Is kindness weakness?

[Kain99]

I don't think kindness is a weakness unless you depend on the acts of kindness to feed your ego or fill voids in your life. I think genuine kindness just comes naturally..you either are a giver or you aren't. You give of yourself and be at peace with that. No strings..no conditions. You cannot expect anything in return and you don't remind people of the kidnesses you show them. I just think you do it and feel good about it and that's the end of it.

Here's the problem.... I expect kindness in return. I turn the other cheek and get punched in the face again. I just don't understand it. I'm not looking for glory or praise. I just want to be treated with respect and dignity.

I'm scared of turning bitter and angry.

 

[dems4me]

Here's the problem.... I expect kindness in return. I turn the other cheek and get punched in the face again. I just don't understand it. I'm not looking for glory or praise. I just want to be treated with respect and dignity.

I'm scared of turning bitter and angry.

You will not always get it... just do it without conditions or expectations - I swear some folks were raised by wolves or something... not everyone was blessed to have been introduced to manners and doing good to others... :shrug: Hang in there and don't let folks get the best of ya!! Keep giving folks the other cheek... you are the one winning the battle by doing soo... not them... stay cheerful....but do things 100% from your heart...even though your brain puts and expectation on it... ignore it. You'll be the better person in the end....

 

[justhangn]

I've found...........

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you
focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and
doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

 

[cattitude]

Here's the problem.... I expect kindness in return. I turn the other cheek and get punched in the face again. I just don't understand it. I'm not looking for glory or praise. I just want to be treated with respect and dignity.

I'm scared of turning bitter and angry.

I guess I was talking about DOING kind things for people and not expecting anything in return. Actually being treated with respect and dignity is, to me, something different. If you treat a person with respect and dignity and they do not treat you the same why would you spend time with that person? :shrug: Hey, I tried...see ya. Make sense?

 

[Kain99]

I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But, if you
focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and
doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.

Excellent!

 

[Kizzy]

I guess I was talking about DOING kind things for people and not expecting anything in return. Actually being treated with respect and dignity is, to me, something different. If you treat a person with respect and dignity and they do not treat you the same why would you spend time with that person? :shrug: Hey, I tried...see ya. Make sense?

perfect

 

[Kain99]

Make sense?

You always make sense Catt.... Thanks.

 

[vraiblonde]

See, Kain, people like you annoy me and I'll tell you why:

Good deeds shouldn't come with a price tag. That's why a lot of times I hesitate to let someone help me - because I know it will cost me and I either don't want to pay or I want to know the price upfront so I can decide whether I want to "buy" or not.

Most women have seen this up close and personal. You're sitting in a bar and the bartender says, "That guy over there wants to buy you a drink." And you know damn well that if you take the drink, he's going to come over and pester you, trying to pick you up, because now he has bought that right for a $3 beer. So I usually said, "No thank you" to the beer.

Then there are the friends who get mad when they ask you for a favor that you can't do. Like watch their children every day. Or put their mother-in-law up for a week. "Humpf! After all the nice things I did for you!"

Do you see what I'm saying, Kain? You should do nice things for people because it makes you feel good about yourself, not because you expect something in return. Life is not about "tit for tat".

 

[KCM]

That's EXACTLY it. If you see a lady struggling with packages and toddlers at the post office, the least you can do is open the door for her or try and help her carry something. If you do this and she doesn't even say thank you or maybe even snarls at you - "I didn't need your help - oh well. You still did a nice thing for someone else.

What comes around, goes around. :shrug:

I agree. I am kind to those around me. If they welcome my kindness and return it that is fine. If they don't...well there is nothing I can do about that. Case in point..the other day my daughter and I were dropping off books at the Calvert Community Center's library. The senior citizens were leaving the building to go on a trip. There was a lady in front of me that was clearly struggling trying to get out the door and manage her purse, walker and bag. I held her bag for her and my daughter opened the door so she could get out. We didn't even get a thank you from her. My daughter stated that what I did was truly kind whereas the older lady should have been ashamed for not thanking us. Whether or not the lady thanked us is a mute point...I know in my heart what I did was an act of kindess...I didn't need someone to verbally reassure me that it was.

 

[Tonio]

You should do nice things for people because it makes you feel good about yourself, not because you expect something in return. Life is not about "tit for tat".

