marriage Q

[pixiegirl]

It makes perfect sense... look at it this way you were burned once and are wiser for it. He might not have been the best husband but at least he did help you out later on by realizing you could make the same mistake.

I think family plays a big part in marriages today. Sometimes i felt pressure to get married because it was "the right thing to do" I think the right thing to do is be sure it is real and not a quick fix.

I didn't get burned. I burned myself and KNEW it going in. He was no kind of boyfriend much less husband. He is completely gone from my and my son's life now living out a crack filled wonderful existance somewhere I'm sure.

The ex fiance was the polar opposite of the ex husband and I think that's what attacted me and ultimately kept me with him for so long. I realized that I was choosing stability over love and he was choosing obligation over love. Wrong reasons to get married. Not that he or I were ever saints to each other because at times we were far from. It was a compilation of all those times that made me realize we'd hate each other one day if we stayed together.

 

[pixiegirl]

My mom was engaged when she met my dad and my dad was freshly divorced. They were at the hospital visiting a mutual friend. My dad was in love... Got my mom's phone number and called her and told her that she couldn't get married to the other guy, that he was in love with her, he couldn't live without her, etc. My mom broke off her engagement and was married to my father 10 months later. They've been married for 36 years.

 

[dems4me]

You know those whomen who, newly engaged, talk about their "dream" wedding, and how they've been thinking about their wedding day & wedding dress from the time they were small girls? Well, that's not me. I have never given two thoughts to my wedding day, or what dress I would wear. Not to say that I've *never* thought about it in a split second, but I've never fantasized about the pagentry of it all. I see the process of planning a wedding as a pain in the azz, truthfully. If I were to get married, it would be with little fanfare....probably just a Justice of the Peace...and little else.

Sometimes I want to be married, but most often not. I'm quite happy being with someone that I love, respect and adore.

well said. I'm the same way, I'd not want a big deal made over it, never did. Just a party afterwards with everyone in jeans and tshirts - very casual, laid back and less stressful for all involved. I never understood why soo many girls get soo bent on being dressed up to the nines and the lavish and expensive celebration at being on "lockdown" the rest of their lives

 

[Chain729]

My mom was engaged when she met my dad and my dad was freshly divorced. They were at the hospital visiting a mutual friend. My dad was in love... Got my mom's phone number and called her and told her that she couldn't get married to the other guy, that he was in love with her, he couldn't live without her, etc. My mom broke off her engagement and was married to my father 10 months later. They've been married for 36 years.

How much did they sell the movie rights for?

 

[Redskinsmama]

all of my friends are dropping like flies now (i'm 25 and apparently that's the age when you're supposed to start looking for your mate) and everyone always asks me, "when are you going to settle down?" and i just don't think i will ever get to the point where i can honestly imagine being with one man for the rest of my life. being single around all married friends is daunting as well. when you go to a dinner party and all couples are around you, and everyone gives you the pity speech "he's out there, you'll find him" just seems so unattainable. i commend anyone that has made a marriage last as long as some of you have, but in this day in age, is it realistic to think "til death do you part" or "til things get rocky"

 

[Shreddie]

next question...if you got divorced, would you ever remarry?

No. I enjoy being married and put a lot of effort into the relationship, but I can't see me doing it again. If after 20 years this were to fail I would remain single.

 

[Redskinsmama]

sorry by the way, i know i sound insanely pessimistic, but i'm newly single, and in st mary's and dating around here is a daunting task...the glass is half empty in terms of the dating scene so it's got me down in the dumps.

 

[mainman]

all of my friends are dropping like flies now (i'm 25 and apparently that's the age when you're supposed to start looking for your mate) and everyone always asks me, "when are you going to settle down?" and i just don't think i will ever get to the point where i can honestly imagine being with one man for the rest of my life. being single around all married friends is daunting as well. when you go to a dinner party and all couples are around you, and everyone gives you the pity speech "he's out there, you'll find him" just seems so unattainable. i commend anyone that has made a marriage last as long as some of you have, but in this day in age, is it realistic to think "til death do you part" or "til things get rocky"

In a way, I agree with some of that you are saying... I don't know how old the institution of marriage is, but... I am thinking that when people first started marrying, life expectancy was prolly like 28-30 yrs old, I am not sure people are meant to be together for 40 or 50 years...

 

[Chain729]

what variety of reasons?

The biggest ones?

1. Committment is a forgein concept to most nowadays. Hell, I've seen people get divorced because they're bored with the other person. Marriage to a lot of people means nothing other than legal and financial complications when you break up. I don't want that.

2. I don't think I could trust anyone outside of blood to carry out my wishes when I'm gone. My father thought he found that someone and it was a nightmare when he died.

There's several more, but they're a bit too personal and complicated for me to put into words at this time.

 

[cattitude]

is it really pigeonholing if the statistics show that divorce is rampant among our society?

That's because people are into instant gratification and can't see the forest for the trees. Marriage is work, you aren't always "in love" and you don't always like each other. Unless you've been married a long time, you can't know this. But there is nothing better than reaching the point where I am now in marriage.

