodbye (17-minutes!) and his wonderful “legacy” — not one included a clear picture from last night’s address. I had to grab the one above off Twitter.
Sometimes, we can learn more about what the corporate media thinks by what it
doesn’t report.
In typical Biden style, his speech was a pugilistic opportunity to settle some final scores. After spending four years calling Republicans “dangerous” (especially MAGA supporters), Biden directed his dangerous ire into dark warnings about Elon Musk, Mark Zuckerberg, Trump, and even Congressional Democrats, since Nancy Pelosi pushed him out and nobody stuck up for him.
“It literally threatens our very democracy,” Joe began, repeating his most-used line, misusing the word “literally” again, and obscuring which problem “it” referred to.
All of “it,” I suppose. Or, Joe was full of “it.” Your choice.
Since Elon Musk helped the Republicans win the most recent election, Joe has —too late— discovered the awful threat of “oligarchs” —
meaning billionaires— influencing politics. Oh, it was perfectly fine when George Soros and Mark Zuckerberg did it to help Democrats undermine our representative form of government. But now, Joe practically feels like
fainting at the thought any billionaire could courageously align with conservatives — despite the risk of Democrat retaliation. But I digress.
At bottom, it was embarassingly obvious that Joe was just mad at Elon, so his handlers wrote a song about it. That’s all it amounted to. Not one reportable soundbite. (Media loved the word “oligarch” though, so expect a lot more of that over the next four years. And Joe should know about oligarchs; some of his best business deals involved them.)
In what his speechwriters probably expected to be Biden’s most clever moment, the Old Man recalled Eisenhower’s warning about the military-industrial complex —a prophetic warning we completely ignored— and offered his very own version: the looming danger of the rising ‘tech-industrial complex.’ Hearing that piqued our interest; maybe Biden would talk about the dangers of AI, self-directed weapons, gene editing, and photo fakery—truly threatening technologies that nobody seems able to get an arm around.
But no, whatever promise was offered by all that history and the dramatic rhetorical setup immediately fizzled. It turned out all Biden meant by “tech-industrial complex” was the
lack of government control over ‘free speech.’ He’s just mad that Zuckerberg threw him under the bus this week, so he was getting in a few licks.
Finally, the speech’s physical characteristics amounted to a kind of gloomy metaphor for Biden’s presidency. Joe started in the basement without anyone but family, no rallies, events, or press conferences, only the continuous flicker of his ever-fading Zoom presence and the discordant dripping of his endless teleprompter gaffes. And now, in a very similar manner, his failed presidency has ended, again alone, again in a room with no one but family, no supporters, no fans, no allies, no ceremony —
just Joe, reading his script, winding it down.
So that’s about it! There’s no need now to watch Joe’s Long Goodbye (
you’re welcome). How we have longed for this happy day! Seeing Joe go was almost worth watching the whole 17 minutes.
Almost.
MidEast peace deal offers hostage return but media complains; Biden's baffling long farewell settles political scores not much else; Florida's great Governor leads immigration from the front; more.
www.coffeeandcovid.com