Marriage. What's the point?

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nitwhit3286

Guest
It's about finding "the one" silly, that makes everything else fall by the wayside and you wanting to publically and forever proclaim it as so. Going that extra step and putting in that extra effort. Working for it. To go the extra distance and make an extra effort and make some serious promises to each other and mean it. To want to be there no matter what.

I think living together is not about being with "the one" it's about being with "this will do for now". Which is fine for some and for some that's all that they want. They don't want more, hence no further commitment or effort. No need for promises or plans or anything. If it's bothersome or becomes to much work - go on to the next no big deal, since that person wasn't really the one you wanted to be with for the rest of your life anyway. I've been there, I know. I always swore I would never get married.

Marriage's not about it being harder to break up. It's about not even thinking about a break up but what you're going to be like with no teeth in your head and how wonderful it is that you'll be in the nursing home together - no matter what. Get it? Okay probably a bad analogy, but there's a difference. I think it's the heart, the hope and the love.



Maybe all I have ever done was meet the wrong guys. Heck, I am probably married to the wrong guy now. But, I guess when you are young and 18 you aren't like yeah i wonder what it will be like when we're sixty. my marriage consisted of a justice of the peace. no wedding, no daddy and daughter dance. No wedding ring ( still to this day my ring finger is bare). It was rushed but then again I was pregnant at the time. I think we would have been good just the two of us, but once our daughter came into our lives it has gotten harder. lets face it I didn't really know him when I married him.. we met july and got married december of the same year. Foolish. I feel like I have paid my dues over the last 4 years. You know what i want?? One day, one day when I can get myself to that point where I can be myself again, I want to meet someone. He may not be absolutely gorgeous, he may not be the CEO of some large company with oodles of cash, he may even wear stained t-shirts out to dinner because well it was just a little spot that he wouldn't even notice so thats okay. I just want to meet someone that adores me for who I am. My silly crazy moments, my curl up on the bed and read with me moments, or lets just veg out on the couch moments. someone who looks at me a certain way, and touches my heart. To have the same aspirations and goals in life and accomplish them together. A man that knows how to handle his business and takes care of his family. I haven't found that person, that my heart beats for on the daily. I mean, yeah I'm married now..but more than likely won't last. WE try and try and try. To no avail. As soon as things are starting to look up they roll back downhill. Maybe I'll never find that person that other people say completes them. I would like to think I would. Maybe, one day.
 
It's about finding "the one" silly, that makes everything else fall by the wayside and you wanting to publically and forever proclaim it as so. Going that extra step and putting in that extra effort. Working for it. To go the extra distance and make an extra effort and make some serious promises to each other and mean it. To want to be there no matter what.

I think living together is not about being with "the one" it's about being with "this will do for now". Which is fine for some and for some that's all that they want. They don't want more, hence no further commitment or effort. No need for promises or plans or anything. If it's bothersome or becomes to much work - go on to the next no big deal, since that person wasn't really the one you wanted to be with for the rest of your life anyway. I've been there, I know. I always swore I would never get married.

Marriage's not about it being harder to break up. It's about not even thinking about a break up but what you're going to be like with no teeth in your head and how wonderful it is that you'll be in the nursing home together - no matter what. Get it? Okay probably a bad analogy, but there's a difference. I think it's the heart, the hope and the love.

You are completely right, Mig... Correct me if I'm wrong, but you used to be one of the ones that "didn't get it" before you truly met "the one" and now it's become perfectly clear what true commitment and the sanctity of marriage vows is all about. :huggy:
 

BadGirl

I am so very blessed
You are completely right, Mig... Correct me if I'm wrong, but you used to be one of the ones that "didn't get it" before you truly met "the one" and now it's become perfectly clear what true commitment and the sanctity of marriage vows is all about. :huggy:
And I was exactly the same way, too. I had no desire for marriage.....no need for it.....and certainly couldn't picture myself in that situation. Until I found the right one.




Hey, Bob: :love:
 

migtig

aka Mrs. Giant
You are completely right, Mig... Correct me if I'm wrong, but you used to be one of the ones that "didn't get it" before you truly met "the one" and now it's become perfectly clear what true commitment and the sanctity of marriage vows is all about. :huggy:

Absolutely. I've already said that I swore I'd never get married. I've said many times in the past when things weren't working out in a relationship (long term and short term) that I didn't have no ring on my finger. And to me, that meant that I could do whatever I wanted, even if it wasn't considerate of the other person. Usually because I really didn't give a shoyat deep down inside about the other person. :shrug: I cared, but not enough to go that extra mile.

Now I know, there's a huge difference between being with someone and being with "the one". It took a long time, I made a lot of mistakes, had a lot of false starts and got lost along the way, before I got a clue though. :lol:
 

kelb

art imitating life
What's the point in getting married even if you do have children?

IMHO, when you marry someone it's about the commitment to each other (not about children). It's promising to always be there no matter what for each other and sharing everything , both good and bad. About always wanting to be a part of that person's life and they a part of yours. It's about love, respect, trust and more.

