Should I ‘settle’ now or hold out for Mr. Right?

[somdprincess]

I am more interested in a guy who I have something in common with and can enjoy his company, than Biff Malibu.

Anyway, I don't really understand the big push for marriage all the time. If you meet someone and you hit it off, and you can see yourself making a life with that person, get married. Otherwise, don't.

It seems very simple to me. :shrug:

But that also entails NO #####ING. If you keep rejecting perfectly good companions because you're looking for absolute perfection and won't settle for less (or "compromise" might be a better word), your friends get to smack you every time you complain about being lonely and not able to find someone.

(Figurative "you", not you Chasey)

All these young people who swear they won't settle for anything less than exactly what they want, what makes them so special that someone else won't simply be settling for *them*?

I have to agree here too. I love my hubby. With all my heart despite that all my friends and family put him down.

They thought he was not attractive enough
he did not make much money and he had a child from another marriage.

I would not trade him in for all the Bradd Pitts in the world.

 

[migtig]

My two cents, if you aren't already happy, you won't find anybody you are happy with. :shrug:

 

[vraiblonde]

I chose to marry someone I loved, not someone I just learned to deal with, hoping that things would eventually fall into place.

Okay, but you also love him for a reason, right? If he was a deadbeat who laid around on his ass all day drinking beer and slopping up the house, would you still love him? If he was 400 pounds and never took a shower, would you still love him?

What we're saying is that you don't necessarily have to be knock-your-socks-off in wild rump-shaking love with Biff Malibu to have a happy and successful marriage. And in fact, sometimes it's really better that way because you don't get so disappointed if something changes.

 

[Larry Gude]

Right...

Well, I'm certainly not going to be with someone who makes me unhappy.

...but that's extreme in the other direction; completely happy/completely unhappy. There's some things about Vrail that I will never be happy about but in the big picture, those couple things didn't MAKE me unhappy; that they just are made me unhappy, sacrificing the good in pursuit of the perfect, and that falls right into that realistic/unrealistic debate.

If you are interested in finding fault, you will.

Now, I'm not saying that you just ignore things, but, unless there is such thing as 'perfect' which I find hard to believe when talking about humans, then there WILL be issues and, well, then what? That's where the stuff lies, how you handle the 'then whats'?

 

[Larry Gude]

Can I get...

My two cents, if you aren't already happy, you won't find anybody you are happy with. :shrug:

..an amen?

 

[somdprincess]

...not. I am very difficult to live with and it was killing my marriage with Vrail. I think I just need a fair bit, a large bit, of just me, of doing things my way.

Now, we don't fight anymore. Now, I don't hurt her anymore. Now, I miss her all the time except when I don't. When I see her name on the caller ID my heart leaps like it used to when we dated. When I hear her voice it gives me the warm and fuzzy's. When I see a new post by her, I gotta click it right away. It ain't my idea of perfect but it is far preferable to what I was doing to her before.

Point is, we're settling on something less than we both had in mind. We've been living apart long enough for either or both of us to move on and it ain't happened yet. Because of that I am a total believer in true love. It's something you can't help and it isn't based on physical proximity.

So, 'settling' would presume someone has all the answers in the first place. Maybe we 'fit' this way? We'll see where we are in 6 months or a year or two or 20.

awww

 

[lovinmaryland]

You are attracted to who you are attracted to. You have little to no control over that.

Are you only talking about looks? Because I find a good personality a lot more attractive than some one who is dumb as rocks and has no sense of humor what so ever.

 

[Larry Gude]

Hey...

Okay, but you also love him for a reason, right? If he was a deadbeat who laid around on his ass all day drinking beer and slopping up the house, would you still love him? If he was 400 pounds and never took a shower, would you still love him? .

...you said you still love me.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

Okay, but you also love him for a reason, right? If he was a deadbeat who laid around on his ass all day drinking beer and slopping up the house, would you still love him? If he was 400 pounds and never took a shower, would you still love him?

No, I would not be with someone with those characteristics. But, there are many of women who find a loser attractive.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

..an amen?

You sure can!

 

[vraiblonde]

...you said you still love me.

Oh stop. You don't weigh 400 pounds.

 

[cattitude]

I chose to marry someone I loved, not someone I just learned to deal with, hoping that things would eventually fall into place.

You're not "there" yet.

 

[Larry Gude]

See...

I have to agree here too. I love my hubby. With all my heart despite that all my friends and family put him down.

They thought he was not attractive enough
he did not make much money and he had a child from another marriage.

I would not trade him in for all the Bradd Pitts in the world.

Not having looks and money, having a child; those are not character issues. A good looking person who makes lots of money and has poor character is gonna pose challenges a good bit deeper than not having 'enough' dough, being 'not good looking enough' and having a child to help care for.

 

[vraiblonde]

But, there are many of women who find a loser attractive.

See, and I don't think anyone finds a loser attractive. *THOSE* women are settling.

But it's not settling to marry a guy who is charming, intelligent, fun, witty, and just an all around good person who is only average looking.

 

[kwillia]

No, I would not be with someone with those characteristics. But, there are many of women who find a loser attractive.

There is more to that point... what if your hubby fell off a ladder & suddenly you find he is an overweight, non-working couch potato... do you expect you will suddenly love him any less?

 

[Larry Gude]

You haven't...

Oh stop. You don't weigh 400 pounds.

...seen me in a few weeks. *burp*

Me and pop run down to Uncle Ralphs for day olds...every day.

 

[Chasey_Lane]

See, and I don't think anyone finds a loser attractive. *THOSE* women are settling.

Care to think about that statement for a bit?

And I think those women lack something within them to even think about "settling" with a loser.

 

[Larry Gude]

This might be...

Care to think about that statement for a bit?

And I think those women lack something within them to even think about "settling" with a loser.

...interesting; are you saying they don't know any better?

 

[Pete]

I disagree. You can train yourself to be attracted to good people instead of #### artists. Like some woman who keeps going from one abusive man to another - she can learn to like guys who don't beat the crap out of her.

I disagree, it is wired into DNA. I have known people who didn't do much for me at first but grew to adore them as pals. Doesn't mean I wanted to hook up and live happily ever after but I was quite fond of them.

You sound Machiavellian. "I know you aren't attracted to me, but I am good and good for you, so you will have to learn to be attracted to me."

 

[Chasey_Lane]

There is more to that point... what if your hubby fell off a ladder & suddenly you find he is a non-working couch potato... do you expect you will suddenly love him any less?

That's not the same thing.