 

[Vince]

In a way, I agree with some of that you are saying... I don't know how old the institution of marriage is, but... I am thinking that when people first started marrying, life expectancy was prolly like 28-30 yrs old, I am not sure people are meant to be together for 40 or 50 years...

My mother and father were married 52 years. After my mother passed away, my father just didn't want to be around anymore. He passed away 3 months later.

 

[pixiegirl]

How much did they sell the movie rights for?

I swear to this day their marriage is what screwed me. Because of them I believe that two people can genuinely love each other and that that love only grows with time. I believe that two people who are together should love the ever living $hit out of one another at all times. I'm sure they had issues when I was growing up but I'm only aware of one fight they ever had. I was 14 and told to leave the house so they could hash it out. They've gone through a ton of hardships but have always done it together. Sometimes I think it's unrealistic to think I'll ever have that but at others I refuse to settle for anything less.

My ex husband and I stayed together so long because he was exciting. I felt that rush. The baby daddy, none of that was there but there was stability.

My parents still hold hands at the mall and go out on "date night" EVERY Saturday night. Everyone here has heard me talk about what a whacko my mom can be... Doesn't matter to my dad, he loves the ever loving crap out of her anyway.

 

[DoWhat]

Every person is different.

Yes, I believe that is true.

I love my wife for who she is.
We don't have everything in common, but I think that is what attracted us together (opposites).
We have our moments, but we are adults and deal with it.

I would do anything for her, and I believe she would do anything for me (but she already told me that the threesome is a no no).

 

[Lugnut]

sorry by the way, i know i sound insanely pessimistic, but i'm newly single, and in st mary's and dating around here is a daunting task...the glass is half empty in terms of the dating scene so it's got me down in the dumps.

I hear a lot of people say that, but I just don't see it. This place is FULL of single professionals to date!

You'll see, once you get over the newly single thing you're going to have a good time dating.

 

[julz20684]

You know those whomen who, newly engaged, talk about their "dream" wedding, and how they've been thinking about their wedding day & wedding dress from the time they were small girls? Well, that's not me. I have never given two thoughts to my wedding day, or what dress I would wear. Not to say that I've *never* thought about it in a split second, but I've never fantasized about the pagentry of it all. I see the process of planning a wedding as a pain in the azz, truthfully. If I were to get married, it would be with little fanfare....probably just a Justice of the Peace...and little else.

Sometimes I want to be married, but most often not. I'm quite happy being with someone that I love, respect and adore.

Seems to me that is just what it is...Pagentry. I did the justice of the peace, no big deal...just the way it ended up.

I don't ever remember being a little girl dreaming of my wedding day nor as an adult fantasizing about it either. The small thoughts of it all seem to point to simplicity at best; a beach and bare feet.

 

[Redskinsmama]

That's because people are into instant gratification and can't see the forest for the trees. Marriage is work, you aren't always "in love" and you don't always like each other. Unless you've been married a long time, you can't know this. But there is nothing better than reaching the point where I am now in marriage.

kudos to you, i love to hear of people that actually make it work.

ok kinda on topic but not really. the boyfriend that i just broke up with (amazing man, miss him insanely) came home and when when we were talking about him going to comm college, he flat out said, "i don't have goals i don't have ambition, i don't think about the future, i never have and that will not change about me" and i immediately snapped back, then we can't be together. would you consider that picking money over love? someone said that to me last night and it's really buggin me!

 

[julz20684]

If bob ever let's you go, there will be a line of men at your door!

And women

 

[Redskinsmama]

I hear a lot of people say that, but I just don't see it. This place is FULL of single professionals to date!

You'll see, once you get over the newly single thing you're going to have a good time dating.

where do you meet them? i think that's the problem....besides a bar, where do you go to meet people around here?

funny story also....was set up on a blind date without knowing it a couple weeks ago.....HORRIBLE!!!!! this guy was good on paper but MAN was he crazy....chewed with his mouth open, and actually farted at the table! i thought i was going to die. put a $20 on the table and excused myself...went home and drank a couple glasses of wine in an attempt to forget the evening.

 

[Chain729]

kudos to you, i love to hear of people that actually make it work.

ok kinda on topic but not really. the boyfriend that i just broke up with (amazing man, miss him insanely) came home and when when we were talking about him going to comm college, he flat out said, "i don't have goals i don't have ambition, i don't think about the future, i never have and that will not change about me" and i immediately snapped back, then we can't be together. would you consider that picking money over love? someone said that to me last night and it's really buggin me!

No. I would consider that "having futures that aren't compatable." That's not just the way he is with his carreer, but with his whole life. Some people are happy like that, some aren't, most are in-between.

Love is great, but if your trains are headed in two opposite directions with no intention or ability to change that, it'll never work.

 

[mainman]

My mother and father were married 52 years. After my mother passed away, my father just didn't want to be around anymore. He passed away 3 months later.

My grandfather still wears his wedding ring,... she died in 94...