I am the mother of "that child"

[LightRoasted]

If I may ...

I offered plenty of advice, it's just not what you wanted to hear. Tough love is tough on both ends. If you are afraid of seeing the judge for paddling your child,,,, I feel sorry for your children.

I just skimmed over you last 6-7 years of posts and I did come to one conclusion, you fully understood what you and your husband were bringing​ into your home with problem Foster care children.
I'll say it again, You fully understood what you were bringing in your home. Tell me, is it worth that monthly check from the State? We're these children in free day care at Pax when the State was writing you a check for Special Needs Daycare???
This is just a few that I have kept to myself, I have more but I see through you like a plate glass window. ,,, That cute lawyer chic in my pool has seen a thing or two herself. Good Luck ...... Vaya Con Dio's...

The more and more I continue to read, and the continued revelations, the more I think foxxynhounds is just looking for sympathy. Or, just documenting, publicly, these incidences and 'calls for help' all because of a gamble that didn't pan out to be used to her benefit in court. And maybe I'm wrong? Dunno. Don't really care. Raising kids is not all that difficult. But these guardians made a bad decision, by whatever reasoning at the time, and now want out of it. So either beat the sh*t out of the kid and instill some discipline and proper behavior, or send him back to the state.

 

[black dog]

If I may ...



The more and more I continue to read, and the continued revelations, the more I think foxxynhounds is just looking for sympathy. Or, just documenting, publicly, these incidences and 'calls for help' all because of a gamble that didn't pan out to be used to her benefit in court. And maybe I'm wrong? Dunno. Don't really care. Raising kids is not all that difficult. But these guardians made a bad decision, by whatever reasoning at the time, and now want out of it. So either beat the sh*t out of the kid and instill some discipline and proper behavior, or send him back to the state.

Yep...there's a nice check each month that comes along with a Foster child, it continues after the child is adopted. It's even a bigger check when the child has special needs.
For every problem a child has it's more money each month.

.I think it's a great thing that folks will Foster children, dont get me wrong, but each of them that I have met or talked to including the OP here, are well aware of the child's history before they committed​ to take them home. She has admitted it many times in the last 6-7 years here.

And with a of this supposed parenting that has been happening in these last 6 to 10+ years why with 5 young children would both parents work full time???
We only had one measly kid and my wife stayed at home for the first 13 years and worked part-time evening until he was 15 and then full time in the retail world. So I was home for alot of her work hours.
I don't believe that we have ever struggled with being parents either.
Like you said, it's not that hard.

I'm a parent to my son first, we are friends second.

And one last thing, I would fist fight my son before I ever sprayed him in the face with Pepper Spray..

 

[officeguy]

While OC is classified as a dangerous weapon under MD law, and carrying it can result in an arrest (if out in public), the law is pretty much silent about carrying it within one's own home. Maryland also has an exception for dangerous weapon use in self defense. So while an arrest is possible, even likely, conviction isn't unless the force used was determined to be unreasonable.

We are talking abour OCing an 11 year old. Cops have lost their jobs over using OC or tazers to handle uncontrollable children. I made no claims about the legality of carrying pepper-spray in your home, just that I would expect negative legal fallout from actually using it on a child.

 

[Ken King]

We are talking abour OCing an 11 year old. Cops have lost their jobs over using OC or tazers to handle uncontrollable children. I made no claims about the legality of carrying pepper-spray in your home, just that I would expect negative legal fallout from actually using it on a child.

I never claimed that you made that claim, just adding what I have observed of the written law. I also added that there is an affirmative defense if used to protect oneself or family.

If the OP uses it in her or her families defense I don't think there would be that significant of a legal fallout.

 

[PeoplesElbow]

And one last thing, I would fist fight my son before I ever sprayed him in the face with Pepper Spray..

You aren't thinking of it as the defensive tool that she is, you are thinking of it as punishment. Remember this kid is kicking the #### out of her, would your wife be able to fight your son? She needs an equalizer it sounds like and this is the most effective, least damaging thing that I can think of.

 

[black dog]

You aren't thinking of it as the defensive tool that she is, you are thinking of it as punishment. Remember this kid is kicking the #### out of her, would your wife be able to fight your son? She needs an equalizer it sounds like and this is the most effective, least damaging thing that I can think of.

Believe me I understand the plus's and minus of using OC spray.
Myself I wouldn't use it on a kid. I just wouldn't do it.
I would never let the situation get to that point...
I know what I was taught as a young man.. If you pick your hands up and fight like a man, you will get hit back like a man...

