Off to a great start...

Bann

Bann

Doris Day meets Lady Gaga
PREMO Member
vraiblonde said:
That would be your basic understatement. :lol:

BUT! I do know him well, for what it's worth, which may be not much.

So, Larry:

I too agree with Fun Guy that you should give her another chance, but I also agree with Christy that if you're not feeling it why waste anymore time. And I agree with Bad Girl that you should waste NO!!!!! time on a woman who is not your intellectual equal. That's where "I know you" comes into play: you will not respect her and she will grow tired of being reminded of that. You are NOT!!!! a mellow and easy going guy, and I don't know why you'd even post something so silly unless you just enjoy having me shoot coffee out my nose.

I think you should date around for awhile - you just came out of a long term relationship - and wait for the *click*. Keep things light and casual, make sure everyone understands that, and then pounce when the right woman comes along. I suspect, at this point, you don't need a girlfriend so much as you need a F-buddy. So perhaps start there, get it out of your system so you don't make any tragic mistakes, then date until you feel the *click*.
Click to expand...

:yay:
 
acommondisaster

acommondisaster

Active Member
Larry Gude said:
Thanks for thoughts.

OK, first off, I don't believe the 'intellectual equal' part means very much. I mean, I guess in some ways, I was smarter than you though I can't readily put my finger on one. If I had self control, and I don't mean the end, I mean the middle, we'd still be trucking along. I mean the defensiveness, the attack, the slow burns. By the same token, had I self control, would we ever have gotten off the way we did?

M is the one relationship I just look at and say 'WTF'???? Yet, there is A and E as a result. :shrug: A case is to be made about intellectual equality there, relatively speaking.

L, same thing with the self control. She's not my intellectual equal at all BUT, also my superior in a BUNCH of ways that enriched my life. Had I had what Mo has, that rock steady thing, which I do NOT have, uh dunno.

My partner and I discussed, with some seriousness, a 90 pound Asian hooker who gave up designing rockets to ride bikes, listen to my guitar, live the simple life in the country and LOVES the day to day 'joys' of putting up with me. We just can't fit that in the budget right now. :lol:


So, that you, knowing me, can see several different avenues here, and given that W (how ironic) has some great qualities, how do I proceed in a fair and proper fashion given my relative inability to 'keep things light'? For all I know at this point, because I am behaving and haven't pushed it, W might be a great keep it light, F buddy/pal/enjoy being around the craziness that is. :shrug:

How do I find a suitable F buddy? Especially given Christies comment that, sometimes, you women are feigning interest and really only wanna get laid? Old Larry would just blurt it out but, again, I am trying a new approach and not be a dick. :angel:
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You don't know over-analyzing when it hits you in the crotch. Seriously.
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
Date #2!

She took me to her favorite little neighbor hood joint for some pretty good Italian food made by people who looked a little more Beijing and a little less Milan. :lol: Lasagne was not bad and I am a lasagne snob.

5 hour date. Ended up back at her place for a bit. A nice pleasant evening with a nice good bye kiss. :yahoo:

Conversation was better.
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
PeoplesElbow said:
How many times did you utter "too big to fail" and TARP?
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Not once. Maybe that's what was missing? :lol:

In any event, I'm going with the chemistry thing. Two dates and this woman can talk and talk and talk and actually caught herself at one point and said "Gosh, I haven't asked a thing about you...so, anyway..."
:lol:

Nice person. Not my cup of tea.
 
afjess1989

afjess1989

Amount of F##Ks given, 0
I like my way of dating. I see a cute guy...(I likes dem a bit older 27-39) I yell at him "HEY! you into fats chicks"......thats how I ended up with the man friend and the fact wel......nevermind lmao
 
S

SoMD_Fun_Guy

Do you like apples?
Larry Gude said:
Not once. Maybe that's what was missing? :lol:

In any event, I'm going with the chemistry thing. Two dates and this woman can talk and talk and talk and actually caught herself at one point and said "Gosh, I haven't asked a thing about you...so, anyway..."
:lol:

Nice person. Not my cup of tea.
Click to expand...

So it sounds like the conversation was better but apparently one-sided (on her part). :blahblah:

Well Larry, there you have it - the 2nd date helped burn off some of the early relationship fog so that it was clearer for you to see.

Hope the next one works out for you.
If not, then join the club and keep trying. (I'm right there with you) :buddies:
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
SoMD_Fun_Guy said:
So it sounds like the conversation was better but apparently one-sided (on her part). :blahblah:

Well Larry, there you have it - the 2nd date helped burn off some of the early relationship fog so that it was clearer for you to see.

Hope the next one works out for you.
If not, then join the club and keep trying. (I'm right there with you) :buddies:
Click to expand...

