Off to a great start...

[Christy]

This is not torture. I had hoped it would be interesting and informative and a little fun but, Vrai won't come out and play.

I meant the torture of trying to move someone you clearly see in the friend bucket, into the possible girlfriend bucket.

 

[Larry Gude]

I meant the torture of trying to move someone you clearly see in the friend bucket, into the possible girlfriend bucket.

See, my thought is that that will take care of itself. Either it will or it won't.

My question is more if you, ladies, like a guy and are more interested in him than he is you but, he's not being a dick about it nor leading you on, would you then be happy being friends and there you go or would you be all Praying Mantis Black Widow-ee and make him wish he were never born?

 

[Christy]

My question is more if you, ladies, like a guy and are more interested in him than he is you but, he's not being a dick about it nor leading you on, would you then be happy being friends and there you go or would you be all Praying Mantis Black Widow-ee and make him wish he were never born?

It would depend on if I was more interested in him and his charming conversation skills or if I were more interested in seeing what he has going on in the sack. Sometimes we pretend to be more interested than we actually are because we're just looking to get .

I would like to say that most women are mature enough not to pull the praying mantis/black widow thing, but then I would be lying. There's some crazy women out there. Just don't tell her where you live.

 

[SoMD_Fun_Guy]

Larry,
Just be honest up front about the whole thing. If you just want friends and nothing else then tell her. Whether it's as riding buddies (I mean on the bike not ) or hanging out for a drink, lunch, etc. But if you aren't sure yet then go with the flow and feel things out. That's why I said go for the second date and see what happens.
BTW, what are you looking for? Just a friend or someone you'll "boom-chicka-wha-wha" with?

I meant the torture of trying to move someone you clearly see in the friend bucket, into the possible girlfriend bucket.

Does Larry clearly see her in the friend bucket? Or is the jury still out?
Life sometimes has a way of blurring the line between friend and girlfriend. Our feelings can change over time as we get to know someone better. She might start in the "Only friends" bucket move to the "possible girlfriend" bucket then to the "girlfriend/wife" bucket and maybe even to the "Hope you rot in Hell" bucket. It's not always torture to move someone from one stage to the next. Open and honest communication with her should help determine what bucket she falls into.

The difficult part in life is to find that person out there that wants to move with you to the next bucket at the same time that you want to.

 

[BadGirl]

Larry, you are a tough man to be in a relationship with, I'd imagine.

You are smart....too smart for your own good sometimes. There are not too many women who have the mental fortitude to keep up with you, and to have the common sense and smarts to provide you with the challenging conversation you require/need. You are VERY intense, and you have to have some one who can keep up with you. And she's not it.

Face it: She is too dumb for you.

 

[Larry Gude]

Larry, you are a tough man to be in a relationship with, I'd imagine.

You are smart....too smart for your own good sometimes. There are not too many women who have the mental fortitude to keep up with you, and to have the common sense and smarts to provide you with the challenging conversation you require/need. You are VERY intense, and you have to have some one who can keep up with you. And she's not it.

Face it: She is too dumb for you.

I am actually a pretty mellow, easy going guy. What I have are control issues and, unfortunately, it doesn't take a heck of a lot of pressure for me to start to exhibit...symptoms. It's something I am working on, there is no control but self control, and the mere fact of even asking about something like this is a step, and not a tiny one, for me, to that effort.


I can't thank you enough for your direct answer, though. :

Seriously, thank you!

 

[DoWhat]

Larry, you are a tough man to be in a relationship with, I'd imagine.

You are smart....too smart for your own good sometimes. There are not too many women who have the mental fortitude to keep up with you, and to have the common sense and smarts to provide you with the challenging conversation you require/need. You are VERY intense, and you have to have some one who can keep up with you. And she's not it.

Face it: She is too dumb for you.

How do you deal with Bob?

 

[itsbob]

Can anyone translate this for me?

You're screwed..

 

[BadGirl]

How do you deal with Bob?

