Dating and Spoiled Children

JULZ · Jul 21, 2009

Chasey_Lane said:
You're marrying someone with kids - all of it will have an impact on you.

kvj21075 · Jul 21, 2009

sockgirl77 said:
Do you make EVERY thread a kvj and 4d thread?

well like i said, since we were on the topic i wanted some advice.

for once im having a serious discussion and u complain

JULZ · Jul 21, 2009

nomoney said:
me thinks this is all stuff that shoulda been discussed and questioned before saying yes. I'm just sayin'.

Good point, they definately need to have a discussion on her involvement with the kids and what he and she both expect from each other.

kvj21075 · Jul 21, 2009

Chasey_Lane said:
You're marrying someone with kids - all of it will have an impact on you.

well, i understand that, but lets say his 16 yr old wants a tattoo, i dont expect to have a say in it. he is their kid, and it is their decision. stuff like that.

riverview · Jul 21, 2009

Yeah, I kind of feel that way.

My kids are almost grown and on their own. I was kind of looking forward to living as an empty nester, or at the least, charing my life with a partner, and now there is a big chance that this child will be with us for a very long time to come. I love my kids very much but am looking forward to them starting life on their own, as adults.

I think he kind of depends on her emotionally and would NOT be as eager to kick the baby from the nest.

THe more I am writing about this, the more I am coming to grips with what needs to happen. Thank you all for your input! It's nice to know that I wasn't being unreasonable in the way that I was feeling.

vraiblonde · Jul 21, 2009

kvj21075 said:
well, the way it is looking right now, we might move to washington next, we would still be 4-5 hours away, but there would be lots of weekend visits. i cant say this will happen since ive never been a step mom or a mom, but im hoping to leave all parental decisions to the parents unless it affects me.

What are you, 21 or 22?

I wouldn't count on parenting a 16 year old. He'll see you as a peer, not an authority figure. Plus, no offense, but you don't have the maturity and life experience to be making decisions regarding kids that age.

So I think you're right to butt out and let them parent their children. You can be like a friend or something - big sister type.

kvj21075 · Jul 21, 2009

JULZ said:
Good point, they definately need to have a discussion on her involvement with the kids and what he and she both expect from each other.

are they def married, i dont remember reading if they were married or "together"

JULZ · Jul 21, 2009

kvj21075 said:
well, i understand that, but lets say his 16 yr old wants a tattoo, i dont expect to have a say in it. he is their kid, and it is their decision. stuff like that.

But what if Dad wants your advice or what if the 16 year old has the discussion in front of you and asks "Hey step-mom what do you think, can I?", are you just going to sit there and say nothing?

kvj21075 · Jul 21, 2009

riverview said:
Yeah, I kind of feel that way.

My kids are almost grown and on their own. I was kind of looking forward to living as an empty nester, or at the least, charing my life with a partner, and now there is a big chance that this child will be with us for a very long time to come. I love my kids very much but am looking forward to them starting life on their own, as adults.

I think he kind of depends on her emotionally and would NOT be as eager to kick the baby from the nest.

THe more I am writing about this, the more I am coming to grips with what needs to happen. Thank you all for your input! It's nice to know that I wasn't being unreasonable in the way that I was feeling.

hope things work out for you

withrespect · Jul 21, 2009

carie_47421 said:
If I EVER acted like to twords my father...I would have NO teeth, no lie...and Whoa! do we even have to go to my mom??? they would have killed us...

toward *** :huggy:

kwillia · Jul 21, 2009

kvj21075 said:
well, i understand that, but lets say his 16 yr old wants a tattoo, i dont expect to have a say in it. he is their kid, and it is their decision. stuff like that.

You'll have a lot more to deal with than something as frivolous as that... :eyebrow:

riverview · Jul 21, 2009

nomoney said:
me thinks this is all stuff that shoulda been discussed and questioned before saying yes. I'm just sayin'.

We're not married. This is something that woudl have been ironed out WAAAAYYY before I would every make that jump!

kvj21075 · Jul 21, 2009

vraiblonde said:
What are you, 21 or 22?

I wouldn't count on parenting a 16 year old. He'll see you as a peer, not an authority figure. Plus, no offense, but you don't have the maturity and life experience to be making decisions regarding kids that age.

So I think you're right to butt out and let them parent their children. You can be like a friend or something - big sister type.

right, thats why i wouldnt want to make decisions, i was more looking for other problems i might have. i know i might have to partake in some decisions (if they were to come live with us i would expect to have a say in the house we choose) just things like that. thanks :huggy:

kvj21075 · Jul 21, 2009

JULZ said:
But what if Dad wants your advice or what if the 16 year old has the discussion in front of you and asks "Hey step-mom what do you think, can I?", are you just going to sit there and say nothing?

my answer will be "thats up to your Mom and Dad"

nomoney · Jul 21, 2009

riverview said:
We're not married. This is something that woudl have been ironed out WAAAAYYY before I would every make that jump!

that comment was directed to kvj's questions. She shouldn't really be asking us. She should be talking to her soon to be hubby about what her role should be with his kids.

JULZ · Jul 21, 2009

kvj21075 said:
are they def married, i dont remember reading if they were married or "together"

Riverview - together; you - getting married (you and 4d need to have a discussion of expectations/involvement).

kvj21075 · Jul 21, 2009

kwillia said:
You'll have a lot more to deal with than something as frivolous as that...

it was just an example

kwillia · Jul 21, 2009

kvj21075 said:
right, thats why i wouldnt want to make decisions, i was more looking for other problems i might have. i know i might have to partake in some decisions (if they were to come live with us i would expect to have a say in the house we choose) just things like that. thanks

What kind of parenting style is 4D using at home now? :eyebrow:

kvj21075 · Jul 21, 2009

nomoney said:
that comment was directed to kvj's questions. She shouldn't really be asking us. She should be talking to her soon to be hubby about what her role should be with his kids.

we have talked about it, my question is really, what kind of problems might i run into. i wanted some advice from people who may have had thise experience :yay:

JULZ · Jul 21, 2009

vraiblonde said:
What are you, 21 or 22?

I wouldn't count on parenting a 16 year old. He'll see you as a peer, not an authority figure. Plus, no offense, but you don't have the maturity and life experience to be making decisions regarding kids that age.

So I think you're right to butt out and let them parent their children. You can be like a friend or something - big sister type.

KVJ, I didn't realize you were this young...

Dating and Spoiled Children

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