Now myself , I never would have let this situation manifest and fester and gone on like it has.Most likely I would have returned this child to Foster Care in the beginning.
It's just not healthy for anyone in that home, school, much less anywhere this child has had violent episodes. All that needed to be done is when he was arrested is you don't pick him up, and high ho high ho it's off to DHS he goes.
Sure your gonna have to explain to the judge why you wouldn't pick him up and lol you might have to pay child support for his care. But the court can't make you take a violent child back into your home.
If all of this it truthfull, this child should have been removed and placed as a ward of the State.
To live in fear of a adolescent child that's your home is bad enough, but to live in fear of a child that's not yours is insane.
I guess I'm just a prick,,,, but I never would have put my family or myself through all this.

The OP and her husband need to just man the Fu€£ up and get some balls and take care of the rest of the family.

What kind of man leaves his other kids and wife with a violent child that has a track record of doing bodily harm..

 

[Bann]

But yet you yourself have posted in this thread your opinions and thoughts..
But now I'm on board with you... Just the opinions and diagnosis that you agree with are ok here.. I got it hypocrite....

And I would suggest you go back and read the OP's post.

Here's a paragraph you must have missed..
The lesson is don't put your laundry out unless you want to read about in the newspaper.

I do worry that by putting this all on a local public forum, we'll be identified, criticized, and shamed, but most of the people around us already know what we're going through. The bruises I'm wearing aren't a secret. The arrests at school aren't a secret. But, if this either helps put the failure of public resources into perspective, or helps us find more resources available (including getting SMCDSS to place him into a residential facility), then it will be worth it.

Obviously, you're the only poster here with anything worthy to contribute. You're definitely a legend in your own mind.

 

[black dog]

Obviously, you're the only poster here with anything worthy to contribute. You're definitely a legend in your own mind.

That's the rebuttal you got hypocrite.... looks like my post is on the money.

 

[vraiblonde]

I find it amazing the way some of you read into stuff. You don't even know this woman or her family, yet you want to speculate that what she's telling you isn't the truth.

Seriously, why do you care? Why can't you simply advise or commiserate based on what she says is the situation, or not comment at all? Good grief, now she's being accused of setting up a defense...just in case



Blackdog, obviously you have never dealt with a child with a disability or brain damage. They are NOT like normally abled kids and a firm hand will NOT correct their behavior. So really...I'm not you, but if I were you I'd STFU and find a new hobby that doesn't involve bashing random strangers on the internet just for kicks.

Jerk.

 

[black dog]

I find it amazing the way some of you read into stuff. You don't even know this woman or her family, yet you want to speculate that what she's telling you isn't the truth.

Seriously, why do you care? Why can't you simply advise or commiserate based on what she says is the situation, or not comment at all? Good grief, now she's being accused of setting up a defense...just in case



Blackdog, obviously you have never dealt with a child with a disability or brain damage. They are NOT like normally abled kids and a firm hand will NOT correct their behavior. So really...I'm not you, but if I were you I'd STFU and find a new hobby that doesn't involve bashing random strangers on the internet just for kicks.

Jerk.

So tell me oh great knowledgeable​ one, why do you care,
You certainly didn't care with Wackadoodie and her skirting the filters with the F U's last night...

How do you know that this child has a disability or has brain damage? Or just pulling the wool over on some folks?
My opinion is he's pulling the wool.....

The one I'm sitting next too has a Juris Doctorate is barred in MD and Indiana and practiced Family Law in MD for 15+ years.. she has delt with hundreds of children through Foster, court, private care...and so on...
Not just one child.., Hundreds.... I've heard these problems before, the opinions along with the end results. And none of it's good..

If someone doesn't like my posts, put me on ignore...

 

[littlelady]

So tell me oh great knowledgeable​ one, why do you care,
You certainly didn't care with Wackadoodie and her skirting the filters with the F U's last night...

How do you know that this child has a disability or has brain damage? Or just pulling the wool over on some folks?
My opinion is he's pulling the wool.....

The one I'm sitting next too has a Juris Doctorate is barred in MD and Indiana and practiced Family Law in MD for 15+ years.. she has delt with hundreds of children through Foster, court, private care...and so on...
Not just one child.., Hundreds.... I've heard these problems before, the opinions along with the end results. And none of it's good..

If someone doesn't like my posts, put me on ignore...

The FU's are well deserved. Actually, you are the hypocrite. You call people names, and then want a civil discussion. If I have to explain that to you, you really are off the charts, and beyond help. And, if I may, would like to point out that none of us know anything about foxxy's situation, except what she tells us. Many, including myself, have offered opinions/advice. You really need to man up like the man you claim to be, or stop acting so butthurt. Your choice.

 

[black dog]

The FU's are well deserved. Actually, you are the hypocrite. If I have to explain that to you, you really are off the charts. And, if I may, would like point out that none of us know anything about foxxy's situation, except what she tells us. Many, including myself, have offered opinions/advice. You really need to man up like the man you claim to be, or stop acting so butthurt. Your choice.