Kain, I'm not trying to put words in your mouth. But it sounds to me like you're concerned about having a nice demeanor around people. Meaning that you would always be pleasant to everyone, not getting angry at them or not voicing your likes and dislikes, in hopes that they'll like you better. That's when people take advantage, not when you do something kind for them. Now, if you do nice things for people as a way to get them to like you better, than that's not much different than trying to have a nice demeanor.

 

[Vince]

Is kindness, whatever your definition, a weakness. The obvious answer is NO! I've always treated others the way I'd want to be treated, no matter how they act or treat me. If I die tomorrow, at least I'll have done something good for someone. We're only here for alittle while boys and girls, and when it's all over, no matter how tough you are, you're dead. So I do the best I can with what I have and if it calls for turning the other cheek a couple hundred times, so be it. I'm not saying I don't get angry, sh!t, everyone does, but you get over it and you make things right with whoever.

 

[cattitude]

I agree. I am kind to those around me. If they welcome my kindness and return it that is fine. If they don't...well there is nothing I can do about that. Case in point..the other day my daughter and I were dropping off books at the Calvert Community Center's library. The senior citizens were leaving the building to go on a trip. There was a lady in front of me that was clearly struggling trying to get out the door and manage her purse, walker and bag. I held her bag for her and my daughter opened the door so she could get out. We didn't even get a thank you from her. My daughter stated that what I did was truly kind whereas the older lady should have been ashamed for not thanking us. Whether or not the lady thanked us is a mute point...I know in my heart what I did was an act of kindess...I didn't need someone to verbally reassure me that it was.

But did you tell her MFC?

 

[KCM]

But did you tell her MFC?

No..I didn't think of that at the time.

 

[jazz lady]

"tit for tat".

For Kain, it should have been "tat for tit"...

Seriously, I agree with your point, vrai. I do things for people because I want to and it makes me feel good, NOT because I want something from them in return. I've learned how to say "thank you" when somebody gives me something unexpected and not feel obligated to return the favor immediately.

I have a lady renting a room from me for awhile. I realized she had no money for Christmas and told her to skip the monthly rent for December. After her initial shock and saying "no" a few times, she decided to take me up on the offer. It made me feel good to see the joy on her face knowing she could get presents for her loved ones. She went shopping and came home loaded with presents and a big smile on her face.

Do I expect anything back? Nothing other than the warm feeling I got in my heart knowing I had made her Christmas special this year. I realize I am so lucky to have what I have compared to others I see.

 

[2ndAmendment]

I have a lady renting a room from me for awhile. I realized she had no money for Christmas and told her to skip the monthly rent for December. After her initial shock and saying "no" a few times, she decided to take me up on the offer. It made me feel good to see the joy on her face knowing she could get presents for her loved ones. She went shopping and came home loaded with presents and a big smile on her face.

Now we are talking Christmas!

 

[Tonio]

"tit for tat"

In the words of Benny Hill, "In that case, tat."

 

[Kizzy]

That was very sweet of you Jazz.

I think I viewed this like Kain did, and in Catt's response I had an epiphany.

I am a pleaser, grew up trying to please my parents, if I brought home 6 A's and a B, dad wanted to know why there were not all A's, and when my actions are analyzed , or my intentions questioned, or I am accused of not giving what I'm not getting to begin such as "respect and dignity," or well I could go on and on, I try harder to make things better, sometimes trying too hard, and sometimes the reality is, there are some people who will never be satisfied or pleased. It isn't personal against you, it is them. I've never done anything expecting anything in return. If I don't have it to give, I don't, if I do, I will.

Catt is right, there is a point when you shrug your shoulders and say, I've tried. No need pouting over anything, it will make you crazy, when the reality is crystal clear, the answer is clear, so Kain, If you are questioning something that you did to make you feel good and in the interterm it turned out not that way at all, you know the answer.

 

[Kain99]

Thanks Kiz and everyone else.... This was about my old boss. He still owes me a very large commission which I am supposed to get this week.

He's called here at least 6 times for help on the project I was working on. I know he's struggling so I've helped him out "a lot" for free, mind ya.

Anyway it just seems the more I help him, the more he calls and every dayum time he has some excuse as to why my commission is not ready.

I feel like a sucker.

 

[justhangn]

I feel like a sucker.

Take your pick!

 

[Ken King]

I feel like a sucker.

At least wipe your chin.