Some people might call our marriage a very extended "Mercy Date".

On whose part, I'm not sure.

 

[itsbob]

How do you deal with Bob?

She makes an awesome sammich...

 

[Larry Gude]

Larry,
Just be honest up front about the whole thing. If you just want friends and nothing else then tell her. Whether it's as riding buddies (I mean on the bike not ) or hanging out for a drink, lunch, etc. But if you aren't sure yet then go with the flow and feel things out. That's why I said go for the second date and see what happens.
BTW, what are you looking for? Just a friend or someone you'll "boom-chicka-wha-wha" with?

I am actively looking for a girlfriend. However, I have HUGE things going on at work that take up a lot of time but, are fun as ####. My entire life has changed from a cyclical on/off program to ongoing. Much less intense day to day and much more consistent. Sanity has arrived. On top of that I am absolutely determined to put my spare time into a band. That means practice once during the week and playing out once a month or more and some weekend rehearsals. My new business schedule allows for it, finally. Not chasing anything more than that; a hobby. Not a fantasy.

On top of that, I have some pals who are tactical trainers and I am committed to keeping up with them some socially and not just at the range and they're not next door meaning it takes a weekend to hand with them. On top of that is riding street and dirt bikes. Then, there is the farm to be on and around, especially the horses which are just fun to hang out with if only a few minutes every day. Plus my living style has become somewhat animal house with my new business partner and, frankly, I like it. Some of our best, most productive business meetings we have center around burping and farting and drinking beer and being just a bunch of guys on Saturday mornings. Chilling out and just pausing for awhile like this allows some excellent solutions to reveal themselves. And then I have my kids, including Michigan and Texas, that I miss and want to see a few times a year. And then her friends and family and interests.

So, there is a fair bit of fitting in and around she'd have to be. There are woman who would be perfectly happy with that because they'd see it as a safety net to help keep some guy from being up their ass 24/7 but, that type might not be readily available.

So, conversation, motorcycles, naughty, easy going, fun loving, low maintenance, been there, done that, rich, great ass...simple.

And W is at least some of those things. Some I don't know and only time would reveal. However, conversation is off to a suspect start and thus the question; is that, conversation, that reveals itself first time out and I think it does. Or, is that something that needs a little time, which is NOT my thought BUT, again with the self control, to ask and not think I have all the answers.

I mean, who would we all be with if it was solely up to those who know us best, and like us, to pick??? I suspect, by and large, it may not be what we'd choose ourselves UNLESS one is a person who takes those who know them best, their views and opinions, to heart as a SOP. Thought being some things, traits, we may not see on our own, at first, might well reveal themselves over time.

And part of managing my control issues is coming to the realization and acceptance that I really don't know.

 

[Larry Gude]

Some people might call our marriage a very extended "Mercy Date".

On whose part, I'm not sure.

See??????????? Who the hell would draw that up themselves?????

"Seeking; Extended mercy date. On whose part, I'm not sure...."

 

[Larry Gude]

She makes an awesome sammich...

That would do it for my dad. As long as feeding time was the same every day.

Of course, he and I have very little in common other than love of a good sammich. I'd make my own. He doesn't know where the bread is.

 

[Larry Gude]

You're screwed..

I start with that.

 

[acommondisaster]

Put another way, after proving out my way doesn't work too well, I'm asking an educated opinion of not only someone whose opinion I respect but, who knows me very well.

Not to be snarky or anything, but I don't think she's a icon of successful relationships, either.

Personally, it sounds like you're over-analyzing and trying to get some sort of "I saw you from across the room and had to know you" kind of feeling, and maybe that's what you think you want, and then you end up with the same type that hasn't worked out for you in the past. SoMDfunguy's advice makes sense to me.

 

[vraiblonde]

Not to be snarky or anything, but I don't think she's a icon of successful relationships, either.

That would be your basic understatement.

BUT! I do know him well, for what it's worth, which may be not much.

So, Larry:

I too agree with Fun Guy that you should give her another chance, but I also agree with Christy that if you're not feeling it why waste anymore time. And I agree with Bad Girl that you should waste NO!!!!! time on a woman who is not your intellectual equal. That's where "I know you" comes into play: you will not respect her and she will grow tired of being reminded of that. You are NOT!!!! a mellow and easy going guy, and I don't know why you'd even post something so silly unless you just enjoy having me shoot coffee out my nose.

I think you should date around for awhile - you just came out of a long term relationship - and wait for the *click*. Keep things light and casual, make sure everyone understands that, and then pounce when the right woman comes along. I suspect, at this point, you don't need a girlfriend so much as you need a F-buddy. So perhaps start there, get it out of your system so you don't make any tragic mistakes, then date until you feel the *click*.

 

[Larry Gude]

Not to be snarky or anything, but I don't think she's a icon of successful relationships, either.

Personally, it sounds like you're over-analyzing and trying to get some sort of "I saw you from across the room and had to know you" kind of feeling, and maybe that's what you think you want, and then you end up with the same type that hasn't worked out for you in the past. SoMDfunguy's advice makes sense to me.

Depends on how to define 'success'. I think, in a lot of ways, she and I had, and have a very successful relationship.

I'm too old to over analyze. I've had the love at first sight, the deliberate, the accidental. For all my pluses and minuses, I am trying a new approach.

 

[Larry Gude]

I too agree with Fun Guy that you should give her another chance, but I also agree with Christy that if you're not feeling it why waste anymore time. And I agree with Bad Girl that you should waste NO!!!!! time on a woman who is not your intellectual equal. That's where "I know you" comes into play: you will not respect her and she will grow tired of being reminded of that. You are NOT!!!! a mellow and easy going guy, and I don't know why you'd even post something so silly unless you just enjoy having me shoot coffee out my nose.

I think you should date around for awhile - you just came out of a long term relationship - and wait for the *click*. Keep things light and casual, make sure everyone understands that, and then pounce when the right woman comes along. I suspect, at this point, you don't need a girlfriend so much as you need a F-buddy. So perhaps start there, get it out of your system so you don't make any tragic mistakes, then date until you feel the *click*.

Thanks for thoughts.

OK, first off, I don't believe the 'intellectual equal' part means very much. I mean, I guess in some ways, I was smarter than you though I can't readily put my finger on one. If I had self control, and I don't mean the end, I mean the middle, we'd still be trucking along. I mean the defensiveness, the attack, the slow burns. By the same token, had I self control, would we ever have gotten off the way we did?

M is the one relationship I just look at and say 'WTF'???? Yet, there is A and E as a result. :shrug: A case is to be made about intellectual equality there, relatively speaking.

L, same thing with the self control. She's not my intellectual equal at all BUT, also my superior in a BUNCH of ways that enriched my life. Had I had what Mo has, that rock steady thing, which I do NOT have, uh dunno.

My partner and I discussed, with some seriousness, a 90 pound Asian hooker who gave up designing rockets to ride bikes, listen to my guitar, live the simple life in the country and LOVES the day to day 'joys' of putting up with me. We just can't fit that in the budget right now.


So, that you, knowing me, can see several different avenues here, and given that W (how ironic) has some great qualities, how do I proceed in a fair and proper fashion given my relative inability to 'keep things light'? For all I know at this point, because I am behaving and haven't pushed it, W might be a great keep it light, F buddy/pal/enjoy being around the craziness that is. :shrug:

How do I find a suitable F buddy? Especially given Christies comment that, sometimes, you women are feigning interest and really only wanna get laid? Old Larry would just blurt it out but, again, I am trying a new approach and not be a dick.

 

[Bann]

So that leaves you, a man with multiple marriages under his belt and decades of dating experience asking your ex how much 1st date conversation should matter in deciding whether there should be a second date...

How are you still single?

 

[Bann]

Near as I can tell, she was married to a man. That seems to be a common problem.... :shrug: