Don't want baby to reek of cigarette smoke

[CalvertNewbie]

I'm not trying to start a thread to bash smokers. To each his/her own unless they're going to be around our baby boy, who is due in a month. Hubby & I don't smoke. Anyone who visits us & needs to smoke, does so outside.

My mother, who I guess never plans to quit smoking again, will be staying with us for a couple of weeks when our son is born. As much as we love spending time with her & we're really looking forward to her being able to bond with her first grandbaby, I need some advice.

The smell of cigarette smoke makes me sick. Since I've been pregnant, it's been worse for me - it bothers my throat, eyes, stomach & makes me congested. Hubby hates the smell also. Whenever someone comes in from outside, they don't leave the smell out there. My Mom will obviously be holding the baby a lot & I don't want him reeking of smoke. I don't want to insult Mom. She already knows how I feel about her starting to smoke again back in August & she was supposedly going to quit after "getting through the holidays". My family had a horrible year last year & she needs this time to be happy. What can I do without being a biatch to my Mom, who I love & appreciate so much? Just spraying Febreeze & washing her hands everytime she comes inside won't work. I can't expect her to shower & change clothes 15 times a day, can I?

 

[vraiblonde]

If you are that sensitive to cigarette smoke, then you need to forbid your mother from ever coming near the baby while she is a smoker. Tell her she will not be able to hold the baby or have any contact with it whatsoever.

She will either comply with your demand, or she'll tell you to get a bubble and your child will be minus one grandparent.

 

[kwillia]

If you are that sensitive to cigarette smoke, then you need to forbid your mother from ever coming near the baby while she is a smoker. Tell her she will not be able to hold the baby or have any contact with it whatsoever.

She will either comply with your demand, or she'll tell you to get a bubble and your child will be minus one grandparent.

Yep, what Vrai said. Besides, if grammy would rather smoke than be able to spend time with her new grandbaby, than she can't be that much of a grammy now can she?

 

[vraiblonde]

Besides, if grammy would rather smoke than be able to spend time with her new grandbaby, than she can't be that much of a grammy now can she?

My Mom says that about my cats. She's allergic, so she thinks I shouldn't have a cat because it bothers her when she comes to visit once a year. Says that I should love her more than I love my cats. I told her that I wasn't going to alter my life permanently to appease her one week out of the year.

She just takes a shot of Benadryl now when she comes to visit.

 

[Larry Gude]

I told her that I wasn't going to alter my life permanently to appease her one week out of the year.

She just takes a shot of Benadryl now when she comes to visit.

Don't you hate it when a good, solid, perfectly workable plan backfires?

 

[kwillia]

My Mom says that about my cats. She's allergic, so she thinks I shouldn't have a cat because it bothers her when she comes to visit once a year. Says that I should love her more than I love my cats. I told her that I wasn't going to alter my life permanently to appease her one week out of the year.

She just takes a shot of Benadryl now when she comes to visit.

Yep, I agree with you that CalNew shouldn't have to alter her home environment to appease her mother.... Just as CalNew can't expect to be able to take her new babe to visit her mother since her mother's house is a house of a smokers.

 

[vraiblonde]

Yep, I agree with you that CalNew shouldn't have to alter her home environment to appease her mother.... Just as CalNew can't expect to be able to take her new babe to visit her mother since her mother's house is a house of a smokers.

I can see objecting to someone actively smoking around your baby - that's not unreasonable. But to not even want a smoker to touch your baby because of residue odor is overboard, IMO. At some point they'll take the baby out into the big world, where there will be smokers and farters and perfume wearers and all sorts of smells. Then what?

:shrug:

 

[CalvertNewbie]

My Mom says that about my cats. She's allergic, so she thinks I shouldn't have a cat because it bothers her when she comes to visit once a year. Says that I should love her more than I love my cats. I told her that I wasn't going to alter my life permanently to appease her one week out of the year.

She just takes a shot of Benadryl now when she comes to visit.

Wow, I can't imagine anyone expecting me to alter my own home to accomodate them. I think at that point, I'd recommend a hotel close by for them to stay at & plan day trips while they were in town. I'm glad she takes her Benadryl like a good houseguest!

I know you're right. I need to have a conversation with Mom. I just feel bad because she started smoking again right before my Dad passed away 5 months ago. I kind of felt like telling her I'd love to down a few bottles of wine but couldn't because I'm pregnant! But I know as hard as it was/is for me losing my Dad, it's even worse for her. So I guess I've tiptoed a little more than usual around her.

 

[Nanny Pam]

If you are that sensitive to cigarette smoke, then you need to forbid your mother from ever coming near the baby while she is a smoker. Tell her she will not be able to hold the baby or have any contact with it whatsoever.

She will either comply with your demand, or she'll tell you to get a bubble and your child will be minus one grandparent.

When my daughter told me to quit, or else......I quit. My grandbaby means more to me than a ciggy. :shrug:

It wasn't as harsh as all that. Ciggy smoke causes all kinds of bad things to happen to babies. We couldn't find out why my granddaughter was having so many ear infections. It was my smoking. So I quit.

 

[White Buddah]

I can see objecting to someone actively smoking around your baby - that's not unreasonable. But to not even want a smoker to touch your baby because of residue odor is overboard, IMO. At some point they'll take the baby out into the big world, where there will be smokers and farters and perfume wearers and all sorts of smells. Then what?

:shrug:

That's when the bubble will come in handy. Friends of my mom's had her not smoke after showering so she could see the baby. She did comply and washed her hands A LOT. After a few months, that ended. The other family had their kids around other smokers (and the baby's dad) so it was too big of a pain for them to share their kids. The kids are fine and doing well.
It's a tough call on what to do. Everybody's different. I know that would be a call I wouldn't want to make. However, I would say, tell your mom the way things are going to be for YOUR family. If she doesn't like it, she'll change or not see the baby.

 

[Nanny Pam]

Wow, I can't imagine anyone expecting me to alter my own home to accomodate them. I think at that point, I'd recommend a hotel close by for them to stay at & plan day trips while they were in town. I'm glad she takes her Benadryl like a good houseguest!

I know you're right. I need to have a conversation with Mom. I just feel bad because she started smoking again right before my Dad passed away 5 months ago. I kind of felt like telling her I'd love to down a few bottles of wine but couldn't because I'm pregnant! But I know as hard as it was/is for me losing my Dad, it's even worse for her. So I guess I've tiptoed a little more than usual around her.

"Someone she has loved has passed away, and now she has another someone to love.....just as soon as she quits smoking. " Just tell her that.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

I can see objecting to someone actively smoking around your baby - that's not unreasonable. But to not even want a smoker to touch your baby because of residue odor is overboard, IMO. At some point they'll take the baby out into the big world, where there will be smokers and farters and perfume wearers and all sorts of smells. Then what?

:shrug:

I knew I'd get this exact response from those who smoke and no, I don't plan to raise my son in a bubble. I know it sounds as though I'm one of those neurotic mothers-to-be. This wouldn't be as big of a deal to me if she lived close by and was coming over for the day. She's going to be here for 2 weeks straight, right after he's born. And Kwilla was right - when we go up to NY to visit my family, we'll probably stay with my Gram who only lives 10 minutes from my Mom.

 

[kwillia]

I can see objecting to someone actively smoking around your baby - that's not unreasonable. But to not even want a smoker to touch your baby because of residue odor is overboard, IMO. At some point they'll take the baby out into the big world, where there will be smokers and farters and perfume wearers and all sorts of smells. Then what?

:shrug:

I understand what you are saying completely and I personally have let smokers into my house, let them hold my babies and even let them sit on my furniture and sleep in my bed even though no one has ever lit up in my house. The point is that if CalNew doesn't want a smoker to hold her baby, then her baby must not need a smoking grammy in it's life. If Grammy is a smoker, she can't go two weeks without lighting up, and CalNew can never expect to go visit Grammy so there won't be much of a relationship for the grammy and grandkid.... well, there is webcam...

 

[JULZ]

I can see objecting to someone actively smoking around your baby - that's not unreasonable. But to not even want a smoker to touch your baby because of residue odor is overboard, IMO. At some point they'll take the baby out into the big world, where there will be smokers and farters and perfume wearers and all sorts of smells. Then what?

:shrug:

Of course, as told to me by Frick, "they" are now reporting not only does second-hand smoke affect people but so does "third-hand" smoke (the odor emitting from households, vehicles, clothing).

 

[vraiblonde]

I know you're right. I need to have a conversation with Mom. I just feel bad because she started smoking again right before my Dad passed away 5 months ago. I kind of felt like telling her I'd love to down a few bottles of wine but couldn't because I'm pregnant! But I know as hard as it was/is for me losing my Dad, it's even worse for her. So I guess I've tiptoed a little more than usual around her.

Are you asking her to not smoke in your house or around the baby (reasonable) or asking her to quit altogether because her residue smell bothers you (unreasonable)?

If you love your Mom and want her to have a relationship with your child, I'd think a bit of unpleasant smell would be worth putting up with. But that's just my opinion. Others will tell you that if your Mom wanted to have a relationship with your baby, she would quit smoking.

:shrug:

But good luck with it, whatever you decide to do.

 

[kwillia]

And BTW, CalNew... my 1st born developed an allergic reaction to ciggie smoke at the age of 11 months old. Being exposed to smokers never seemed to bother him for the first 11 months than WHAMMO! Hospital bound whenever anyone lite up in the same room with him.

 

[vraiblonde]

Of course, as told to me by Frick, "they" are now reporting not only does second-hand smoke affect people but so does "third-hand" smoke (the odor emitting from households, vehicles, clothing).

If that were true, we'd all be dead by now.

 

[whome20603]

I can see objecting to someone actively smoking around your baby - that's not unreasonable. But to not even want a smoker to touch your baby because of residue odor is overboard, IMO. At some point they'll take the baby out into the big world, where there will be smokers and farters and perfume wearers and all sorts of smells. Then what?

:shrug:

 

[vraiblonde]

And BTW, CalNew... my 1st born developed an allergic reaction to ciggie smoke at the age of 11 months old. Being exposed to smokers never seemed to bother him for the first 11 months than WHAMMO! Hospital bound whenever anyone lite up in the same room with him.

When you say "exposed to smokers" do you mean people who are actively smoking, or people who have residue odor on their clothing? Because, again, I don't think it's unreasonable to ask people to not smoke around your child.

 

[kwillia]

Of course, as told to me by Frick, "they" are now reporting not only does second-hand smoke affect people but so does "third-hand" smoke (the odor emitting from households, vehicles, clothing).

I believe it. It's probably the same as when my hubby walks into a room where a cat lives or has lived. It doesn't matter if the cat is there or not, the residue from the cat sets him off instantly.