Marriage. What's the point?

[migtig]

Boy. Ya'll are some negative minded people. I'm going back to my imaginary land of happiness, rainbows and puppies.

 

[cattitude]

I had this discussion with many people lately and wanted to get the forums input. If you have no children, is there any point to getting married? If so, why? What does marriage mean to you?

I'm interested to see where this thread goes.

Yep, but that doesn't negate the initial purpose of entering into marriage. The starter is trying to understand the purpose.

I don't see the question as being so specific, really.

 

[cattitude]

Boy. Ya'll are some negative minded people. I'm going back to my imaginary land of happiness, rainbows and puppies.

How ironic.

 

[HouseCat]

The ring is a piece of jewelry. The commitment is in your heart and soul. If you need look down at your hand to remind yourself, then you've got a problem.

True; however, its supposed to be a symbol, letting everyone know you are married. If one has a problem advertising that, they shouldn't be married. Questioning it's validity seems like an excuse not to advertise your status; whatever the motive. (Not saying you... ) Also, another reason people question its validity is the fact that a lot of women get carried away, thinking they have to have the biggest rock on the planet, else he doesn't love me! That's materialistic BS which does nothing but devalue the whole symbolism.

Marriage is a serious contract; so to speak. One which has been corrupted and defiled by the slow decline of morals. If you don't do it for the right reasons, then you're right...its a waste of time. Problem is, not many people know or care what the right reasons are. They take it too lightly, as if its something which should be disposable for their own convenience. I think if more people took marriage as serious as they did buying a house or a new car, they might save themselves a bit of trouble. Or, like you all said...just don't do it in the first place.

 

[kwillia]

How ironic.

Yep. That's cause she gets it now.

 

[kelb]

It could be looked at as a business agreement.:shrug:

True; however, its supposed to be a symbol, letting everyone know you are married. If one has a problem advertising that, they shouldn't be married. Questioning it's validity seems like an excuse not to advertise your status; whatever the motive. (Not saying you... ) Also, another reason people question its validity is the fact that a lot of women get carried away, thinking they have to have the biggest rock on the planet, else he doesn't love me! That's materialistic BS which does nothing but devalue the whole symbolism.

Marriage is a serious contract; so to speak. One which has been corrupted and defiled by the slow decline of morals. If you don't do it for the right reasons, then you're right...its a waste of time. Problem is, not many people know or care what the right reasons are. They take it too lightly, as if its something which should be disposable for their own convenience. I think if more people took marriage as serious as they did buying a house or a new car, they might save themselves a bit of trouble. Or, like you all said...just don't do it in the first place.

I have had this convo before. The only valid point I have really heard was that getting married is to show you friends and family your level of commitment . And I do think if you are going to have children then being married and having the "family life" is the ideal way to go about it... not necessary but what you think of when you think family.

 

[morningbell]

Debbie downer alert

Where I work I see a lot of weddings. Its sad when you see a wedding and you know in your heart of hearts that this one isn't going to make it.

 

[nachomama]

Where I work I see a lot of weddings. Its sad when you see a wedding and you know in your heart of hearts that this one isn't going to make it.

I'm in the same line of work, albeit my part-time job. I totally agree. A local limo company says that he gets a lot of repeat business about 2 years after the wedding, and that's when the bride and/or groom make limo rental arrangements for the divorce bar-hopping party.

 

[Cowgirl]

I'm getting married because I want that level of commitment. :shrug: I wouldn't feel comfortable just having a live-in long term BF, but that's me. :shrug:

 

[jetmonkey]

“Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.”

Ambrose Bierce

 

[toppick08]

 

[theArtistFormerlyKnownAs]

This was actually a pretty interesting thread.
Peoples views on things are both interesting, and sad in some cases

 

[CalvertNewbie]

And I was exactly the same way, too. I had no desire for marriage.....no need for it.....and certainly couldn't picture myself in that situation. Until I found the right one.




Hey, Bob:

I wasted 6 years of my life with someone who I knew deep down wasn't right for me. We were engaged & had all of our wedding plans set. I tried on my wedding dress (which I loved) & nearly fainted. My matron of honor told me I turned as white as the dress. It was at that point that I saw the light. I didn't want to marry him, I couldn't stand him anymore & I was about to get married for all the wrong reasons. So I called everything off & lost a ton of money, didn't care. I was happily single. I had my life back & I realized what marriage SHOULDN'T be about.

After that I was never getting married or having kids, I was just going to continue working my way up the corporate ladder & enjoy the travel perks. I accepted a promotion from NY to DC, where I met the love of my life. From the first day we spoke, I knew he was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. I knew we'd get married & be happy together. I never felt that way before, even after being in 3 long term relationships. I realized that I wanted things in life that I never wanted before & I finally felt at peace. No matter what happens in our lives (and a lot has), we're here for one another. We trust eachother completely (something I've never done) & I realize I was never truly in love before like I had thought.

Having said all that, I think that it's entirely possible for unmarried couples in long term relationships to be just as in love. For me, just living with him wasn't enough. Neither one of us would have a baby unless we were married & we were both ready to be parents. For the first time ever, I'm actually terrified that something could happen to take him from me. I don't know what I would do without him in my life, which is so unlike me. In the past, I prayed for them to go away but they just wouldn't leave.

 

[nana]

What's the point in getting married even if you do have children?

IMHO, when you marry someone it's about the commitment to each other (not about children). It's promising to always be there no matter what for each other and sharing everything , both good and bad. About always wanting to be a part of that person's life and they a part of yours. It's about love, respect, trust and more.

If you live together, it's much easier to have a "way out", and not have any promises be made. You can have a long term relationship, and still be holding out for "the one". You can leave or end it at any time with little difficulty and feel no need to work on any issues or problems in order to hold the relationship together. After all, there's no commitment, as even I have said in the past, "there's no ring on my finger".

Marriage says you have found "the one" and they you.

But maybe that the problem you have a way out and don't see the reason to try. I got married at 17( not preggers or the smartest thing I've ever done) but hey the lust was there love came much later and when it did it was the most wonderfull thing to ever happen to me. Hubby is now disabled and sick (survival) drugs have changed not only his looks but his personality every now and then I still see a glimps of the man I love. True Love means I don't know what it means but I know how it feels

 

[Tigerlily]

Maybe all I have ever done was meet the wrong guys. Heck, I am probably married to the wrong guy now. But, I guess when you are young and 18 you aren't like yeah i wonder what it will be like when we're sixty. my marriage consisted of a justice of the peace. no wedding, no daddy and daughter dance. No wedding ring ( still to this day my ring finger is bare). It was rushed but then again I was pregnant at the time. I think we would have been good just the two of us, but once our daughter came into our lives it has gotten harder. lets face it I didn't really know him when I married him.. we met july and got married december of the same year. Foolish. I feel like I have paid my dues over the last 4 years. You know what i want?? One day, one day when I can get myself to that point where I can be myself again, I want to meet someone. He may not be absolutely gorgeous, he may not be the CEO of some large company with oodles of cash, he may even wear stained t-shirts out to dinner because well it was just a little spot that he wouldn't even notice so thats okay. I just want to meet someone that adores me for who I am. My silly crazy moments, my curl up on the bed and read with me moments, or lets just veg out on the couch moments. someone who looks at me a certain way, and touches my heart. To have the same aspirations and goals in life and accomplish them together. A man that knows how to handle his business and takes care of his family. I haven't found that person, that my heart beats for on the daily. I mean, yeah I'm married now..but more than likely won't last. WE try and try and try. To no avail. As soon as things are starting to look up they roll back downhill. Maybe I'll never find that person that other people say completes them. I would like to think I would. Maybe, one day.

This has to be the most honest and from the heart posts I have seen you make yet. You my dear want the nice house, picket fence and the Beaver Cleaver happy life. The problem is that being young and naive have settled for the first one that said they wanted it too. ( I did the same many moons ago) No judgement for you are still young and have all those hopes and dreams.

Just be strong enough to choose to follow your dreams and not create undo heartache to you or your child. Take a few steps back and focus on you. You have to truly be a you before you can be a we.

Oh, and don't jump from the frying pan into the fire. It took me 30 plus years to figure it out and I cannot even put into words how lucky of a lady I am because of it.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

Met my hubby in a bar in Yuma, AZ, when I was visiting my parents. I lived in San Diego. One look, one weekend, I knew I was going to marry him. We celebrate our 27th annniversary on the 28th of this month. Has it always been easy? No. Did we have hard times? You bet. We stuck it out, which people don't do any more. It just seems easy these days for people to pack up and leave because it's "too hard" to work thru the problems.

He is, however, the best friend I have ever had. Simply put, people give up too easily on marriage now. It's a commitment. The reason I married him is because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. And here we are, 27 years later... well, 28, including the year we dated. :shrug: It's not always easy, but if both of you give and take, it works. At least for us. And I'm a biatch.

28 yrs is a long time, congrats! You're right, a lot of people seem to give up way too easily - divorce is so common. I think it's because many people just get married for the hell of it, when they're way too young & haven't matured enough to handle the pressures of marriage. My poor hubby was in a crappy marriage for 7 yrs w/ a psycho (skitzo/bi-polar, refused to stay on meds, committed a few times). He tried to make it work because he took his vows seriously but after having to sleep in the guest room w/ a dresser barricading the door because he was fearful that she would kill him in the middle of the night, he finally threw in the towel. Thank God they didn't have children & thank God she hasn't yet found us down here in somd!

My parents were high school sweethearts, married 39 years, until my Dad passed away 5 weeks ago. They were a perfect example of true love & a great marriage. Life wasn't always easy for them but they got through everything together, as best friends. It's because of their example that I got married later in life. I wanted to find what they had & it took me longer than I would have liked but it was worth the wait. I met hubby when I was 31, he was 33. I had vowed to stay unmarried forever unless I found the right guy. Almost married the wrong one, I would've been divorced within a year.

 

[Wickedwrench]

He tried to make it work because he took his vows seriously but after having to sleep in the guest room w/ a dresser barricading the door because he was fearful that she would kill him in the middle of the night, he finally threw in the towel.

Aahhhh, sweet blissful marital memories.

 

[smdavis65]

I was married for 15 years. The attraction for me was the knowledge that we were a team. We would handle everything that happened together. She was my best friend and my best buddy. Marriage is great when you two love each other. You trust each other, and count on each other.

 

[CalvertNewbie]

Aahhhh, sweet blissful marital memories.

Ahh yes, there are indeed so many fabulous memories for us to remember her by. I could write a novel, perhaps a sequel to "Sybil", only I'd call it "Stacy" instead. Or possible "Sally", which is the name she used when she first started harrassing me (as though I didn't know it was her!)

Hey, maybe I just figured out why so many people have no interest in marriage - there are a lot of people like hubby's Ex out there. Who needs the headache and the difficulty of running when you need to run far, far away!?

 

[Roxy1104]

I haven't even read the responses here but I will tell you what marriage means to me (been divorced twice - what's the name of that book... "Smart Women, Foolish Choices"). Marriage to me is being with your best friend, your soul mate, someone who knows everything about you, and loves you just the same, and having that love grow more and more every day. It's a union between two people where all of lifes choices and decisions are shared. I hope that some day I'll find that person and grow old with him.