Say something nice...

Tilted

Tilted

..
Larry Gude said:
You're going to get me killed. Dead. :lol:

I am NOT saying 'women become more demanding'. I am saying marriage, kids, makes the relationship more...challenging. You ever ask yourself why you were doing less for her? Or ask your pals why they're doing less? It sure isn't so she'll be less lovey dovey. It sure isn't because you, or they, want problems.

Why did you, do you, do less over time? Your pals?

:popcorn:
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I wouldn't say that as a rule I did less over time, but that was probably a tendency. And what I was talking about there were situations from quite a while ago, before I had a bit of an awakening about myself and life in general. So, the dynamics that applied then don't really apply for me now - at least, I hope they don't.

That said, for me I think it was just that I wasn't interested in the relationships anymore. I wasn't in love anymore, not in the same way. Sometimes that happens. But the point is that the deterioration of the relationships didn't have to do with the women being demanding at all. Even many years in, they remained pretty easy to please. That's my general point - again, based on my experience - women are not hard to please.

As for why other guys might not make much effort, I suppose there's all kinds of reasons. For one, the same reason I indicated with regard to myself. And then, as a baseline I think guys are spoiled. We don't expect to have to make much effort, so having to make any effort can be resented. Of course, that's not always the case and everybody's different, but I think that's a tendency in guys more so than in females. Females seem to expect to have to make an effort, they seem to expect to need to go to greater lengths in order to keep the interest of their lover. I think love for women is experienced more as an impulse to give, to do for, to take care of, than it is experienced as such by men. That's not to say men don't experience it the same way, but I don't think as many men experience it as strongly and consistently that way.

We could probably get lost speculating why that's the case (if we accept that it is), but I don't suppose we should for now. But, as a general comment, I think there are powerful evolutionary forces that underlie many of the different tendencies that we see respectively in men and in women.
 
Tilted

Tilted

..
Oh, and I accept that marriage and kids might make relationships more challenging. That's part of what I was asking. I don't dismiss that possibility for a minute.
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
This discussion evolution makes me think about that whole toilet seat business. I remember asking...I think it was Tox... "It takes about 2 seconds to put the seat down when you're done peeing. Literally 2 seconds to make your wife happy. So why don't you do it?"

I think the answer was, "Because it's not important to me." Or something along those lines.

That was amazing to me. 2 seconds to make your woman happy and you can't put forth that effort? Can't remember because it's not important to you to spend 2 seconds making her happy?? Even if it's just a stupid control issue thing, we're talking about 2 seconds here to eliminate some marital strife.

:shrug:
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
Tilted said:
I wouldn't say that as a rule I did less over time, but that was probably a tendency. And what I was talking about there were situations from quite a while ago, before I had a bit of an awakening about myself and life in general. So, the dynamics that applied then don't really apply for me now - at least, I hope they don't.

That said, for me I think it was just that I wasn't interested in the relationships anymore. I wasn't in love anymore, not in the same way. Sometimes that happens. But the point is that the deterioration of the relationships didn't have to do with the women being demanding at all. Even many years in, they remained pretty easy to please. That's my general point - again, based on my experience - women are not hard to please. .
Click to expand...

Ok but, you've just throw a whole other premise into this. I was assuming a relationship you wanted and the ease of keeping her happy. No longer being interested is a whole other animal.
 
Larry Gude

Larry Gude

Strung Out
vraiblonde said:
This discussion evolution makes me think about that whole toilet seat business. I remember asking...I think it was Tox... "It takes about 2 seconds to put the seat down when you're done peeing. Literally 2 seconds to make your wife happy. So why don't you do it?"

I think the answer was, "Because it's not important to me." Or something along those lines.

That was amazing to me. 2 seconds to make your woman happy and you can't put forth that effort? Can't remember because it's not important to you to spend 2 seconds making her happy?? Even if it's just a stupid control issue thing, we're talking about 2 seconds here to eliminate some marital strife.

:shrug:
Click to expand...


Ok, but, this is The core of the guy/girl thing. By the same token, it only takes HER 2 seconds to NOT be mad at him. In a perfectly rational world, he makes an effort to remember something he is not wired to consider and, mostly, takes those 2 seconds while, at the same time, when he forgets, she takes that 2 seconds to set it down and remembers something she is not wired to do; NOT get mad about the toilet seat. Give/give.

But, noooooo.. What happens is, because guys don't think, naturally, of toilets seats as an important thing, such as, say, the remote, we forget and she looks at the toilet seat like we look at the remote, a mission critical thing, when we forget, it's as though we've done something seriously wrong...like misplace the remote.

And, so it goes.
 
Toxick

Toxick

Splat
vraiblonde said:
This discussion evolution makes me think about that whole toilet seat business. I remember asking...I think it was Tox... "It takes about 2 seconds to put the seat down when you're done peeing. Literally 2 seconds to make your wife happy. So why don't you do it?"
Click to expand...



I may have said that... but in all actuality ExMrsToxick presented the most convincing argument (at least it convinced me) for putting the toilet seat down, and I have not once forgotten to put it down ever since.


She was discussing the dismal condition of the family bathroom - and how it becomes a disaster area every damned day - with the children, and the importance of courtesy in the bathroom. Especially when it comes to things like picking up your clothes when bathing, and replacing a roll of toilet paper when you're done, and putting the lid back on the toothpaste, and telling my daughter how important it was not to leave razors in the bathtub when legs have been shaven... etc.


And when we came to the part of the discussion about disposing of the remnants of feminine hygiene (whereupon my boys became visibly uncomfortable to my unrelenting amusement), and how courtesy is in this regard is critical.




Then she said that since females are courteous enough not to leave their uteran slough lying around the bathroom, is it really too outrageous to expect a little courtesy with the toilet seat from the men.

I decided that it's not outrageous at all.






Give & take, etc.

It is no longer an extra step just to humor the old lady any more - it is a real and vital part of the ritual.
 
kwillia

kwillia

n/a
vraiblonde said:
Something I've noticed:

"They" say that if you treat your man like a king, he will treat you like a princess. That has not been my experience. I have found that the better you treat your man, the more lazy and complacent he becomes and figures he's doing enough to keep you happy, so why bother making any effort? Monello is the first relationship I've had where we are our own little mutual admiration society and the more thoughtful and kind one is, the other ratchets up to match or exceed. We'd give you a toothache it's so sweet.
Click to expand...
:yeahthat: See it all the time.
 
frequentflier

frequentflier

happy to be living
Toxick said:
I may have said that... but in all actuality ExMrsToxick presented the most convincing argument (at least it convinced me) for putting the toilet seat down, and I have not once forgotten to put it down ever since.


She was discussing the dismal condition of the family bathroom - and how it becomes a disaster area every damned day - with the children, and the importance of courtesy in the bathroom. Especially when it comes to things like picking up your clothes when bathing, and replacing a roll of toilet paper when you're done, and putting the lid back on the toothpaste, and telling my daughter how important it was not to leave razors in the bathtub when legs have been shaven... etc.


And when we came to the part of the discussion about disposing of the remnants of feminine hygiene (whereupon my boys became visibly uncomfortable to my unrelenting amusement), and how courtesy is in this regard is critical.




Then she said that since females are courteous enough not to leave their uteran slough lying around the bathroom, is it really too outrageous to expect a little courtesy with the toilet seat from the men.

I decided that it's not outrageous at all.






Give & take, etc.

It is no longer an extra step just to humor the old lady any more - it is a real and vital part of the ritual.
Click to expand...


:lmao:
 
vraiblonde

vraiblonde

Board Mommy
PREMO Member
Patron
Tilted said:
again, based on my experience - women are not hard to please.
Click to expand...

It could be that you are naturally considerate. You come across that way on here, so I can see where you might be a bit more in touch than most men with regard to your relationships. Therefore you would not find women hard to please in general, whereas another man would find them universally impossible.
 
HeavyChevy75

HeavyChevy75

Podunk FL
I will say something nice.

I am still on dating vacation mostly because after the past couple of years it just has been rough. Every time I think I am ready to go out on a date..I do it and the guy ends up being a total douche or mooch-wannbe or looking for a sugar momma. Sometimes they make it to a 2nd date and make about that if we go any further I need to rethink the time I spend with horse. Another time the guy wanted to date me because he was tired of paying riding lessons and wanted me to let her ride MY horse. Sure...not going to happen.
 
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