I'm not the one of the one's here that loose control and then spits venom along with the unnecessary bad language.
That would be you Wackadoodie, Larry and the Boss Lady.
How about you post where I'm butthurt...
Wackadoodie, you couldn't piss me off on your best day...you will never see me loose my cool and bust off a few F U's .... It just will not happen..
I would guess because I said something about you and the F U's that you spit out last night.. Very adult and lady like I might add.
Your husband and kids I'm sure are proud of your crass language here.
You should have been banned again, you loon.

Go and bother your husband... I have ordering and payroll to do...

 

[littlelady]

I'm not the one of the one's here that loose control and then spits venom along with the unnecessary bad language.
That would be you Wackadoodie, Larry and the Boss Lady.
How about you post where I'm butthurt...
Wackadoodie, you couldn't piss me off on your best day...you will never see me loose my cool and bust off a few F U's .... It just will not happen..
I would guess because I said something about you and the F U's that you spit out last night.. Very adult and lady like I might add.
Your husband and kids I'm sure are proud of your crass language here.
You should have been banned again, you loon.

Go and bother your husband... I have ordering and payroll to do...

Good, go do that. I wouldn't want to interrupt you. And, it seems I have pissed you off, just like you pissed me off, last night. That is your decision. If you were really a Marine, a few FU's wouldn't bother you in the least. That is why you are a hypocrite. As far as Larry, he is MIA for whatever reason. I worry that Larry is ok, just as I worry about others that don't post anymore. They could have died, just like aps, and wenchy. You do have one thing right, vrai is the Boss Lady. And, don't talk about my ladylikeness because it makes you look stupid that you can't be a gentleman, as in calling members stupid names. You are the poster 'boy' of double standard; tatas and all. I paid my dues here, and am still here, and chose to stay. Get over it. :slap: I earned my wings. :

One more thing. You are not the adult in the room. Thank God for that because if this was IRL, you would be beating everyone with a frat paddle. I do have a question. You said you grad hs, and that was it. Where does your knowledge come from about frat paddles? I was in a sorority at LSU, and all my bros were in the same fraternity at LSU. Never was I, or they hit by a frat/soro paddle. It is a symbolic thing. I still have my engraved one when I pledged. As a rule, frats and sororities work to better the community. Just wondering why you would say that, about the 'paddle' being used as a weapon of pain.

I was a Pi Beta Phi founded in 1867, and Bros were Kappa Alpha founded in 1865. I might have missed it, but I have never seen a negative story about either one. I would love to know if anyone on this forum was a member of either one. That would be awesome.

 

[acommondisaster]

OMG you bunch of drama queens. Knock off the littlelady crapola. I've got no quarrel with the woman but you all get sucked into some sort of black hole vortex 45% of the time she posts. It's boring. Let it go. Sometimes there's an interesting subject and it gets derailed and devolves for 5 or 6 pages and most of us get discouraged and stop reading/commenting.

To the OP, who by the time I've gotten through 16 pages of people arguing about roofs and uber and wayward sons and idiot wives I've forgotten who the OP was.....I think inkah had some good advice. I'm curious if your son has been put on different meds and what he's still taking. If he's medicated, I'd find a good doctor (maybe and internist) who can look at the side effects and how they might affect your son. Your son's Behavior Program (I forget exactly what you called it) doesn't seem to be working - I'd go back to whoever wrote it and tell them it's ineffective and they need to help you craft something that works for him.

I'd also start to journal - each day - his mood, what did he eat, if something set him off, what led to it and if something calmed him, what was it. Do you do behavior modification? Do you reward him with something important to him or praise him for a good day? Do you give him goals - if he has 4 good days in a row he can do this or have that? The journal may help you and any professionals you work with. I journaled for several years with my developmentally delayed daughter and it helped when I went to the state for assistance.

How exhausted you must be, 5 kids and one some incredibly challenging. Preteen years are hard for many kids; but your son's troubles seem amplified. My heart goes out to you - you opened your heart and home to this boy, thinking a loving home would bring him 'round.

My sister-in-law has a son who was a behavioral wreck, and got worse when his father died in a horrible fire. My SIL made many excuses for him (and I'm not saying you do) and was a bit of an enabler without knowing it. The boy had some slight learning disorders, nothing that couldnt be overcome, and over the years had been prescribed a lot of meds. As he grew into a teenager, he was violent and she couldnt control him. By the grace of God, he was finally put into state care and they truly worked through his challenges once he was out of his mother's home. His temper is mostly controlled now - he's an adult on his own. He manages to hold a job most of the time, realizes his actions are his own and he alone must face the consequences. He is by no means a success, but he has stayed out of jail and leads a fairly normal independent life.

 

[littlelady]

Believe me I understand the plus's and minus of using OC spray.
Myself I wouldn't use it on a kid. I just wouldn't do it.
I would never let the situation get to that point...
I know what I was taught as a young man.. If you pick your hands up and fight like a man, you will get hit back like a man...

