Question for the men...

[pixiegirl]

Then you should try it. :shrug:

Next time I will. I'm tired of being the boss all the time and having the weight of every choice rest on my shoulders because I HAD to make it since no one else was.

 

[Toxick]

Try this:

Thank you for translating English into English.

And thank you for totally ignoring my point.


I read it.
I read it subjectively without a chip on my shoulder about it.

I didn't conveniently ignore the part where he mentions his SO's influence over his decisions - which counteracts the phrase "regardless of her opinion on the subject".





When you're in a boat, someone has to steer. Even if everyone aboard is a Captain.

 

[pixiegirl]

I agreed with Sleuth. I need to go home and shower.

 

[jazz lady]

Let's look at it this way.
If you make your family head both the mother and the father, and the mother and father have a disagreement, what happens?

Let's take a vote! Dang. One to One. I guess we can't do anything but sit here with our thumbs up our butts.

You're paralyzed.
Your family suffers as a result.

How is that beneficial?

Now you're just being silly. It's called "WORKING TOGETHER TO FIND A SOLUTION" as opposed to "I'M THE MAN AND I SAID SO." It takes two to tango and MAKE a relationship work, NOT just overriding somebody else's opinion to be a tie-breaker. It's hard work - VERY hard work at times - to make it succeed.

 

[mAlice]

Thank you for translating English into English.

And thank you for totally ignoring my point.


I read it.
I read it subjectively without a chip on my shoulder about it.

I didn't conveniently ignore the part where he mentions his SO's influence over his decisions - which counteracts the phrase "regardless of her opinion on the subject".





When you're in a boat, someone has to steer. Even if everyone aboard is a Captain.

I read that part, and I posted it for you to read. YOU are conveniently ignoring that HE has the final decision regardless of her input or opinion because he thinks he knows what's best for everyone.

 

[mAlice]

I agreed with Sleuth. I need to go home and shower.

Don't forget to take your brillo pads with you to the shower.

 

[sleuth]

Now you're just being silly. It's called "WORKING TOGETHER TO FIND A SOLUTION" as opposed to "I'M THE MAN AND I SAID SO." It takes two to tango and MAKE a relationship work, NOT just overriding somebody else's opinion to be a tie-breaker. It's hard work - VERY hard work at times - to make it succeed.

When one makes a decision, it's rarely a choice of A or B... generally, it's a choice of A, B, C, D, E, F, blah blah blah...

And "working together to find a solution" is the part where wife "influences" her husband by explaining her opinions and saying what she wants... and usually the choice that is picked winds up being the solution that you both came up with together.

Sometimes, there is no compromise. It's rare, but it happens. And that's when it's time for someone to step up to the plate. In my family, we agree ahead of time, before we become a family. That person is me.

Ok.. now I'm seriously going home. Good day.

 

[jazz lady]

Next time I will. I'm tired of being the boss all the time and having the weight of every choice rest on my shoulders because I HAD to make it since no one else was.

That's very different from his scenario. It was FORCED on you and not your choice.

Again, partners should be equals and work equally as hard in the relationship. Sounds like yours wasn't. I understand completely and it's the main reason why I'm breaking free.

 

[CityGrl]

Wow, I think I penedacanofworms: with this thread.

 

[jazz lady]

When one makes a decision, it's rarely a choice of A or B... generally, it's a choice of A, B, C, D, E, F, blah blah blah...

And "working together to find a solution" is the part where wife "influences" her husband by explaining her opinions and saying what she wants... and usually the choice that is picked winds up being the solution that you both came up with together.

Sometimes, there is no compromise. It's rare, but it happens. And that's when it's time for someone to step up to the plate. In my family, we agree ahead of time, before we become a family. That person is me.

Ok.. now I'm seriously going home. Good day.

Again, I don't want to "influence" - I want to BE part of the decision where my opinion counts as much as his. It's MY life, not just an appendage of his. It's also OUR life and we both are in it.

And I've NEVER had a situation in 25+ years of relationships where SOME compromise couldn't be found. NEVER.

 

[CityGrl]

Again, I don't want to "influence" - I want to BE part of the decision where my opinion counts as much as his. It's MY life, not just an appendage of his. It's also OUR life and we both are in it.

And I've NEVER had a situation in 25+ years of relationships where SOME compromise couldn't be found. NEVER.

Okay, here's my current situation:

Bf has a life decision to make: either A or B. His feeling is that the final decision is his, but he wouldn't make that decision without considering me and us. My opinion is, it's his life decision and he should make whatever the best choice for him is. Of course, I gave my opinion, but told him I would be there for him either way. Isn't that how a relationship works?

