Dating and Spoiled Children

[vraiblonde]

It it complete and utter nonsense to give a 13 year old child credit for this... he is totally to blame for how she acts.

Right. She only acts that way because he (and her mother) allows it. If they'd taught her how to behave when she was younger, this wouldn't be an issue now.

Typically parents overindulge their children when they don't really want to deal with them. It's easier to buy them stuff than actually spend time with them and train them for adulthood. And when they become teens and you see the monster you've created, it's too late and you're stuck with what you made.

 

[Dye Tied]

Right. She only acts that way because he (and her mother) allows it. If they'd taught her how to behave when she was younger, this wouldn't be an issue now.

Typically parents overindulge their children when they don't really want to deal with them. It's easier to buy them stuff than actually spend time with them and train them for adulthood. And when they become teens and you see the monster you've created, it's too late and you're stuck with what you made.

And you can understand the dynamics about why it is happening but it doesn't change the fact that the situation will not change, even if he says it will. It's gone on for too long. The girl knows how to manipulate the situation already.

 

[onebdzee]

And you can understand the dynamics about why it is happening but it doesn't change the fact that the situation will not change, even if he says it will. It's gone on for too long. The girl knows how to manipulate the situation already.

The kids are usually slightly "bratish" growing up, then the divorce happens and they manipulate both parents against each other to get more crap and away with more crap

 

[kwillia]

The kids are usually slightly "bratish" growing up, then the divorce happens and they manipulate both parents against each other to get more crap and away with more crap

... and the parents enable the behavior by making excuses for them and letting them act that way. Not all teens are "bratish". It doesn't have to be the norm.

 

[Suz]

Imagine this kid still acting this way in her 20's. It will continue. I have first hand experience.

RUN FASTER!

Not to mention that if this guy can't even get respect out of a 13 year old kid, he's not such a prize. Real guys make their kids behave.

Can't say it enough......... dump him or suffer the end result.............

 

[dn0121]

Are you dating dancedad?

 

[Bann]

He says he does this out of guilt, and that he doesn't want her to choose living with his ex over living with him. SO, he sets no boundaries.

Is it worth staying in this relationship or should I run as fast as I can?????

I third or fourth all the others by saying

RUN! FAST!

He's already told you what he's doing. Believe him. The daugher is 13, and anyone with a 13yo knows that they can be difficult, but this is different. Daddy dear is doing her no favors by refusing to PARENT her and set limits, draw boundaries, etc. She sounds like Linda Blair when she doesn't get what she wants.

I wouldn't even let the little beast in my house, if it were me.

Do not pass go & do not collect $200 - just run!

 

[tygrace]

If you two move in together or get married, your kids won't be allowed to act like his daughter, right? Do you want to put your children through all the turmoil, tension and unfairness that will come with him and his daughter?

I have a step-son who is 14, and I have 2 children of my own. There are 2 sets of rules in my house for the kids, because my husband won't discipline my step-son. My s/s is a good kid, and my husband is doing him an injustice.

Do yourself and your kids a favor, DO NOT move in or marry this guy. It's not only hard on your kids, it's hard on you. You'll end up resenting one or both of them.

 

[Bann]

It's just a shame that a hateful 13 year old has the power to ruin what otherwise is a good relationship.

I'm sorry, but this is the father's fault. She doesn't have any power he doesn't give her. He needs all the drama, otherwise, he'd have laid down the law & given her limits, etc.

He's the adult. She's the (13yo spoiled brat) monster he created.

 

[Bann]

Cut your loses NOW. Your kids are YOUR primary focus... not your love life. It is not fair to them to throw them into this mess. Run like hell.

It it complete and utter nonsense to give a 13 year old child credit for this... he is totally to blame for how she acts.

Exactly!!

 

[Bann]

Right. She only acts that way because he (and her mother) allows it. If they'd taught her how to behave when she was younger, this wouldn't be an issue now.

Typically parents overindulge their children when they don't really want to deal with them. It's easier to buy them stuff than actually spend time with them and train them for adulthood. And when they become teens and you see the monster you've created, it's too late and you're stuck with what you made.

 

[vraiblonde]

Are you dating dancedad?

....


Nah - too easy.

 

[Black-Francis]

....


Nah - too easy.

share.....

 

[Bann]

... and the parents enable the behavior by making excuses for them and letting them act that way. Not all teens are "bratish". It doesn't have to be the norm.

This is so true!

 

[Vince]

You need to run. Run as fast as you can.

It won't change. RUN!!!!!

I have nothing to add except

And

 

[withrespect]

I am sorry you are having to deal with this.

One thing I have learned is that the bond between a father and a daughter is stronger than the bond between the woman he is dating... by a mile.

I suggest you get out of it as soon as possible because soon you will end up resenting him for his daughter's lack of moral integrity, which, it sounds like you already have.

If you let the frustration fester, it will only get worse.... There is a fine line between love and hate and I think you are flirting with it.

I wish you luck with this situation.

 

[Beta84]

This guy sounds like an idiot. You can still spoil your child and keep them in line. She's probably giving stuff away to friends or selling it for her drug habit. She's going to continue being a nuisance. Think of it worst case. A kid this horrible could potentially slip into drugs, get knocked up, etc etc. She might just decide to stay there til at least her mid 20's and be a pain in your ass until then or even longer, when you both finally agree she needs to move out and then pay for her very expensive apartment (or maybe home!) that she insists daddy gives her.

More importantly, this will impact YOUR CHILDREN! You have 4 kids that it sounds like are far and beyond better than this little idiot. If she's oldest, you bet your ass they will look up to her. Either way, when they see how she is treated in the household, they will all feel neglected and rebel. If you care about your children and how they turn out, you will be a responsible parent and END THIS IMMEDIATELY! Who knows what kind of a long-term impact this is already having on them. Cut your losses before you let her ruin your kids.

 

[OoberBoober]

OR you could talk to your partner and agree she needs a good ass whoopin. My mom got remarried and inherited a teen step-son who was obnoxious, spoiled and going down a very bad road. And while he is still not a model citizen, he is off drugs, holding down a job, and married with a kid on the way. He still has problems but he would be in prison if it weren't for my Mom being a complete ##### to him.

 

[kvj21075]

while we are all on this step mom/daughter/son stuff. Most of you know my situation. 4d and i are getting married and he has 3 sons. They live in Washington State, so things are pretty easy for now. and thier mom (4ds exwife) and 4d and i all get along ok. but what are things i need to keep in mind, you know, problems i should prepare myself for. they are 16, 12, and 8, and all 3 for now seem to be pretty good kids and respectful.

 

[carie_47421]

If I EVER acted like to twords my father...I would have NO teeth, no lie...and Whoa! do we even have to go to my mom??? they would have killed us...