marriage Q

[Redskinsmama]

i often wonder why people get married now a days. Marriage used to be about co-survivorship and hard work and now everyone is so willing to get married b/c divorce is common place now. i feel like women just want the big white dress and all eyes on them and if their marriage doesn't work out, oh well, divorce. i have a friend that got engaged after dating a guy for 2 months and it blows me away! I would love to hear opinions from all spectrums (married/divorced/single) on whether you believe marriage is what it used to be and if you would go down that path.

 

[BS Gal]

i often wonder why people get married now a days. Marriage used to be about co-survivorship and hard work and now everyone is so willing to get married b/c divorce is common place now. i feel like women just want the big white dress and all eyes on them and if their marriage doesn't work out, oh well, divorce. i have a friend that got engaged after dating a guy for 2 months and it blows me away! I would love to hear opinions from all spectrums (married/divorced/single) on whether you believe marriage is what it used to be and if you would go down that path.

My marriage is going on 26 years so :shrug:

 

[BadGirl]

You know those whomen who, newly engaged, talk about their "dream" wedding, and how they've been thinking about their wedding day & wedding dress from the time they were small girls? Well, that's not me. I have never given two thoughts to my wedding day, or what dress I would wear. Not to say that I've *never* thought about it in a split second, but I've never fantasized about the pagentry of it all. I see the process of planning a wedding as a pain in the azz, truthfully. If I were to get married, it would be with little fanfare....probably just a Justice of the Peace...and little else.

Sometimes I want to be married, but most often not. I'm quite happy being with someone that I love, respect and adore.

 

[pixiegirl]

I dated my ex husband for over 3 years when I married him. I knew he was a horses ass but was young and foolish and thought he'd change. When he treated my newborn son with the same disregard he did everyone else I left and divorced him.

I dated my ex fiance for over 4 years before we got engaged. We had a kid, he'd taken on kid #1 as his own, we had houses, cars and everything else that married people do. 4 months off the wedding date I realized that we were doing everything for the wrong reason. While there was a mutual love there we really didn't have anything between us. If that makes sense. I broke it off because I could see that we'd get divorced one day. When the kids were older and we were left to ourselves we'd have nothing in common and likely grow to resent each other for missing out on our lives. We're closer and better friends now than we ever were together. I think we're both better parents because we're unconcerned with trying to keep the other happy.

 

[lovinmaryland]

I have no clue what is going on nowadays.

To be honest with you I know A LOT of people who are choosing to have kids with their partners and not get married.

They feel that when they get married they become mid level income and that they are penalized. Where as single mothers get a lot more benefits (foodstamps, low-income healthcare, filing for head of household etc..) for being classified as "single"

I have seen it first hand. I have two sisters, 1 is a unmarried "single" mom and the other is married with a child. Both would be classified as low income (to me at least) making less than 30,000 a year total income. My single sister gets 320 a month in food stamps, free health care for her and her son, WIC, and is on the top of a waiting list for low income housing @ 400 a month for a 2 bedroom apartment.

My married sister gets none of that... she doesn't even qualify for WIC. According to the government they make to much to qualify for anything. Almost exact income. But a family of three doesn't qualify. It makes no sense.

It is sad... I know single mothers have it hard, he## I am one, but so do married couples with children trying to make it work.

 

[mainman]

I hooked up in 89, married in 94, split in 03... My divorce should be final any day now... and before anyone asks.................I've been busy

 

[Nickel]

I can only speak for myself, not society as a whole. I'm not really concerned with where America is going in terms of marriage, that has nothing to do with me. I entered into my marriage with the intention of spending the rest of my life with my husband. I'm not a quitter. I also don't jump into things head first without a second thought. He and I loved each other, and wanted to get married and make a life together, so we did. He is my best friend. He is a good man...the best man for me.

Every person is different. Some believe in marriage, some don't. Some are fickle when it comes to relationships, some aren't. You can't really pigeonhole a whole generation based on your observations, because the world is so much bigger than that.

 

[lovinmaryland]

I dated my ex husband for over 3 years when I married him. I knew he was a horses ass but was young and foolish and thought he'd change. When he treated my newborn son with the same disregard he did everyone else I left and divorced him.

