Should I ‘settle’ now or hold out for Mr. Right?
- Thread starter nhboy
- Start date
Chain729
CageKicker Extraordinaire
Now adays he'd be arrested for "telephone misuse" and she'd tell all her friends to stay away from that crazy stalker guy. She'd even start a website devoted to victims of stalking, complete with a forum set up as a "stalking victim support group," with his picture on the home page as the poster child for crazy stalkers. Then, one of the bitter women on here would post a link to the website and we'd all be entertained for an afternoon as the stories, arguments and polls ensued.
somdprincess
The one and only Princess
Romance can be real. We met 13 years ago and have been together and going strong as the day we met.
We work at the romance to keep it going but it is worth it.
We work at the romance to keep it going but it is worth it.
gigi6
New Member
Hubby and I have been together 14 years and its been rough at times, but the romance and love have carried us through. Never, never, never settle! The other person will be able to tell and you cannot lie forever! How would it feel to you if the "romance" were on the other foot? You think you've found Mr. Right and it turns out that you are Mrs. Right-Now????? Come on - you wouldn't have posted here if you didn't want the truth.
Hold out for the bells, whistles and fireworks! Its worth it!
HappyCats
New Member
No direct romance stories here.It's everyone's parents and not this generation that have the long and loving marriages.
That's not true. love and romance is what you make it. Generations have nothing to do with it. My husband and I knew we were meant to be right away. Bells, whistles, the whole bit. The key is not to settle.
SamSpade
Well-Known Member
I'm annoyed by the concept "settle" - as though spouses were the equivalent of a sports car or a salary negotiation. As in, you know, I love you with all my heart and all that, but I was really holding out for something a lot better than YOU. If you're "settling", you don't really love them at all - you just want a companion.
I once saw a - don't laugh - Ally McBeal which touched on this, where a really obese man - who at the time was engaged - discussed with Ally the idea of settling versus going for the soulmate, the one with whom he felt a truly, deep, lasting connection. Ally of course, suggested he go for it, never keying in on the obvious that his true connection was Ally herself. He calls off his engagement, breaks the heart of his fiancee, and goes full throttle after Ally who has practically zero interest in him. The infuriated fiancee confronts Ally, essentially telling him that for 400+ pound men, he could spend the rest of his life pursuing a dream he can't catch, when someone who loves him - but isn't perfect - waits nearby.
I guess I'm of the opinion that you can almost always find someone, but finding someone who really loves you in return is pretty damned hard, and you should be glad to "settle" for that much - because if it ain't got that part, the rest don't mean much.
I once saw a - don't laugh - Ally McBeal which touched on this, where a really obese man - who at the time was engaged - discussed with Ally the idea of settling versus going for the soulmate, the one with whom he felt a truly, deep, lasting connection. Ally of course, suggested he go for it, never keying in on the obvious that his true connection was Ally herself. He calls off his engagement, breaks the heart of his fiancee, and goes full throttle after Ally who has practically zero interest in him. The infuriated fiancee confronts Ally, essentially telling him that for 400+ pound men, he could spend the rest of his life pursuing a dream he can't catch, when someone who loves him - but isn't perfect - waits nearby.
I guess I'm of the opinion that you can almost always find someone, but finding someone who really loves you in return is pretty damned hard, and you should be glad to "settle" for that much - because if it ain't got that part, the rest don't mean much.
That's an interesting point.
I've known all kinds of people, male and female, who blow off a really terrific companion because they don't want to "settle". The person isn't attractive enough, or doesn't make enough money, or isn't smooth enough.
So you have to wonder: would they also consider it "settling" if they found some good-looking, rich slickster who didn't love them? Because everyone's going to have a flaw.
A pal of mine swears he wants a Cameron Diaz lookalike and will not settle for anything less. But if the real Cameron Diaz showed up on his doorstep begging him to marry her, you have to wonder if he really wants to sit around watching this gorgeous woman eat celery sticks, put on makeup and smoke pot for the rest of his life.
