Lines Heard During Couples/Marriage Counseling


Up. Identified. Lase. Fire. On the way.
PREMO Member
Therapist (to the husband): "Why don't you tell us something you've done recently to surprise your wife; to make her happy."



--- End of line (MCP)


Well-Known Member
If you drink one beer, you will forever be labeled a drunk.
Internet said:
So a man walks into a bar, and sits down. He starts a conversation with an old guy next to him. The old guy has obviously had a few. He says to the man:

"You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scoarching weather, but do they call me "McGregor the bridge builder"? No! And you see that pier over there, I built that, best pier in the county! But do they call me "McGregor the pier builder"? No!"

The old guy looks around, and makes sure that nobody is listening, and leans to the man, and he says:

"but you feck one sheep..."


Up. Identified. Lase. Fire. On the way.
PREMO Member
The second session is all about defining terms and conversation styles/meanings....

1. Yes = No

2. No = No

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry.

6. We need to talk = You're in trouble.

7. Sure, go ahead = You better not.

8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later.

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?


1. I am hungry = I am hungry.

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy.

3. I am tired = I am tired.

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now.

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay.

--- End of line (MCP)


Well-Known Member
Husband asks wife, are you happy with the size of your azz? Wife replies, some times I wish you were a little taller when I'm wearing heels.


Up. Identified. Lase. Fire. On the way.
PREMO Member
Lines heard at a Senior Center counseling session (pardon the language):


--- End of line (MCP)


PREMO Member
BUT she WILL remember anything you ever did that ever pissed her off, to the date and second;

my 1st wife was a Character Assassin when she got pissed off ... and she would hold onto crap for months then explode

that time 6 months ago you forgot to take out the trash, do the dishes or some other task. crap I cannot remember if I took out the trash last week, WTF are you talking about back in July :sshrug:

then you were all kinds of worthless mother ****er who ain't good for nothing ......


R.I.P. My Brother Rick
My ex asked me if I remembered the time I wanted her to have sex in public? When I said yes, she said "I'm going to screw you good next Friday at 1:00pm in front of a whole court room."