Of course, if he didn't at least CONSIDER my opinion, there would be a problem.

 

[jazz lady]

Okay, here's my current situation:

Bf has a life decision to make: either A or B. His feeling is that the final decision is his, but he wouldn't make that decision without considering me and us. My opinion is, it's his life decision and he should make whatever the best choice for him is. Of course, I gave my opinion, but told him I would be there for him either way. Isn't that how a relationship works?

Yes, it is. But again, it's not you saying it has to be A and him picking B because HE thinks it's better and HE makes the decision, period. THAT is my point.

Of course, if he didn't at least CONSIDER my opinion, there would be a problem.

Exactly. It should NEVER be that way.

 

[mAlice]

Okay, here's my current situation:

Bf has a life decision to make: either A or B. His feeling is that the final decision is his, but he wouldn't make that decision without considering me and us. My opinion is, it's his life decision and he should make whatever the best choice for him is. Of course, I gave my opinion, but told him I would be there for him either way. Isn't that how a relationship works?

Of course, if he didn't at least CONSIDER my opinion, there would be a problem.

Not all decisions are life altering. What if the decision is just about what color to paint the wall? His decision. What clothes she should wear? His decision. What they should have for dinner? His decision. Who should cook dinner? His decision. When he always has the final say, there's really no point in her even having an opinion.

 

[Toxick]

YOU are conveniently ignoring that HE has the final decision

I'm not ignoring that.

regardless of her input or opinion because he thinks he knows what's best for everyone.

But I am ignoring that, because it's a bunch of emotionally-driven


When I packed up my family and moved to Arizona, guess who had the final say-so.

Your's Truly.


I talked to my wife about it at great lengths, and we had a whole lot of issues to discuss. It turns out she agreed that we should come, and we were pretty much in sync with all the things that had to happen, but if I had said, "You know, this isn't going to work... we need more time", or any of the hundred things to put the kibosh on it, we would not have come. On the other hand, if she had said, "we shouldn't go", I most definitly would have listened to her because she has an incredible amount of influence in my decisions.

Yes, we agreed to come here... but when you get right down to the nitty-gritty where the shorthairs grow, it was my decision. I had to sell the house. I had to get another job. I had to transport her and the children 3000 miles. I had to keep us in hotels until I could get another house.

I didn't make this decision to come "regardless" of what she said, and had I chosen to stay, that would not have been "regardless" of her input either.




To imply that I was ignorant or apathetic to my wife's feelings in this matter would make me fair-to-middling irate.

 

[mAlice]

I'm not ignoring that.





But I am ignoring that, because it's a bunch of emotionally-driven


When I packed up my family and moved to Arizona, guess who had the final say-so.

Your's Truly.


I talked to my wife about it at great lengths, and we had a whole lot of issues to discuss. It turns out she agreed that we should come, and we were pretty much in sync with all the things that had to happen, but if I had said, "You know, this isn't going to work... we need more time", or any of the hundred things to put the kibosh on it, we would not have come. On the other hand, if she had said, "we shouldn't go", I most definitly would have listened to her because she has an incredible amount of influence in my decisions.

Yes, we agreed to come here... but when you get right down to the nitty-gritty where the shorthairs grow, it was my decision. I had to sell the house. I had to get another job. I had to transport her and the children 3000 miles. I had to keep us in hotels until I could get another house.

I didn't make this decision to come "regardless" of what she said, and had I chosen to stay, that would not have been "regardless" of her input either.




To imply that I was ignorant or apathetic to my wife's feelings in this matter would make me fair-to-middling irate.

You should read this. It's not even in the same neighborhood.

 

[CityGrl]

Not all decisions are life altering. What if the decision is just about what color to paint the wall? His decision. What clothes she should wear? His decision. What they should have for dinner? His decision. Who should cook dinner? His decision. When he always has the final say, there's really no point in her even having an opinion.

I see your point...

I don't want the bf to have total control, but I also don't want to be controlling. I just feel like there should be a happy medium...

 

[mAlice]

I see your point...

I don't want the bf to have total control, but I also don't want to be controlling. I just feel like there should be a happy medium...

A healthy relationship will have a happy medium, and each party will concede as they see fit to best benefit the relationship.

 

[RoseRed]

Methinks he should move to Stepford.

 

[Toxick]

You should read this. It's not even in the same neighborhood.

Read what?

I'm not sure what you're referring to.

 

[mAlice]

Methinks he should move to Stepford.

There are a lot of men that make me wish there was such a place. We could send them all there and be done with them. I bet they wouldn't let their submissive wives play on the forums and post stupid, personal stuff.