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
Wouldn't that be better than getting into a marriage you really don't have an interest in?
Dye Tied
Garden Variety Gnome
Romance only happens on TV and in books. It's
Romance is what you create to please your partner. Listen for clues and if you take the time to do something you heard mentioned, that's romance. Doesn't have to be fancy, or candles or moonlight. Just something they would like.... It's the flint that makes the spark, showing you care. It happens in real life if you make it happen
I am more interested in a guy who I have something in common with and can enjoy his company, than Biff Malibu.
Anyway, I don't really understand the big push for marriage all the time. If you meet someone and you hit it off, and you can see yourself making a life with that person, get married. Otherwise, don't.
It seems very simple to me. :shrug:
But that also entails NO #####ING. If you keep rejecting perfectly good companions because you're looking for absolute perfection and won't settle for less (or "compromise" might be a better word), your friends get to smack you every time you complain about being lonely and not able to find someone.
(Figurative "you", not you Chasey)
All these young people who swear they won't settle for anything less than exactly what they want, what makes them so special that someone else won't simply be settling for *them*?
lovinmaryland
Well-Known Member
Perfectly stated.
There is always going to be someone prettier than me, skinnier than me, smarter than me so I try to be happy with just me. If I meet someone and they dont like me for me Fluck them they are not worth it.
Romance is what you create to please your partner. Listen for clues and if you take the time to do something you heard mentioned, that's romance. Doesn't have to be fancy, or candles or moonlight. Just something they would like.... It's the flint that makes the spark, showing you care. It happens in real life if you make it happen
Pay no attention to Vince. He's bitter.
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
Everyone has their ideal image of a mate. I just don't think any relationship would be healthy if one person is settling, simply because they have something in common with the other. I think the relationship could be doomed for outside affairs. You need to find the person that fits you.
My husband isn't perfect, but he's perfect for me.
Dymphna
Loyalty, Friendship, Love
Maybe because we haven't lived long enough to have had long marriages? :shrug:No direct romance stories here.
I've been married for 11 years and have no plans to kick him to the curb for another 40 or 50 years or so. Both his parents and mine have been married for 41 years, our older siblings have been married for 14, 15 & 17 years.
Right, but some people are way more picky than they need to be. Or, frankly, than they have a right to be. If you're half an idiot, it's doubtful that Stephen Hawking will be banging on your door anytime soon. If you're ugly and 50 lbs overweight, Brad Pitt isn't going to dump Angelina for you.
See what I'm saying?
Some people have this laundry list a mile long: must be drop dead gorgeous, must have a stellar career, must have a perfect body, must be funny, must be extremely intelligent, never been married, never had kids. And, oh yeah, must be no older than 25 but still willing to settle for my 45 year old ass.
Nickel
curiouser and curiouser
I don't think he's going to be banging down anyone's door anytime soon.
lovinmaryland
Well-Known Member
Right, but some people are way more picky than they need to be. Or, frankly, than they have a right to be. If you're half an idiot, it's doubtful that Stephen Hawking will be banging on your door anytime soon. If you're ugly and 50 lbs overweight, Brad Pitt isn't going to dump Angelina for you.
See what I'm saying?
Some people have this laundry list a mile long: must be drop dead gorgeous, must have a stellar career, must have a perfect body, must be funny, must be extremely intelligent, never been married, never had kids. And, oh yeah, must be no older than 25 but still willing to settle for my 45 year old ass.
hit the nail on the head again 
I don't think he's going to be banging down anyone's door anytime soon.
Well, you know what I mean....
Dymphna
Loyalty, Friendship, Love
If they don't want to "settle" because they are looking for someone who fits their perfect image, then they shouldn't settle. NOT because they should wait for that perfect person, but because if they can't accept a person in spite of his/her flaws, then that person isn't the right one for them.
When I first started dating my husband, I remember having a conversation with a friend about how wrong he was. I had a list of all the things that made him wrong for a long-term relationship. At some point, it stopped mattering...YOU could probably tell me what was on that list, but I can't really remember anymore.