If you live together, it's much easier to have a "way out", and not have any promises be made. You can have a long term relationship, and still be holding out for "the one". You can leave or end it at any time with little difficulty and feel no need to work on any issues or problems in order to hold the relationship together. After all, there's no commitment, as even I have said in the past, "there's no ring on my finger".

Marriage says you have found "the one" and they you.

Can't you do that without being married?


so your 2nd statement... seems like that ring is trapping someone.. forcing them to stay with you, making it to hard to leave so you should just work it out...
 

migtig

aka Mrs. Giant
Can't you do that without being married?


so your 2nd statement... seems like that ring is trapping someone.. forcing them to stay with you, making it to hard to leave so you should just work it out...

If you don't get it, you don't get it. :shrug:
 
K

Kain99

Guest
Marriage offers a form of stability you cannot get elsewhere.
 

nachomama

All Up In Your Grill
Absolutely. I've already said that I swore I'd never get married. I've said many times in the past when things weren't working out in a relationship (long term and short term) that I didn't have no ring on my finger. And to me, that meant that I could do whatever I wanted, even if it wasn't considerate of the other person. Usually because I really didn't give a shoyat deep down inside about the other person. :shrug: I cared, but not enough to go that extra mile.

Now I know, there's a huge difference between being with someone and being with "the one". It took a long time, I made a lot of mistakes, had a lot of false starts and got lost along the way, before I got a clue though. :lol:

Wow. Maybe there is hope for me yet. :shrug:

Can't you do that without being married?


so your 2nd statement... seems like that ring is trapping someone.. forcing them to stay with you, making it to hard to leave so you should just work it out...


The ring is not "trapping someone". It's for in case you are tempted to stray or just walk away. When you are mad at your spouse or enticed by someone else, you look down and are quickly reminded of the vows that you have made to each other, and hopefully, you will snap out of whatever it is you are thinking.

Am I getting it Mig? :huggy:
 

kelb

art imitating life
Wow. Maybe there is hope for me yet. :shrug:




The ring is not "trapping someone". It's for in case you are tempted to stray or just walk away. When you are mad at your spouse or enticed by someone else, you look down and are quickly reminded of the vows that you have made to each other, and hopefully, you will snap out of whatever it is you are thinking.

Am I getting it Mig? :huggy:


I think.. if you love someone.. and its true love...you dont need that piece of paper and a ring to make you want to stay and work through things.. you just do. and believe me.. people with that ring that is supposed to remind you of how much you love someone, still stray
 

cattitude

My Sweetest Boy
Wow. Maybe there is hope for me yet. :shrug:




The ring is not "trapping someone". It's for in case you are tempted to stray or just walk away. When you are mad at your spouse or enticed by someone else, you look down and are quickly reminded of the vows that you have made to each other, and hopefully, you will snap out of whatever it is you are thinking.

Am I getting it Mig? :huggy:


The ring is a piece of jewelry. The commitment is in your heart and soul. If you need look down at your hand to remind yourself, then you've got a problem.
 
I think.. if you love someone.. and its true love...you dont need that piece of paper and a ring to make you want to stay and work through things.. you just do. and believe me.. people with that ring that is supposed to remind you of how much you love someone, still stray

You don't get it.
 

migtig

aka Mrs. Giant
The ring is a piece of jewelry. The commitment is in your heart and soul. If you need look down at your hand to remind yourself, then you've got a problem.

Yep. And the marriage isn't about the ring, it's about that level of commitment you are both willing to make.
 

cattitude

My Sweetest Boy
I just dont agree

I don't either. I've known plenty of people in my life (and on these forums) who forget the commitment and the reminder jewelry. People make promises all the time because they believe in them at the time. I believe the real test of commitment comes many years later. Unfortunately, many promises are broken and commitments forgotten.
 

kelb

art imitating life
I don't either. I've known plenty of people in my life (and on these forums) who forget the commitment and the reminder jewelry. People make promises all the time because they believe in them at the time. I believe the real test of commitment comes many years later. Unfortunately, many promises are broken and commitments forgotten.

Yup I agree... Love is love... no matter what ring you are wearing, what house you live in, how many kids you have or what papers you have signed together.

The only benefit to marriage is if someone happens to the other then your spouse can make the arrangements and decisions ... not to get to morbid but you know what I mean.
 

cattitude

My Sweetest Boy
The only benefit to marriage is if someone happens to the other then your spouse can make the arrangements and decisions ... not to get to morbid but you know what I mean.

It's a contract..an insurance policy of sorts to protect the parties that enter into it.
 
I don't either. I've known plenty of people in my life (and on these forums) who forget the commitment and the reminder jewelry. People make promises all the time because they believe in them at the time. I believe the real test of commitment comes many years later. Unfortunately, many promises are broken and commitments forgotten.

Yep, but that doesn't negate the initial purpose of entering into marriage. The starter is trying to understand the purpose.
 
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