Dating and Spoiled Children

[whome20603]

while we are all on this step mom/daughter/son stuff. Most of you know my situation. 4d and i are getting married and he has 3 sons. They live in Washington State, so things are pretty easy for now. and thier mom (4ds exwife) and 4d and i all get along ok. but what are things i need to keep in mind, you know, problems i should prepare myself for. they are 16, 12, and 8, and all 3 for now seem to be pretty good kids and respectful.

Just make sure they don't fall in love with you

 

[kvj21075]

Just make sure they don't fall in love with you

errrrrr u mean fall MORE in love with me right?

 

[LusbyMom]

errrrrr u mean fall MORE in love with me right?

It's possible you could be a GRANDMA before you are even 25

 

[riverview]

I'm sorry, but this is the father's fault. She doesn't have any power he doesn't give her. He needs all the drama, otherwise, he'd have laid down the law & given her limits, etc.

He's the adult. She's the (13yo spoiled brat) monster he created.

I agree, I guess I didn't choose my words wisely. Right now, I blame both parents for her behavior. However, at some point, she should be accountable for her own actions.

Someone can be raised in a total hell hole and still come out a decent person. Unfortunately, I have visions of her living with us forever because he will supply her endlessly with everything that she needs instead of urging her to go out and become a self sufficient member of society. Car, house, money......

How come I finally find a nice man and this is what happens??? #$%*&#

 

[smdavis65]

while we are all on this step mom/daughter/son stuff. Most of you know my situation. 4d and i are getting married and he has 3 sons. They live in Washington State, so things are pretty easy for now. and thier mom (4ds exwife) and 4d and i all get along ok. but what are things i need to keep in mind, you know, problems i should prepare myself for. they are 16, 12, and 8, and all 3 for now seem to be pretty good kids and respectful.

If they're 4d's kids, expect them to start asking you to hook them up with your friends. The younger the better...

 

[SoMDGirl42]

How come I finally find a nice man and this is what happens??? #$%*&#

just make her life a living hell until she begs to go live with mommy. Problem solved

 

[mAlice]

How come I finally find a nice man and this is what happens??? #$%*&#

Don't confuse nice with pushover. If you married this guy, you could probably act just like his daughter, and he'd think it's perfectly normal.

 

[vraiblonde]

However, at some point, she should be accountable for her own actions.

She has been taught to act out to get what she wants, and to treat other people with disrespect. Should she be accountable for the way she was raised?

Sorry - your beau gets no pass from me. He and the girl's mother made that kid what she is.

 

[Dye Tied]

I agree, I guess I didn't choose my words wisely. Right now, I blame both parents for her behavior. However, at some point, she should be accountable for her own actions.

Someone can be raised in a total hell hole and still come out a decent person. Unfortunately, I have visions of her living with us forever because he will supply her endlessly with everything that she needs instead of urging her to go out and become a self sufficient member of society. Car, house, money......

How come I finally find a nice man and this is what happens??? #$%*&#

I aksed myself the same question. The fact that he doesn't have the balls to stand up to her points to other underlying factors that will ultimately affect your relationship in a bad way. She will always expect to be treated like #1, even after she is grown and it's time for you 2 to have an adult relationship alone.
Even though kids come first, you need to be treated like the most important person in his life and someone special. It ain't happening. Sad but true.

 

[vraiblonde]

Don't confuse nice with pushover. If you married this guy, you could probably act just like his daughter, and he'd think it's perfectly normal.

That's not the way it works. The guy needs an outlet for his frustrations and lack of authority regarding his child. Guess who will be 'it'?

OP probably sees the signs right now but she's ignoring it.

 

[kvj21075]

It's possible you could be a GRANDMA before you are even 25

i wish! the way his 16 yr old is it could be next year!

If they're 4d's kids, expect them to start asking you to hook them up with your friends. The younger the better...

 

[JULZ]

I am dating a man with a 13 year old daughter....

The problem isn't the daughter it is the father. I say bail or be a positive influence to affect change in his parenting skills. I certainly would not abide by his request not to challenge her or set up chores for her, she needs to learn to respect adults because they are the authority figure and she is ONLY 13.

Depends how much you want to invest in this relationship, but it's a tough road blending families with an unruly child that isn't yours.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

but what are things i need to keep in mind, you know, problems i should prepare myself for. they are 16, 12, and 8, and all 3 for now seem to be pretty good kids and respectful.

They don't live anywhere near you. Can't see a whole of issues or problems arising. You may have a difference of opinion on certain things.

 

[JULZ]

I guess what it comes down to is knowing that I should end it, beacuse I know that I can't make him change, nor do I want to go round and round with his daughter. He shows no signs of wanting to change her and says her behavior is 'normal teenage behavior' No matter what, she is blood, and blood is thicker than water. It's just a shame that a hateful 13 year old has the power to ruin what otherwise is a good relationship.

There is your answer right there.

 

[kvj21075]

They don't live anywhere near you. Can't see a whole of issues or problems arising. You may have a difference of opinion on certain things.

well, the way it is looking right now, we might move to washington next, we would still be 4-5 hours away, but there would be lots of weekend visits. i cant say this will happen since ive never been a step mom or a mom, but im hoping to leave all parental decisions to the parents unless it affects me.

 

[Cowgirl]

I say bail or be a positive influence to affect change in his parenting skills.

There's no way in hell I'd want that headache. I say bail! I'm lucky that hubby is a good dad, because if he wasn't I wouldn't be with him. I couldn't imagine having to live with PITA step-kids or a man who let his child rule the house.

 

[sockgirl77]

while we are all on this step mom/daughter/son stuff. Most of you know my situation. 4d and i are getting married and he has 3 sons. They live in Washington State, so things are pretty easy for now. and thier mom (4ds exwife) and 4d and i all get along ok. but what are things i need to keep in mind, you know, problems i should prepare myself for. they are 16, 12, and 8, and all 3 for now seem to be pretty good kids and respectful.

Do you make EVERY thread a kvj and 4d thread?

 

[Chasey_Lane]

but im hoping to leave all parental decisions to the parents unless it affects me.

You're marrying someone with kids - all of it will have an impact on you.

 

[nomoney]

You're marrying someone with kids - all of it will have an impact on you.

me thinks this is all stuff that shoulda been discussed and questioned before saying yes. I'm just sayin'.

 

[JULZ]

well, the way it is looking right now, we might move to washington next, we would still be 4-5 hours away, but there would be lots of weekend visits. i cant say this will happen since ive never been a step mom or a mom, but im hoping to leave all parental decisions to the parents unless it affects me.

Don't take on the best friend role. While you and Dad can be fun to visit with you both should also know that you have an example to set and need to act like adults when the kids are visiting you.