Part of the problem is that the last two women in my life, Vrai and my recent ex, made for a very high bar and I liked them both right away. One was as a date and the other just friends but, clearly, liked them both. The common thread of failure is me thus, trying to reassess who I am, how I go about things, my control issues, all that stuff, that cause me to lose them both. So, I'm working on fixing the thing I can control, me, to be a better person.

Past that, I've actually taken it so far as to postulate "What if I don't like the person, at all? What results might altering that input produce?" :lol:
 
acommondisaster

acommondisaster

Active Member
Okay, since we're over analyzing....what if you liked them right away because they put you right in your comfort zone - the one where you could control, do things your way, etc. If you're trying to reassess and adjust, why would you think the same sort of woman as in the past would be right for the New and Improved Larry?
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
acommondisaster said:
Okay, since we're over analyzing....what if you liked them right away because they put you right in your comfort zone - the one where you could control, do things your way, etc. If you're trying to reassess and adjust, why would you think the same sort of woman as in the past would be right for the New and Improved Larry?
Click to expand...

I don't want control or need control per se. My issues with control come up under pressure, when something is wrong or not going as I want. I go from being easy going, caring, occasionally thoughtful even, to being a total, belligerent, demanding a hole. That is what I am fixing. Losing damn near everything helped that, a lot. New perspective, much easier going. For instance, my new GM, it's her shop, her people. I bite my tongue and am much more open about delegation. So, that is one thing.

Past that, you make an excellent point and it is one, THE one, I reflect on. A lot. I am actively seeking NOT that person and I just don't know if that is going to fly. Or even could.
 
acommondisaster

acommondisaster

Active Member
Larry Gude said:
My issues with control come up under pressure, when something is wrong or not going as I want. I go from being easy going, caring, occasionally thoughtful even, to being a total, belligerent, demanding a hole. .
Click to expand...

I've been told I'm usually dead on in my impressions of people; and this is pretty much what I figured.
At this point, I think you're either over analyzing or enjoying the attention this thread allows. I almost feel like giving that age old "you may find if you just relax, you'll get pregnant on your own" kind of advice to just relax, but you really want a good, thriving relationship.
Sounds like you're making a good attempt at changing; time will tell. I have one other observation that I'll keep to myself for now.
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
acommondisaster said:
I've been told I'm usually dead on in my impressions of people; and this is pretty much what I figured.
At this point, I think you're either over analyzing or enjoying the attention this thread allows. .
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Nope. For me, I enjoy, thoroughly, the discussion. I'm not an attention seeker as most of my posts are simply entertainment for myself; I like writing. My guitar playing is ALL songs I like; my own. And they are all, the writing, the playing, heartfelt and sincere. It's a plus if someone is interested but, that's not the goal.

Talking out relationships, my own behaviors, I simply enjoy it. I find it helpful and productive. Half the time, by simply writing something, it helps my own thought process.

At present, with my new business, motorcycles and the band, plus the raucous animal house my home has become, I don't have time or desire for a full relationship. I'm too busy and too happy doing what I am doing. However, in a private conversation, by writing, it came to the surface that if there was a 'she' who was thoroughly happy with how busy I am, how noisy it is around here, how much goes on, the environment, then SHE would be THE one.

One of my many flaws is I tend to not be able to see things from other folks perspectives. I would think NO woman would want to be part of my life right now; being happy in animal house (it's not that bad but, sorta) and ride and shoot and #### and drink and love being on the farm, in this house, dealing, happily, with all the goings on. I mean, that is for THEM to be happy about or not.

As for the major part, being aware that I either attack or go to the slow burn, it becomes easier, much easier, simply being aware, having it identified. So, the solution, adding 'pause and assess' isn't that difficult. Especially now. It's a ####ing zoo around here. A fun one. :buddies:
 
acommondisaster

acommondisaster

Active Member
There are such women who would fit right in with what you describe. But it's your job to get them to the point where they feel there is a legitimate place for them there, that they're wanted and appreciated and a part of it all, and that'll take work. There would have to be a part of you that lets her know that despite all of your interests and hobbies and goings on, SHE is the most important part of the equation. If you can't figure out how to do that, then you're not ready for it yet. And by your own admission, you aren't.
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
acommondisaster said:
There are such women who would fit right in with what you describe. But it's your job to get them to the point where they feel there is a legitimate place for them there, that they're wanted and appreciated and a part of it all, and that'll take work. There would have to be a part of you that lets her know that despite all of your interests and hobbies and goings on, SHE is the most important part of the equation. If you can't figure out how to do that, then you're not ready for it yet. And by your own admission, you aren't.
Click to expand...

Excellent post and great food for thought.

:buddies:
 
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