I a male and I have three boys but still can't get a date????

[Sharon]

Originally posted by crabcake
If you blame them for your reasoning for not getting a date, then your shallowness in doing so is why you remain single. Period.

A few of us already said he isn't date material because of the 3 kids. I see it as more of blaming his situation than him blaming his kids.

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by Sharon
A few of us already said he isn't date material because of the 3 kids.

:shrug: But it worked for the Brady bunch.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Crab, pull the stick out. It was just a joke.

I don't have a stick up my butt; I have an opinion about someone who uses his parental status as rationale for not getting a date ... and I think it's ... :shrug:

 

[mainman]

Originally posted by justhangn
:shrug: But it worked for the Brady bunch.

but Mike was ghey... Not that theres anything wrong with that...

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by mainman
but Mike was ghey... Not that theres anything wrong with that...

Good point......

 

[Dymphna]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
Gonna be one of those days, eh?

Devil, you're gonna have a hard time finding a gal your age that's interested in three kids. My advice (that it's too late for) is to stay with your baby Mommy/Daddy until the kids are grown or refrain from having kids with someone you may ditch later. Not that I did it BUT it's a lot easier that way.

Relationships are hard enough without the added burden of "yours, mine and ours". Larry and I manage to make it work but it's a tough go sometimes.

Part of the reason you make it work is because you are a little older. At 25, most women are still looking forward to having their own kids, not taking care of someone elses. You said once before, that Larry's kids were part of why you were attracted to him. You had had kids and you were done. Your own kids were close enough to grown, that your way of parenting was well ingrained and Larry really couldn't do much to screw it up. But on the flip side, his girls were still young enough to benefit from your influence.

At this stage in my life, if something happened to Huntr, I wouldn't want to persue a man with kids. My kids are really little (age 1-5) and are a top priority in my life. I wouldn't want someone elses kids demanding my attention and I wouldn't want to short change either my children or his.

 

[Kain99]

Originally posted by mainman
but Mike was ghey... Not that theres anything wrong with that...

Crackhead!

 

[mainman]

Originally posted by Kain99
Crackhead!

...and your point?

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by cmcdanal
Part of the reason you make it work is because you are a little older. At 25, most women are still looking forward to having their own kids, at 35 they are just looking for scrump buddies.

 

[fddog]

Originally posted by justhangn

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by crabcake
I have an opinion about someone who uses his parental status as rationale for not getting a date ...

I didn't think he was using his kids as an excuse :shrug: It's a fact that he has three kids and those three kids make most young women head for the hills.

Not everyone you date has to get involved with your kids. Heck, I dated lots of guys that never even MET my kids. It wasn't their business and they were never going to be a part of their lives so there was no point in introducing them. But most people see dating as an audition for marriage, so you probably better mention you have kids right off the bat.

What I thought was interesting was Pix and PF's responses that they'd never date a guy with kids, even though they have kids themselves.

But you, CC, summed it up nicely with:

Any woman worth your interest wouldn't rule you out because you have kids ... if she does, she doesn't want any/more kids for her own personal reasons, so things wouldn't work between the two of you anyway.

 

[Kain99]

Originally posted by justhangn
at 35 they are just looking for scrump buddies.

What's a scrump buddy?

 

[fddog]

Originally posted by Kain99
What's a scrump buddy?

kain come to the dawg

 

[pixiegirl]

Originally posted by vraiblonde

What I thought was interesting was Pix and PF's responses that they'd never date a guy with kids, even though they have kids themselves.

I thought I was pretty clear about why I said that? But again I don't want to deal with either a bitchy ex or a behavior problem. It's not that I'm not willing to compromise in a relationship but I've learned from experience. It's also a lot easier with a kid as young as Noah is to go the route of someone without a kid.

B has been around since Noah was 3 months old. He really does love him like he's his own. There is no conflict in parenting style. I do what I think is best and he's seen me raise a very smart good natured kid; when we have our own it'll make things that much easier.

I don't want someone who already has a kid who has they're parenting style already in place. Especially when it comes to step children. I'm already going to be the mean mommy, I don't want that renforced by having a potential pushover part time parent around. There are going to be things that I won't let my son do; I don't want there to be a conflict because "stepdad" let's "stepbrother" or "stepsister" do it.

Now if I were older and still single of course I'd see things a little differently. Or if Noah was older. But now I'm 24 and he's 2 and that's the way things are. I've dated several guys with kids and haven't had a good experience beit the ex or the kid with the behavior problem. I won't subject my son or myself to it again.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
I thought I was pretty clear about why I said that?

No, I understood it and I agree with you, now that I think about it more.

I never wanted a guy with no kids because I felt like they couldn't relate to the whole parenthood issue. But taking on a very young child is a very different thing than getting ready-made teenagers (like mine).

And I hear ya about the ex-beyotch thing, too. I got lucky with Marcia but most people aren't so fortunate.

 

[James White]

 

[crabcake]

Pix ... I know you've known "B" for awhile ... but in a different scenario (say, you're just getting to know someone ... dating a few times, really dig him, etc.) ... wouldn't you like to have a clue about his parenting/patience/tolerance abilities with his own kids before you two have kids together down the road?

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by crabcake
but by your statement, you make it clear that you don't want another person's kid/baggage to contend with since you have your own. That (to me) means "I don't want to have to compromise on someone else's kids/baggage b/c I have my own" which translates into "not someone B.E.D. should be worried about hooking up with". I do think it is a bit hypocritical though to expect someone else to work around your (or mine, even) baggage, but you (or I) would eliminate someone else because they have some of their own.

It's not a competition about whose baggage is more important, but to me more baggage equals more problems. I already come with some, and don't need anymore. It's hard enough to combine a household with 1 existing child, and the more kids the more work/hassle it can be - even if in the end it all works out.

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
To be very honest I don't think I'd date a guy with one kid again much less 3. And that's a mouthful coming from someone with one kid and another on the way. But once you get past the newness of things and reach the point where you consider the other person as a permanent position in your life there are just too many things to factor in when it comes to kids. #1 the baby's momma. I really don't feel like dealing with any biatchy ex's again. And yes most the time they are bitchy. #2 I don't want to deal with someone's else's kids behavior problems. I have kids of my own to take care of and not to toot my own horn but my son for the most part is very well behaved. I have a very high standard of what I think kids should act like and how they should be raised. Most single dads are the typical relaxed "weekend" dads and let their kids act like monsters which is unacceptable to me and will only cause problems in the relationship. Just my two pennies worth.

I hope this is not the case and you get married and live happily ever after......BUT......wait until you are 35. Finding someone without kids is nearly impossible.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
What I thought was interesting was Pix and PF's responses that they'd never date a guy with kids, even though they have kids themselves.

But...that is b/c I already have a child. When I didn't have my own baggage I thought differently about dating men with children. Just personal preference at this stage of my life. 10 years down the road when most of the male dating population in my age range has kids, I'd have to change my tune - even though I wouldn't be pleased about it.

One other thing to consider is that most (not all) men w/kids do not have the kids all the time. They get them on the weekends - meaning that the kids are disciplined by the mom, etc... This can make for a hard situation when the child is in the presence of the Dad and the girlfriend (me). Even if the Dad and I have the same discipline techniques, they may go to waste when the child leaves our home and returns to the mother. That causes mama-drama, etc... I just didn't want part of that. I have very little drama in my relationship with my ex, and we work things out very well. Therefore, in my good ex-relationship I didn't want to hose that by bringing in another ex, with many potential issues.