I am the mother of "that child"

[littlelady]

Yes you have....
Maybe your kids parents should have taught him that taking opiates for a extended time and or more than the prescription is for is bad mojo... But of course, it's not your child's or anybody else's fault... Right????
And here I was taught consumption was a choice.....

Now go and try to learn self control from your husband....

I never admonished your son, arse. If I did, search the forum archive, and please post it. Thanks. And what are you saying when you said ..your kids parents..? That's bizarre. I
am glad that there are very few knowitalls on this forum because that would take away the point of it all. And, don't even try to slander my hub on here, arsehole. And, where is the self control thing you talk about. You have made comments about my late night posting, but you are doing it yourself. Hypocrite. Why do I need a bus ticket?

 

[Bann]

If we call everything a disability, nothing is.

The description in the OP is mainly that of a behavioral problem. If it was a disability, it would be present all the time. This 'disability' shows up when he runs into the frustrations of pre-teen life.

Sure, there may be a psych issue that goes along with it. I can see how it is depressing if everyone thinks you are a bully, because you happen to be a bully.

You're showing your ignorance. No one is saying to call everything a disability.

The child has been abused in his early childhood years. It has caused severe psychiatric issues. The fact that he is acting out NOW, is of no surprise, as the psychiatric problems are manifesting in a variety of behavioral ways. He needs help to deal with it and the parents are at their wits' end having tried all manner of things thus far. There is a mental health system in place, and family services are in place but this child is slipping through the cracks in all the sytems and the parents know it.

Beating his a** is not going to make him "better".

 

[vraiblonde]

Good grief, people. Can't we have one thread that doesn't turn into a MamaKooKoo and flamewar???

Foxxy, this is why you want to get a handle on your son - you don't want him growing up to be like one of the forum posters, now do you?

 

[foxxynhounds]

Good grief, people. Can't we have one thread that doesn't turn into a MamaKooKoo and flamewar???

Foxxy, this is why you want to get a handle on your son - you don't want him growing up to be like one of the forum posters, now do you?

Exactly, Vrai. If only I could figure out how to do laughing person emoji on my phone...

 

[foxxynhounds]

Sure, there may be a psych issue that goes along with it. I can see how it is depressing if everyone thinks you are a bully, because you happen to be a bully.

Frustratingly, this is true. He is always so upset when he tries really hard to behave, yet doesn't reap immediate rewards. Oh, you were nice to so-and-so today? Well, they still might not want to play with you after you hit them yesterday. Oh, this time you're telling the truth? Forgive me, after 7 years of "but this time, it's the truth," only to have the lie validated, no, I don't believe you.

He genuinely doesn't understand why years of misbehavior can't be corrected in a day.

AFA a disability is concerned - he does need an IEP, and has slightly lower cognitive abilities than "normal," and significant processing issues. He literally cannot think as quickly as he can act, and when we respond to his behavior with reason, we get incredibly frustrated. Dh and I are both high-IQ, high-grade professionals (not saying this to brag, but to give perspective - we are not idiots), and we often feel like banging our heads against the wall when we simply cannot get him to understand a kindergarten-age behavior action/consequence sequence. HOW CAN IT BE THIS DIFFICULT??? It makes my brain hurt. But, then again...since he lies so much, maybe he really does understand, and is only playing the fool? Who ****ing knows? Even the pros haven't been able to figure it out.

And yes, out of desperation, we have tried physical punishment. Obviously, it does not work. I actually now have pepper spray (dog strength, legal) on hand to keep myself from getting hurt while trying to get him out of the house. DH is not always home to dole out immediate consequences.

 

[foxxynhounds]

Not going to go back and find it, but someone said his behavior is obviously controllable (by him), if he's able to behave in a psych ward, but not at home or school.

This is true to some extent. However, 80% of the time he's great at home, too. He destabilizes every 18-21 days or so...and he simply hasn't been in a hospital quite long enough for them to see that. Hence why we're trying to get a residential placement.

 

[vraiblonde]

I actually now have pepper spray (dog strength, legal) on hand to keep myself from getting hurt while trying to get him out of the house.

Forgive me, but:



I'm sure somebody will come on and have a fit that you pepper spray your kid, but I think it's brilliant.

I didn't see if this question was asked/answered, but is he smart? As in, how does he do in school academically? Have they done a brain scan on him? He sounds like he might have fetal alcohol syndrome or some other chemical poisoning that his birth mother did to him.

 

[Bann]

Not going to go back and find it, but someone said his behavior is obviously controllable (by him), if he's able to behave in a psych ward, but not at home or school.

This is true to some extent. However, 80% of the time he's great at home, too. He destabilizes every 18-21 days or so...and he simply hasn't been in a hospital quite long enough for them to see that. Hence why we're trying to get a residential placement.

As a bystander and only offering what basic information I am able to - this does seem to be what would be needed.

I empathize with what you are going through and the challenges you face seeking treatments for your son, because a friend of mine has been going through similar challenges with their own (by birth) son. (Not an only child, he is one of several) His issues are not related to abuse, but there are some dysfunctional family issues which were never dealt with. He is the youngest and they started addressing these issues (with him) professionally at a later age than you are - which presents another set of issues altogether.

Hopefully, by reaching out here, someone with more experience in "the system" will offer you advice or direction and that will lead to another path or opportunity for care you haven't been able to locate, yet.

Good luck!

 

[Kyle]

Forgive me, but:



I'm sure somebody will come on and have a fit that you pepper spray your kid, but I think it's brilliant.

I didn't see if this question was asked/answered, but is he smart? As in, how does he do in school academically? Have they done a brain scan on him? He sounds like he might have fetal alcohol syndrome or some other chemical poisoning that his birth mother did to him.

I would've gone with the Taser.

 

[officeguy]

You're showing your ignorance. No one is saying to call everything a disability.

Violence is not a disability.

Beating his a** is not going to make him "better".

Did I advocate for that ?

He needs some form of confined setting where others are safe from his behaviors. I am afraid that pretty soon the juvenile 'justice' system will provide that setting.

 

[foxxynhounds]

Forgive me, but:



I'm sure somebody will come on and have a fit that you pepper spray your kid, but I think it's brilliant.

I didn't see if this question was asked/answered, but is he smart? As in, how does he do in school academically? Have they done a brain scan on him? He sounds like he might have fetal alcohol syndrome or some other chemical poisoning that his birth mother did to him.

For what it's worth, I haven't sprayed him yet. But I reserve the right to before he breaks an arm. It's a mild spray (dogs don't have tear ducts), so it would be a last resort to keep everyone safe.

 

[Monello]

Any chance of getting him into 1 of those military/high discipline schools? The sort of place where all the kids have violent tendencies and are run like a boot camp. Those places are geared for this type of issue. Lots of PT and consequences for misbehaving.

Something like this:

Military-based schools for troubled youth are effective alternatives to traditional military academies. These schools will accept your child even if he/she is not willing to go, and only in extreme cases, will he/she be expelled. Your teen will receive the military style structure, behavior modification, physical fitness, leadership, and overall help he/she needs to become successful in life. Youth ages 12-18 who are using drugs or alcohol, are out of control, defiant, or have behavior problems (ADD, ADHD, ODD, etc), are eligible candidates for these schools.
Troubled youth military-based schools have excellent academic programs. Cadets work at their own pace with as much one on one teacher assistance he/she needs. High school diplomas and college courses are offered. Cadets often complete one year of high school in 4-6 months.


Troubled youth military schools typically do not offer organized athletics. However, cadets have the chance to participate in several different sports(football, basketball, volleyball, ect).


These programs are very effective and an excellent choice for troubled teens.


Typical students may include:


Ages 12-18 years old
Lack of respect
Have a problem with authority.
Mild substance abuse
Doing poorly or refusing to go to school.
Need for behavior modification.
Cadets should be in fairly good physical shape.
For more information about how to enroll your teenager in a military based program click here today or request more information online now.

If he's away it can give you a break and also guarantee the other children in your household are safe. Best of luck to you.

 

[RoseRed]

Good grief, people. Can't we have one thread that doesn't turn into a MamaKooKoo and flamewar???

Foxxy, this is why you want to get a handle on your son - you don't want him growing up to be like one of the forum posters, now do you?

Would you please give her a timeout, or ban her again!

 

[black dog]

.

And yes, out of desperation, we have tried physical punishment. Obviously, it does not work. I actually now have pepper spray (dog strength, legal) on hand to keep myself from getting hurt while trying to get him out of the house. DH is not always home to dole out immediate consequences.

Not going to go back and find it, but someone said his behavior is obviously controllable (by him), if he's able to behave in a psych ward, but not at home or school.

This is true to some extent. However, 80% of the time he's great at home, too. He destabilizes every 18-21 days or so...and he simply hasn't been in a hospital quite long enough for them to see that. Hence why we're trying to get a residential placement.

Pepper Spray?????
It was me that posted a few sessions with a Frat Paddle.
Since so much has been posted, what physical punishment has been applied. And be honest.
Just asking because a naughty chair in the corner is not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about a good old introduction to some serious butt pain for starters, not some nansy pansy spanking..... I mean a piece of white oak and a kid that can't sit for days.
Personally I just don't believe he understands that negative actions has serious consequences..
I don't believe he has ever had to pay the fiddler. Buy a big scary paddle and hang it in the living room. Tell this child if you act like a a$$hole your father is going to " Man the Fu@& up ) and he will break you over the sofa and give you five wacks.
And if you are a a$$hole again we add 5 more wacks each time.
Good Luck with the Pepper Spray....

 

[black dog]

.

Beating his a** is not going to make him "better".

How could you possibly know that??
It most certainly corrected all bad behavior in the neighborhood I grew up in..
Exspecially in the Catholic households...

 

[officeguy]

For what it's worth, I haven't sprayed him yet. But I reserve the right to before he breaks an arm. It's a mild spray (dogs don't have tear ducts), so it would be a last resort to keep everyone safe.

If you do, be prepared for all the county buerocrats who are ignoring you now to rush in and 'protect' him from your 'abuse'. Be prepared to get arrested. So in addition to the pepper spray you need to stash 15-20k for bail with a trusted friend. Oh, and put a good defense attorney on retainer.

If it wasn't for your other kids that the state would take hostage, OCing him the next time he attacks you may be a way to get him into residential treatment.

 

[vraiblonde]

How could you possibly know that??

Yes, beating a mentally disabled person usually makes their brain work again.



She is not describing bratty behavior and indulgent parenting. She is describing a child with a legit disability that needs treatment. So quit.

 

[foxxynhounds]

If you do, be prepared for all the county buerocrats who are ignoring you now to rush in and 'protect' him from your 'abuse'. Be prepared to get arrested. So in addition to the pepper spray you need to stash 15-20k for bail with a trusted friend. Oh, and put a good defense attorney on retainer.

If it wasn't for your other kids that the state would take hostage, OCing him the next time he attacks you may be a way to get him into residential treatment.

OCing?

when I asked a cop what I'm supposed to do in order to protect myself and other children (not talking property), he said I can subdue by whatever means necessary. Once he is under control, I can't keep going, but I do have the right - and responsibility - to protect myself and the other kids. And I think they'd rather a standoff irritant than a bat. Honestly that is the conundrum we're in - since when is it okay for the state to say that, because of the age of the offender, I just have to accept the abuse? Are they going to pay my medical bills, lost wages, and for counseling for myself and other kids?

FWIW - using a paddle *is* illegal.

 

[Hank]

Any chance of getting him into 1 of those military/high discipline schools? The sort of place where all the kids have violent tendencies and are run like a boot camp. Those places are geared for this type of issue. Lots of PT and consequences for misbehaving.

Something like this:


If he's away it can give you a break and also guarantee the other children in your household are safe. Best of luck to you.

This is the best solution I have read...





P.S. Mamakookoo is bat chit crazy or really high!

 

[DoWhat]

This is the best solution I have read...





P.S. Mamakookoo is bat chit crazy or really high!

I agree with both.