Now myself , I never would have let this situation manifest and fester and gone on like it has.Most likely I would have returned this child to Foster Care in the beginning.
It's just not healthy for anyone in that home, school, much less anywhere this child has had violent episodes. All that needed to be done is when he was arrested is you don't pick him up, and high ho high ho it's off to DHS he goes.
Sure your gonna have to explain to the judge why you wouldn't pick him up and lol you might have to pay child support for his care. But the court can't make you take a violent child back into your home.
If all of this it truthfull, this child should have been removed and placed as a ward of the State.
To live in fear of a adolescent child that's your home is bad enough, but to live in fear of a child that's not yours is insane.
I guess I'm just a prick,,,, but I never would have put my family or myself through all this.

The OP and her husband need to just man the Fu€£ up and get some balls and take care of the rest of the family.

What kind of man leaves his other kids and wife with a violent child that has a track record of doing bodily harm..

I missed this earlier. You used the F word to criticize the OP, and then criticized me for using the F word in my reply to you. Then you criticized vrai for letting my F's go. That is 'rich'; your word. Tell us again about what a man you are. It doesn't get any better than this. Thanks! You are welcome. :

I told you last night that I will beat your ass. It wasn't meant in a physical way, but in a forum way. There is nothing you can say now, that will allow you to backtrack. Go to the shooting range tomorrow and let your bully aggressions out. Happy shooting!

 

[black dog]

I missed this earlier. You used the F word to criticize the OP, and then criticized me for using the F word in my reply to you. Then you criticized vrai for letting my F's go. That is 'rich'; your word. Tell us again about what a man you are. It doesn't get any better than this. Thanks! You are welcome. :

I told you last night that I will beat your ass. It wasn't meant in a physical way, but in a forum way. There is nothing you can say now, that will allow you to backtrack. Go to the shooting range tomorrow and let your bully aggressions out. Happy shooting!

Wackadoodie, the last thing you will ever do is piss me off and get me to melt down to the level that you and some others do here.
And if you think that saying F'ed or F'ing is the same as skirting the Language Filters to type F U out in full type, what I type you hear on tv....
I also find it queer that my cartoon avatars bother you but telling someone F U when you were angry is ok. And you call me a hypocrite,,,,,, hahahahaha.

 

[spinner]

Thank you all for your kind words - I honestly worried that someone would be critical, saying that I've overlooked a resource or am not trying hard enough or am a failure as a parent, or...

Thank you for sharing your story with us, it must have been hard to do. How are you doing? This must be terribly isolating for you, I hope you have someone you can talk to, a counselor or a therapist, a person outside of the situation. We all need someone to listen to us without judgement.

I don't have any ideas or answers for you, but I wanted you to know there are people following your story that are concerned for you and your family. There are nice, kind people on the forums, sadly the #######s on here are the loudest and feel the need to turn everything into their drama.

Please take care of yourself, I hope you will keep posting updates, I'm sure there are other families in similar situations who can't/won't post because of the bullying on here. I'm sure it helps them to see they are not alone. Take care and be kind to yourself.

 

[frequentflier]

Thank you for sharing your story with us, it must have been hard to do. How are you doing? This must be terribly isolating for you, I hope you have someone you can talk to, a counselor or a therapist, a person outside of the situation. We all need someone to listen to us without judgement.

I don't have any ideas or answers for you, but I wanted you to know there are people following your story that are concerned for you and your family. There are nice, kind people on the forums, sadly the #######s on here are the loudest and feel the need to turn everything into their drama.

Please take care of yourself, I hope you will keep posting updates, I'm sure there are other families in similar situations who can't/won't post because of the bullying on here. I'm sure it helps them to see they are not alone. Take care and be kind to yourself.

Voted the nicest post of the day

 

[mitzi]

Voted the nicest post of the day

Agree. The OP comes here for possible advice, share experiences, support, etc. Instead it turns into the usual pissing contest. I really wonder if some of you talk to and insult people in your real life like you do behind your keyboard. I seriously doubt it. And to take the time and go back and look thru old threads to bring old stuff up people have said . I thought I didn't have a life

 

[mitzi]

I find it amazing the way some of you read into stuff. You don't even know this woman or her family, yet you want to speculate that what she's telling you isn't the truth.

Seriously, why do you care? Why can't you simply advise or commiserate based on what she says is the situation, or not comment at all? Good grief, now she's being accused of setting up a defense...just in case



Blackdog, obviously you have never dealt with a child with a disability or brain damage. They are NOT like normally abled kids and a firm hand will NOT correct their behavior. So really...I'm not you, but if I were you I'd STFU and find a new hobby that doesn't involve bashing random strangers on the internet just for kicks.

Jerk.