Sex as a weapon

SamSpade

SamSpade

Well-Known Member
PREMO Member
Originally posted by vraiblonde

Men "withhold" emotion all the time. How many of you ladies have had a problem with your guy, only to have him sit there and try to ignore you when you want to discuss it?

So why is it wrong for women to "withhold" sex?
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I can't recall ever having done that. In almost every relationship I've ever been in, I'm always the more romantic one. I don't withhold affection, because basically - I can't. I can't recall the last time a significant other wanted to curl up next to me, and my response was 'just go away'. And I certainly never did it on *purpose*.

Now, being demonstrative of my emotions - *sometimes* - sometimes I just don't know how. I try to show them by what I DO. It might be something simple like letting her have the last popsicle, it might be doing something simple when I am exhausted and my back aches, and I do my best to not let her know. It might be by renting that movie which I never would watch on my own.

I think it is possible that some men like sex so much, the circumstances don't matter and they want it more than love. I don't see it though. You can enjoy a relationship where the sex is great but the rest is dreadful but you always end up unhappy. Maybe I just have weird friends but all the guys I know like sex but can't stand a relationship where there's nothing else in common. It's good only for a while. I'm much happier in a relationship where I know my partner wants me, is happy with me, is *proud* of me, and well - LIKES me. Laughs with me.

That being said - the clinical part of me says there's two separate chemical reactions in the brain that occur - one that is more emotional, and one that is - well - physical. And I can definitely tell when one is more powerful than the other. This is documentable - two separate brain chemicals. I do believe that for women, the emotional ones is very much stronger than the physical, and for men, the physical, but I can't be happy with someone unless both are working for me. When the emotional part isn't there, sex is physically pleasant but emotionally empty, and the emotional feeling lasts longer.

So I basically disagree with your premise, but for these reasons. Men do value both, they just feel more strongly about one than the other.

I *have* however, not wanted to *talk* about something, at times. This might be for a lot of reasons, but not because I want to punish anyone. For one thing, I really hate to CRY in front of anyone, especially my partner. I hate saying personal things when I'm emotionally vulnerable because I don't want them brought up later. And I am terrified of physically hurting, or verbally hurting, those I love, and it is MUCH preferable to say NOTHING than to let any of that out. I'd rather quietly hold back the hurricane in me than recklessly unleash it on the world. To me, that is love, too. What *I* need most, when I am hurting is NOT to talk about it, but to deal with it myself. I'm not made for "talking it out". That makes it worse for me.
 
K

Kizzy

Guest
:bawl: That was beautiful Sam.

I *have* however, not wanted to *talk* about something, at times. This might be for a lot of reasons, but not because I want to punish anyone. For one thing, I really hate to CRY in front of anyone, especially my partner. I hate saying personal things when I'm emotionally vulnerable because I don't want them brought up later. And I am terrified of physically hurting, or verbally hurting, those I love, and it is MUCH preferable to say NOTHING than to let any of that out. I'd rather quietly hold back the hurricane in me than recklessly unleash it on the world. To me, that is love, too. What *I* need most, when I am hurting is NOT to talk about it, but to deal with it myself. I'm not made for "talking it out". That makes it worse for me.
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Very insightful.
 
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