Shared Physical Custody

[RoseRed]

Are you judging what and who we can be judgmental about...

Some people are just mental.

 

[Dougstermd]

judgeing from his post i would say that would have to be a judgement call.

You be the judge

 

[mAlice]

I am shocked at how judgmental everyone is being. All I wanted to know is if everyone ALWAYS answered their exes calls. I get sh!t from him when I don't and just needed a reality check. From what I've read on here, though, I need to be accessible to him forever because of the kids. That's cool.

Yes, people are judgemental. That's the way we're wired. Yes, you will always be tied to your husband through your children. Try to make it as comfortable as possible for all concerned. You've gotten some good advice here. Use it.

 

[fddog]

Not to sound rude, but they're his kids too. You should consider yourself lucky that he cares enough to speak to them on the phone.

 

[pixiegirl]

I've only had time to read the first two pages but am going to throw my two pennies in anyway.

My ex husband uses my son to get to me. An example, he calls one night and I answer. He asks what we're doing and I tell him hanging out then tell him to hold on and I'll get N. We (being the other half and myself had company over, one of his friends), N gets on the phone and tells his father that "John" is over and was playing ball with him. His dad instructs him immediately to put mommy back on the phone. I get on the phone and start getting screamed at about what a hooker I am, blah blah blah. I hung up on him. I felt no need to justify that the other half was home and that "John" was his friend.

My ex also has a bad habit of calling repeatedly if I don't answer. He'll call my cell, then the house, then my cell 3 more times and then finally give up w/out leaving a message. I've told him that he can call once and if I don't answer it's because it's not a good time and I'll call him back as soon as the opportunity presents itself. He pays no attention to my requests.

I refuse to be the only adult in the parental relationship and thus have chosen not to deal with him at all. He abused the priveledge of phone calls and for now has lost it.

 

[sushisamba]

I've only had time to read the first two pages but am going to throw my two pennies in anyway.

My ex husband uses my son to get to me. An example, he calls one night and I answer. He asks what we're doing and I tell him hanging out then tell him to hold on and I'll get N. We (being the other half and myself had company over, one of his friends), N gets on the phone and tells his father that "John" is over and was playing ball with him. His dad instructs him immediately to put mommy back on the phone. I get on the phone and start getting screamed at about what a hooker I am, blah blah blah. I hung up on him. I felt no need to justify that the other half was home and that "John" was his friend.

My ex also has a bad habit of calling repeatedly if I don't answer. He'll call my cell, then the house, then my cell 3 more times and then finally give up w/out leaving a message. I've told him that he can call once and if I don't answer it's because it's not a good time and I'll call him back as soon as the opportunity presents itself. He pays no attention to my requests.

I refuse to be the only adult in the parental relationship and thus have chosen not to deal with him at all. He abused the priveledge of phone calls and for now has lost it.

OMG!! Finally someone who knows what I'm talking about!!!!!
So glad to have an empathetic ear. I feel your pain and am glad (in a weird way) to know that someone else is going through this.

 

[aps45819]

N gets on the phone and tells his father that "John" is over and was playing ball with him.

Hi daddy, I'm playing ball with mommy's John.

My ex also has a bad habit of calling repeatedly if I don't answer. He'll call my cell, then the house, then my cell 3 more times and then finally give up w/out leaving a message. I've told him that he can call once and if I don't answer it's because it's not a good time and I'll call him back as soon as the opportunity presents itself. He pays no attention to my requests.

My X does that. When I see her and she asks why I didn't call back, I tell her there was no message, just a hang up, so I figured it wasn't important.

 

[justbeachy]

It's important for parents to keep in touch for the sake of the kids. It's ashame when a parent abuses the contact be it for control... jealousy whatever. I'm glad my boyfriend's ex keeps us up to date with whats going on with his kids. Same with my ex and our kids.

 

[fddog]

i call my son everynight before bed time

 

[mainman]

The reality of divorce when children are involved is that you give up 24/7 access to them.

I have not read all responses, but I don't agree with this statement at all, the reality of divorce is you and he and access, not he and them or you and them...

If he never called you would bitch too I'm sure.. I think it's great that he calls...

 

[FastCarsSpeed]

OMG!! Finally someone who knows what I'm talking about!!!!!
So glad to have an empathetic ear. I feel your pain and am glad (in a weird way) to know that someone else is going through this.

Where in your text did you say your ex calls and says your a dirty tramp? I call my kids at my ex's house to talk to them. If they are sitting down to dinner she tells me so and says she will have them call me back later. Kids are only kids for soo long. When they become teenagers you know how hard it will be to talk to them sometimes. So unless he is trying to be nosy and in your new life and business let the man have that couple of minutes to talk to his children. My children are 10 and 5 and conversations are usually maybe 2-5 minutes tops.

 

[sushisamba]

Where in your text did you say your ex calls and says your a dirty tramp? I call my kids at my ex's house to talk to them. If they are sitting down to dinner she tells me so and says she will have them call me back later. Kids are only kids for soo long. When they become teenagers you know how hard it will be to talk to them sometimes. So unless he is trying to be nosy and in your new life and business let the man have that couple of minutes to talk to his children. My children are 10 and 5 and conversations are usually maybe 2-5 minutes tops.

Yeah, I didn't feel the need to go into all the nasty things he says when his calls aren't answered because I didn't expect the backlash I got. It's horrible. Just yesterday we had an e-mail exchange wherein he asked "why the fvck" I didn't answer his call and I was explaining that I don't always have my cell phone on me. And he felt the need to call me a wh0re. He's bitter, he's angry (5 years later) and as much as everyone on here thinks he's a great father for calling his children when he's not with them, I can't help but wonder if he's just pumping them for information. "Where are you?" "What are you doing?" "Who's there?".

 

[Pete]

Yeah, I didn't feel the need to go into all the nasty things he says when his calls aren't answered because I didn't expect the backlash I got. It's horrible. Just yesterday we had an e-mail exchange wherein he asked "why the fvck" I didn't answer his call and I was explaining that I don't always have my cell phone on me. And he felt the need to call me a wh0re. He's bitter, he's angry (5 years later) and as much as everyone on here thinks he's a great father for calling his children when he's not with them, I can't help but wonder if he's just pumping them for information. "Where are you?" "What are you doing?" "Who's there?".

Thats not what you communicated

 

[fddog]

Yeah, I didn't feel the need to go into all the nasty things he says when his calls aren't answered because I didn't expect the backlash I got. It's horrible. Just yesterday we had an e-mail exchange wherein he asked "why the fvck" I didn't answer his call and I was explaining that I don't always have my cell phone on me. And he felt the need to call me a wh0re. He's bitter, he's angry (5 years later) and as much as everyone on here thinks he's a great father for calling his children when he's not with them, I can't help but wonder if he's just pumping them for information. "Where are you?" "What are you doing?" "Who's there?".

if he is being an ass i can see you limiting his calls, there are times i try to call jr and my ex doesn't answer so i leave a message, usually, hey bithc have my boy call me and he calls in about an hour or so

 

[mainman]

Yeah, I didn't feel the need to go into all the nasty things he says when his calls aren't answered because I didn't expect the backlash I got. It's horrible. Just yesterday we had an e-mail exchange wherein he asked "why the fvck" I didn't answer his call and I was explaining that I don't always have my cell phone on me. And he felt the need to call me a wh0re. He's bitter, he's angry (5 years later) and as much as everyone on here thinks he's a great father for calling his children when he's not with them, I can't help but wonder if he's just pumping them for information. "Where are you?" "What are you doing?" "Who's there?".

Well geez, after this, I wouldn't answer his calls either...

 

[sushisamba]

Thats not what you communicated

It's bad enough to get it from him, let alone to have to repeat it for someone. I was just trying to get a general consensus on whether or not people always answer the exes calls. Instead, I got judged on what a horrible mother I am for not answering his calls. I had no idea that so many people had such good relationships with their exes. Unfortunately for me, mine is still mad that I left him and I will have to listen to his namecalling and rants forever so that the kids can have a good relationship with their father. I'm going to take the advice of setting a time to call.

 

[Pete]

It's bad enough to get it from him, let alone to have to repeat it for someone. I was just trying to get a general consensus on whether or not people always answer the exes calls. Instead, I got judged on what a horrible mother I am for not answering his calls. I had no idea that so many people had such good relationships with their exes. Unfortunately for me, mine is still mad that I left him and I will have to listen to his namecalling and rants forever so that the kids can have a good relationship with their father. I'm going to take the advice of setting a time to call.

True but you cannot get a legit answer to "how many of you like baked potatoes?" if you ask "how many of you people like sour cream?"

 

[justbeachy]

i call my son everynight before bed time

Good daddy

 

[kwillia]

It's bad enough to get it from him, let alone to have to repeat it for someone. I was just trying to get a general consensus on whether or not people always answer the exes calls. Instead, I got judged on what a horrible mother I am for not answering his calls. I had no idea that so many people had such good relationships with their exes. Unfortunately for me, mine is still mad that I left him and I will have to listen to his namecalling and rants forever so that the kids can have a good relationship with their father. I'm going to take the advice of setting a time to call.

You can't give out only bits and pieces of your situation and then expect to get reasonable responses that match the situation you did not divuldge.

 

[bresamil]

It's bad enough to get it from him, let alone to have to repeat it for someone. I was just trying to get a general consensus on whether or not people always answer the exes calls. Instead, I got judged on what a horrible mother I am for not answering his calls. I had no idea that so many people had such good relationships with their exes. Unfortunately for me, mine is still mad that I left him and I will have to listen to his namecalling and rants forever so that the kids can have a good relationship with their father. I'm going to take the advice of setting a time to call.

And find him a wife. Got mine off my back.