Question for the men...

[sleuth]

Actually I was going to ask what the bible says in regards to a man/woman providing for thier family.

I'm actually inclined to agre with you in part.

I don't know that this is Biblical... but this is what I think Dr. Harley has to say about it...

If the man is able... he should be the financial provider of basic needs: clothing, housing, food. It should come out of his paycheck.

Any luxuries should come out of the wife's paycheck, if she so chooses to work.
And if the man cannot make enough to provide those basic needs... he should improve himself in order to do so.

If he's unable to because of some disability... well.. I don't know. I suppose then it comes down to whether he and she can live with the fact that that need has to be met by someone else.

I don't know if that's Harley's exact opinion, but I believe I read that once.

And I'm inclined to agree.

 

[workin hard]

My 2 cents....If a marriage or any relationship is anything but 50/50, it doesn't work.

I refuse to let my husband make my life decisions. Get his input and opinion, but the decision lies with me.

Now when it comes to our house and kids (things we share) then we will make the decision together.

The whole "I have the final say" BS is crap and should be treated as such.

 

[sleuth]

That's right ... there are a LOT of people in here with experience in relationships/marriages and many of them are divorced (me included). Having lived and learned, some of these folks perhaps have already traveled down the road you are attempting to pave, and are trying to open your eyes to the fact that there is more than one road you can travel down to have a successful relationship/marriage.

True, but a lot of folks are really gungho about saying they know exactly how to make it work, but as I see it, there's a big percentage of them who don't have the record to back it up.

We're all trying, right? We're all doing the best we can.
And this is my shot at it. Take it or leave it. :shrug:

 

[pixiegirl]

I don't know that this is Biblical... but this is what I think Dr. Harley has to say about it...

If the man is able... he should be the financial provider of basic needs: clothing, housing, food. It should come out of his paycheck.

Any luxuries should come out of the wife's paycheck, if she so chooses to work.
And if the man cannot make enough to provide those basic needs... he should improve himself in order to do so.

If he's unable to because of some disability... well.. I don't know. I suppose then it comes down to whether he and she can live with the fact that that need has to be met by someone else.

I don't know if that's Harley's exact opinion, but I believe I read that once.

And I'm inclined to agree.

Damn, I need to find a man to agree to these terms.... I can be subservant as long as I get to go shopping. Hey yxelot, you ready to take the plunge?

 

[mAlice]

I must have missed the part where he said that he's going to make a decision regardless of her opinion on the subject. In fact, in review, he seems to imply that she has a good deal of influence on those decisions.

Try this:

She can persuade all she wants. And if she's successful at changing my mind, then that's ok.
Ultimately, the final decision rests with me.

But make no mistake. If I make a decision that I know will make her unhappy, I do it at my own peril. And if I make a decision that leads her into sin, I do it at my own peril. It would have to be a pretty dang bulletproof reason if I were to make a decision that I thought would make her unhappy.

If it's not in the Bible it should be, but actually I think there is something in there that says the wife sets the tone of the home. In today's language, "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy."

Really, the only decision I can think of right now that would be that big would be moving for a new job. I'm sure there's others, but that's the one that sticks out to me.

 

[sleuth]

Try this:

Sorry... but saying "the final decision rests with me" doesn't mean that I never took her input into consideration.

Nice try, though.

 

[BuddyLee]

Sorry... but saying "the final decision rests with me" doesn't mean that I never took her input into consideration.

Nice try, though.

Your missing the point. You can take her input into consideration all you want but in the end it is your decision, not hers.

 

[jazz lady]

Sorry... but saying "the final decision rests with me" doesn't mean that I never took her input into consideration.

Nice try, though.

No, but you still made the decision REGARDLESS of her opinion. That to me smacks of high-handedness and is NOT a good basis for a relationship IMHO.

 

[mAlice]

Sorry... but saying "the final decision rests with me" doesn't mean that I never took her input into consideration.

Nice try, though.

You're still saying you have the final call, whether you consider her input or not.

Nice try, though.

 

[sleuth]

Your missing the point. You can take her input into consideration all you want but in the end it is your decision, not hers.

Let's look at it this way.
If you make your family head both the mother and the father, and the mother and father have a disagreement, what happens?

Let's take a vote! Dang. One to One. I guess we can't do anything but sit here with our thumbs up our butts.

You're paralyzed.
Your family suffers as a result.

How is that beneficial?

 

[Christy]

True, but a lot of folks are really gungho about saying they know exactly how to make it work, but as I see it, there's a big percentage of them who don't have the record to back it up.

I've got ten years under my belt. But you'd really not want to hear my advice on secrets to a successful marriage.

 

[sleuth]

Let's look at it this way.
If you make your family head both the mother and the father, and the mother and father have a disagreement, what happens?

Let's take a vote! Dang. One to One. I guess we can't do anything but sit here with our thumbs up our butts.

You're paralyzed.
Your family suffers as a result.

How is that beneficial?

I'm calling it a day... I'll check in later I guess...

 

[mAlice]

I've got ten years under my belt. But you'd really not want to hear my advice on secrets to a successful marriage.

Almost 23 years.

 

[Christy]

Oh, and back to the original topic. Vrai says it best with "there is a butt for every seat". Rather than be bummed that she's not getting responses, she should be thrilled that it's less losers to weed through in order to find Mr. Right. :shrug:

 

[BuddyLee]

Let's look at it this way.
If you make your family head both the mother and the father, and the mother and father have a disagreement, what happens?

Let's take a vote! Dang. One to One. I guess we can't do anything but sit here with our thumbs up our butts.

You're paralyzed.
Your family suffers as a result.

How is that beneficial?

Sorry Sleuth but that is a harsh reality of life and marriage, even I know that and I'm not even married. There will always be conflicts in any relationship, if one dominates the power the other will get to a point of feeling almost useless or a 'robot slave'. You then lose your wife, you're paralyzed and your family suffers as a result.

 

[mAlice]

Oh, and back to the original topic. Vrai says it best with "there is a butt for every seat". Rather than be bummed that she's not getting responses, she should be thrilled that it's less losers to weed through in order to find Mr. Right. :shrug:

Sometimes a butt needs two seats. Just ask the Keller bus riders.

 

[pixiegirl]

Call me crazy but as long as the man is loving and has the best interest of the family in mind I'd prefer he be more dominant. I find it very appealing when a man is a "man." Minus all the chest beating b/s. I actually agree with Sleuth.

 

[otter]

Oh, and back to the original topic. Vrai says it best with "there is a butt for every seat". Rather than be bummed that she's not getting responses, she should be thrilled that it's less losers to weed through in order to find Mr. Right. :shrug:

Why must all your posts be a suckup to Vrai??

 

[workin hard]

Let's look at it this way.
If you make your family head both the mother and the father, and the mother and father have a disagreement, what happens?

Let's take a vote! Dang. One to One. I guess we can't do anything but sit here with our thumbs up our butts.

You're paralyzed.
Your family suffers as a result.

How is that beneficial?

COMPROMISE

 

[mAlice]

Call me crazy but as long as the man is loving and has the best interest of the family in mind I'd prefer he be more dominant. I find it very appealing when a man is a "man." Minus all the chest beating b/s. I actually agree with Sleuth.

Then you should try it. :shrug: