Good luck with that.
Step-Parenting
- Thread starter charlesctygal
- Start date
Good luck with that.
chubby.chick
It's a chubby chick.
Hindsight is always 20-20.
Going into this marriage with your eyes closed was stupid.
Sorry.
Where are the Grandparents anyway? No one else see's this monster child?
Going into this marriage with your eyes closed was stupid.
Sorry.
Where are the Grandparents anyway? No one else see's this monster child?
charlesctygal
New Member
Grandparent--I do believe the maternal grandmother gets the child to behave and eat appropriately. However, paternal granmother is pretty much on same page as dad. Its like they feel soo bad for this kid because child has divorced parents. My view, especially in the last 10 years, is that aren't most children these days children of divorce? Its nothing new for child. SOmetimes paternal grandmother will say things to dad about trying to be a little more disciplinary, but it doesnt go far. Always saying how child cant adjust to two homes, too difficult. Child is just rude and is so accustomed to living a life of getting what child wants. Dont get me wrong at all, child can be sweet as anything at times, and i do love her much, HOWEVER, I do not think I can deal with this much longer if things do not change with dad. I dont care if child has two different homes, child needs some damn stability.
oldman
Lobster Land
I concur 99.9% with this. I see it this way, both of you are now the kids parents and as such should have equal say. It didn't work in my last marriage and obviously it's not working in this case. BIG problems ahead in the future.
charlesctygal
New Member
I get called being too controlling against child and dad because I want child to have a stable environment at our home, eat dinner every night, go to bed sometime around bedtime, etc. Sounds like a bad situation, doesn't it? ( Iknow, I know-get out sooner rather than later). The more I write, the more I realize what is going on with this life i am living.
Cowgirl
Well-Known Member
Switching between homes isn't easy for kids...even if that's all they've ever known. If both parents aren't willing to cooperate and have similar rules at each house, it's not the end of the world. Don't get me wrong, it sure helps, but the kids can learn the rules are different at Daddy's house. Our kids have different rules...we can tell they act differently if they've been at their mom's for the weekend. Sometimes we have to remind them of the rules and how to act, but they usually pick it up really quickly.
Hell, if he won't go to counseling, can you at least try to make him watch one of those nanny shows on tv?
cattitude
My Sweetest Boy
can you at least try to make him watch one of those nanny shows on tv?
Good thing those shows weren't around BEFORE I had my kids.
Dad has to respect what you want too! This is half your marriage and affects your life just as much as his. You two have to come to some sort of compromise if you want this to work and if he gets defensive when you tell him what is on your mind your better off without him! Like others have said, how will he be like if you two have kids?
I agree with a lot of this...you need help, do you go to church? Hubby and I got good help from Christian friends when we first married ( we have his/hers/ours ). With out this help we would not have made it, it is really hard when the family is blended.
charlesctygal
New Member
Thank you all for your responses. I needed to vent and wanted some advice, which I got from you all. We do need help, or something needs to be done, cause otherwise, I can picture it getting worse and worse. Thank you so very much again.
You have contributed a valuable public service announcement by your post. I hope other women read what you've written and pay attention.
Cowgirl
Well-Known Member
You need to be 100% honest though. Tell him you're going to leave unless things change (if you really are). He needs to understand this may be the thing to pull you two apart. Don't just tell him it bugs you...make him understand how big this is. Don't assume he knows how you're feeling....you need to tell him.
Take if from someone who has raise a stepchild. I sympathize with you, although I really do love my husband and would not trade him for the world now!!! (my stepchild is 23, out of my house!) I would NOT do it again, ever. It was the worst 18 yrs of my life, if someone asked me my opinion as you have, you really need to sit down with your husband and tell him your concern. There is no greater love than the love for your child, unfortunately, you come second until that child is 18 or out....(still might come second) I suggest counceling for your family NOW before this kid gets older because it will get so bad - that you will have to choose. I chose to stay but was so miserable. If counceling and talking do not help, I am sorry to say you should reevaluate your decision. I am sorry for your situation....My husband did the same with his child and that is the worst human being...he thinks he and his MOther and me for that matter, owe HIM something! Selfish, disrespectful, irresponsible....these are the things he is being taught....he/she will be a selfish person.
cattitude
My Sweetest Boy
I wouldn't go at it from that angle. Be honest, tell him your concerns but bring it from the point of what is best for the child..everyone standing together, setting boudaries, etc., that you want an active part is raising the child. If he still acts like a neanderthal, exit.
With this...I went to my stepchilds parent teacher conference and said that...(this was years ago too) she laughed at me, said 85% of her students are from seperate homes. NO EXCUSE...
Cowgirl
Well-Known Member
Yes, but he obviously doesn't care what's best for the child, or he'd be giving her (him?) boundaries and not letting her behave like a brat. :shrug: I would bring up both points. I think he should know that it's a big enough deal that they need to work it out or the marriage won't work. That way he's not surprised when a year from now she leaves him.
cattitude
My Sweetest Boy
Yes, but he obviously doesn't care what's best for the child, or he'd be giving her (him?) boundaries and not letting her behave like a brat. :shrug: I would bring up both points. I think he should know that it's a big enough deal that they need to work it out or the marriage won't work. That way he's not surprised when a year from now she leaves him.
Sounds like they're relatively young and he's a hardhead. If she "threatens" the leaving thing, he will automatically be sent into the defensive dickhead position and then there will be no reasoning with him.
Agreed.
I think she needs to be clear with him, as well. Who wants to live in a house where some brat rules the roost and makes your life miserable? And if the Dad puts his brat's tantrums and demands above his wife...well, that's a bad scene.
