Settle a fight

[Toxick]

Well, she's not company, anyway. She was specifically there to pick up the girls,

Psst...


I was taking your side... shaddap.

 

[crabcake]

that would be prefectly appropriate if she wasn;t the mother of your husbands children. As it stands shes a part of your life, like it or not, for the kids you should get over your issues with her

It doesn't sound (to me) like Vrai has issues with her; rather, she has issues with Vrai (if you recall from earlier, she had some not-pleasant things to say about Vrai; not the other way around). I think Vrai's UPS analogy is pretty good. If the Ex-W had something to discuss with Vrai, she'd have hung around, or motioned that she needed to talk to her. As it was, it doesn't sound like that's the case. Besides, from what I recall, Vrai doesn't talk to her mom daily either. And it was Christmas. Again, this woman is NOT part of Vrai's family. She may be Larry's ex-wife and the mother of his kids, but unless she was specifically invited to be a guest in their house for the day, she didn't have any business hanging around. It's not like they're all chummy (now) and whatnot.

 

[SamSpade]

Larry and I are having a disagreement and I'd love to have a second opinion:

His ex-wife and I used to be quite chummy but several months ago, there was a chilling of the relationship (not my doing, but hers - she just stopped coming around, then Larry told me some things she said about me that made me not care if she came around anymore).

Anyway, she came by to pick up the girls Christmas morning and I was on the phone with my mother. Larry greeted her and they had a conversation about when the girls would be back, etc. I waved at her, then went back to my phone conversation.

Larry says this was rude. I say it wasn't.

Who's right? Or can it simply be a matter of opinion as to what is and isn't considered rude?

If she was there for about five minutes - as I surmise from what you've written - and you're clearly not close - and she wasn't by to "visit" - and you were already on the phone - I think waving hello is about right. Even more so if this is a person whose arrival is routine. If Bluejay had a friend who was dropping off some basket or Pampered Chef thing from a party - I might not even get up.

I guess it's a matter of how you interpret family dynamics. See, if it was my DAD and I was dropping something off for my mom - I'd be a little p!ssed if he didn't even TRY to get off the phone. But that's my family - I used to have a roommate whose family didn't even take their attention off the TV when he came by after a six-month hiatus, or say much past "hello".

I can't 'see' what happened - I do know I've visited friends, and their wife walked out while on the phone, waved real friendly with a smile and went back. Others gave a surly stare and rolled their eyes and gave a palm down kind of wave.

You don't get along with this person - so why should anyone care if you were rude or not?

 

[Dougstermd]

youre right, having a hostile relationship with your SO's Ex is much healthier for the kids....

I do not see it as HOSTILE.

she was polite and waved

 

[crabcake]

youre right, having a hostile relationship with your SO's Ex is much healthier for the kids....

You should read the whole thread. The Ex-Wife voiced unpleasantries about Vrai; not the other way around.

 

[vraiblonde]

she had some not-pleasant things to say about Vrai

What she said, specifically, is she told the girls that she couldn't stand me at all and the only reason she came over to hang out was because she thought that if she didn't, I wouldn't ever let her see her daughters again. As if I have some control over that.

 

[Midnightrider]

I do not see it as HOSTILE.

she was polite and waved

its all about perceptions i guess. The important ones being larry's and the kids...
I know i try to be pleasent to my Ex, her boyfriend, and even her Ex-husband... at least when kids are around.

I can't tell you how many times i pleasently chit-chated with my Ex during a holiday exchange, while secretly wondering WTF she was doing acting like she was invited to my house.

 

[Pete]

And this you physics geeks is what happens when an unstoppable force hits an immovable object.

 

[Larry Gude]

Hello pot...

Thank you - someone gets it!

Larry gets an idea in his head and clings to it like the Holy Grail. If someone expresses a different opinion, they are "in denial" and "can't handle honesty". Then he insists that "the majority of people" or "anyone hearing/seeing this" would agree with him.

I just thought I'd put that to the test.

...how's it going?

I supported your idea of making buddy buddy with her over the years and tried to support it with the same line that 'it's good for the kids'.

I complained when you two would sit up until all hours socializing on work nights WHILE the kids ended up losing their time with bio. Time after time after time. But I still supported you.

I complained, along with the sisters who also knew her for the 8 years we were married, that maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. But no, you just knew better than everyone. Everybody had it wrong but you. She was only like she was because of how I am, sez you, when you're pizzed at me. Fits your perspective so too bad for me.

So now, counseling brings out the truth; she's just as false with you, all along, as she ever was with me during marriage. So your paradigm gets blown up. So she communicates, after all, no better now with the all knowing and all powerful VrailOZ than she ever did with me. So now you're on the outs.

All I saw on Christmas freaking morn was you blowing her off and it struck me as rude. That's all I've said. I never said she didn't deserve it. I never said you were obligated to handle your relationship in any other fashion than you choose. All I did was comment on what was, for you, decidedly out of character and decidedly not in the spirit of the season. So now, your all's relationship is not for the kids any more.

