And then, back to Pete's statement, do you think they can learn to like guys who aren't quite so "exciting"? Or are they doomed to get the crap beat out of them for life because that's the only kind of guys they're attracted to?
Should I ‘settle’ now or hold out for Mr. Right?
- Thread starter nhboy
- Start date
And then, back to Pete's statement, do you think they can learn to like guys who aren't quite so "exciting"? Or are they doomed to get the crap beat out of them for life because that's the only kind of guys they're attracted to?
Pete
Repete
This is a wise statement. A couple of my past relationships years ago were because I figured I didn't really rate anyone better.
Chasey_Lane
Salt Life
I agree with you. I've dated losers. I grew older and questioned myself and knew that's not what I wanted.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Very...
...good. OK, so, Cowgirl, as your post made me think of it; one and the same to you or worth making the distinction?
...good. OK, so, Cowgirl, as your post made me think of it; one and the same to you or worth making the distinction?
lovinmaryland
Well-Known Member
That is my sister she is drop dead gorgeous, skinny, smart but she picks abusive phsyco a$$holes who always end up in jail... my dad says she has a radar for them :shrug:
cattitude
My Sweetest Boy
I don't think it's "learn to like." When they begin to understand themselves and are happy with themselves, they learn to look at other people in a different light. Woman (and men for that matter) that allow themselves to be abused do so because they don't feel worthy of being treated well and they may in fact not even know and understand that at the time.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
That's worth...
...a trip to the shrink;
"Yeah, it's like I don't think they care unless they get mad at me...then, POW...I can't figure it out..."
...a trip to the shrink;
"Yeah, it's like I don't think they care unless they get mad at me...then, POW...I can't figure it out..."
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Time...
...out!
Let's define 'smart'. Does she like these kids of people or does she complain about it like Vrail described "..."Why does every guy I ever love turn out to be abusive???"
I'm just saying it's one thing to say you enjoy the whirl of it all. It's another to be like "WTF?"
...out!
Let's define 'smart'. Does she like these kids of people or does she complain about it like Vrail described "..."Why does every guy I ever love turn out to be abusive???"
I'm just saying it's one thing to say you enjoy the whirl of it all. It's another to be like "WTF?"
lovinmaryland
Well-Known Member
I have no idea what the hell is wrong with her. But the guys she has been dating for the past three years all have criminal records are on parole in and out of jail
I am not sure if she waits outside of jail for available guys or what but she finds them.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Right...
...and I'm not trying to be an azz, but, smart is relative, right? Or should we say 'wise' and smart' are two different things? Maybe she just likes criminals?
I have no idea what the hell is wrong with her. But the guys she has been dating for the past three years all have criminal records are on parole in and out of jail
...and I'm not trying to be an azz, but, smart is relative, right? Or should we say 'wise' and smart' are two different things? Maybe she just likes criminals?
Cowgirl
Well-Known Member
Crap, I wasn't paying attention. Are you asking me if you can be attracted to someone without really being attracted to them?
Do you mean love vs. lust?I can be attracted to someone at first ( just looks) but I get to know them and get totally turned off. The same goes for the opposite. I have gotten to know those who I've looked over...and found out that they're wonderful people.
Pete
Repete
Maybe not. Maybe they can learn to appreciate Mr. slow and Steady but in the end they will always return to their dark master Mr. Flashy yet Abusive. so now Mr. slow and steady gets to suffer too.
all speculation of course.
lovinmaryland
Well-Known Member
lovinmaryland
Well-Known Member
Crap, I wasn't paying attention. Are you asking me if you can be attracted to someone without really being attracted to them?
I can be attracted to someone at first ( just looks) but I get to know them and get totally turned off. The same goes for the opposite. I have gotten to know those who I've looked over...and found out that they're wonderful people.
very good statement
. That is why I try not to go by looks alone.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Good enough...
...as you said you find you are attracted to so and so, meaning find them attractive and then...oh never mind. I think I am being pedantic and I didn't mean to.
Crap, I wasn't paying attention. Are you asking me if you can be attracted to someone without really being attracted to them?
I can be attracted to someone at first ( just looks) but I get to know them and get totally turned off. The same goes for the opposite. I have gotten to know those who I've looked over...and found out that they're wonderful people.
...as you said you find you are attracted to so and so, meaning find them attractive and then...oh never mind. I think I am being pedantic and I didn't mean to.
Cowgirl
Well-Known Member
...as you said you find you are attracted to so and so, meaning find them attractive and then...oh never mind. I think I am being pedantic and I didn't mean to.
The people I said I was attracted to were famous actors. 
itsbob
I bowl overhand
I'd say if you are comfortable with your alternative lifestyle and don't want to wait for the laws to change.. I think you and your boyfriend should tie the virtual knot.. and when Mr Right comes by, maybe the laws will have changed, and NHBOY and his lover can marry for real!!
Sometimes that attitude comes from early conditioning. I used to think my husband was distance, far too relaxed and aloof, because I grew up in a home that the only time feelings were expressed was in fits of rage and anger and the silent treatment was used just as much as rage and anger. I learned to "put up" and when that element was missing, I wasn't happy or should I say, felt I didn't exist. Early on in my marriage, I used to scrub the house until my fingers bled because that is what I did growing up. It kept peace (well not really there was always something else to pick or poke about in my childhood home).
So, growing up in this environment makes you constantly question when a loved one isn't picking or judging you to death, when actually you grew up being your own worst critic and expecting others to critique you just as bad, perceived or not. In my case, I sought that element in a series of poorly established friendships. The only balance is finding out who you are, your positives, negatives, reactions and triggers, basically (as catt said) finding out who you are. It is only at this point will you ever find true and peaceful balance in your life.
I remember an old saying that said in order to understand where you are going, you have to understand where you've been and I'll even say it goes even further than that because you have to understand where the people in your life have been.
Larry Gude
Strung Out
Actors...
...maybe. Famous, not. Never heard of 'em!
Ok, but you are attracted to them or find them attractive?
...maybe. Famous, not. Never heard of 'em!
Ok, but you are attracted to them or find them attractive?
Cowgirl
Well-Known Member
...maybe. Famous, not. Never heard of 'em!
Ok, but you are attracted to them or find them attractive?
Patrick Warburton used to be on Seinfeld, and is now on "Rules of Engagement." I find his dry sense of humor hilarious, and he's got a nice deep voice.
Dan Warner has been in lots of stuff....and he's "Propane" in the energy guy commercials.
He just looks adorable...like a big teddy bear I just want to hug. 
I find them attractive...by looks only, or maybe I find the characters that they play attractive? :shrug: