I am the mother of "that child"

[black dog]

Yes, beating a mentally disabled person usually makes their brain work again.



She is not describing bratty behavior and indulgent parenting. She is describing a child with a legit disability that needs treatment. So quit.

And how is it that you believe that these outbursts are from being mentally disabled?

With everything that I read it's a behavior issue or do we just call bad behavior that only tends to manifest itself every so many weeks....
With what I read here she is describing nothing but bratty behavior and indulgent parenting.
This child understands that he needs to be civil and contain himself when he is committed... Other wise he ain't getting out..
That's why I believe he has nothing more than behavior that he gets away with to get the results that he wants..
I would say there is no hard firm repetitive parenting going on..
This kid was never taught boundaries...

 

[RoseRed]

Foxxy, I just ran across this website about a potential new TV show. It does indicate 18+, but it might not hurt to give it a shot.

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScnaRsQ7W0yVqWxUKATLbzFrOSJU56t7K0I1KsJsyFldAtUgg/viewform

 

[black dog]

Foxxy, I just ran across this website about a potential new TV show. It does indicate 18+, but it might not hurt to give it a shot.

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScnaRsQ7W0yVqWxUKATLbzFrOSJU56t7K0I1KsJsyFldAtUgg/viewform

She should just start with free trips to Vermont and get on Jerry, Maury or Steve's show.. And then the rest of the world will know how F¥¢£ed up the family really is..

 

[MADPEBS1]

First off i feel for you, Please take care of yourself , husband and other kids too !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your "about every 18-21 day" statement got me to thinking. We have a full Moon cycles ~ 20+days, what else is on an approx 18-21 day cycle? M[FONT=&quot]enstrual cycle, I am not going back and reading, but i'll assume he's a boy with the strength you talk about, Have you thought about "t[/FONT]he XY sex-determination system is the sex-determination system found in humans, most other ... Males typically have two distinct sex chromosomes (XY), and are called the heterogametic sex" Could he possibly have a more leaning female side to his biology?

Please take care of yourselves first !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[RoseRed]

She should just start with free trips to Vermont and get on Jerry, Maury or Steve's show.. And then the rest of the world will know how F¥¢£ed up the family really is..

I would never recommend that.

 

[black dog]

I would never recommend that.

My post reaked of sarcasm,,,, why would anyone that's sane go on tv with their familys issues and problems?

 

[black dog]

And how is it that you believe that these outbursts are from being mentally disabled?

With everything that I read it's a behavior issue or do we just call bad behavior that only tends to manifest itself every so many weeks....
With what I read here she is describing nothing but bratty behavior and indulgent parenting.
This child understands that he needs to be civil and contain himself when he is committed... Other wise he ain't getting out..
That's why I believe he has nothing more than behavior that he gets away with to get the results that he wants..
I would say there is no hard firm repetitive parenting going on..
This kid was never taught boundaries...

And I will add to this, I would tend to believe that after being committed on more than one occasion a definitive diagnosis certainly would have been made..
What was that diagnosis???????

 

[Bann]

And I will add to this, I would tend to believe that after being committed on more than one occasion a definitive diagnosis certainly would have been made..
What was that diagnosis???????

Why do you feel the need to be such as a**?

What difference would that make to you? If she shared the diagnosis you would only scoff at it anyway. You have no serious input into this except for to insist their parenting has gone wrong and the child should be beat for his bad behavior.

 

[black dog]

Why do you feel the need to be such as a**?

What difference would that make to you? If she shared the diagnosis you would only scoff at it anyway. You have no serious input into this except for to insist their parenting has gone wrong and the child should be beat for his bad behavior.

Why would I scoff with a diagnosis from someone with a Doctorate ????
I'm just a dumbass Welder with a High School Diploma, but I do know that along with seeing a Doctor and or Specialist you get a diagnosis..
You don't find it queer that just about everything else has been offered up by the OP except a diagnosis from the apparently many highly educated people that have been involved in this child's journey..
Certainly a diagnosis would accompany a 72 hour hold... If not the first time definitely after the second or third..

Would you like me to guess why the diagnosis hasn't been posted here???

I could care less if you don't like my thoughts and opinions on this topic, why would someone put there laundry out on the web if they didn't want to read everyone's opinions.
Don't put your $hit out there if you don't want to hear what others think..

 

[officeguy]

OCing?

OC = pepper spray

when I asked a cop what I'm supposed to do in order to protect myself and other children (not talking property), he said I can subdue by whatever means necessary. Once he is under control, I can't keep going, but I do have the right - and responsibility - to protect myself and the other kids. And I think they'd rather a standoff irritant than a bat. Honestly that is the conundrum we're in - since when is it okay for the state to say that, because of the age of the offender, I just have to accept the abuse? Are they going to pay my medical bills, lost wages, and for counseling for myself and other kids?

Cops and the internet are poor sources of legal advice. It is my opinion that if the cops are called and you pepper sprayed your son, you will go to jail. The system is not on your side.

 

[Bann]

Why would I scoff with a diagnosis from someone with a Doctorate ????
I'm just a dumbass Welder with a High School Diploma, but I do know that along with seeing a Doctor and or Specialist you get a diagnosis..
You don't find it queer that just about everything else has been offered up by the OP except a diagnosis from the apparently many highly educated people that have been involved in this child's journey..
Certainly a diagnosis would accompany a 72 hour hold... If not the first time definitely after the second or third..

Would you like me to guess why the diagnosis hasn't been posted here???

I could care less if you don't like my thoughts and opinions on this topic, why would someone put there laundry out on the web if they didn't want to read everyone's opinions.
Don't put your $hit out there if you don't want to hear what others think..

I believe the original post was not to ask for opinions on how they parent, or what the diagnosis of their child could be (and frankly, it doesn't matter in the context of the original post WHAT the child's diagnosis is.) It was to describe the situation they are going through - and possibly gain insight on what other resources might be available for their child.

We have gone everywhere we can think of to seek help, only to be turned away, or told that his behavior isn't serious enough. So we languish with local community resources, and people getting hurt. Yes, we have tried every consequence and reward system available over the months/years, including all the ones recommended by specialists in the fields of child psychology, adoptions, etc, and resorting to physical (for those of you who would tell me he just needs to be spanked). I'm ashamed to admit that nothing works.

So, for those of you who think that the parents of "that child" are simply ignoring and potentially even enabling the behavior, please know that that is always the case. Hospitalization (the only private resource available to us)? Tried that, it's only short term, and he's not violent enough on a regular basis to warrant a longer hold for safety reason. Level III/IV school placement? Not bad enough. Jail? Too young. DJS consequences? Very delayed, slow process (which doesn't help, in the moment). Residential placement? Controlled by SMCDSS, which is completely unresponsive. And, if I keep him at home (which I have done more than once, if I feel that he's likely to act out at school), I come out looking like a domestic violence victim. I, as an individual, am not strong enough to take him on. Our other children are not safe with him in the home (and they know this). Yet none of this is BAD ENOUGH.

I do worry that by putting this all on a local public forum, we'll be identified, criticized, and shamed, but most of the people around us already know what we're going through. The bruises I'm wearing aren't a secret. The arrests at school aren't a secret. But, if this either helps put the failure of public resources into perspective, or helps us find more resources available (including getting SMCDSS to place him into a residential facility), then it will be worth it.forums.somd.com/threads/321278-I-am-the-mother-of-quot-that-child-quot?p=5775245&viewfull=1#post5775245

 

[black dog]

Just because it isn't visible doesn't mean it isn't there.

.




If a child was abused in his early years of life (before he was adopted) that child can suffer from any number of psychiatric disorders. No amount of "beating some sense" into him will cure those psychiatric issues.

They have other well-adjusted (normal) children which proves they are not the cause of this, and they do know something about child rearing.

I doubt the mother came into this forum seeking disciplinary advice - it seems more like she wanted to find out if she could possibly find one more avenue she may not have tried to seek help from the state for her son.

Your answer seems like you only want to be provocative and start something.

You're showing your ignorance. No one is saying to call everything a disability.

The child has been abused in his early childhood years. It has caused severe psychiatric issues. The fact that he is acting out NOW, is of no surprise, as the psychiatric problems are manifesting in a variety of behavioral ways. He needs help to deal with it and the parents are at their wits' end having tried all manner of things thus far. There is a mental health system in place, and family services are in place but this child is slipping through the cracks in all the sytems and the parents know it.

Beating his a** is not going to make him "better".

As a bystander and only offering what basic information I am able to - this does seem to be what would be needed.

I empathize with what you are going through and the challenges you face seeking treatments for your son, because a friend of mine has been going through similar challenges with their own (by birth) son. (Not an only child, he is one of several) His issues are not related to abuse, but there are some dysfunctional family issues which were never dealt with. He is the youngest and they started addressing these issues (with him) professionally at a later age than you are - which presents another set of issues altogether.

Hopefully, by reaching out here, someone with more experience in "the system" will offer you advice or direction and that will lead to another path or opportunity for care you haven't been able to locate, yet.

Good luck!

I believe the original post was not to ask for opinions on how they parent, or what the diagnosis of their child could be (and frankly, it doesn't matter in the context of the original post WHAT the child's diagnosis is.) It was to describe the situation they are going through - and possibly gain insight on what other resources might be available for their child.

I believe the original post was not to ask for opinions on how they parent, or what the diagnosis of their child could be (and frankly, it doesn't matter in the context of the original post WHAT the child's diagnosis is.) It was to describe the situation they are going through - and possibly gain insight on what other resources might be available for their child.

But yet you yourself have posted in this thread your opinions and thoughts..
But now I'm on board with you... Just the opinions and diagnosis that you agree with are ok here.. I got it hypocrite....

And I would suggest you go back and read the OP's post.

Here's a paragraph you must have missed..
The lesson is don't put your laundry out unless you want to read about in the newspaper.

I do worry that by putting this all on a local public forum, we'll be identified, criticized, and shamed, but most of the people around us already know what we're going through. The bruises I'm wearing aren't a secret. The arrests at school aren't a secret. But, if this either helps put the failure of public resources into perspective, or helps us find more resources available (including getting SMCDSS to place him into a residential facility), then it will be worth it.

 

[foxxynhounds]

Why would I scoff with a diagnosis from someone with a Doctorate ????
I'm just a dumbass Welder with a High School Diploma, but I do know that along with seeing a Doctor and or Specialist you get a diagnosis..
You don't find it queer that just about everything else has been offered up by the OP except a diagnosis from the apparently many highly educated people that have been involved in this child's journey..
Certainly a diagnosis would accompany a 72 hour hold... If not the first time definitely after the second or third..

Would you like me to guess why the diagnosis hasn't been posted here???

I could care less if you don't like my thoughts and opinions on this topic, why would someone put there laundry out on the web if they didn't want to read everyone's opinions.
Don't put your $hit out there if you don't want to hear what others think..

Sure. Please guess.

But, I should point out that, since you think we are indulgent parents, unless a diagnosis is given, despite having read what we're going thru...i am not inclined to give your perspective much weight. If you thought his diagnosis would in any way help you help us get real help, then all you had to do was ask, instead of being an a** and insinuating that I have an ulterior motive. There was no malice in me holding it back.

Given his age, the most they will label him with is ADHD and emotional dysregulation or something like that. Nothing truly serious enough to warrant his behavior.

Now, do you feel better? Do you feel justified in thinking I had some big bad reason for hiding it?

Do I need to tell you which meds we've tried, specific doctors we've seen, etc, in order for you to continue to proffer your criticism? Or do you have enough ammo?

But you're right, I knew someone - actually, I expected more - to tell us it's our fault without offering any real productive criticism besides to beat him. That's why I invited the shaming, while simultaneously hoping that a) we might find other resources to help and b) our story might help others realize they're not alone. This is an incredibly isolating position to be in.

 

[foxxynhounds]

And yes, I knew that posting this might make us identifiable in a search for help, but if the alternative is that you find out about us after it's too late for help...i choose the first option

 

[DoWhat]

And yes, I knew that posting this might make us identifiable in a search for help, but if the alternative is that you find out about us after it's too late for help...i choose the first option

You are a GREAT Mom and I bet your Husband is a GREAT Father.
I pray that everything works out.
Wishing you the best.

 

[black dog]

Sure. Please guess.

But, I should point out that, since you think we are indulgent parents, unless a diagnosis is given, despite having read what we're going thru...i am not inclined to give your perspective much weight. If you thought his diagnosis would in any way help you help us get real help, then all you had to do was ask, instead of being an a** and insinuating that I have an ulterior motive. There was no malice in me holding it back.

Given his age, the most they will label him with is ADHD and emotional dysregulation or something like that. Nothing truly serious enough to warrant his behavior.

Now, do you feel better? Do you feel justified in thinking I had some big bad reason for hiding it?

Do I need to tell you which meds we've tried, specific doctors we've seen, etc, in order for you to continue to proffer your criticism? Or do you have enough ammo?

But you're right, I knew someone - actually, I expected more - to tell us it's our fault without offering any real productive criticism besides to beat him. That's why I invited the shaming, while simultaneously hoping that a) we might find other resources to help and b) our story might help others realize they're not alone. This is an incredibly isolating position to be in.

If you feel what I have to say,,, why would you respond for starters..
But since you did...


But yet you posted a astonishing amount of information about your son, years worth of history but lacked a diagnosis of any sort.
I find that interesting at minimum.. Why would someone post this about their family??
Certainly there is groups that have " Vegas " meetings...
What you don't know is the girl that floats in my pool ( no tiki bar here ) worked as a family law attorney for years in Southern Maryland..She's seen alot in those years, not just one kid,, hundreds of kids. She is a parent of two boys herself. We have had some interesting conversation since last night over this thread.
Along with you don't know much about my family's history and what I have been involved with in my 59 years.
Good Luck with your son..

 

[foxxynhounds]

If you feel what I have to say,,, why would you respond for starters..
But since you did...


But yet you posted a astonishing amount of information about your son, years worth of history but lacked a diagnosis of any sort.
I find that interesting at minimum.. Why would someone post this about their family??
Certainly there is groups that have " Vegas " meetings...
What you don't know is the girl that floats in my pool ( no tiki bar here ) worked as a family law attorney for years in Southern Maryland..She's seen alot in those years, not just one kid,, hundreds of kids. She is a parent of two boys herself. We have had some interesting conversation since last night over this thread.
Along with you don't know much about my family's history and what I have been involved with in my 59 years.
Good Luck with your son..

Yet, you didn't offer any advice, besides go beat him, and assumed I had an ulterior motive in 'hiding' a diagnosis. If you notice, in the first post, I didn't even mention my husband, whom I've been with for more than half my life - is it possible that im just tired? That maybe details of import to you might not pop into my mind right away? I haven't ignored any question that had been asked. We really do just want help. All you had to do was ask.

I honestly would have appreciated any advice you could have offered from experience with a similar situation - yours or anyone else's. But I WOULD be arrested if we actually beat him with a paddle, and besides that, all you did was assume I'm hiding something. Your SO should know that. That's not very helpful l.

As for why I responded...because I know there are other people out there reading this, going thru the same thing. And I want them to know they're not alone.

 

[black dog]

Yet, you didn't offer any advice, besides go beat him, and assumed I had an ulterior motive in 'hiding' a diagnosis. If you notice, in the first post, I didn't even mention my husband, whom I've been with for more than half my life - is it possible that im just tired? That maybe details of import to you might not pop into my mind right away? I haven't ignored any question that had been asked. We really do just want help. All you had to do was ask.

I honestly would have appreciated any advice you could have offered from experience with a similar situation - yours or anyone else's. But I WOULD be arrested if we actually beat him with a paddle, and besides that, all you did was assume I'm hiding something. Your SO should know that. That's not very helpful l.

As for why I responded...because I know there are other people out there reading this, going thru the same thing. And I want them to know they're not alone.

I offered plenty of advice, it's just not what you wanted to hear.
Tough love is tough on both ends.
If you are afraid of seeing the judge for paddling your child,,,, I feel sorry for your children.

I just skimmed over you last 6-7 years of posts and I did come to one conclusion, you fully understood what you and your husband were bringing​ into your home with problem Foster care children.
I'll say it again, You fully understood what you were bringing in your home.

Tell me, is it worth that monthly check from the State?
We're these children in free day care at Pax when the State was writing you a check for Special Needs Daycare???
This is just a few that I have kept to myself, I have more but I see through you like a plate glass window. ,,, That cute lawyer chic in my pool has seen a thing or two herself.
Good Luck ...... Vaya Con Dio's...

 

[PeoplesElbow]

I actually now have pepper spray (dog strength, legal) on hand to keep myself from getting hurt while trying to get him out of the house.

I actually thought about suggesting that, but didn't know how it would go over.

Some people have to be trained instead of reasoned with. I would wager that if you find yourself having to use it that it will only need to be used once.

 

[Ken King]

OC = pepper spray

= oleoresin capsicum spray

Cops and the internet are poor sources of legal advice. It is my opinion that if the cops are called and you pepper sprayed your son, you will go to jail. The system is not on your side.

While OC is classified as a dangerous weapon under MD law, and carrying it can result in an arrest (if out in public), the law is pretty much silent about carrying it within one's own home. Maryland also has an exception for dangerous weapon use in self defense. So while an arrest is possible, even likely, conviction isn't unless the force used was determined to be unreasonable.