I dated my ex fiance for over 4 years before we got engaged. We had a kid, he'd taken on kid #1 as his own, we had houses, cars and everything else that married people do. 4 months off the wedding date I realized that we were doing everything for the wrong reason. While there was a mutual love there we really didn't have anything between us. If that makes sense. I broke it off because I could see that we'd get divorced one day. When the kids were older and we were left to ourselves we'd have nothing in common and likely grow to resent each other for missing out on our lives. We're closer and better friends now than we ever were together. I think we're both better parents because we're unconcerned with trying to keep the other happy.

It makes perfect sense... look at it this way you were burned once and are wiser for it. He might not have been the best husband but at least he did help you out later on by realizing you could make the same mistake.

I think family plays a big part in marriages today. Sometimes i felt pressure to get married because it was "the right thing to do" I think the right thing to do is be sure it is real and not a quick fix.

 

[mainman]

I can only speak for myself

Of course...

 

[Nickel]

Of course...

You're mean, go away.

 

[cattitude]

Just shy of 25 years...I cannot imagine being happier.

 

[mainman]

You're mean, go away.

Sowwy, it just structed me as funny... :shrug:

 

[Redskinsmama]

I can only speak for myself, not society as a whole. I'm not really concerned with where America is going in terms of marriage, that has nothing to do with me. I entered into my marriage with the intention of spending the rest of my life with my husband. I'm not a quitter. I also don't jump into things head first without a second thought. He and I loved each other, and wanted to get married and make a life together, so we did. He is my best friend. He is a good man...the best man for me.

Every person is different. Some believe in marriage, some don't. Some are fickle when it comes to relationships, some aren't. You can't really pigeonhole a whole generation based on your observations, because the world is so much bigger than that.

is it really pigeonholing if the statistics show that divorce is rampant among our society? if you don't mind me asking how old are you?

 

[mainman]

is it really pigeonholing if the statistics show that divorce is rampant among our society? if you don't mind me asking how old are you?

Don't get her started....please?

 

[smoothmarine187]

You know those whomen who, newly engaged, talk about their "dream" wedding, and how they've been thinking about their wedding day & wedding dress from the time they were small girls? Well, that's not me. I have never given two thoughts to my wedding day, or what dress I would wear. Not to say that I've *never* thought about it in a split second, but I've never fantasized about the pagentry of it all. I see the process of planning a wedding as a pain in the azz, truthfully. If I were to get married, it would be with little fanfare....probably just a Justice of the Peace...and little else.

Sometimes I want to be married, but most often not. I'm quite happy being with someone that I love, respect and adore.

If bob ever let's you go, there will be a line of men at your door!

 

[Redskinsmama]

next question...if you got divorced, would you ever remarry?

 

[Chain729]

Marriage means nothing anymore- part of the reason I don't see ever doing it.

My mother got engaged to my step-father after 6 months. He had proposed to her after 3 and knew what she wanted to say, but chose to wait an additional 3 months to give him an answer. They've been happily married, and through quite a bit, for 12 years.

On the other hand, I've seen things go quickly that didn't work out so well. I've also seen things that went slowly and still failed miserably. It's more about the people than the time.

Personally, I could see and would love to spend the rest of my life with someone; but I can't fathom being married- for a variety of reasons.

 

[Redskinsmama]

Don't get her started....please?

haha, ok, i'll retract that statement officially.

 

[Redskinsmama]

Marriage means nothing anymore- part of the reason I don't see ever doing it.

My mother got engaged to my step-father after 6 months. He had proposed to her after 3 and knew what she wanted to say, but chose to wait an additional 3 months to give him an answer. They've been happily married, and through quite a bit, for 12 years.

On the other hand, I've seen things go quickly that didn't work out so well. I've also seen things that went slowly and still failed miserably. It's more about the people than the time.

Personally, I could see and would love to spend the rest of my life with someone; but I can't fathom being married- for a variety of reasons.

what variety of reasons?

 

[Nickel]

is it really pigeonholing if the statistics show that divorce is rampant among our society? if you don't mind me asking how old are you?

I'm 25. We both grew up in "broken homes". We don't intend to head down that same path.