That makes me in denial? That makes my perspective some sort of distorted mirage?

What ev er.

 

[bresamil]

What she said, specifically, is she told the girls that she couldn't stand me at all and the only reason she came over to hang out was because she thought that if she didn't, I wouldn't ever let her see her daughters again. As if I have some control over that.

Fascinating. I thought you guys got along okay. That's a very hurtful comment considering the number of times you've welcomed her in your home and the fact you are helping to raise her daughters full time. I can see why the relationship chilled. Does she know you know this?

Regardless, I can completely understand you not going out of your way or hanging up on your mother just to rush out and greet her. The wave was sufficient.

Sorry Larry.

 

[Nanny Pam]

Sometimes you feel like a nut....sometimes you don't. :shrug:

 

[vraiblonde]

...how's it going?

I supported your idea of making buddy buddy with her over the years and tried to support it with the same line that 'it's good for the kids'.

I complained when you two would sit up until all hours socializing on work nights WHILE the kids ended up losing their time with bio. Time after time after time. But I still supported you.

I complained, along with the sisters who also knew her for the 8 years we were married, that maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. But no, you just knew better than everyone. Everybody had it wrong but you. She was only like she was because of how I am, sez you, when you're pizzed at me. Fits your perspective so too bad for me.

So now, counseling brings out the truth; she's just as false with you, all along, as she ever was with me during marriage. So your paradigm gets blown up. So she communicates, after all, no better now with the all knowing and all powerful VrailOZ than she ever did with me. So now you're on the outs.

All I saw on Christmas freaking morn was you blowing her off and it struck me as rude. That's all I've said. I never said she didn't deserve it. I never said you were obligated to handle your relationship in any other fashion than you choose. All I did was comment on what was, for you, decidedly out of character and decidedly not in the spirit of the season. So now, your all's relationship is not for the kids any more.

That makes me in denial? That makes my perspective some sort of distorted mirage?

What ev er.

Hi darling! Happy birthday!

For all those years you've said you DON'T want me to socialize with her. So what is pissing you off now? That I didn't get off the phone and socialize with her.

 

[crabcake]

What she said, specifically, is she told the girls that she couldn't stand me at all and the only reason she came over to hang out was because she thought that if she didn't, I wouldn't ever let her see her daughters again. As if I have some control over that.

Next time she stops by, wave and say "see you next tuesday".

 

[Larry Gude]

Give that woman...

You don't have to get defensive. You sugar-coated your initial version to give the impression that you were on the phone in the kitchen and she was briefly at the door to get the girls. (At least that's my take from what you described.)

(Larry)

:stomp:

Not that any of this matters to me, but there is one thing I'd like to know. What's the score on this one? How many times have you won?

...a Heineken. Put it on my tab.

There's nothing for me to win. This is nothing but a big fat lose. My issue is I'm no more capable of just cutting my nuts off and sulking off to my cage with a 'yes, dear, you're right dear, you're always right, dear..." than I am of
quitting beer drinking.

She was simply rude that AM and that's what I saw. I long since apologized, in this freaking thread, that I was WRONG to call it a FACT that she was rude. It is ONLY my perception and my perception is, in my opinion, a reasonable one.

 

[Larry Gude]

Thanks...

Hi darling! Happy birthday!

...that's ever so polite of you.

 

[vraiblonde]

All I saw on Christmas freaking morn was you blowing her off and it struck me as rude.

Actually, darling birthday boy, that's NOT "all" you said. When I protested that I didn't think I was rude to her, you took it to the mats and declared that I was "in denial" and "didn't like hearing the truth".

Or do you not remember that part?

 

[Larry Gude]

Oh for Chrissakes...

Fascinating. I thought you guys got along okay. That's a very hurtful comment considering the number of times you've welcomed her in your home and the fact you are helping to raise her daughters full time. I can see why the relationship chilled. Does she know you know this?

Regardless, I can completely understand you not going out of your way or hanging up on your mother just to rush out and greet her. The wave was sufficient.

Sorry Larry.

...they've had a few issues with each other including Vrail blowing up and screaming at her in front of the kids. So have I. It's been a messed up dynamic for some time.

 

[Nanny Pam]

...that's ever so polite of you.

Now we're talking! See ...isn't that better?
Let the make-up sex begin! :fireworks:

 

[Larry Gude]

And I Said...

Actually, darling birthday boy, that's NOT "all" you said. When I protested that I didn't think I was rude to her, you took it to the mats and declared that I was "in denial" and "didn't like hearing the truth".

Or do you not remember that part?

...I WAS WRONG AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN.

IT WAS MY PERCEPTION, NOT A FACT, THAT YOU WERE RUDE.

 

[Larry Gude]

It was just...

I don't think I'm going to get those opening day tickets.

...a lawyers ploy. I meant to say I dreamt I had tix.