Should I ‘settle’ now or hold out for Mr. Right?

[Larry Gude]

That's...

, I remember an old saying that said in order to understand where you are going, you have to understand where you've been and I'll even say it goes even further than that because you have to understand where the people in your life have been.

...all tough stuff there as, for me, it's this constant learning curve. My dad did something the other day, the way he handled giving away a piece of furniture, that he has probably been doing forever but I finally caught it.

He wants someone to take this little table that belonged to his sister back in the day and thinks it would be neat for it to continue as this little table that belonged to so and so back in the day. Instead of just saying that, he is trying to think of all these clever ways to talk one of the granddaughters into taking it; You could do this with it, you could do that or the other thing.

I asked him, why don't you just tell them what your reasons are and let it go at that? Then, it will either mean something to them, that grandpa wants us to keep the thing for sentimental reasons, or it won't; either way, they KNOW what you think about it.

He says that won't work.

I say, then who cares?

He says maybe they didn't think of this or that or the other thing.

I'm laughing at this point as it dawns on me I learned to communicate what I want and what I am thinking from this man.

 

[Pandora]

Larry,

It was different for me. My father didn't communicate, well, if you call temper tantrums communicating and I always thought things could be discussed and talked out, ahhh only sometimes. I've since learned not to partake in his temper tantrums or those of others. It is best to just walk away. He found out last year, in the Spring, when I didn't bother picking up the phone to call him for many months how much I will no longer "put up" with that.

And you know what, life is good! He ended up finally calling.

 

[vraiblonde]

I'm laughing at this point as it dawns on me I learned to communicate what I want and what I am thinking from this man.

Or not, as the case may be. Your sister and I would have been in hysterics listening to this. I can hear her now - "OMG!!! "

I, on the other hand, learned to communicate from Hurricane Billie, so there is no doubt in anyone's mind where I stand on any given topic and just how strongly I feel about it!

 

[bcp]

with the proper amount of fatty foods, he may not last another 50 years.
figure out how long you want to use him for, then cook accordingly.

 

[Pandora]

with the proper amount of fatty foods, he may not last another 50 years.
figure out how long you want to use him for, then cook accordingly.

They say there are 2 types of widows, the bereaved and the relieved, so which one is your wife going to be?

 

[bcp]

They say there are 2 types of widows, the bereaved and the relieved, so which one is your wife going to be?

I should think relieved

 

[mommarock]

Awwww, I do believe that is the sweetest thing I've ever see you write.

 

[somdprincess]

That's completely fine - each person wants/needs different things.

I chose to marry someone I loved, not someone I just learned to deal with, hoping that things would eventually fall into place.

I see what you are saying. So many people settle in fear of being alone or not beng able to meet that special someone. So they settle for what they can get at the time because they feel at a certain age they should be married with so many kids and a house with a picket fence.

So I agree to wait until you meet that person. There are few prince charmings but there are plenty of great people out there that would be great to share a life with.

 

[somdprincess]

Not having looks and money, having a child; those are not character issues. A good looking person who makes lots of money and has poor character is gonna pose challenges a good bit deeper than not having 'enough' dough, being 'not good looking enough' and having a child to help care for.

I could not agree more and here we are still married and almost all of them are divorced.

 

[somdprincess]

Battered wives/girlfriends say crap like that all the time - "Why does every guy I ever love turn out to be abusive???"

Well, duh!

Then their girlfriends try to fix them up with a nice guy, and they don't want that because he's not exciting enough for them.

Perhaps because they were subjected to the same abuse.

 

[somdprincess]

They are looking for what they "think" they deserve.

Thats is true in some cases too. Women with low self esteem will tend to attach themselves to people like that because they feel they cannot do better or do not deserve better

 

[(((echo)))]

Thats is true in some cases too. Women with low self esteem will tend to attach themselves to people like that because they feel they cannot do better or do not deserve better

that door can swing both ways

 

[Pete]

that door can swing both ways

You hook up with abusive men because you don't think you deserve better?

 

[(((echo)))]

You hook up with abusive men because you don't think you deserve better?

not that door butt-nugget, i meant men settel as well.

 

[Pete]

not that door butt-nugget, i meant men settel as well.

I know, I just couldn't pass that one up

 

[bcp]

not that door butt-nugget, i meant men settel as well.

butt-nugget

 

[Chain729]

Wow. I can't believe I actually read all this crap.

1. Love is overrated. "Chemically it's no different than consuming large quantities of choclate." And chocolate is cheaper in every way.

2. Ignoring that love garbage and finding someone you can live with and that can deal with your shenanigans is not settling. Love doesn't pay the bills, solve all your problems, or even make you get along any better. And I know full well that I, personally, am HELL to live with.

3. Romance is useless. You want romance? Get a GF.

4. Don't bother trying to find someone that you don't argue with- you can and will argue with anybody. Find someone with a compatible way of arguing. ie. you actually get to a solution rather than just wasting time trying to kill each other. I'd rather argue every day and solve it 9/10 than argue once a month just to get no where and harbor resentment. Of course, "It's better to live on the corner of a rooftop than have a quarrelsome wife," too.

5. You can't ask for something out of someone else that you can't ask for out of yourself. There's a word for that: Hypocracy. On that note, there's a difference between finding someone with the same "qualities" or "values" and finding someone with identicle interests and personality. The former is a must, the latter depends on the person. Personally, if I went with the latter and by the grace of God we didn't kill each other, we'd be limiting the expansion of our personal horizons- together and individually. How much can you gain from another if they're just like you?

6. Beauty. It fades. In all seriousness, you have to want to kiss the person and sleep with them, but needing anything beyond that is just stupid.

 

[Larry Gude]

Love is...

Wow. I can't believe I actually read all this crap.

1. Love is overrated. "Chemically it's no different than consuming large quantities of choclate." And chocolate is cheaper in every way.

...only over rated by those who have never felt it truly, madly, deeply.

No, it doesn't pay the bills and no, it isn't for everyone and no, it doesn't conquer all all of the time. But what is the point of a life without love? Love for a child? Love for a thing, an activity? And mostly, if only for a time, to know complete, unconditional love for and from a woman?

My grandmother died at 93, some 15 years after my grandfather and I don't think a day went by without some word or look from her that showed the absolute undying love she had for that man. When he was alive, you could get cavities looking at them together. Her last months, she was at peace because she knew she'd finally be with him again.

She never acted that way around a piece of chocolate.

 

[SamSpade]

Wow. I can't believe I actually read all this crap.

1. Love is overrated. "Chemically it's no different than consuming large quantities of choclate." And chocolate is cheaper in every way.

Ah yes - a quote from "The Devil's Advocate" - the devil, no less. Because he wanted Keanu to abandon his wife and screw his sister. Not the most compelling argument, and generally only applies to the infatuated feeling you get every once in a while. I love my son, too, but I don't get the same kind of thrill from wiping his bottom or holding him when he cries.

And chocolate won't keep your feet warm at night.

 

[daisycreek]

i think kevin james from the show "king of queens" is hot!