I a male and I have three boys but still can't get a date????

[fddog]

Originally posted by pixiegirl
[Most single dads are the typical relaxed "weekend" dads and let their kids act like monsters which is unacceptable to me and will only cause problems in the relationship. Just my two pennies worth. [/B]

i will agree with this, i did it with mine.when i first split from my ex.i wanted my kid to like me the best.. until i got my life in order, buying a home etc.. now i lay the smack down, i won't stand for crap i did before.

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by PFgal
It's not a competition about whose baggage is more important, but to me more baggage equals more problems. I already come with some, and don't need anymore. It's hard enough to combine a household with 1 existing child, and the more kids the more work/hassle it can be - even if in the end it all works out.

I didn't mean to imply it was a "competition" because you're right; it's not. It's about compromise ... you have baggage ... he has baggage ... together, you work it out.

maybe it's just me (and I know D's a great guy and all), but I guess I just find it hard to believe that most of the great, single guys with no kids are just all hyped up to take a chic and her kid/s on in his life. seems to me a lot of them would be running for the hills too if the table was turned.

then again, pf, you are one hot mama

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by fddog
i will agree with this, i did it with mine.when i first split from my ex.i wanted my kid to like me the best.. until i got my life in order, buying a home etc.. know i lay the smack down, i won't stand for crap i did before.

Kids want to be corrected and they want guidance. Nothing tells a kid he’s not loved like letting him run buck wild.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
No, I understood it and I agree with you, now that I think about it more.

I never wanted a guy with no kids because I felt like they couldn't relate to the whole parenthood issue. But taking on a very young child is a very different thing than getting ready-made teenagers (like mine).

And I hear ya about the ex-beyotch thing, too. I got lucky with Marcia but most people aren't so fortunate.

My daughter's dad's girlfriend (ya got all that??? ) got lucky with me, too. She and I get along well and she knows her place in chicklet's life without overstepping her boundaries. I also know that my daughter loves her and know she treats her well, which makes a big difference, too. I'm also lucky that my daughter's dad has a decent girlfriend. They have their own child now and will probably be married this year - he could have done much worse and I could have dreaded exposing my daughter to her, ya know. But - everyone gets along and it's as close to 'one big happy family' as it's gonna get .

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by PFgal
My daughter's dad's girlfriend got lucky with me, too.

did ya at least let "D" watch?

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by crabcake
Pix ... I know you've known "B" for awhile ... but in a different scenario (say, you're just getting to know someone ... dating a few times, really dig him, etc.) ... wouldn't you like to have a clue about his parenting/patience/tolerance abilities with his own kids before you two have kids together down the road?

What about the zillions of people who get married before having kids and don't really know their true parenting styles until baby #1 between the 2 of them arrives? Same principle applies. You should discuss parenting techniques with any potential serious partner, whether they have kids or not.

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by PFgal
Oh hush up, Pete,

I definitely disagree with CC, but that's okay - that's what forums are for. To me, it's not a selfish or 'my way or the highway issue.' It is personal preference - I wanted more kids, but maybe just 1 or 2 more. If I am already starting with 1, and he has 1 or 2...we'd have a whole freaking herd if we had more. Plus, we already have my kid to deal with, and I don't want the hassle of bringing in other kids who have their own ways/disciplinary issues, etc...

I see this as personal preference. I didn't date guys who smoked, just like I didn't date guys who did drugs, just like I didn't date guys w/kids... What's the problem w/that??

I'll be back...

Well I certainly hope that you never find yourself alone with 2 kids when you are into your 30's. Like I said to Pixie, it is nearly impossible to find someone without kids in that age group. Unless they have never married and not had kids out of wedlock. I have seen women who are 35 never married and I automatically wonder " What is wrong with them".

It also sounds a little selfish, YOUR kid is ok for a guy to accept but not visa versa. Most of the time the fathers only get visitation and not custody so it would not be a full time deal anyway.

Has Dean bonded with Mac and basically treats her as his own? But you could not do the same with a guy who had a child?

I think a bunch of people lose perspective when it comes to fathers and kids. The kids are viewed as "The mothers" and the dad is temporary entertainment/full time support. It is his kid too, flesh and blood with all the same attachments and feelings that women have for their kids.

Once again Dad's get a raw deal.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by Pete
wait until you are 35. Finding someone without kids is nearly impossible.

Almighty Pete...check back - she and I both clearly stated that if we were older we'd probably have to change our tunes...but since we're not...

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by PFgal
What about the zillions of people who get married before having kids and don't really know their true parenting styles until baby #1 between the 2 of them arrives? Same principle applies. You should discuss parenting techniques with any potential serious partner, whether they have kids or not.

right, but by eliminating them altogether, you aren't even giving them a chance :shrug:

let's just say "D" had a kid when you two met ... knowing now what a great guy he is and how he loves you and the mackster, would you still have given him the boot when you learned he had a kiddo of his own?

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by crabcake
I didn't mean to imply it was a "competition" because you're right; it's not. It's about compromise ... you have baggage ... he has baggage ... together, you work it out.

Yes, it could be worked out. But, to me, no sense in taking on extra crapola if I can get someone w/no kids.

Originally posted by crabcake
maybe it's just me (and I know D's a great guy and all), but I guess I just find it hard to believe that most of the great, single guys with no kids are just all hyped up to take a chic and her kid/s on in his life. seems to me a lot of them would be running for the hills too if the table was turned.

then again, pf, you are one hot mama

Dean wasn't all hyped up to meet a chick with kids, and if I'd come across him a few years earlier I may not have been on the 'good list' b/c of the fact that I do have a child. But, he was getting a little older and having no luck in the dating department finding someone he wanted to settle down with. He had to expand his criteria and leave the option open to date a woman with a child. Luckily, we met and the timing was cool. A few years either way and the outcome could have been different. Ideally, no, he wouldn't have chosen someone with a kid...but I just got it like that.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by crabcake
did ya at least let "D" watch?

 

[crabcake]

Originally posted by PFgal

what? :shrug: you said it!

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by Pete
Well I certainly hope that you never find yourself alone with 2 kids when you are into your 30's. Like I said to Pixie, it is nearly impossible to find someone without kids in that age group. Unless they have never married and not had kids out of wedlock.

I've already stated that if I were older I'd have to leave my options more open. But...I'm not, so I can be more picky.

Originally posted by Pete
It also sounds a little selfish, YOUR kid is ok for a guy to accept but not visa versa.

Not selfish at all...I don't expect someone to accept my child like she's God's gift. Guys have the right to look for women w/out kids, just like we chicks do. I have enough baggage and don't want anymore added. It can be hard enough to combine a household w/1 current kid.

Originally posted by Pete
Most of the time the fathers only get visitation and not custody so it would not be a full time deal anyway.

Oh - and I think it would be easier if it were full time, actually. The guy that I dated w/a kid had him 24/7 and the mom wasn't involved. That meant that my boyfriend got full say on the kid, and the child was in a stable environment with constant discipline.

Originally posted by Pete

Has Dean bonded with Mac and basically treats her as his own? But you could not do the same with a guy who had a child?

Definitely. And yes, I could do the same thing. But...it's not always so simple. There are mama-drama issues sometimes, etc... An older child is harder to take on than a younger one, etc...

Originally posted by Pete
I think a bunch of people lose perspective when it comes to fathers and kids. The kids are viewed as "The mothers" and the dad is temporary entertainment/full time support. It is his kid too, flesh and blood with all the same attachments and feelings that women have for their kids. Once again Dad's get a raw deal.

I agree that dads are sometimes viewed like that...but that has absolutely no bearing on my decision regarding dating dudes w/kids.

 

[vraiblonde]

Originally posted by Pete
It is his kid too, flesh and blood with all the same attachments and feelings that women have for their kids.

Um, not always.

YOUR kid is ok for a guy to accept but not visa versa.

That was my first reaction, too, then I thought about it some more. I applaud PF and Pix for knowing their limitations and taking relationships on their own terms, instead of compromising where they really don't want to.

It's tough to blend families, that's for sure. Larry and I have VERY different parenting styles and it still causes us friction at times.

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by PFgal
:dur: Almighty Pete...check back - she and I both clearly stated that if we were older we'd probably have to change our tunes...but since we're not...

dur Almighty PF......change your tune is only outward, the mindset is still the same.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by crabcake
right, but by eliminating them altogether, you aren't even giving them a chance :shrug:

let's just say "D" had a kid when you two met ... knowing now what a great guy he is and how he loves you and the mackster, would you still have given him the boot when you learned he had a kiddo of his own?

Actually, in the search criteria on the yahoo personals I selected 'has no kids' and 'wants kids in the future' in my criteria. :shrug: He is wonderful, but if he would have had kids we'd never have met. :shrug: I'm confident I'd have found someone else that would have been a good husband.

I've walked the other way several times when encountering nice looking, sweet guys with kids. I just can't bear to take on the drama.

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by vraiblonde
I applaud PF and Pix for knowing their limitations and taking relationships on their own terms, instead of compromising where they really don't want to.

Right - this is all I'm saying...I try to be realistic, and realistically it IS harder to blend families where there is a child (or more) coming from each side. Not saying it can't work, but why put all of that effort in when I can find a nice guy w/no kids.

 

[Pete]

Originally posted by PFgal
Right - this is all I'm saying...I try to be realistic, and realistically it IS harder to blend families where there is a child (or more) coming from each side. Not saying it can't work, but why put all of that effort in when I can find a nice guy w/no kids.

I sure must be nice to be a twenty something turbo hottie with the ability to get pick of the litter. DAMN my defective genes !!

 

[JabbaJawz]

Originally posted by Pete
I sure must be nice to be a twenty something turbo hottie with the ability to get pick of the litter. DAMN my defective genes !!

I'm definitely not a turbo-hottie and don't have pick of the litter either...but it's usually easier for a woman to find a younger dude w/no kids than it is for a man to find a woman w/out kids. In the 25-30 range there are definitely childless men available, and it's just my preference to pursue on of them as opposed to one w/a kid.

 

[justhangn]

Originally posted by PFgal
I'm definitely not a turbo-hottie and don't have pick of the litter either...